["The Young Ladies of Nottingham have formed a Short-skirt
League."--_Daily Graphic_.]
Ye pretty girls of England,
So famous for your looks,
Whose sense has braved a thousand fads
Of foolish fashion-books,
Your glorious standard launch again
To match another foe,
And refrain
From the train
While the stormy tempests blow,
While the sodden streets are thick with mud,
And the stormy tempests blow!
See how the girls of Nottingham
Inaugurate a League
For skirts five inches from the ground;
They'll walk without fatigue,
No longer plagued with trains to lift
Above the slush or snow;
They'll not sweep
Mud that's deep
While the stormy tempests blow;
Long dresses do the Vestry's work,
While stormy tempests blow.
O pretty girls of Nottingham,
If you could save us men
From our frightful clothing,
How we should love you then!
We'd shorten turned-up trouser,
And widen pointed toe,
Leave off that
Vile silk hat,
When the stormy tempests blow--
Wretched hat that stands not wind or rain
When the stormy tempests blow.
We're fools. Yet, girls of England,
We might inquire of you,
Why wear those capes and sleeves that seem
Quite wide enough for two?
And why revive the _chignons_--
Huge lumps pinned on? You know
You would cry
Should they fly
Where the stormy tempests blow;
For they catch the wind just like balloons,
Where the stormy tempests blow.
* * * * *
FAULTS O' BOTH SIDES.--Ardent Radicals grumbled at the Government
for not holding an Autumn Session. That was a fault of omission. Now
touchy Tories are angry with it for showing too strong a tendency to
what Mr. GLADSTONE once sarcastically called "a policy of examination
and inquiry"--into the case of Evicted Tenants, Poor-Law Relief,
&c. This is a fault of (Royal) Commission. Luckless Government! The
verdict upon it seems to be that it
"Does nothing in particular,
And does it very--_ill_."
* * * * *
NOTICE.--The Twin Fountains of Trafalgar Square regret to inform the
British Public that, although they have performed gratuitously and
continuously for a number of years, they are compelled to retire from
business, as they cannot compete with the State-aided spouting which
takes place in their Square.
* * * * *
A GREAT "TREAT."--Public-house Politics at Election time.
* * * * *
[Illustration: "LE GRAND FRANÇAIS!"
JACQUES BONHOMME (_regarding_ M. DE LESSEPS, _apart_). "BAH! I HAVE
LOST MY MONEY! (_Pause._) ALL THE SAME, I CANNOT DESIRE THAT HE, SO
OLD AND SO DISTINGUISHED, SHOULD SUFFER!!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: GALLANTRY REWARDED.
_Lady_ (_having had a fall at a Brook, and come out the wrong
side,--to Stranger, who has caught her Horse_). "OH, I'M _SO_ MUCH
OBLIGED TO YOU! NOW, DO YOU MIND JUST BRINGING HIM OVER?"]
* * * * *