'Oh!' said Miss Hippy, pitiably baffled. 'Then, perhaps, you are not
a--a young lady. That is, of course, one can see you are that; but you
are--you are married, perhaps?'
'I am not married, madame,' I said. 'Have you any rooms to let?'
Miss Hippy rose, ponderingly. 'I might as well show you what we have,'
she said.
'I think,' I replied, 'that you might as well. Otherwise I will not
detain you any longer.' At which, curiously enough, all hesitation
vanished from Miss Hippy's manner, and she showed me all her rooms, and
expatiated upon all their advantages with a single eye to persuading me
to occupy one of them. So comprehensively voluble was she, indeed, and
so impenetrably did she fill up the door with her broad person when we
came down again, that I found no loophole of escape anywhere, and was
obliged to descend to equivocal measures. 'Have you any rooms, Miss
Hippy,' I inquired, 'on the ground floor?'
'That,' returned Miss Hippy, as if I had put her the only possible
question that she was not prepared for, 'I have not. A gentleman from
the West Indies'--Miss Hippy went on impressively--'hardly ever
without inflammatory rheumatism, which you will admit makes stairs an
impossibility for him, occupies my only ground-floor bedroom--just off
the dining-room!'
'That is unfortunate,' I said, 'since I think in this house I would
prefer a room on the ground-floor. But if I decide to take one of the
others I will let you know, Miss Hippy.'
Miss Hippy's countenance fell, changed, and again became expressive of
doubt--this time offensively.
'I've not asked for any references,' though, of course, it is my
custom----'
'You will receive references,' I interrupted, 'as soon as you require
them. Good afternoon!' We were standing in the hall, and Miss Hippy,
from force of circumstances, was obliged to unfasten the door; but I did
not hear from her, as I passed out into the street, any responsive 'Good
afternoon!'
My third experience was quite antipodal to Miss Hippy. Her parlour was
Japanesy, too, in places, but it was mostly chipped; and it had a great
many rather soiled fat cushions in it, quite a perceptible odour of beer
and tobacco, and a pair of gentleman's worked slippers under the sofa.
The atmosphere was relaxing after Miss Hippy, and suggested liberality
of all sorts; but the slippers, to say nothing of the odours, which
might have floated in from other regions, made it impossible. I waited
for the lady of the house a conscious hypocrite.
She came in at last voluminously, rather out of breath, but with great
warmth of manner. 'Do sit down!' she said.
'Now, it does seem strange! Only las' night, at the table, we were
sayin' how much we wanted one more lady boarder! You see, I've got four
young gentlemen in the City here, and of us ladies there's just four, so
we sometimes get up a little dance amongst ourselves in the evenin's.
It amuses the young people, and much better wear out carpets than pay
doctors' bills, say I. Now, I generally play, an' that leaves only
three ladies for the four gentlemen, you see! Now, isn't it a curious
coincidence,' she said, leaning forward with a broad and confident
smile, 'that you should have come in to-day, just after we were savin'
how nice it would be if there were enough to get up the Lancers!'