Then came a long, shady avenue, with two pretty little lodges and a wide

stone gate, and the groom drove the pony smartly round a triangular

gravel sweep which lay before the arched entrance to the big Georgian

house.

Sadie, Marie and Diana were sitting on the low stone wall that divided

the drive from what looked like a wilderness of pink and red roses, and

Alex noticed with relief that they were all three dressed exactly alike

in white muslin frocks, although she also saw that in spite of the

blazing sun they were without hats or gloves. They jumped off the wall

as the pony-cart drew up before the door and greeted the Clare children

eagerly, and with no trace of shyness.

V

Other People

It seemed to Alex that the day was going to be a success, and her

spirits rose.

She was rather surprised to see that Diana Munroe, who was seventeen,

wore her hair in a thick plait twisted round the crown of her head, and

asked her almost at once:

"Have you put your hair up, Diana? Are you going to 'come out'?"

"Oh, no. It'll come down again at the end of the holidays, for my last

term. Only Aunt Esther likes to see it that way. There's Aunt Esther, at

the bottom of the rose garden."

Looking over the terrace wall they saw half-a-dozen grown-up people, men

in white flannels, and youthful-looking ladies in thin summer dresses.

Alex was rather pleased. She had always been more of a success with her

mother's grown-up friends than with her own contemporaries, from the

time of her nursery days, when she had been sent for to the drawing-room

on the "At Home" afternoons.

But though Mrs. Cardew looked up and waved her hand to the group of

children on the terrace, she did not appear to expect them to join the

party, and the interval before lunch was spent in the display of white

rabbits and guinea-pigs.

At first Alex watched Barbara rather nervously, wondering if she would

be shy and foolish, and disgrace her, but Barbara, no longer

over-shadowed by an elder sister who outshone her in every way, had

acquired a surprising amount of self-assurance. Alex was not even

certain that she approved of the ease with which her little sister

talked and exclaimed over the pet animals, asking Diana whether she

might pick up the guinea-pigs and hold them, without so much as waiting

for a lead from Alex.

"Of course, you may!" Diana exclaimed. "Here you are."

She distributed guinea-pigs impartially, and earnestly consulted Cedric

as to the bald patch on the Angora rabbit's head.

As they went back towards the house, Sadie Munroe said to him:

"Do you mind not having any other boys here--only girls? I'm afraid it's

dull for you, but Aunt Esther's boys will be here after lunch, only they

had to go over and play tennis with some people this morning; it was all

settled before we knew you were coming."

But Cedric did not seem to mind at all.

At lunch Archie, as Alex had known he would be, was an immediate

success.

Even Mr. Cardew, who was bald and looked through Alex and Barbara and

Cedric without seeing them when he shook hands with them, patted

Archie's curls and said:

"Hullo, Bubbles!"

"Come and sit next to me, you darling," said Mrs. Cardew, "and you shall

have two helpings of everything."

It was a very long luncheon-table, and Alex found herself placed between

Sadie and a grey-headed gentleman, to whom she talked in a manner which

seemed to herself to be very grown-up and efficient.

Barbara was on the same side of the table and invisible to her, but she

saw Cedric opposite, quite eagerly talking to Marie Munroe, which rather

surprised Alex, who thought that her brother would despise all little

girls of twelve.

Quite a number of people whose names Alex did not know asked her about

Lady Isabel, and she answered their inquiries readily, pleased to show

off her self-possession, and the gulf separating her from the

childishness of Barbara, who was giggling almost all through lunch in a

manner that would unhesitatingly have been qualified by her parents as

ill-bred.

Lunch was nearly over when the two schoolboy sons of the house came

rushing in, hot and excited, and demanding a share of dessert and

coffee.

"Barbarians," tranquilly said Mrs. Cardew. "Sit down quietly now, Eric

and Noel. I hope you said 'How d' you do' to every one."

They had not done so, but both made a sort of circular salutation, and

the elder boy dropped into a chair next to Alex, while Eric went to sit

beside his mother.

Noel Cardew was fifteen, a straight-featured, good-looking English boy,

his fairness burned almost to brick-red, and with a very noticeable cast

in one of his light-brown eyes.

Alex looked at him furtively, and wondered what she could talk about.

Noel spared her all trouble.

"Do you ever take photographs?" he inquired earnestly. "I've just got a

camera, one of those bran-new sorts, and a tripod, quarter-plate size. I

want to do some groups after lunch. I've got a dark-room for developing,

the tool-house, you know."

He talked rapidly and eagerly, half turned round in his chair so as

almost to face Alex, and she tried to feel flattered by the exclusive

monologue.

She knew nothing about photography, but uttered little sympathetic

ejaculations, and put one or two timid questions which Noel for the most

part hardly seemed to hear.

When Mrs. Cardew at length rose from her place, he turned from Alex at

once, in the midst of what he was saying, and demanded vehemently:

"Can't we have a group on the terrace now? Do let me do a group on the

terrace--the light will be just right now."

"Dear boy, you really mustn't become a nuisance with that camera of

yours--though he's really extraordinarily clever at it," said his

mother, in a perfectly audible aside.

"Would it bore you all very much to be victimized? You won't keep us

sitting in the glare too long, will you, dear boy?"

Almost every one protested at the suggestion of being photographed, but

while a good many of the gentlemen of the party disappeared noiselessly

and rapidly before the group could be formed, all the ladies began to

straighten their hats, and pull or push at their fringes. Noel kept them

waiting in the hot sun for what seemed a long while, and Alex reflected

rather gloomily that Mrs. Cardew showed a tolerance of his inconvenient

passion for photography that would certainly not have been approved by

her own parents.

At last it was over, and Sadie jumped up, crying, "Now we can have some

proper games! What shall we play at?"

"Don't get over-heated," her aunt said, smiling and nodding as she moved

away.

"Do you like croquet?" Diana asked, and to Alex' disappointment they

embarked upon a long, wearisome game. She was not a good player, nor was

Barbara, but Cedric surprised them all by the brilliant ease with which

he piloted Marie Munroe and himself to victory.

"I say, that's jolly good!" Eric and Noel said, and gazed at their

junior with respect.

Alex felt pleased, but rather impatient too, and wished that it were she

who was distinguishing herself.

When they played hide-and-seek, however, her opportunity came. She could

run faster than any of the other girls at Liège, and when Diana

suggested picking up sides, she added good-naturedly:

"Alex runs much faster than any of us--she'd better be captain for one

side, and Noel the other."

Noel looked as though his own headship were a matter of course, but Alex

felt constrained to say:

"Oh, no, not me--You, Diana."

"Would you rather not? Very well. Cedric, then. Hurry up and choose your

sides, boys. You start, Cedric."

"I'll have Marie," said Cedric unhesitatingly, and the little red-haired

girl skipped over beside him with undisguised alacrity.

"Noel?"

Noel jerked his head in the direction of Alex.

"You," he said.

She was immensely surprised and flattered, connecting his choice with

the same attraction that had made him sit beside her at lunch, and not

with her own reported prowess as a runner.

Cedric's reputation for gallantry suffered somewhat in his next

selections, which fell with characteristic common sense on Noel's

brother Eric, and upon Barbara. Noel took Sadie and Diana, and they drew

lots for Archie.

The game proved long and exciting, played all over the terrace and

shrubbery.

Alex screamed and laughed with the others, and enjoyed herself, although

she found time to wish that Barbara were not so stupid and priggish

about keeping on her gloves, because old Nurse had said she must, and to

wonder very much why Cedric appeared so pleased with the society of

red-haired, chattering Marie, whose side he never left.

Presently, as she was looking for somewhere to hide, Noel Cardew joined

her.

"Come on with me--I know a place where they'll never find us," he told

her, and led her on tip-toe to where a very small, disused ice-house was

half-hidden in a clump of flowering shrubs.

Noel pushed open the door with very little effort, and they crept into

the semi-darkness and sat on the floor, pulling the door to behind them.

Noel whispered softly:

"Isn't it cool in here? I _am_ hot."

"So am I."

Alex was wondering nervously what she could talk about to interest him,

and to make him go on liking her. Evidently he did like her, or he would

not have sat next her at lunch and told her about his photography, and

afterwards have chosen her for his partner at hide-and-seek.

Alex, though she did not know it, possessed a combination that is

utterly fatal to any charm: she was unfeignedly astonished that any one

should be attracted by her, and at the same time agonizedly anxious to

be liked.

She wanted now, wildly and nervously, to maintain the interest which she

thought she had excited in her companion.

She found the silence unbearable. Noel would think her dull, or imagine

that she was bored.

"Is this where you do your developing?" she asked in an interested

voice, although she remembered perfectly that he had said he used a

tool-house for his dark-room.

"No--we've got the tool-house for that. Why, there wouldn't be room to

stand up in here. Sometimes I get my things developed and printed for me

at a shop, you know. Chemists will generally do it for one--though, of

course, I prefer doing my own. But there isn't time, except in the

holidays, and then one's always running short of some stuff or other.

The other day I ruined a simply splendid group--awfully good, it would

have been: mother and a whole lot of people out on the steps--like we

were today, you know--" He paused for sheer lack of breath.

"I hope the one you took today will be good," said Alex, her heart

beating quickly.

"Oh, yes, sure to be, with a day like this. Some fellows say you can get

just as much effect on a dull day, using a larger stop, but, of course,

that's all nonsense really. I say, I'm not boring you, am I?"

He hardly waited to hear her impassioned negative before going on, still

discussing photographic methods.

It was quite true that Alex was not bored, although she was hardly

listening to what he said. But his voice went on and on, and it

flattered her that he should want to talk to her so exclusively, as

though secure of her sympathy.

"... And they say colour-photography will be the next thing. I believe

one could get some jolly good effects down here. Young Eric is all for

messing about with beastly paints and stuff, but I don't agree with

that."

"Oh, no!"

"My plan is to get hold of a real outfit, as soon as they get the thing

perfected, and then be one of the pioneers, you know. I say, I hope you

don't think this is awful cheek--"

"Oh, no!"

"This isn't a bad place for experiments, I will say. You see, you can

get the sea, and quite decent scenery, and any amount of view and stuff.

I say, what ages they are finding us," he broke off suddenly.

Alex felt deeply mortified. Evidently Noel was bored, after all. But in

another minute he began to talk again.

"I shouldn't be surprised if one of these days I tried my hand at doing

sort of book stuff. You know, photographs for illustrations. I believe

it's going to pay no end."

"What sort of things?"

"Oh, scenery, you know, and perhaps houses and things. Sure I'm not

boring you?"

"No, indeed, I'm very interested."

"It is rather interesting," Noel agreed simply.

"Another thing I'm keen on is swimming. Rather different, you'll say;

but then one can't do one thing all the time, and, of course, the

swimming is first class at school. I went in for some competition and

stuff last term; high diving, you know."

"Oh, did you win?"

"Can't say I did. Young Eric got a cup of sorts, racing, but I just

missed the diving. Some day I shall have another try, I daresay. You

know, I've got rather a funny theory about swimming. I don't know

whether you'll see what I mean at all--in fact, I daresay it'll sound

more or less mad, to you--but _I_ believe we do it the wrong way."

"Oh," said Alex, wishing at the same time that she could divest herself

of the eternal monosyllable. "Do tell me about it."

"Well, it's a bit difficult to explain, but _I_ think we're all taught

the wrong way to begin with. It doesn't seem to have occurred to any one

to look at the way _fishes_ swim."

Alex thought that Noel must really be very original and clever, and

tried to feel more flattered than ever at being selected as the

recipient of his theories.

"I believe the whole thing could be revolutionized and done much

better--but I'm afraid I'm always simply chockfull of ideas of that

kind."

"But that's so interesting," Alex said, not consciously insincere.

"Don't you have all sorts of ideas like that yourself?" he asked

eagerly, filling her with a moment's anticipation that he was about to

give the conversation a personal turn. "_I_ think it makes life so much

more interesting if one goes into things; not just stay on the surface,

you know, but go into the _way_ things are done."

Alex thought she heard some one coming towards their hiding-place, and

wanted to tell Noel to stop talking, or they would be found, but she

checked the impulse, fearful lest he should think her unsympathetic.

The dogmatic schoolboy voice went on and on--swimming, photography,

cricket, and then photography again. Alex, determined to feel pleased

and interested, could only contribute an occasional monosyllable,

sometimes only an inarticulate sound, expressive of sympathy.

And at the end of it all, when she was half proud and half irritated at

the thought that they must have been sitting there in the semi-darkness

for at least an hour, Noel exclaimed:

"I say, they _are_ slow finding us. I should think it must be quite

tea-time, shouldn't you? How would it be if we came out now?"

"Yes, let's," said Alex, trying to keep the mortification out of her

voice.

They emerged into the sunlight again, and Noel pulled out his watch.

"It's only a quarter past four. I thought it would be much later," he

remarked candidly. "I wonder where they all are. I expect they'll want

to know where we've been hiding, but you won't give it away, will you?

It's a jolly good place, and the others don't know about it."

"I won't tell."

Alex revived a little at the idea of being entrusted with a secret.

"Do you often play hide-and-seek?"

"Oh, just to amuse the girls, in the summer holidays. They've spent the

last three summers with us, you know. Next year I suppose they'll go to

America, lucky kids!"

"I'd love to go to America, wouldn't you?" Alex asked, with considerable

over-emphasis.

"Pretty well. I tell you what I'd really like to do--I shall do it one

day, too--make a regular tour of England, with a camera. I don't know

whether you'll think it's nonsense, of course, but my idea has always

been that people go rushing abroad to see other countries before they

really know their own. Now, my plan would be that I'd simply start at

Land's End, in Cornwall, just taking each principal town as it came on

my way, you know, and exploring thoroughly. I shouldn't mind going off

the main track, you know, if I heard of any little place that had an old

church or castle or something worth looking at. I don't know whether

you're at all keen on old buildings?"

"Oh, yes," Alex said doubtfully; "I've seen Liège and Louvain, in

Belgium--"

"Ah, but I'm talking about English places," Noel interrupted her

inexorably. "Of course the foreign ones are splendid too, and I mean to

run over and have a look at them some day, but my theory is that one

ought to see something of one's own land first. Now take Devonshire.

There are simply millions of old churches in Devonshire, and what I

should do, would be to have a note-book with me, and simply jot down my

impressions. Then with photographs one might get out quite a sort of

record, if you know what I mean--"

Alex was rather glad that her companion should be talking to her so

eagerly as they came in sight of a group of people on the terrace.

"Here are the truants," said Mrs. Cardew, laughing, and Diana Munroe

exclaimed that Aunt Esther had called them all to tea, and they had

given up further hunt for them.

"Noel always finds extraordinary places to hide in," she added rather

disparagingly.

It was evident that Noel was not very popular with the American cousins.

"That boy would be very good looking if he had not that terrible cast,"

Alex overheard one lady say to another, as the visitors were waiting on

the steps for the pony-carriage to take them away. The grey-haired man

next to whom Alex had sat at lunch, and who evidently did not know any

of the group of children apart, nodded in the direction of little

Archie, flushed and excited, trying to climb the terrace wall,

surrounded by adoring ladies.

"That's the little chap for my money."

"Isn't he a darling? That's one of Isabel Clare's children--so are the

two girls in blue. I couldn't believe anything so tall was really hers."

"Oh, yes--I noticed one of them--rather like her mother?"

Alex felt sure that she ought not to listen, and at the same time kept

motionless lest they should notice her and lower their voices.

She felt eagerly anxious to overhear what the grey-haired gentleman

might have to say after the very grown-up way in which she had made

conversation with him at lunch, and having been a very pretty and

much-admired drawing-room child in her nursery days, could not

altogether divest herself of the expectation that she must still be

found pretty and entertaining.

But the grey-haired gentleman said impartially:

"They are neither of them a patch on Lady Isabel, are they?"

"They are at the awkward age," laughed the lady to whom he was talking.

"One of them sat next to you at lunch, didn't she?"

"Yes. Not quite so natural as the other children. That little,

red-haired American girl, now--a regular child--"

Alex, with a face grown suddenly scarlet, left Barbara, shyly, and

Cedric, briefly, to thank their hostess for the pleasant day they had

spent.

A new, and far more painful self-consciousness than any she had yet

known, hampered her tongue and her movements, until they were safely in

the pony-carriage half-way down the drive.

"They are nice, aren't they?" said Barbara. "I'm sure they are nicer

than Queenie."

"No, they aren't," Alex contradicted mechanically.

"Well, Marie and Diana are, anyway." She looked slyly at Cedric. "Don't

you think so, Cedric?"

"How can I tell whether they are any nicer, as you call it, than another

kid whom I've never seen?" inquired Cedric reasonably.

"But didn't you like Marie?"

"She's all right."

Barbara giggled in the way most disliked by her family, the authorities

of whom stigmatized the habit as "vulgar," and Cedric said severely:

"I shouldn't think decent girls would want to play with you at all, if

you don't leave off that idiotic trick of cackling."

But Barbara, who was not at all easily crushed, continued to giggle

silently at intervals.

"Why are you so silly?" Alex asked her crossly, as they were going to

bed that night.

She and Barbara shared a room at Fiveapples Farm.

Barbara whined the inevitable contradiction, "I'm not silly," but added

immediately, "you wouldn't be so cross, if you knew what I know. I

expect you'd laugh too."

"Well, what is it?"

"I shan't tell you."

Alex was not particularly curious, but she had been the nursery autocrat

too long to be able to endure resistance to her command.

"Tell me at once, Barbara."

"No, I won't."

"Yes, you will. Well, what is it about?" said Alex, changing her

tactics.

"It's about Cedric."

"Is he in a scrape?"

"No, it's just something he did."

"_What?_ Did he tell you about it?"

"Oh, no. He doesn't know I know. He'd be furious if he did, I expect."

"Who told you? Does any one else know?"

"Nobody told me. One other person knows," giggled Barbara, jumping up

and down in her petticoat.

"Keep still, you'll have the candle over. Who's the other person who

knows?"

"Guess."

"Oh, I can't; don't be so silly. I am not going to ask you any more."

"Well," said Barbara in a great hurry, "it's Marie Munroe, then; it's

about her."

"What about her? She didn't take any notice of any one except Cedric,

and I think it was very rude and stupid of her."

"It was Cedric's doing much more than hers," Barbara said shrewdly. "I

think he thinks he is in love with her. I saw them in the shrubbery when

we were playing hide-and-seek; and--what do you think, Alex?"

"Well, what?"

"Cedric kissed her--I saw him."

"Then," said Alex, "it was perfectly hateful of him and of Marie and of

you."

"Why of _me?_" shrieked Barbara in a high key of indignation. "What have

I done, I should like to know?"

"You'd no business to say anything about it. Put out the candle,

Barbara, I'm going to get into bed."

In the darkness Alex lay with her mind in a tumult. It seemed to her

incredible that her brother, whom she had always supposed to despise

every form of sentimentality, as he did any display of feeling on the

part of his family, should have wanted to kiss little, red-haired Marie,

whom he had only known for one day, and who was by far the least pretty

of any of the three Munroe sisters. "And to kiss her in the shrubbery

like that!"

Alex felt disgusted and indignant. She thought about it for a long while

before she went to sleep, although she would gladly have dismissed the

incident from her mind. Most of all, perhaps, she was filled with

astonishment. Why should any one want to kiss Marie Munroe?

In the depths of her heart was another wonder which she never formulated

even to herself, and of which she would, for very shame, have

strenuously denied the existence.

Why had she not the same mysterious attraction as un-beautiful little

Marie? Alex knew instinctively that it would never have occurred, say,

to Noel Cardew--to ask her if he might kiss her. She did not want him

to--would have been shocked and indignant at the mere idea--but,

unconsciously, she wished that he had wanted to.

VI

The End of an Era

No salient landmarks ever seemed to Alex to render eventful the two and

a half years that elapsed between those summer holidays at Fiveapples

Farm and her final departure from the Liège convent to begin her

grown-up life at home.

The re-arrangement of the day's routine consequent on the beginning of

the winter half-year caused her to miss Queenie less acutely than she

had done when she first came home for the holidays, and with Queenie's

absence there were fewer revolts against convent law, and less disfavour

from the authorities.

She made no other great friends. Marie Munroe showed her a marked

friendliness at first, but Alex could not forget that giggling

revelation of Barbara's, and shrank from her advances unmistakably. She

had very little in common with her French contemporaries, and knew that

they thought her English accent and absence of proficiency in

needlework, marks of eccentricity and of bad form, so that she became

self-conscious and aggressive before them.

She was hardly aware of her own intense loneliness--the poignant

realization of it was to come later--but the want of any channel of

self-expression for her over-developed emotional capabilities produced

in her a species of permanent discontent that reacted on her health and

on her spirits, so that she got the reputation, least enviable of any in

schoolgirl circles, of being "a tragedy queen."

Her morose pallor, partly the result of an under-vitalized system, and

partly of her total lack of any interest in her surroundings, were

considered fair game.

"Voyez, Alex! Elle a son air bête aujourd'hui."

"A qui l'enterrement, Alex?"

They were quite good-humoured, and did not mean to hurt her. It was not

their fault that such pin-pricks stabbed her and sent her away to cry

over her own friendlessness until she felt sick and exhausted.

She did not expend on any one else the extravagant worship bestowed upon

Queenie Torrance. For a year she wrote to Queenie throughout the

holidays, and received meagre and unsatisfactory replies, and then

gradually the correspondence ceased altogether, and Alex only looked

forward with an occasional vague curiosity to the possibility of meeting

Queenie again in London, on the terms of equality symbolized by their

both being "grown-up."

During her last year at school, lack of intimate intercourse with any

one, and the languid sentimentality of adolescence, made her take for

the first time some interest in religion as understood at the convent.

She prolonged her weekly confession, which had hitherto been a matter of

routine to be got through as rapidly as possible, in order to obtain the

solace of talking about herself, and derived a certain tepid pleasure in

minutely following and applying to herself the more anecdotal portions

of the New Testament.

For a time, it seemed to her that she had found a refuge.

Then came the affair of the examination. Alex, in her last term, and

taking part in the final midsummer _concours_, could not bear the

penalty of failure which it seemed to her would be displayed in the

mediocrity which had all along been her portion. She had never been

admitted to the virtuous society of the _enfants de Marie_, had never

taken more than one of the less distinguished prizes at the end of any

term, and had no warmly-worded report to display her popularity and the

sense of loss that her departure would leave.

Her place in the half-yearly examination was not a good one. She had

none of Cedric's power of concentration, and her abilities were not such

as to win her any regard in the continental and Catholic system of

education of the middle nineties.

She cheated over the examination.

It was quite easy to copy from the girl next her, who happened to be one

of the best vehicles for carefully-tabulated and quite unconnected

facts, in the school. Alex could read the dates, and the proper names,

and all the principal words on her history paper, and transferred them

to her own, clothing the dry bones in the imaginative fabric of her own

words, for the English girls were allowed to do most of the papers in

their own language.

At the end of the morning she was oddly elated, at the sight of her

well-filled paper, and felt no qualms at all. In the afternoon she was

again next to Marie-Louise, and congratulated herself that the paper

should be the literature one. Arithmetic, she knew, was not the strong

point of Marie-Louise, and besides, it would be almost impossible to

copy the working of problems figure for figure without ultimate

detection.

That night, however, when Alex knelt down to say her prayers, she was

suddenly overwhelmed by remorse and terror.

Her crime came between her and God.

The vaguely comforting belief that because she was lonely and miserable,

He would vouchsafe to her an especial pity, was destroyed. Between God

and a sinner, so Alex had been told, lay an impassable gulf that only

repentance, confession, atonement and punishment, could bridge--and even

then, an indelible entry against one's name testified to eventual

exposure and shame at some dreadful, inevitable assizes, when sins

hidden and forgotten, large and small, of commission and omission alike,

would be made known to all the world, assembled together for the Last

Judgment. Faced with this inevitable retribution, Alex felt that no

present success was worth it, and wondered whether she could not repair

her wickedness as far as possible on the morrow by confession.

But when the morrow had come, the Day of Judgment seemed far removed

from the hot July morning, and the breaking-up, when the result of the

examinations would be heard, a very present reality indeed.

It was a relief to the hot, tossing sensation of balancing values in her

mind, to remember that it was the day of the Catechism examination,

which would be viva voce.

She acquitted herself very badly, and the temptation to retrieve her

failure in the afternoon was irresistible, when she again found herself

placed next to the prodigy Marie-Louise.

The paper was headed "Histoire de l'Église," and immense value was

attached to proficiency in the subject, strenuously taught to the

convent pupils out of enormous old-fashioned volumes containing much

loyal fiction with a modicum of distorted historical fact.

Alex fell.

She could overlook her neighbour's papers so easily, hardly even turning

her head, that it only struck her as inconvenient, and did not awake in

her any fear of detection, when presently Marie-Louise pulled a piece of

blotting-paper towards her so that it covered the page on which she was

working.

Alex finished the question to which Marie-Louise had unwittingly

supplied her with material for the answer, and looked about her,

subconsciously waiting for the removal of the blotting-paper. Her eyes

met those of a younger child, seated exactly opposite to her, whose

sharp, dark gaze was fixed upon her with a sort of eager, contemptuous

horror. In that instant, when it seemed as though her heart had stopped

beating, Alex knew herself detected.

The colour rushed from her face and she felt cold and giddy.

Lacking the instinctive guard against self-betrayal which is the

hall-mark of the habitual deceiver, her terrified gaze turned straight

to Marie-Louise.

The smooth, dark head was bent low, one hand still clutched at the

covering blotting-paper, and the ear and piece of cheek which were all

that Alex could see, were scarlet.

Marie-Louise knew.

The sharp-eyed child opposite had seen Alex cheat, and had no doubt

conveyed a silent telegraphic warning.

It seemed to Alex that the world had stopped. Accusation, disgrace,

expulsion, all whirled through her mind and left no permanent image

there. Her imagination stopped utterly dead at the horror of it.

She sat perfectly motionless for the remaining hours of the morning,

unconscious of the passage of time, only conscious of an increasing

sense of physical sickness.

It was an absolute relief to her when the bell rang and she found

herself obliged to get up and move across the long class-room with the

others to give up her papers.

"Vous êtes malade, Alexandra?"

"J'ai mal-au-coeur," said Alex faintly.

She was sent to the infirmary to lie down, and the old lay-sister in

charge of it was so kind to her, and commiserated her wan, forlorn

appearance so pityingly, that Alex burst into a flood of tears that

relieved the tension of her body, and sent her, quivering, but

uncomprehendingly sensible of relief, to rest exhaustedly upon the

narrow infirmary bed with little white curtains drawn all round it.

No doubt every one would soon know of her disgrace, and she would be

expelled, to the shame and anger of her father and mother, and the

downfall of all her boastings to Barbara. No doubt God had abandoned one

so unworthy of His forgiveness--but Sœur Clementine was kind, and it

seemed, in the incredible comfort of a little human tenderness, that

nothing else mattered.

And, after all, that hour's anticipation proved to be the worst that

happened to her. She went downstairs for the evening preparation, and

Marie-Louise, a trusted _enfant de Marie_, obtained permission to speak

to her alone, and solemnly conducted her to the lavatory, as the most

private place in the school.

Standing over the sink, with its stiff and solitary tap of cold water,

Marie-Louise conducted her inquiry with business-like, passionless

directness.

Alex made no attempt either to deny her sin or to palliate it. She was

mentally and emotionally far too much exhausted for any effort, and it

did not even occur to her that any excuse could avail her anything.

Marie-Louise was not at all unkind.

She knew all about _la charité_, and was agreeably conscious of

exercising this reputable virtue to the full, when she informed Alex

that no one should ever know of the lapse from her, provided that Alex,

making her own explanation to the class-mistress, should withdraw her

papers from the examination.

"But what can I say to her?" asked Alex.

"Quant à ça," said Marie-Louise, in the detached tones of one who had

accomplished her duty and felt no further interest on the point at

issue, "quant à ça, débrouillez-vous avec vôtre conscience."

To this task she left Alex.

And Alex ended by doing nothing at all. Partly from inertia, partly

because she knew that Marie-Louise would never ask her what she had

done, she shirked the shame and trouble of confession to her

class-mistress, and let her papers go in with the others. She knew that

she would not get a high place, for her work all through the term had

been bad, and would have to be taken into consideration, and over all

the remaining papers she muddled hopelessly. Besides, she was leaving

for good, and no one would know.

She had lost her self-respect when she first realized that she was

cheating, and it was then, as she neared the completion of her

seventeenth year, that the belief was ineradicably planted in Alex' soul

that she had been born with a natural love of evil, and that goodness

was an abstract attitude of mind to which she could never do more than

aspire fruitlessly, with no slightest expectation of attainment. She was

further conscious of an intense determination to hide the knowledge of

her own innate badness from every one.

If she were ever seen in her true colours, no one would love her, and

Alex already knew dimly, and with a further sense of having strange, low

standards of her own, that she wanted to be loved more than anything in

the world.

Far more than she wanted to be good.

The affair of the examination passed, and although Alex did not forget

it, she mostly remembered it as merely the culminating scandal of a

succession of petty evasions and cowardly deceptions.

She left Liège without regret.

She had hated the physical discomfort of the conventual system, the

insufficient hours of sleep, the bitter cold of the Belgian winters and

the streaming rain that defiled the summers; she had hated the endless

restrictions and the minute system of _surveillance_ that was never

relaxed; above all, she had hated the sense of her own isolation in a

crowd, her own utter absence of attraction for her kind.

It seemed to Alex that when she joined the mysterious ranks of

grown-up-people everything would be different. She never doubted that

with long dresses and piled-up hair, her whole personality would change,

and the meaningless chaos of life reduce itself to some comprehensible

solution.

Everything all her life had been tending towards the business of

"growing up." Everything that she was taught at home impressed the

theory that her "coming out" would usher in the realities of life, and

nothing impressed her more with a sense of the tremendous importance of

the approaching change than Lady Isabel's greeting, when she came back

to Clevedon Square after her final term at Liège.

"We've put off Scotland for a week, darling--your father's been so good

about it--so that I may see about your clothes. I've made appointments

with Marguerite and the other places for you, so there'll be nothin' to

do but try on, but, of course, I shall have to see the things myself

before they finish them, and tell them about the colours; they're sure

to want to touch everything up with pink or blue, and white is so much

prettier for a young girl. White with a tiny little _diamanté_ edging, I

thought, for one of your evenin' dresses....

"The first thing, of course, is your hair. Louise must go with you to

Hugo's, and watch them very carefully while they do it in two or three

different styles, then she'll be able to do it for you every evening. I

expect she'll have to do it every day to begin with, but you must try

and learn. I should like you to be _able_ to be independent of a maid in

that sort of way--one never knows quite that some time one mightn't find

oneself stranded for a day or two....

"I don't think your hair will need waving, Alex, which is such a

comfort. So many women have to wear their fringe in curlers every

night--thank Heaven, I've never had to. As a matter of fact, they say

fringes are goin' out now, but I'm certainly not goin' to let yours grow

until we're quite certain about it ... and a bald forehead is always so

unbecomin'."

Alex listened with a sense of importance and excitement, but she was

also rather bewildered. The contrast between all this preoccupation with

her clothes and her appearance, and the austere mental striving after

spiritual or moral results which had permeated the convent atmosphere,

was too violent.

"You'll be interested in it all, my darling, won't you?" asked Lady

Isabel disappointedly. "I couldn't bear to have a daughter who didn't

care about her things--some girls are like that--so disappointin'; after

one's had all the trouble of their upbringin' and is lookin' forward to

a little reward."

Alex could find no words in which to explain what she knew quite well,

that she was as full of eager anticipations as Lady Isabel could wish,

but was too much bewildered by the novelty of it all, as yet, to give

any expression to them.

She became rather boisterous and unconvincing in her endeavours to

express, by means which were not spontaneous, the pleasure and

excitement expected of her.

"You'll learn to move prettily and quietly, darling, and we must see

about some dancin' lessons before next year. Dancin' fashions alter so

quickly now-a-days," said Lady Isabel, her low, gentle tones a shade

lower and more gentle than usual.

"But I shan't go to balls--yet," stammered Alex.

She and Barbara had only been allowed a very few children's parties, and

for the last few years she had been considered too old for these. She

thought of a ball as a prolonged, glorified party.

"Not until after your presentation, of course, and that won't be till

the spring. But there may be one or two affairs in the country at

Christmas, if I take you to stay about, as I hope.

"You see, darling, my plan is to let you have the next two months in the

country with little Barbara, just as usual--only you must take great

care not to let yourself get freckled in the sun--and then, when you

come back to town in October, you can have your hair properly put up,

and come about with me, so as to get to know people and make a little

beginnin' before there's any question of really doing the season

properly next summer."

Alex began to feel vastly important. She had never been the centre of so

much attention before.

Evidently this affair of coming out was the culminating point to which

all life had hitherto been tending.

Even Barbara treated her with a rather envious respect now.

Only Cedric remained unimpressed, and treated his eldest sister's marked

tendency to assume airs of extreme maturity with silent indifference.

His school career was proceeding more triumphantly than ever, and his

"removes" succeeded one another with a rapidity only less startling than

his increasing reputation as a cricketer.

He spent most of his holidays with a schoolfellow, and showed himself

rather scornful of girls in general and of his sisters in particular,

although he played willingly enough with little Pamela, who had grown to

an attractive and talkative age.

Barbara asked him once, with the touch of slyness characteristic of her

in certain moods, whether he remembered Marie Munroe.

"Red-haired American kid? Oh, yes," said Cedric loftily. "Didn't she

have a sister who was bosom friends with Alex at Liège, or some rot of

that kind?"

And Alex had felt unaccountably relieved at the implication of the

evanescent character of Cedric's whilom admiration.

They spent August and September at the seaside on the Cornish coast.

Alex enjoyed the daily bathing, and scrambling over the rocks

barefooted, and the picnic teas in any sheltered cove that old Nurse

judged sufficiently protected from the profane gaze of possible

trippers. But she had all the time the sense that these hot, leisurely

days were only a time of waiting, and even when she enjoyed herself most

she was conscious of a gnawing impatience for the next step.

The week in London before Lady Isabel and Sir Francis started for

Scotland had rather disappointed Alex, although she did not own it, even

to herself.

Perpetual "tryings on" in hot weather had proved a tiring performance,

and her feet ached from standing and from the hot pavement, so that she

dragged herself rather than walked, or stood on one foot so as to save

the other, which had vexed Lady Isabel, and led to a long admonition as

to the importance of moving properly and always holding oneself upright.

Moreover, Alex, although she did not give very much thought to her own

looks as a rule, had always expected that as soon as she grew up she

would almost automatically become very beautiful, and it vexed and

surprised her to find that her new frocks, still in a very incompleted

stage, did not at once produce any startling change in her appearance.

It was also disappointing that her mother and her mother's dressmaker

should so often seem to find in her hitherto unsuspected deficiencies.

"Mam'selle won't be able to wear elbow-sleeves just at present, Móddam,

I'm afraid--at least, not until we've got rid of that redness."

"Dear me, no! I suppose that comes from keepin' her elbows on a school

desk--how very vexin'. Really, the nuns must have been very careless to

let you get into the way of it, Alex. And it's made your shoulders

round, too."

"Mam'selle _must_ keep her shoulders well back if that white chiffon is

to look like anything at all," chimed in Madame Marguerite most

impressively. "It will simply be ruination to let it drop like that in

the front ... takes away all the smartness from it."

Alex straightened herself uneasily.

"It's such a simple little frock, the whole thing is how it's worn...."

Which made Alex feel miserably unequal to the responsibility laid upon

her.

"Her neck is very thin," sighed Lady Isabel, and Madame Marguerite, her

large head with its weight of elaborate yellow waves well on one side as

she gazed at Alex, had looked very disparaging indeed as she said, in

tones more consolatory than hopeful:

"Of course, Mam'selle may fill out a bit before next year."

Alex, in her heart, had been thankful when it was all over, and she had

gone back to the old blue cotton frocks that were to be worn out at the

seaside.

Her only responsibility there was the daily struggle of putting up her

hair.

To her disgust, and to Barbara's derision, the hair-dresser had insisted

upon a large, bun-like frame, which made her head ache, and, pinned on

by her unskilful hands, displayed a strong tendency to slip down the

back of her neck. And however much she might brush and pull her hair

over it, there always appeared a hiatus sooner or later, through which a

large patch of what Barbara jeeringly called "false horsehair," might

plainly be seen.

In spite of it all, however, Alex enjoyed those last schoolroom days of

hers more than any she had yet known.

Real life was going to begin, and though Alex had no idea as to how the

transformation would be effected, she was convinced that everything

which she had longed for, and utterly missed, throughout her schooldays,

would now be hers.

VII

London Season

Alex' first London season, from the very extravagance of her

expectations, was a disappointment to her.

Her own appearance, indeed, in her first ball-dress, surprised and

delighted her, and she stood before the great pier glass in the

drawing-room, under the chandelier which had been specially lit for the

occasion, and gazed at her reflection with incredulous admiration.

Her dress, in the height of the prevailing fashion, had been the subject

of Lady Isabel's minute and careful consultations with Madame Marguerite

of New Bond Street. Of stiff white satin, the neck was cut into a hard

square, and the bodice, as it was still called, unsoftened except for a

small draping of pleated white chiffon held on the left shoulder with a

cluster of dead-white roses, which were repeated at the side of the

broad, white-ribbon belt. The most prominent feature of the dress was

the immensity of the sleeves, stiffened within by strips of petersham,

and standing well up from the shoulders. Thence, the monstrous,

balloon-shaped things narrowed imperceptibly, and were gathered in just

below the elbow, leaving no hiatus visible between them and the

_mousquetaire_ white-kid gloves.

The skirt had no train, but fell into plain, heavy folds, sweeping the

ground, and with a slight additional length of "tail," and a

considerable additional fulness behind. A white ostrich-feather fan hung

by white satin ribbon from her waist.

"It looks charming," said Lady Isabel delightedly. "Better than your

presentation frock."

The servants, who had respectfully petitioned through Lady Isabel's maid

to be allowed to see Miss Clare in her ball-dress before she started,

were grouped in the doorway, the long white streamers of the maids' caps

contrasting sharply with their neat black dresses.

Old Nurse, a privileged personage, was right inside the drawing-room,

inspecting critically.

"I never thought you'd look so well, Miss Alex," she observed candidly.

"They've hid your failings something wonderful, and your hair and

complexion was always good, thanks to the care I've took of them--that I

will say."

"Don't those shoes pinch, Alex?" asked Barbara, looking on enviously in

her plain schoolroom frock and strapped shoes, with her hair still

hanging down her back.

Alex did not care whether her pointed, white satin shoes pinched her

feet or not. She was too happy in her first triumph.

It was not quite a solitary triumph, for Sir Francis, after a prolonged

gazing through his double eye-glasses that made her flush more than ever

from nervousness, gave one of his rare smiles of gratification and said:

"Very pretty indeed. I congratulate you on your appearance, my dear

child."

But it was to Lady Isabel that he turned next moment, with that sudden

softened glance that he never bestowed elsewhere.

"How beautifully you've dressed her, my dear. You will be taken for

sisters, now that she is in long dresses."

The compliment was not ill-deserved, and Alex, watching her mother's

exquisite flush, felt a vague dissatisfaction with her own immaturity.

She might be pretty, with youthful colouring and smooth skin, but she

lacked the poise that added charm to her mother's beauty, and a

struggling consciousness of that lack disturbed and vexed her.

"I think she's better without any ornament, don't you, Francis?" asked

her mother critically. "Some girls wear pearls, I know, but I never

quite like it--not the first year, anyway."

Her opera cloak over her shoulders, its cape-like outline and heavy,

turned-back collar of swan-down adding to the already disproportionate

width of the upper part of her person, Alex followed Lady Isabel into

the carriage.

She wore nothing over her head, for fear of disarranging the light

Princess-of-Wales' fringe curling on her forehead.

That first ball remained in her mind as a medley of valse tunes,

quadrilles and jigging polkas, blazing lights and red and white flowers

everywhere, and a sequence of strange young men brought up in rapid

succession by the daughters of her hostess and introduced in an

unvarying formula, to which each responded by a bow and a polite request

for the pleasure of a dance with her. Alex danced readily enough, but

found conversation strangely difficult, expecting she knew not what

profundities of intercourse which were never forthcoming. Her chief

gratification was that of seeing Lady Isabel's pretty, pleased smile at

the sight of her daughter dancing.

"Are you enjoying yourself, darling?" she asked several times, as Alex

returned between each dance to the row of gilt chairs against the wall.

Alex said "Yes" sincerely enough, but she was all the time reminded of

that strange, disconcerting experience that had been hers a year or two

earlier, when she had sought to persuade herself of a great success with

the boy Noel Cardew.

She boasted of her enjoyment of the ball to Barbara next day, and said

that she had been so busy dancing that she had never gone down to supper

at all.

"But that must never happen again," Lady Isabel said, horrified. "Girls

do that sort of thing at first, when they're foolish, and then they get

over-tired and lose all their looks and have no more good times."

It seemed the omega of disaster.

Nevertheless, there were other balls when Alex did not go down to

supper, sometimes because no one had asked her to do so.

She nearly always had partners, for she danced reasonably, though not

superlatively, well, and introductions were still the fashion. But the

number of her partners depended very largely upon the attentiveness of

her hostess or of her hostess's daughters. Young men did not always

claim dances from her, although they had been amongst her partners at

the ball of the week before. Nor did many of them ask for two or three

dances in one evening.

Lady Isabel had said, "Never more than three dances with the same man,

Alex, at the very _outside_. It's such bad form to make yourself

conspicuous with any one--your father would dislike it very much."

Alex bore the warning carefully in mind, and was naïvely surprised that

no occasion for making practical application of it should occur. She was

intensely anxious to be liked and admired, and she strangely confounded

the two issues in her own mind. Attributes such as her clear skin, her

exquisitely-kept hair, or her expensive frocks, she thought would

promote interest in her amongst her fellow-creatures, and to the same

end she simulated an enthusiasm--which was so entirely foreign to her

real feelings that it lacked any semblance of body--for the crazes of

her immediate generation, centred in Planchette and in the publication

of _Barabbas_. She was full of preconceived ideas as to that which

constituted attractiveness, and in her very ardour to realize the

conventional ideal of the day failed entirely to attract. In intercourse

with other girls, still in their first or second season, she slowly

began to suspect the deficiencies in herself.

"I'm engaged for nearly every single valse at the Duchess's ball on

Tuesday already!" a very young, childish-looking little creature

exclaimed in Alex' hearing.

Alex was astounded. What could the little thing mean?

"Nearly all my last night's partners will be there, and they've all

asked me for dances, and some for two or three," said the child with

ingenuous pride.

Alex was frankly amazed. Lady Mollie was not particularly pretty, and

her conversation was the veriest stream of prattle. Yet she was asked to

reserve the favour of her dances three days or four days in advance, and

the experience was evidently no new one to her, although she had only

come out a few weeks earlier than Alex!

It was the same little Lady Mollie who gave Alex a further shock by

demanding of her very seriously:

"Do you know a girl called Miss Torrance, a girl with very fair hair?

She says she was at school with you."

"Queenie Torrance? Oh, _yes!_" said Alex, the old fervour rushing to her

voice at the sudden memory of Queenie, who had left her letters

unanswered--of whom she had heard nothing for two years.

"She's tremendously admired by _some_ people," said Lady Mollie, shaking

her head with a quaint air of sapience. "I know two or three who rave

about her. Mother says she's rather inclined to be fast. I think people

don't like her father very much, and he generally takes her about. You

don't know them very well, do you?"

Alex hastily disclaimed any intimacy with Queenie's unpopular parent.

She felt disloyal to Queenie for the eagerness with which she did so.

Two nights later, at one of the big evening receptions that Alex enjoyed

least of any form of entertainment, Miss Torrance's name was again

mentioned to her.

She was listening to the conversation of a brilliantly-good-looking

young German Jew, whose name of Goldstein, already spoken with bated

breath in financial circles, conveyed less to her inexperience than did

the dark, glowing eyes, swarthy skin and the Semitic curve of his

handsome nose. His voice was very slightly guttural, and he slurred his

r's all but imperceptibly as he spoke.

She found that conversation with him was exceedingly easy, and

translated the faint hint of servility in his deference, as did most

women not of his own race, into sympathy with her utterances.

"You think so, you really think so?" he inquired gently, when she

expressed a _banale_ admiration for the prettiness of some girl whose

entry, preceded by that of an insignificant couple, had made a slight

stir round the huge open doorway of the reception-room.

"Yes," said Alex, emboldened by the interested look in the dark eyes

which he kept upon her face, as though finding it more worth while to

gaze upon her than upon the entering beauty.

"I have seen more beautiful faces than hers, nevertheless," he

responded.

The eloquence of his look made Alex feel as though she had received a

compliment, and she blushed. As though to cover her shyness, the young

Jew went on speaking. "I wonder if you know Miss Torrance--Miss Queenie

Torrance?"

She noticed that his throaty voice lingered over the syllables a little.

"She was my great friend at school."

"Indeed! What a delightful friendship for both, if I may say so. I think

I may say that I, also, have the privilege of counting myself amongst

the friends of Miss Torrance."

"I haven't seen her since she left school," said Alex wistfully. "I

should like to see her."

"You spoke of beauty just now," said the young Jew deliberately. "To my

mind Miss Torrance was the beauty of the season, when she came out last

year."

She felt faintly surprised, but spoke hastily lest he should think her

jealous, although he had carefully emphasized the date of Queenie's

appearance into society.

"I heard only the other day how much she was admired."

Goldstein's dark face grew darker. "She is very much admired indeed," he

said emphatically.

"Perhaps she will be here tonight," Alex suggested, thinking that she

would like to see Queenie grown-up.

"She is not coming tonight," said Goldstein with calm assurance. "Are

you going to the Duchess's ball on Tuesday? But I need not ask."

Alex felt unreasonably flattered at the homage implied, rather than

expressed, in the tone, and replied in the affirmative.

"Then you will see Miss Torrance."

"Oh, I'm glad," said Alex. She felt rather elated at the success which

her friend must have undoubtedly met with, to be so much admired, and

she remembered with added resentment Lady Isabel's old inquiry:

"Torrance--Torrance--who is Torrance?"

"Did you know that the girl I was at Liège with, Queenie Torrance, came

out last year, and every one says she's lovely?" she demanded of her

mother.

"I'd forgotten you were at school with her. I remember now," said Lady

Isabel thoughtfully. "Who says she is lovely?"

"Oh, Lady Mollie and every one. That Mr. Goldstein I was talking to."

"Goldstein!" exclaimed her mother with infinite contempt. She was silent

for a little while and then said, "I've heard about the Torrance girl.

Men--of a sort--admire her very much indeed, but I should be sorry if

you copied her style, Alex."

Alex felt more curious than ever. Blindly though she had adored Queenie,

it had not occurred to her that she would be considered very pretty, and

she wondered greatly concerning the development of her old playmate.

When she did see Queenie, at the Duchess's ball as Goldstein had

predicted, Lady Isabel was not with her. Excess of fatigue had

unwillingly constrained her to stay at home, while Sir Francis, bored

but courteous, escorted his eldest daughter in her stead.

They arrived late, and stood for a few minutes in the doorway, watching

the kaleidoscopic scene of colour and movement in the great illuminated

ballroom.

Alex' attention was attracted by a group of men all gathered near the

door, and prominent among them Goldstein, his eager, searching gaze

fixed upon the broad stairway without, up and down which innumerable

figures passed and re-passed. From the sudden lightning flash in his

ardent black gaze, not less than from a sort of movement instantly

communicated to the whole group, Alex guessed that he had focussed the

object of his quest.

The announcement made at the head of the stairs was inaudible amid the

crashing of dance music, but Alex recognized the entering couple in a

flash.

Colonel Torrance, white-haired, with black moustache and eyebrows,

upright and soldierly still, had changed less than Queenie. She looked

much taller than Alex had imagined her, and her graceful outline was

fuller, but she moved exquisitely.

Her very fair hair, at a time when every woman wore a curled fringe, was

combed straight back from her rounded brow, leaving only the merest

escaping curls at either temple, and gathered into the ultra-fashionable

"jug-handle" knot on the top of her head. She wore a wreath of tiny blue

forget-me-nots that deepened the tint of her grey-blue eyes, and the

colour was repeated freely in the deep frills and ruchings of her white,

_décolletée_ dress, of an elaboration that Alex instinctively knew her

mother would not have countenanced. Turquoises were twisted round the

white, full column of her throat, and clasped her rounded arms.

Alex watched her eagerly.

Every man in the little waiting group was pressing round her, claiming

first possession of her attention.

The faint, remotely smiling sweetness of Queenie's heart-shaped mouth

recalled to Alex with extraordinary vividness the schoolgirl at the

Liège convent.

Goldstein, his eyes flaming, stood demonstratively waiting, with

insolent security in his bearing, while she dispensed her favours right

and left, always with the same chilly, composed sweetness.

The music, which had ceased, broke into the lilt of the _Blue Danube_,

and on the instant Goldstein imperiously approached Queenie. She swayed

towards him, still smiling slightly, and they drifted into the throng of

dancers. Alex turned round with a sort of gasp.

What must it feel like to be the heroine of a ballroom triumph, to know

that a dozen men would count the evening worth while for the privilege

of dancing once with her, that they would throng in the doorway to watch

and wait for her coming?

Some of them remained in the doorway still, watching her dance, the

folds of her dress and her great white fan gathered into one hand, her

white, heavy eyelids cast down under her pure, open forehead, and

Goldstein's arm encircling her waist as he guided her steps skilfully

round the crowded room. Alex saw that Sir Francis, his double eyeglass

raised, was also watching the couple.

"I wonder who that remarkably pretty woman is, of whom young Goldstein

is very obviously enamoured?"

Alex felt oddly that Sir Francis supposed Queenie to be of maturer years

than she in reality was.

"It's Queenie Torrance, father. She was at school with me," Alex

repeated. "I've not seen her since she grew up--but she's only about a

year older than I am."

"Indeed!"

Curiosity as to the unanimity of masculine judgment made Alex appeal to

him with a question.

"Do you think she's pretty, father?"

"Exceedingly striking--beautiful, in fact," said Sir Francis.

Queenie was not beautiful, and Alex knew it, but the glamour of her

magnetic personality was evidently as potent with older men as with

young Goldstein and his contemporaries. Alex felt a curious pang, half

of envy and half of wonder.

Sir Francis put down his glasses. "A pity," he said deliberately, "that

she is not--altogether--" And raised his grizzled eyebrows.

VIII

Goldstein and Queenie

Queenie Torrance spoke to Alex that night with characteristic suavity,

and showed pleasure at meeting her again.

"Those old convent days seem a long way off, don't they?" she asked,

smiling a little.

Her glance, sweeping the big ballroom, seemed to appraise its glories

and claim them for her own.

It was the glance, rather than the words, to which Alex replied.

"You're having a splendid time, aren't you, Queenie? You like being

grown-up?"

"I adore it," said Miss Torrance, her eyes gleaming like stars.

Alex did not wonder at it.

Night after night she watched Queenie Torrance accepting as her right

the homage of innumerable men, halving the favour of her dances at

crowded balls where "wall-flowers" were too numerous to be rescued from

oblivion by the most determined of hostesses, going down to supper on

the arm of young Goldstein and lingering with him in prolonged

_tête-à-tête_. Goldstein, at the little round table across which he

leant, recklessly oblivious of comment, endeavouring, often fruitlessly,

throughout a whole evening, to obtain one direct look from those

widely-set, downcast eyes under their flaxen lashes.

It was not easy, Alex found, to talk to Queenie. They often met at

entertainments, and once or twice in the Park, but Queenie never rode in

the mornings, as Alex sometimes did, and Lady Isabel did not allow her

daughter to take up the fashionable practice of bicycling in Battersea

Park, at which Queenie Torrance, in the neatest and most daring of

rational costumes, was reported to excel. Once Alex, as she had said

before in her childish days, asked Lady Isabel:

"Mother, may I ask Queenie Torrance to tea here? We meet everywhere, and

it will be so odd if I never ask her to come here. Besides, I should

like to have her."

"I'm sorry, Alex, but I'd rather you contented yourself with meetin' her

in society--if you do."

"Why?" said Alex unwisely, urged by some mysterious unreason to provoke

the answer which she already anticipated with resentment.

"She's not the sort of girl I should care about you being friends with

very much," said Lady Isabel without heat. "I hear she's already bein'

talked about."

Alex knew what the words meant, uttered by her mother and her mother's

circle of intimates.

"Why is she being talked about?" Alex asked rebelliously.

"Any girl who goes in for being fast gets talked about," said Lady

Isabel severely. "And it does them no good in the long run either. Men

may flirt with girls of that sort, and like to dance with them and pay

them attention, but they don't marry them. A man likes his wife to be

simple and well-bred and dignified."

"I'm sure heaps of people would like to marry Queenie."

"How do you know?" Lady Isabel asked quickly.

Alex did not reply. She only knew that men looked at Queenie Torrance as

they did not look at other women, and, true to the traditions of youth

and of the race to which she belonged, the admiration of a man for a

woman, to her inexperience spelt a proposal of marriage.

"I don't want to be hard on a girl who is, after all, very young," said

Lady Isabel. "And, of course, her father doesn't look after her. She is

allowed to go to restaurants with him and every sort of thing.... It's

not the girl's fault exactly, though I don't like the way she dresses,

and a wreath of artificial flowers, or whatever it is she wears in her

hair, is thoroughly bad form. But one can't be too particular, Alex, and

I _do_ want you to make a success of things, and have the right friends

and not the wrong ones."

The wistful anxiety in her mother's voice, no less than in her glance at

her daughter, made Alex wonder sensitively if, perhaps, she were

secretly somewhat disappointed.

Certainly no overwhelming triumph had attended Alex' social career. She

was merely the newly-come-out daughter of a charming and popular mother,

less pretty than many of the season's débutantes, alternately

embarrassingly self-conscious, or else, when she found herself at her

ease, with an unbecomingly dictatorial manner. She had been led to

expect, from constant veiled references to the subject, that as soon as

she grew up, opportunity would be afforded her to attain the goal of

every well-born girl's destiny--that of matrimony. Girls who became

engaged to be married in their first season were a success, those who

had already twice, or perhaps thrice, been the round of London gaiety

with no tangible result of the sort, had almost invariably to give way

to a younger sister, in order that she, in her turn, might have "the

chances" of which they had failed to profit.

Of young women of twenty-two or twenty-three years old, still going

yearly through the season, Lady Isabel merely said matter-of-factly:

"What a pity!"

For the first time, a disquieting twinge seized Alex, lest the same

words should apply to her. No one had shown her the faintest inclination

to ask her in marriage, or even express any particular admiration for

her. She could not imagine any of the men whom she knew falling in love

with her.

At balls or dinner-parties, she made conversation with her partners.

They never grew to know one another more intimately. Sometimes she had

heard girls talk of looking forward to some forthcoming entertainment

because they knew that their particular friends would be there.

She herself did not care. She was on the same terms with all of

them--polite, impersonal, mutually rather bored and boring.

The nearest approach to intercourse other than merely surface that she

attained to, was with Queenie's most openly declared worshipper, Maurice

Goldstein. His manner to all women verged upon the effusive, and Alex

was secretly faintly ashamed of feeling slightly, but perceptibly,

flattered at the deference which he showed her, and even at his

favourite mannerism of gazing straight into her eyes as he shook hands

with her on meeting or parting.

Although Lady Isabel never invited him to Clevedon Square, and sometimes

spoke of him as "that dreadful young Jew who seems to get himself asked

everywhere," she did not forbid Alex to dance with him, and he was the

only young man of her acquaintance who invariably asked her to keep a

second dance for him later in the evening.

She felt greatly curious as to his sentiment for Queenie, partly from

youth's love of romance, partly from a desire to find out, if she could,

both the cause and the effect of the process known as "falling in love."

If she knew more about it, she felt dimly, perhaps it might happen also

to her.

One night, towards the end of the season, at the last big ball she was

to attend that year, Alex was taken down to supper by Maurice Goldstein.

She was surprised, and for a moment flattered, for Queenie was also

present, although she had apparently vouchsafed him neither word nor

look.

Goldstein gave Alex his arm and conducted her ceremoniously downstairs

to the supper-room.

It was late in the evening, only four or five couples, or an occasional

group of three or four, lingered at the small, round, flower-decked

tables.

"Shall we come here?" said Goldstein rather morosely.

He selected a table in a remote corner, and as she took her seat, Alex

perceived that they were within sight of the alcove where sat Queenie

Torrance with her partner, a young Danish diplomat whom Alex knew only

by sight.

"Who is that?" she asked almost involuntarily, as Goldstein's lowering

gaze followed the direction of her own.

The young man beside her needed no more to make him launch out into

emphatic speech.

Alex was half frightened, as she watched the glow in his eyes and the

rapid gesticulations of his hands, as though emotion had startled him

into a display of the racial characteristics that he habitually

concealed so carefully.

He told her crudely that he adored Queenie, and that it drove him nearly

mad to see her in the company of other men.

"But why don't you ask her to marry you?" exclaimed Alex innocently.

Goldstein stared at her.

"I have asked her fourteen times," he said at last with a slight gasp.

"Fourteen times!" Alex was astounded.

According to her preconceived notions a proposal was carefully led up

to, uttered at some propitious moment, preferably by moonlight, and then

and there either definitely accepted or rejected.

"But I shouldn't have thought you'd even seen her fourteen times," she

remarked naïvely.

"I see her every day," Goldstein said gloomily. "It's playing the deuce

with my business. You won't give me away, I know--you're her friend,

aren't you?--and people are so stupid and conventional, they might

talk."

Alex remembered Lady Isabel. Was this what she had meant?

"I can always manage to see her. I know her movements, and when I can

meet her, and when I may take her out to lunch or tea--some quiet place,

of course."

Alex was puzzled.

"But are you engaged?"

"Yes, a thousand times!" he answered in low, vehement tones, and then

appeared to recollect himself. "She has never said no, although I can't

induce her to say yes," he admitted; "and I have to see her surrounded

and admired everywhere she goes, and have no hold on her whatever. If

she would only marry me!" he made a gesture of rather theatrical

despair, indicating the far corner where the young Dane still sat,

oblivious of everything but Queenie, drooping over the small round table

that separated them.

"Cad! he's going to smoke," Goldstein muttered furiously below his

breath.

The room had emptied, and Alex saw Queenie deliberately glance over her

shoulder, as though to make sure of being unobserved. Her eyes moved

unseeingly across Alex and Maurice Goldstein. The rest of the room was

empty. With a little half-shrug of her white shoulders she delicately

took a cigarette from the case that the diplomat was eagerly proffering.

It was the first time that Alex had seen a woman with a cigarette

between her lips. She felt herself colouring hotly, as she watched, with

involuntary fascination, Queenie's partner carefully lighting the

cigarette for her, his hand very close to her face.

She dared not look at Goldstein. The cheap vulgarity of Queenie's

display of modern freedom shocked her sincerely, nor could even her

inexperience blind her to the underlying motive governing Queenie's

every gesture.

She fumbled hastily for her fan and gloves.

"Shall we come upstairs again?" she asked in a stifled voice.

Goldstein rose without a word.

Alex, venturing to cast one glance at him, saw that his face had grown

white.

As he took her back to Lady Isabel, he spoke in a quick, low, dramatic

voice between clenched teeth:

"You saw? She knows she is driving me frantic; but after this--it's all

over."

Alex was frightened and yet exultant at playing even a secondary rôle in

what seemed to her to be a drama of reality.

An hour later, sitting, for the time being partnerless, beside her

mother, she saw Queenie re-enter the ballroom, followed by the Dane.

Queenie's widely-set eyes were throwing a glance, innocent, appealing,

the length of the long room. At once her eyelids dropped again. But in

that instant Maurice Goldstein had left the wall against which he had

been leaning, listless and sulky-looking, and was making his way through

the lessening crowd.

Alex, wondering, saw him reach the side of the tall, white-clad figure,

and claim her from the young diplomat.

He gravely offered Queenie his arm, and Alex saw them no more that

night. She herself drove home to Clevedon Square beside Lady Isabel with

her mind in a tumult.

She felt that for the first time she had seen love at close quarters,

and although a faint but bitter regret that the experience had not been

a personal one underlay all her sensations, she was full of excitement.

"No more late nights after this week," said Lady Isabel, her voice

sleepy. "A rest will do you good, Alex. You are losing your freshness."

Alex scarcely listened. She stood impatiently while the weary maid,

whose duty it was to sit up for her mistress's return, undid the

complicated fastenings of her frock, and took the pins out of her hair.

"I'll brush it myself," said Alex hastily. "Good-night, mother."

"Good-night; don't come down till lunch-time, Alex--we are not doing

anything."

Alex carried her ball dress carefully over her arm and went up one more

flight of stairs to her own room, wrapped in her pink dressing-gown, and

with her hair loose on her shoulders.

Sitting on the edge of her bed and gazing at her own reflection in the

big, swinging mirror, she made personal application of the small

fragment of human drama that she had just witnessed.

What man would speak and think of her as Maurice Goldstein spoke and

thought of Queenie Torrance?

When would any man's ardent glance answer hers; any man make his way to

her through a crowd in response to the silent summons of her eyes?

She fell into one of the idle, romantic dreams evoked by a highly-strung

imagination, untempered by any light of experience. But the hero of the

dream was a nebulous, shadowy figure of fiction. No man of flesh and

blood held any place in the slender fabric of her fancies.

It occurred to her, more with a sense of disconcertment than of that

panic which was to come later, that she did not possess the power of

drawing any reality from her communion with others, and that no intimacy

other than one of the surface had as yet ever resulted from any

intercourse of hers with her fellow-creatures. Her nearest approach to

reality had been that one-sided, irrational adoration of her schooldays

for Queenie Torrance, that had met with no return, and with so much and

such universal condemnation.

Alex did not doubt that the condemnation was justified. The impression

left upon her adolescent mind remained ineradicable: it was wrong to

attach so much importance to loving; it was _different_, in some

mysterious, culpable way, to feel as she did--that nothing mattered

except the people one loved, that nothing was so much worth while as the

affection and understanding which one knew so well, from oneself, must

exist, and for the bestowal of which on one's own lonely, ardent spirit

one prayed so passionately; and all these desires, being wrong and

unlike other people, must at all costs be concealed and denied. Thus

Alex, placing the perverted and yet unescapable interpretation of her

disconsolate youth upon such experience of life as had been vouchsafed

to her.

Still sitting on the side of the bed and facing the looking-glass, she

sought in her own reflection for traces of the spell wielded by Queenie

Torrance. She had not yet outgrown the belief that beauty and the power

to attract should be synonymous.

Was she as pretty as Queenie?

Her colour was bright and pure, and her hazel eyes reflected the brown

lights gleaming in her soft, tumbled hair, that fell no lower than her

shoulders. She reflected disconsolately on the undue prominence of the

two, white front teeth that the plate which had tormented her childhood

had just failed to render level with the others.

Straight brows added to the regularity of her features, only the corners

of her mouth habitually drooping very slightly. The angularity which

Lady Isabel so regretted was sharply manifested in the exposed

collar-bones just above the open dressing-gown, and in the childishly

thin arms and wrists. With an odd, detached shrewdness, she appraised

the prominent attributes of her own appearance, its ungraceful

immaturity.

As she got slowly into bed, she passed other, moral, attributes, in

fleeting review.

Alex believed that one might be loved for one's goodness, if not for

one's beauty. But she could not suppose herself to be good. The

tradition of the nursery black sheep still clung to her.

Should love come to her, she had nothing but the force of the answer

within her to bring to it, and that force she had been taught to think

of in the light of an affliction to be overcome.

Yet Alex Clare fell asleep smiling a little, nursing the foolish,

romantic fancies that usurped the place of realities, and unaware that

the temperament which craves to give all, is often that of which least

will ever be asked.

IX

Scotland

Queenie's engagement to young Goldstein was formally announced at the

beginning of the year following that one in which Alex made her début.

"A most suitable match, I should imagine," was Lady Isabel's emphasized

comment.

Alex was romantically delighted, and hoped for an opportunity of

obtaining first-hand impressions.

Queenie, however, sent only the most conventional of notes in reply to

Alex' eagerly written congratulation, and Alex had only a glimpse of her

at the crowded wedding, exquisitely pale and pure under her veil, with

Goldstein, his swarthy face radiant and illuminated, at her side.

Remembering the night when the young Jew had spoken to her freely of his

adoration for her friend, Alex, with awkward fervour, addressed a few

words of ardent congratulation to him.

He showed his remarkably white teeth in a quick smile, brilliant with

triumph and happiness, and wrung her hand warmly; but alas! his eyes

failed to answer her gaze, and it was obvious that no deeper issues

between them held any place in his recollections.

Alex went away vaguely disappointed and humiliated.

She, who so longed for a first place, seemed doomed to relegation to the

ranks. Even at home there was no longer any excitement such as that

which had surrounded her launch into the great world, and Lady Isabel

occasionally betrayed a hint of disappointment that no family council

had as yet been required on the subject of Alex' future, such as those

which had punctuated the epoch of her own brief girlhood.

Indeed it was rather Barbara who was the centre of attention.

She still suffered from backache and general languor, consequent upon

over-rapid growth during the year she had spent on the flat of her back.

Old Nurse pitied and was much inclined to spoil her, dosed her

religiously with a glass of port at eleven o'clock every morning, and

supported her whining assertions that lessons with Mademoiselle made her

ill.

"I want to go to school," said Barbara inconsistently. "Alex went to

school, so why shouldn't I?"

"Darlin' child, you know very well that your father won't hear of girls

goin' to school. A convent is quite different--but I certainly shan't

send you to that sort of establishment, after the trick they played me

with Alex, sendin' her back round-shouldered, and with her hands all

chapped and red and covered with chilblains. _Never_ again," said Lady

Isabel.

Barbara sulked.

She sulked so long and so effectively that the unfortunate Mademoiselle

came of her own accord to implore that Barbara might be released from

the schoolroom. She was not learning anything, and her example was

making little Pamela naughty and defiant.

"What a plague children are!" Lady Isabel said helplessly.

She consulted her friends, drawing a plaintively humorous picture of the

recalcitrant young person, which, to the annoyance of Alex, caused a

certain amount of amused sympathy to be expressed in Barbara's favour.

At last some one suggested that she should be sent abroad. Not to a

school or a convent, certainly not--every one was unanimous on that

point excepting one or two ultra-Catholic old aunts of Sir Francis--but

to a charming Marquise, living at Neuilly, and desirous of companionship

for her only child, a girl of about the same age as Barbara.

"She will learn to speak French like a native, and have dancing and

singing lessons with the Hélène child, and go to all the art galleries

and places.... That girl of the Duchess went there to be finished just

before she came out, and _loved_ it, and she came back so much

improved--knowing how to put on her clothes, you know ... just the sort

of thing that makes all the difference."

So spoke Lady Isabel's enthusiastic friends.

Barbara was not consulted, but when the plans had been finally settled

upon and everything arranged, she was told, in accordance with the usage

of her day, that as she was so discontented and troublesome at home, her

parents felt obliged, for the sake of the younger children, to send her

away from them. Barbara, following her wont, said nothing at all, and

did not relax her pouting expression, but once back in the schoolroom

again, she jumped up and down on the sofa in a manner denoting

extravagant glee.

"I knew they'd have to give in," she chanted. "I knew they would, I knew

they would."

For a long while she teased Archie and Pamela by refusing to give them

any explanation, and at the same time exciting their curiosity by her

continual reference to an approaching triumphant emancipation for her,

until Cedric, home for the Easter holidays, and expert in the

administrations of schoolboy tortures, ruthlessly made use of them to

reduce his sister to her proper position of inferiority.

Barbara was sent to Neuilly early in April, and Alex proceeded to enter

upon the second phase of her social career.

It was less of a success than her first season had been.

It was assumed that she had by this time made her own friends, and her

mother's contemporaries accordingly took less pains in the matter of

introductions on her behalf.

If it be true that nothing succeeds like success, it is truer still that

nothing fails so completely as a failure.

When Alex had sat out four or five dances at a ball, partnerless, her

conviction of her own social degradation was absolutely overwhelming.

Her surroundings only interested her as a background to her own

personality, and as she derived no pleasure, but only disappointment and

mortification, from the majority of the functions at which she was

present, her young, expressive face unconsciously advertised both her

vexation and the cause of it.

Her youth and her vanity alike were in rebellion against the truth,

which she more than half divined, that she, who so longed to please and

to attract, was as utterly devoid of that magnetic charm possessed by

other girls in a lesser, and by Queenie Goldstein in supreme, degree, as

it was possible for a reasonably pretty and healthy young girl to be.

Neither her health nor her beauty improved, moreover.

Late hours, in her case, uncounteracted by the vivid sparkle of

enjoyment, drew unbecoming dark circles beneath her eyes, and the

physical fatigue always engendered in her by boredom was most

unmistakably manifested in her slouching shoulders and mournful pallor.

"_Alex a son air bête aujourd'hui_."

Memory mercilessly recalled to her the old gibe of her schoolmates

sometimes, as she felt, against her own will, her features stiffening

into the stupid "tragedy-queen" look which had met with the mocking of

her companions.

"Do try and cheer up, darlin'," Lady Isabel sometimes said, with more

impatience than compassion in her voice, as she glanced at her daughter;

and the implication that her looks were betraying her feelings made Alex

more wretched and self-conscious than ever.

She often saw Queenie Goldstein, as much surrounded as in the days

before her marriage, and her excessive _décolletage_ now enhanced by the

jewels showered upon her by her husband.

Queenie once invited her to a dinner-party at her little house in Curzon

Street, but Alex knew that she would not be allowed to go, and showed

the invitation with great trepidation to her mother.

"Very impertinent of her! Why, she's never been introduced to me. I

shouldn't dream of allowin' any daughter of mine to go and dine with

people whom I didn't know personally, even if they were _absolutely_ all

right."

Lady Isabel, so easy-going and tepidly affectionate towards her

children, was adamant where her social creed was concerned.

"In any case, Alex, I've told you before that I don't want you to go on

with the acquaintance. That Goldstein woman is gettin' herself talked

about, unless I'm very much mistaken."

Again that mysterious accusation! Alex said no more, but wondered

naïvely how the phase that had been used in connection with Queenie

Torrance could still be applicable to Maurice Goldstein's wife.

Surely married women did not flirt? The term, to Alex, symbolized she

knew not what of offensive coquetry, and of general "bad form."

This belief had been inculcated into her as a precept but, nevertheless,

she could not divest herself of a secret suspicion that, although Lady

Isabel might have rebuked, she would not have been altogether averse

from a lapse or two in that direction on the part of her daughter.

But Alex embarked upon no flirtation. The men who danced with her or

took her in to dinner never seemed desirous of talking personalities.

They made perfunctory remarks about the decorations of the tables, the

quality of the floor and the music, and the revival of the Gilbert and

Sullivan operas.

The sense that the intercourse between them must be sustained by

conversation never left her for an instant.

There had been one occasion when she had actually forgotten to think of

herself and of the effect she might be producing, and had joined with

real interest in a discussion about books with a man a great deal older

than herself, who happened to be placed next to her at a big dinner

party. Lady Isabel, opposite, had glanced once or twice at her

daughter's unusually animated expression.

"You seemed to be gettin' on very well with the man on your other

side--not the one who took you down, but the oldish one," she said

afterwards in a pleased voice.

"I never found out his name," said Alex. "He told me he wrote books. It

was so interesting; we were talking about poetry a lot of the time."

Her mother's face lost something of its smile. "Oh, my darling!" she

exclaimed in sudden flattened tones, "don't go and get a reputation for

being _clever_, whatever you do. People do dislike that sort of thing so

much in a girl!"

Alex, her solitary triumph killed, knew that there was yet another item

to be added to that invisible score of reasons for which one was loved

or disliked by one's fellow-creatures.

Without formulating the conviction to herself, she believed implicitly

that in the careful simulation of those attributes which she had been

told would provoke admiration or affection, lay her only chance of

obtaining something of that which she craved.

Dismayed, wearied, and uncheered by success, she continued to act out

her little feeble comedies.

At the end of her second season she felt very old, and very much

disillusioned. This was not real life as she had thought to find it on

leaving schooldays behind her.

There must be something beyond--some happy reality that should reveal

the wherefore of all existence, but Alex knew not where to find it.

Morbidity was a word which had no place in the vocabulary of her

surroundings, but Lady Isabel said to her rather plaintively, "You must

try and look more cheerful, Alex, dear, when I take you about. Your

father is quite vexed when he sees such a gloomy face. You enjoy things,

don't you?"

And Alex, in her complicated disappointment at disappointing her mother

and father, answered hastily in the affirmative.

In the autumn, in Scotland, she met Noel Cardew again.

They were staying at the same house. Alex felt childishly proud of

saying, when her hostess brought the young man to her side, with a word

of introduction:

"Oh, but we've met before! I know him _quite_ well."

She wished that she had spoken less emphatically, at the sight of Noel's

politely non-committal smile. It was evident that he had not the

faintest recollection of the meeting at his mother's house in

Devonshire. She reminded him of it rather shyly.

"Oh, yes, of course. You were at school with my young cousins. I

remember you coming over to see us quite well, with your brothers. We

all played hunt the slipper or something, didn't we?"

"Hide-and-seek," said Alex literally. She wondered why encounters which

remained quite vividly in her own memory should always appear to present

themselves so indistinctly and trivially to other people.

"I haven't heard from your cousins for a long while. Are they in

America?"

"Diana is in India, of course. She married, you know--a fellow in the

Indian Police."

"I remember," said Alex, determined to ignore the tiny prick of jealousy

that now habitually assailed her almost every time that she heard of the

marriage of another girl.

"Are the other two married?" she made resolute inquiry.

"Oh, no. Why, Marie isn't properly grown-up yet. They are both in

America. I've some idea of going over to New York myself next year, and

I suppose I shall stay with their people. My uncle's at the Embassy, you

know."

"It would be splendid to see New York," said Alex, with the old

imitation of enthusiasm.

"I should like the journey as well," young Cardew remarked. "Board ship

is an awfully good way of studying human nature, I fancy, and I'm rather

keen on that sort of thing. In fact, I've a mad idea of perhaps writing

a book one of these days, probably in the form of a novel, because it's

only by gilding the pill that you can get the great B.P. to swallow

it--but it'll really be a kind of philosophy of life, you know, with a

good deal about the different sides of human nature. It may sound rather

ambitious, perhaps, but I believe it could be done."

Alex assented eagerly, and wondered what the initials that he had

used--"the great B.P."--represented. She glanced at him sideways.

He was even better-looking than he had been as a boy, his sunburn of a

deeper tan, and the still noticeable cast in one eye adding a certain

character to the straightness of his features. He had grown a little,

fair moustache, contrasting pleasantly with his light brown eyes. The

boyish immaturity of the loosely knit figure was obscured to her eyes by

the excellence of his carriage and his five foot eleven inches of

height.

She was inwardly almost incredulously pleased when he chose the place

next to hers at breakfast on the following morning, and asked whether

she was going out to join the guns at lunch on the moors.

"I think so," said Alex. She would have liked to say, "I hope so," but

something within her attached such an exaggerated importance to the

words that she found herself unable to utter them.

"Well," said Noel, "I shall look out for you, so mind you come."

Alex's gratification was transparently evident. She was the only girl of

the party, which was a small one; and Lady Isabel, declaring herself

obliged to write letters, sent her out at lunch-time under the care of

her hostess.

They lunched on the moors with the five men, two of whom had only come

over for the day.

Noel Cardew at once established himself at Alex' side and began to

expatiate upon the day's sport. He talked a great deal, and was as full

of theories as in their schoolroom days, and Alex, on her side, listened

with the same intense hope that her sympathy might continue to retain

him beside her.

She answered him with eager monosyllables and ejaculations expressive of

interest. Without analysing her own motives, it seemed to her to be so

important that Noel Cardew should continue to address his attention

exclusively to her, that she was content entirely to sink her own

individuality into that of a sympathetic listener.

When she dressed for dinner that evening and looked at herself in the

big mirror, it seemed to her that for the first time her own appearance

was entirely satisfactory. She felt self-confident and happy, and after

dinner, when the elders of the party sat down to play cards, she

declared boldly that she wanted to look at the garden by moonlight.

"Rather," said Noel Cardew.

They went out together through the open French window.

Alex held up her long-tailed white satin with one hand, and walked up

and down with him under the glowing red globe of the full moon. Noel

talked about his book, taking her interest for granted in a manner that

flattered and delighted her.

"I think psychology is simply the most absorbing thing in the world," he

declared earnestly. "I hope you don't fight shy of long words, do you?"

Alex uttered a breathless disclaimer.

"I'm glad. So many people seem to think that if any one says anything in

words of more than two syllables it's affectation. Oxford and that sort

of thing. But, of course, you're not like that, are you?"

He did not wait for an answer this time, but went on talking very

eagerly about the scheme that he entertained for obtaining material for

his book.