WHICH CONCERNS ITSELF, INCIDENTALLY, WITH THE GRIEF OF A VICTIM OF
CIRCUMSTANCE AND THE RECEPTION OF A BELATED CHRISTMAS GREETING
Henrietta Frayling left the Grand Hotel, that afternoon, in a chastened
frame of mind. Misgivings oppressed her. She doubted--and even more than
doubted--whether she had risen to the full height of her own reputation,
whether she had not allowed opportunity to elude her, whether she had not
lost ground difficult to regain. The affair was so astonishingly sprung
upon her. The initial impact she withstood unbroken--and from this she
derived a measure of consolation. But afterwards she weakened. She had
felt too much--and that proved her undoing. It is foolish, because
disabling, to feel.
Her treatment of Damaris she condemned as mistaken, admitting a point of
temper. It is hard to forgive the younger generation their youth, the
infinite attraction of their ingenuous freshness, the fact that they have
the ball at their feet. Hence she avoided the society of the young of her
own sex--as a rule. Girls are trying when pretty and intelligent, hardly
less trying--though for other reasons--when the reverse. Boys she
tolerated. In the eyes of young men she sunned herself taking her ease,
since these are slow to criticize, swift to believe--between eighteen and
eight-and-twenty, that is.--We speak of the mid-Victorian era and then
obtaining masculine strain.
Misgivings continued to pursue her during the ensuing evening and even
interfered with her slumbers during the night. This--most unusual
occurrence--rendered her fretful. She reproached her tractable and
distressed little General with having encouraged her to walk much too
far. In future he swore to insist on the carriage, however confidently
she might assert the need of active exertion. She pointed out the fallacy
of rushing to extremes; which rather cruelly floored him, since
"rushing," in any shape or form, had conspicuously passed out of his
programme some considerable time ago.
"My wife is not at all herself," he told Marshall Wace, at breakfast next
morning--"quite overdone, I am sorry to say, and upset. I blame myself.
I must keep a tight hand on her and forbid over exertion."
With a small spoon, savagely, daringly he beat in the top of his
boiled egg.
"I must be more watchful," he added. "Her nervous energy is deceptive. I
must refuse to let it override my better judgment and take me in."
By luncheon time, however, Henrietta was altogether herself, save for a
pretty pensiveness, and emerged with all her accustomed amiability from
this temporary eclipse.
The Fraylings occupied a small detached villa, built in the grounds of
the Hôtel de la Plage--a rival and venerably senior establishment to the
Grand Hotel--situate just within the confines of St. Augustin, where the
town curves along the glistering shore to the western horn of the little
bay. At the back of it runs the historic high road from Marseilles to the
Italian frontier, passing through Cannes and Nice. Behind it, too, runs
the railway with its many tunnels, following the same, though a somewhat
less serpentine, course along the gracious coast.
To the ex-Anglo-Indian woman, society is as imperative a necessity as
water to a fish. She must foregather or life loses all its savour; must
entertain, be entertained, rub shoulders generally or she is lost.
Henrietta Frayling suffered the accustomed fate, though to speak of
rubbing shoulders in connection with her is to express oneself
incorrectly to the verge of grossness. Her shoulders were of an order far
too refined to rub or be rubbed. Nevertheless, after the shortest
interval consistent with self-respect, such society as St. Augustin and
its neighbourhood afforded found itself enmeshed in her dainty net. Mrs.
Frayling's villa became a centre, where all English-speaking persons
met. There she queened it, with her General as loyal henchman, and
Marshall Wace as a professor of drawing-room talents of most varied sort.
Discovery of the party at the Grand Hotel, took the gilt off the
gingerbread of such queenings, to a marked extent, making them look
make-shifty, lamentably second-rate and cheap. Hence Henrietta's
fretfulness in part. For with the exception of Lady Hermione
Twells--widow of a once Colonial Governor--and the Honourable Mrs.
Callowgas _née_ de Brett, relict of a former Bishop of Harchester, they
were but scratch pack these local guests of hers. Soon, however, a scheme
of putting that discovery to use broke in on her musings. The old
friendship must, she feared, be counted dead. General Frayling's
existence, in the capacity of husband, rendered any resurrection of it
impracticable. She recognized that. Yet exhibition of its tombstone, were
such exhibition compassable, could not fail to bring her honour and
respect. She would shine by a reflected light, her glory all the greater
that the witnesses of it were themselves obscure--Lady Hermione and Mrs.
Callowgas excepted of course. Carteret's good-nature could be counted on
to bring him to the villa. And Damaris must be annexed. Assuming the rôle
and attitude of a vicarious motherhood, Henrietta herself could hardly
fail to gain distinction. It was a touching part--specially when played
by a childless woman only a little--yes, really only quite a little--past
her prime.
Here, indeed, was a great idea, as she came to grasp the possibilities
and scope of it. As chaperon to Damaris how many desirable doors would be
open to her! Delicately Henrietta hugged herself perceiving that, other
things being equal, her own career was by no means ended yet. Through
Damaris might she not very well enter upon a fresh and effective phase of
it? How often and how ruefully had she revolved the problem of advancing
age, questioning how gracefully to confront that dreaded enemy, and
endure its rather terrible imposition of hands without too glaring a loss
of prestige and popularity! Might not Damaris' childish infatuation
offer a solution of that haunting problem, always supposing the
infatuation could be revived, be recreated?
Ah! what a double-dyed idiot she had been yesterday, in permitting
feeling to outrun judgment!--With the liveliest satisfaction Henrietta
could have boxed her own pretty ears in punishment of her passing
weakness.--Yet surely time still remained wherein to retrieve her error
and restore her ascendency. Damaris might be unusually clever; but she
was also finely inexperienced, malleable, open to influence as yet. Let
Henrietta then see to it, and that without delay or hesitation, bringing
to bear every ingenious social art, and--if necessary--artifice, in which
long practice had made her proficient.
To begin with she would humble herself by writing a sweet little letter
to Damaris. In it she would both accuse and excuse her maladroitness of
yesterday, pleading the shock of so unlooked-for a coming together and
the host of memories evoked by it.--Would urge how deeply it affected
her, overcame her in fact, rendering her incapable of saying half the
affectionate things it was in her heart to say. She might touch on the
subject of Damaris' personal appearance again; which, by literally taking
her breath away, had contributed to her general undoing.--On second
thoughts, however, she decided it would be politic to avoid that
particular topic, since Damaris was evidently a little shy in respect of
her own beauty.--Henrietta smiled to herself.--That is a form of shyness
exceedingly juvenile, short-lived enough!
Marshall should act as her messenger, she being--as she could truthfully
aver--eager her missive might reach its destination with all possible
despatch. A letter, moreover, delivered by hand takes on an importance,
makes a claim on the attention, greater than that of one received by
post. There is a personal gesture in the former mode of transmission by
no means to be despised in delicate operations such as the present--"I
want to set myself right with you _at once_, dearest child, in case, as I
fear, you may have a little misunderstood, me yesterday. Accident having
so strangely restored us to one another, I long to hold you closely if
you will let me do so."--Yes, it should run thus, the theme embroidered
with high-flashing colour of Eastern reminiscence--the great subtropic
garden of the Sultan-i-bagh, for example, its palms, orange grove and
lotus tank, the call of the green parrots, chant of the well-coollie and
creak of the primitive wooden gearing, as the yoke of cream white oxen
trotted down and laboriously backed up the walled slope to the well-head.
Mrs. Frayling set herself to produce a very pretty piece of sentiment,
nicely turned, decorated, worded, and succeeded to her own
satisfaction. Might not she too, at this rate, claim possession of the
literary gift--under stress of circumstance? The idea was a new one. It
amused her.
And what if Damaris elected to show this precious effusion to
her father, Sir Charles? Well, if the girl did, she did. It might
just conceivably work on him also, to the restoration of
past--infatuation?--Henrietta left the exact term in doubt. But her hope
of such result was of the smallest. Exhibition of a tombstone was the
most she could count upon.--More probably he would regard it critically,
cynically, putting his finger through her specious phrases. She doubted
his forgiveness of a certain act of virtuous treachery even yet;
although he had, in a measure, condoned her commission of it by making
use of her on one occasion since, namely, that of her bringing Damaris
back twelve years ago to Europe. But whether his attitude were cynical
or not, he would hold his peace. Such cogent reasons existed for silence
on his part that if he did slightly distrust her, hold her a little
cheap, he would hardly venture to say as much, least of all to
Damaris.--Venture or condescend?--Again Mrs. Frayling left the term in
doubt and went forward with her schemes, which did, unquestionably just
now, add a pleasing zest to life.
The innocent subject of these machinations received both the note and its
bearer in a friendly spirit, though she was already, as it happened, rich
in letters to-day. The bi-weekly packet from Deadham--addressed in Mary
Fisher's careful copy-book hand--arrived at luncheon time, and
contained, among much of apparently lesser interest, a diverting
chronicle of Tom Verity's impressions and experiences during the first
six weeks of his Indian sojourn. The young man's gaily self-confident
humour had survived his transplantation. He wrote in high feather, quite
unabashed by the novelty of his surroundings, yet not forgetting to pay
honour where honour was due.
"It has been 'roses, roses all the way' thanks to Sir Charles's
introductions, for which I can never be sufficiently grateful," he told
her. "They have procured me no end of delightful hospitality from the
great ones of the local earth, and really priceless opportunities of
getting into touch with questions of ruling importance over here. I am
letting my people at home know how very much I owe, and always shall owe,
to his kindness in using his influence on my behalf at the start."
Damaris glowed responsive to this fine flourish of a tone, and passed the
letter across the small round dinner table to her father. Opened a fat
packet, enclosed in an envelope of exaggerated tenuity, from Miss
Felicia, only to put it aside in favour of another letter bearing an
Italian stamp and directed in a, to her, unfamiliar hand.
This was modest in bulk as compared with Miss Felicia's; but while
examining it, while touching it even, Damaris became aware of an inward
excitement, of a movement of tenderness not to be ignored or denied.
Startled by her own prescience, and the agitation accompanying it, she
looked up quickly to find Carteret watching her; whereupon, mutely,
instinctively, her eyes besought him to ask no questions, make no
comment. For an appreciable space he kept her in suspense, his glance
holding and challenging hers in close observation. Then as though,
not without a measure of struggle, granting her request, he smiled
at her, and, turning his attention to the contents of his plate,
quietly went on with the business of luncheon. Damaris meanwhile,
conscience-stricken--she couldn't tell why--by this silent interchange
of intelligence, this silent demand on his forbearance, on his
connivance in her secrecy, laid the letter face downwards on the white
table-cloth, unopened.
Later, Sir Charles Verity being busy with his English correspondence and
Carteret having disappeared--gone for a solitary walk, as she divined,
being, as she feared, not quite pleased with her--she read it in the
security of her bedroom, seated, for greater ease, upon the polished
parquet floor just inside an open, southward-facing French window, where
the breeze coming up off the sea gently fanned her face.
The letter began without preamble:
"We made this port--Genoa--last night. All day we have been discharging
cargo. Half my crew has gone ashore, set on liquoring and wenching after
the manner of unregenerate sailor-men all the world over. The other half
follows their bad example to-morrow, as we shall be lying idle in honour
of the Christmas festival. On board discipline is as strict as I know how
to make it, but ashore my hand is lifted off them. So long as they turn
up on time they are free to follow their fancy, even though it lead them
to smutty places. My own fancies don't happen to lie that way, for which
I in nowise praise myself. It is an affair of absence of inclination
rather than overmuch active virtue. I am really no better than they,
seeing I yield to the only temptation which takes me--the temptation to
write to you. I have resisted it times out of number since I bade you
good-bye at The Hard. But Christmas-night turns one a bit soft and
craving for sight and touch of those who belong to one. So much I dare
say, though I go back on nothing I said to you then about the keeping up
of decent barriers. Only being Christmas-night-soft I give myself the
licence of a holiday--for once. The night is clear as glass and the city
rises in a great semicircle, pierced by and outlined in twinkling lights,
right up to the ring of forts crowning the hills, where the sky begins--a
sky smothered in stars. I have been out, on deck, looking at it all, at
the black masts and funnels of the ships ranging to right and left
against the glare of the town, and at the oily, black water, thick with
floating filth and garbage and with wandering reflections like jewels and
precious metals on the surface of it--the rummiest mixture of fair and
foul. And then, all that faded out somehow--and I saw black water again,
but clean this time and with no reflections, under a close-drawn veil of
falling rain; and I felt to lift you out of the boat and carry you in
across the lawn and up to your room. And then I could not hold out
against temptation any longer, but came here into my cabin and sat down
to write to you. The picture of you, wet and limp and helpless in my
arms, is always with me, stamped on the very substance of my brain, as is
the other picture of you in the drawing-room lined with book-cases, where
we found one another for the second time. Found one another in spirit, I
mean; an almost terribly greater finding than the first one, because it
can go on for ever as it belongs to the part of us which does not die.
That is my faith anyhow. To-morrow morning I will go ashore and into one
of those big, tawdry Genoa churches, and listen to the music, standing in
some quiet corner, and think about you and renew my vows to you. It won't
be half bad to keep Christmas that way.
"I don't pretend to be a great letter-writer, so if this one has
funny fashions to it you must forgive both them and me. I write as I
feel and must leave it so. The voyage has been good, and my poor old
tub has behaved herself, kept afloat and done her best, bravely if a
bit wheezingly, in some rather nasty seas. When we are through here I
take her across to Tripoli and back along the African coast to
Algiers, then across to Marseilles. I reckon to reach there in six
weeks or two months from now. You might perhaps be willing to write a
line to me there--to the care of my owners, Messrs. Denniver, Holland
& Co. Their office is in the Cannebière. I don't ask you to do this,
but only tell you I should value it more than you can quite
know.--Now my holiday is over and I will close down till next
Christmas-night--unless miracles happen meanwhile--so good-bye.--Here
is a boatload of my lads coining alongside, roaring with song and as
drunk as lords.--God bless you. In spirit I once again kiss your dear
feet. Your brother till death and after.
"DARCY FAIRCLOTH."
Dazed, enchanted, held captive by the secular magic pertaining to those
who "go down to the sea in ships" and ply their calling in the great
waters, held captive, too, by the mysterious prenatal sympathies which
unite those who come of the same blood, Damaris stayed very still,
sitting child-like upon the bare polished floor, while the wind murmured
through the spreading pines, shading the terrace below, and gently fanned
her throat and temples.
For Faircloth's letter seemed to her very wonderful, alike in its vigour,
its simplicity and--her lips quivered--its revelation of loving.--How he
cared--and how he went on caring!--There were coarse words in it, the
meaning of which she neither knew nor sought to know; but she did not
resent them. The letter indeed would have lost some of its living force,
its convincing reality, had they been omitted. They rang true, to her
ear. And just because they rang true the rest rang blessedly true as
well. She gloried in the whole therefore, breathing through it a larger
air of faith and hope, and confident fortitude. The kindred qualities of
her own heart and intelligence, the flush of her fine enthusiasm, sprang
to meet and join with the fineness of it, its richness of promise and of
good omen.
For a time mind and emotion remained thus in stable and exalted
equilibrium. Then, as enchantment reached its necessary term and her
apprehensions and thought began to work more normally, she badly wanted
someone to speak to. She wanted to bear witness, to testify, to pour
forth both the moving tale and her own sensations, into the ear of some
indulgent and friendly listener. She--she--wanted to tell Colonel
Carteret about it, to enlist his interest, to read him, in part at least,
Darcy Faircloth's letter, and hear his confirmation of the noble spirit
she discerned in it, its poetry, its charm. For the dear man with the
blue eyes would understand, of that she felt confident, understand
fully--and it would set her right with him, if, as she suspected, he was
not somehow quite pleased with her. She caressed the idea, while, so
doing, silence and concealment grew increasingly irksome to her. Oh! she
wanted to speak--and to her father she could not speak.
With that both Damaris' attitude and expression changed, the glory
abruptly departing. She got up off the floor, left the window, and sat
down very soberly, in a red-velvet covered arm-chair, placed before the
flat stone hearth piled with wood ashes.
There truly was the fly in the ointment, the abiding smirch on the
otherwise radiant surface--as she now hailed it--of this strangely moving
fraternal relation. The fact of it did come, and, as she feared, would
inevitably continue to come between her and her father, marring to an
appreciable degree their mutual confidence and sympathy. At Deadham he
had braced himself to deal with the subject in a spirit of rather
magnificent self-abnegation. But the effort had cost him more than she
quite cared to estimate, in lowered pride and moral suffering. It had
told on not only his mental but his physical health. Now that he was in
great measure restored, his humour no longer saturnine, he no longer
remote, sunk in himself and inaccessible, it would be not only
injudicious, but selfish, to the verge of active cruelty, to press the
subject again upon his notice, to propose further concessions, or further
recognition of its existence. She couldn't ask that of him--ten thousand
times no, she couldn't ask it--though not to ask it was to let the breach
in sympathy and confidence widen silently and grow.
So much was sadly clear to her. She unfolded Faircloth's letter and read
it through a second time, in vain hope of discovering some middle way,
some leading. Read it, feeling the first enchantment but all
cross-hatched now and seamed with perplexity and regret. For decent
barriers must stand, he declared, which meant concealment indefinitely
prolonged, the love of brother and sister wasted, starved to the mean
proportions of an occasional furtive letter; sacrificed, with all its
possibilities of present joy and future comfort, to hide the passage of
long-ago wrongdoing in which it had its source.
Her hesitation went a step behind this presently, arguing as to how that
could be sin which produced so gracious a result. It wasn't logical an
evil tree should bear such conspicuously good fruit. Yet conscience and
instinct assured her the tree was indeed evil--a thing of license, of
unruly passion upon which she might not look. Had it not been her first
thought--when Faircloth told her, drifting down the tide-river in the
chill and dark--that he must feel sad, feel angry having been wronged by
the manner of his birth? He had answered "yes," thereby admitting the
inherent evil of the tree of which his existence was the fruit--adding,
"but not often and not for long," since he esteemed the gift of life too
highly to be overnice as to the exact method by which he became possessed
of it. He palliated, therefore, he excused, but he did not deny.
By this time Damaris' mind wheeled in a vicious circle, perpetually
swinging round to the original starting-point. The moral puzzle proved
too complicated for her, the practical one equally hard of solution. She
stood between them, her father and her brother. Their interests
conflicted, as did the duty she owed each; and her heart, her judgment,
her piety were torn two ways at once. Would it always be thus--or would
the pull of one prove conclusively the stronger? Would she be compelled
finally to choose between them? Not that either openly did or ever would
strive to coerce her. Both were honourable, both magnanimous. And, out of
her heart, she desired to serve both justly and equally--only--only--upon
youth the pull of youth is very great.
She put her hands over her eyes, shrinking, frightened. Was it possible
she loved Darcy Faircloth best?
A knocking. Damaris slipped the letter into the pocket of her dress, and
rising crossed the room and opened the door.
Hordle stood in the pale spacious corridor without. He presented Marshall
Wace's card. The gentleman, he said rather huffily, had called, bringing
a message from Mrs. Frayling as Hordle understood, which he requested to
deliver to Miss Damaris in person. He begged her to believe he was in no
hurry. If she was engaged he could perfectly well wait.--He would do so
in the hotel drawing-room, until it was convenient to her to allow him a
few minutes' conversation.
So, for the second time, this young man's intrusion proved by no means
unwelcome, as offering Damaris timely escape. She went down willingly
to receive him. Yesterday he struck her as a pleasant and agreeable
person--and of a type with which she was unacquainted. It would be
interesting to talk to him.--She felt anxious, moreover, to learn what
Henrietta, lovely if not entirely satisfactory Henrietta, could
possibly want.