The night after the unhappy circumstance we have related, in the
bar-room of a Broadway hotel, in New York city, a colonel of volunteers,
moustached and uniformed, and evidently in a very unmilitary condition
of unsteadiness, was entertaining a group of convivial acquaintances,
with bacchanalian exercises and martian gossip.
He had already, with a month's experience at the seat of war, culled the
glories of unfought fields, and was therefore an object of admiration to
his civilian friends, and of envy to several unfledged heroes, whose
maiden swords had as yet only jingled on the pavement of Broadway, or
flashed in the gaslight of saloons. They were yet none the less
conscious of their own importance, these embryo Napoleons, but wore
their shoulder straps with a killing air, and had often, on a sunny
afternoon, stood the fire of bright eyes from innumerable promenading
batteries, with gallantry, to say the least.
And now they stood, like Caesars, amid clouds of smoke, and wielded
their formidable goblets with the ease of veterans, though not always
with a soldierly precision. And why should they not? Their tailors had
made them heroes, every one; and they had never yet once led the van in
a retreat.
"And how's Tim?" asked one of the black-coated hangers-on upon
prospective glory.
"Tim's in hot water," answered the colonel, elevating his chin and elbow
with a gesture more suggestive of Bacchus than of Mars.
"Hot brandy and water would be more like him," said the acknowledged wit
of the party, looking gravely at the sugar in his empty glass, as if
indifferent to the bursts of laughter which rewarded his appropriate
sally.
"I'll tell you about it," said the colonel. "Fill up, boys. Thompson,
take a fresh segar."
Thompson took it, and the boys filled up, while the colonel flung down a
specimen of Uncle Sam's eagle with an emphasis that demonstrated what
he would do for the bird when opportunity offered.
"You see, we had a party of Congressmen in camp, and were cracking some
champagne bottles in the adjutant's tent. We considered it a military
necessity to floor the legislators, you know; but one old senator was
tough as a siege-gun, and wouldn't even wink at his third bottle. So the
corks flew about like minié balls, but never a man but was too good a
soldier to cry 'hold, enough.' As for that old demijohn of a senator, it
seemed he couldn't hold enough, and wouldn't if he could; so we directed
the main battle against him, and opened a masked battery upon him, by
uncovering a bottle of Otard; but he never flinched. It was a game of
_Brag_ all over, and every one kept ordering 'a little more grape.'
Presently, up slaps a mounted aid, galloping like mad, and in tumbles
the sleepy orderly for the officer of the day.
"'That's you, Tim,' says I. But Tim was just then singing the Star
Spangled Banner in a convivial whisper to the tune of the Red, White,
and Blue, and wouldn't be disturbed on no account.
"'Tumble out, Tim,' says I, 'or I'll have you court-martialled and
shot.'
"'In the neck,' says Tim. But he did manage to tumble out, and finished
the last stanzas with a flourish, for the edification of the mounted
aid-de-camp.
"'Where's the officer of the day?' asked the aid, looking suspiciously
at Tim's shaky knees.
"'He stands before you,' replied Tim, steadying himself a little by
affectionately hanging on to the horse's tail.
"'You sir? you're unfit for duty, and I'll report you, sir, at
headquarters,' said the aid, who was a West Pointer, you know, stiff as
a poker in regimentals.
"'Sir!--hic,' replied Tim, with an attempt at offended dignity, the
effect of which was rather spoiled by the accompanying hiccough.
"'Where's the colonel!' asked the aid.
"'Drunk,' says that rascal, Tim, confidentially, with a knowing wink.
"'Where's the adjutant?'
"'Drunk.'
"'Good God, sir, are you all drunk?'
"''Cept the surgeon--he's got the measles.'
"'Orderly, give this dispatch, to the first sober officer you can
find.'
"'It's no use, captain,' says Tim, 'the regiment's drunk--'cept me,
hic!' and Tim lost his balance, and tumbled over the orderly, for you
see the captain put spurs to his horse rather suddenly, and whisked the
friendly tail out of his hands.
"So we were all up before the general the next day, but swore ourselves
clear, all except Tim, who had the circumstantial evidence rather too
strong against him."
"And such are the men in whom the country has placed its trust?"
muttered a grey-headed old gentleman, who, while apparently absorbed in
his newspaper, had been listening to the colonel's narrative.
A young man who had lounged into the room approached the party and
caught the colonel's eye:
"Ah! Searle, how are you? Come up and take a drink."
A further requisition was made upon the bartender, and the company
indulged anew. Searle, although a little pale and nervous, was all life
and gaiety. His coming was a fresh brand on the convivial flame, and
the party, too much exhilarated to be content with pushing one vice to
excess, sallied forth in search of whatever other the great city might
afford. They had not to look far. Folly is at no fault in the metropolis
for food of whatever quality to feed upon; and they were soon
accommodated with excitement to their hearts content at a fashionable
gambling saloon on Broadway. The colonel played with recklessness and
daring that, if he carries it to the battle-field, will wreathe his brow
with laurels; but like many a rash soldier before him, he did not win.
On the contrary, his eagles took flight with a rapidity suggestive of
the old adage that "gold hath wings," and when, long after midnight, he
stood upon the deserted street alone with Philip Searle and his
reflections, he was a sadder and a soberer man.
"Searle, I'm a ruined man."
"You'll fight all the better for it," replied Philip, knocking the ashes
from his segar. "Come, you'll never mend the matter by taking cold here
in the night air; where do you put up? I'll see you home."
"D--n you, you take it easy," said the colonel, bitterly. Philip could
afford to take it easy, for he had most of the colonel's money in his
pocket. In fact, the unhappy votary of Mars was more thoroughly ruined
than his companion was aware of, for when fortune was hitting him
hardest, he had not hesitated to bring into action a reserve of
government funds which had been intrusted to his charge for specific
purposes.
"Searle," said the colonel, after they had walked along silently for a
few minutes, "I was telling you this evening about that vacant
captaincy."
"Yes, you were telling me I shouldn't have it," replied Philip, with an
accent of injured friendship.
"Well, I fancied it out of my power to do anything about it. But"--
"Well, but?"--
"I think I might get it for you, for--for"----
"A consideration?" suggested Philip, interrogatively.
"Well, to be plain with you, let me have five hundred, and you've won
all of that to-night, and I'll get you the captaincy."
"We'll talk about it to-morrow morning," replied Philip.
And in the morning the bargain was concluded; Philip, with the promise
that all should be satisfactorily arranged, started the same day for
Washington, to await the commission so honorably disposed of by the
gallant colonel.