FAREWELL!
"Natalushka," said the tender and anxious mother, laying her hand on the
girl's head, "you must bestir yourself. If you let grief eat into your
heart like that, you will become ill; and what shall we do then, in a
strange hotel? You must bestir yourself; and put away those sad thoughts
of yours. I can only tell you again and again that it was none of your
doing. It was the act of the Council: how could you help it? And how can
you help it now? My old friend Stefan says it is beyond recall. Come,
Natalushka, you must not blame yourself; it is the Council, not you, who
have done this; and no doubt they think they acted justly."
Natalie did not answer. She sighed slightly. Her eyes were turned toward
the blue waters beyond the Castello dell' Ovo.
"Child," the mother continued, "we must leave Naples."
"Leave Naples!" the girl cried, with a sudden look of alarm; "having
done nothing--having tried nothing?" Then she added, in a lower voice,
"Well, yes, mother, I suppose it is true what they say, that one can do
nothing by remaining. Perhaps--perhaps we ought to go; and yet it is
terrible."
She shivered slightly as she spoke.
"You see, Natalushka," her mother said, determined to distract her
attention somehow, "this is an expensive hotel; we must be thinking of
what money we have left to take us back. We have been here some time;
and it is a costly journey, all the way to England."
"Oh, but not to England--not to England, mother!" Natalie exclaimed,
quickly.
"Why not to England, then?"
"Anywhere else, mother," the daughter pleaded. If you wish it, we will
go away: no doubt General von Zoesch knows best; there is no hope. We
will go away from Naples, mother; and--and you know I shall not be much
of a tax on you. We will live cheaply somewhere; and perhaps I could
help a little by teaching music, as Madame Potecki does. Whenever you
wish it, I am ready to go."
"But why not to England?"
"I cannot tell you, mother."
She rose quickly, and passed into her own room and shut the door.
There she stood for a second or two, irresolute and breathless, like one
who had just escaped into a place of refuge. Then her eyes fell on her
writing desk, which was on a side-table, and open. Slowly, and with a
strange, pained expression about her mouth, she went and sat down, and
took out some writing materials, and absently and mechanically arranged
them before her. Her eyes were tearless, but once or twice she sighed
deeply. After a time she began to write with an unsteady hand:
"My Dearest,--You must let me send you a few lines of farewell; for it
would be hard if, in saying good-bye, one were not permitted to say a
kind word or two that could be remembered afterward. And your heart will
have already told you why it is not for you and me now to look forward
to the happiness that once seemed to lie before us. You know what a
terrible result has followed from my rashness; but then you are
free--that is something; for the rest, perhaps it is less misery to die,
than to live and know that you have caused another's death. You
remember, the night they played _Fidelio_, I told you I should always
try to remain worthy of your love; and how could I keep that promise if
I permitted myself to think of enjoying a happiness that was made
possible at the cost of my father's life? You could not marry a woman so
unnatural, so horrible: a marriage purchased at such a price would be
foredoomed; there would be a guilty consciousness, a life-long remorse.
But why do I speak? Your heart tells you the same thing. There only
remains for us to say good-bye, and to thank God for the gleam of
happiness that shone on us for a little time.
"And you, my dearest of friends, you will send me also a little message,
that I can treasure as a remembrance of bygone days. And you must tell
me also whether what has occurred has deterred you from going farther,
or whether you still remain hoping for better things in the world, and
resolved to do what you can to bring them about. That would be a great
consolation to me, to know that your life still had a noble object. Then
the world would not be quite blank, either for you or for me; you with
your work, I with this poor, kind mother of mine, who needs all the
affection I can give her. Then I hope to hear of you from time to time;
but my mother and myself do not return to England.
"And now what am I to say, being so far away from you, that will sound
pleasant to you, and that you will remember after with kindness? I look
back now over the time since I have known you, and it appears a
beautiful dream--anxious sometimes, and troubled, but always with a
golden future before it that almost bewildered the eyes. And what am I
to say of your goodness, so unvarying and constant; and your
thoughtfulness; and your great unselfishness and outspokenness? When was
there the least misunderstanding between us? I could read your heart
like my own. Only once, you remember, was there a chance of a shadow
coming between us--through my own folly; and yet perhaps it was only
natural for a girl, fancying that everything was going to be smooth and
happy in her life, to look back on what she had said in times of
trouble, and to be afraid of having spoken with too little reserve. But
then you refused to have even the slightest lovers' quarrel; you laughed
away my folly. Do you wonder if I was more than ever glad that I had
given my life into your wise and generous guidance? And it is not now,
when I am speaking to you for the last time, that I can regret having
let you know what my feelings were toward you. Oh, my darling! you must
not imagine, because these words that I am writing are cold and formal,
that my heart beats any the less quickly when I think of you and the
days we were together. I said to you that I loved you; I say to you now
that I love you with my whole heart, and I have no feeling of shame. If
you were here, I would look into your face and repeat it--I think
without a blush; I would kiss you; I would tell you that I honor you;
that I had looked forward to giving you all the trust and affection and
devotion of a wife. That is because I have faith in you; my soul is open
and clear to you; read, and if you can find there anything but
admiration for your nobleness of heart, and earnest hopes for your
happiness, and gratitude to you for all your kindness, then, and not
otherwise, shall I have cause for shame.
"Now I have to send you my last word of good-bye--"
[She had borne up so far; but now she put the pen aside, and bent her
head down on to her hands, and her frame was shaken with her sobbing.
When she resumed, she could scarcely see for the bitter tears that kept
welling her eyes.]
"--and you think, looking at these cold words on the paper, that it was
easy for me to do so. It has not been so easy. I pray God to bless you,
and keep you brave and true and unselfish, and give you happiness in the
success of your work. And I ask a line from you in reply--not sad, but
something that I may look at from time to time, and that will make me
believe you have plenty of interests and hopes in the world, and that
you do not altogether regret that you and I met, and were friends, for a
time.
NATALIE."
This was a strange thing: she took another sheet of paper, and slowly
and with a trembling hand wrote on it these words, "_Your Wife._" That
was all. No doubt it was the signature she had hoped one day to use. She
regarded it long, and earnestly, and sadly, until, indeed, she could not
see it for the tears that rose afresh into her eyes. Then she tore up
the piece of paper hastily, folded her letter and addressed it, without
sealing the envelope, and carried it into the other room.
"Read it mother," she said; and she turned to the window to conceal her
tear-stained face.
The mother opened the letter and glanced at it.
"You forget, child," she said. "I know so little English. Tell me what
it is you have written."
So she was forced to turn; and apparently, as she spoke, she was quite
calm; but there was a darkness underneath her eyes, and there was in her
look something of the worn, sad expression of her mother's face. Briefly
and simply she repeated the substance of the letter, giving no reasons
or justifications. She seemed to take it for granted that her decision
was unavoidable, and would be seen to be so by every one.
"Natalushka," the mother said, looking anxiously at the troubled face,
"do you know what you are about to do? It is an act of expiation for
something you have not committed."
"Could I do otherwise?" she said. "You, mother: would you have me think
of a marriage procured through my father's death? It is too horrible!"
The mother went to her, and took her two hands.
"My poor child, are you to have no happier life than I have had, after
all? When I used to see you, I used to say to myself, 'Ah, my little
Natalushka will never know what has befallen me--she will have a happy
life!' I could see you laughing as you walked in the gardens there. You
looked so pleased, so content, so bright and cheerful. And now you also
are to have a life of disappointment and sad memories--"
"Oh, you must not talk like that, mother," the girl said, hastily, in a
low voice. "Have I not you with me? We shall always be together, shall
we not? And you know we shall not have time for brooding over what is
past; we shall have much to do; we must make a pleasant small home
somewhere. Oh, there are many, many people far worse off in the world
than we are. So you must think of getting away from Naples, mother; and
think of where you would like to live, and where I should be most likely
to be able to earn a little. The years will teach us to
forget--and--and--And now you know why I do not wish to go back to
England."
Her eyes were cast down, but she was forcing herself to speak quite
cheerfully.
"You see, mother, my knowing English is a great advantage. If we were to
go to one of the towns on the Riviera, like Nice or Mentone, where so
many English families are, one might get pupils who would want to learn
English songs as well as Italian and German--"
"Yes, yes, Natalushka; but I am not going to have you slave for me. The
little allowance that my cousins send me will do very well for us two,
though you will not get so fine dresses. Then, you see, Natalushka,
Mentone or Nice would be a dear place to live in."
"Very well, mother," said the girl, with the same apparent cheerfulness,
"I will go down and post my letter, and at the same time get the loan of
a guide book. Then we shall study the maps, and pick out a nice, quiet,
remote little place, where we can live--and forget."
The last two words were uttered to herself as she opened the door and
went out. She sighed a little as she went down the staircase--that was
all; she was thinking of things very far away. She passed into the hall,
and went to the bureau for some postage-stamps. As she stood there, some
one, unperceived, came up to her: it was Calabressa.
"Little daughter," said he, in a trembling voice.
She uttered a slight cry, and shrunk back.
"Little daughter," said he, holding out his hand.
But some strange instinct possessed her. She could not avoid touching
his hand--or the tips of his fingers, rather--for one brief second; then
she turned away from him with an involuntary shudder, and went back
through the hall, her head bent down. Calabressa stood looking after her
for a moment or two, then he turned and left the hotel.
He walked quickly: there were tears running down his face. He looked
neither to the right nor to the left; he was talking in a broken voice
to himself; he repeated again and again, "No, she shall not turn away
from me. She will be sorry for that soon. She will say she should not
have crushed the heart of her old friend Calabressa."
He walked out to Posilipo. Near the villa where he had formerly sought
the representatives of the Council he passed an old woman who was
selling fruit by the roadside. She glanced up at him, and said,
"The door is closed, signore."
"The door must be opened, good mother," said he, scarcely regarding her
as he hurried on.
Arrived in the garden of the villa, his summons brought out to the
entrance of the grotto the Secretary Granaglia, who somewhat impatiently
told him that it was quite impossible that any member of the Council
should see him.
"And no doubt it is about that Lind affair?"
"Indirectly only," Calabressa said. "No, it concerns myself mostly."
"Quite enough time, the Council think, has been given to the Lind
affair. I can tell you, my friend, there are more important matters
stirring. Now, farewell; I am wanted within."
However, by dint of much persuasion, Calabressa got Granaglia to take in
a message to Von Zoesch. And, sure enough, his anticipations were
correct; the good-natured, bluff old soldier made his appearance, and
seemed glad to get a breath of fresh air for a minute or two.
"Well, well, Calabressa, what is it now? Are you not all satisfied? the
young lady with her sweetheart, and all that? You rogue! you guessed
pretty rightly; to tell them the news was no light matter; but by-and-by
she will become reconciled. Her lover is to be envied; she is a
beautiful child, and she has courage. Well, are they not satisfied?"
"I crave your pardon, Excellency, for intruding upon you," Calabressa
said, in a sort of constrained voice. "It is my own affair that brings
me here. I shall not waste your time. Your Excellency, I claim to be
substitute for Ferdinand Lind."
The tall soldier burst out laughing.
"What the devil is the matter with you, Calabressa; have you gone mad?"
For a second Calabressa stood silent; his eyes downcast; his fingers
working nervously with the cap he held in his hands.
"Your Excellency," he said, as if struggling to repress some emotion,
"it is a simple matter. I have been to see the beautiful child you speak
of; I addressed her, in the hall of the hotel; she turned away from me,
shuddering, as if I were a murderer--from me, who loves her more than I
love life. Oh, your Excellency, do not smile at it; it is not a girlish
caprice; she has a noble heart; it is not a little thing that would make
her cruel. I know what she thinks--that I have been the means of
procuring her father's death. Be it so. I will give her father his life
again. Take mine--what do I care?"
"Nonsense, nonsense, my Calabressa. The girl has bewitched you. One must
talk to her. Take your life in exchange for that of Lind? Pooh! We
cannot send good men after bad; you are too valuable to us; whereas he,
if he were released, could be of no more use at all. It is a generous
notion on your part, friend Calabressa, but it is quixotic; moreover,
impossible."
"You forget, Excellency, that I can claim it," said Calabressa, firmly.
"Under Article V. I can claim to be the substitute of Ferdinand Lind.
Your Excellency yourself has not the power to refuse me. I call upon you
to release Lind from the death-penalty: to-morrow I will take his place;
then you can send a message to--to Natalie Berezolyi's daughter, that,
if I have wronged her, I have made amends."
Von Zoesch grew more serious; he eyed Calabressa curiously. The elder
man stood there trembling a little with nervous excitement, but with a
firm look on his face: there was no doubt about his resolve.
"Friend Calabressa," said Von Zoesch, in a kindly way, "it seems as if
you had transferred your old love for Natalie Berezolyi to Natalie's
daughter, only with double intensity; but, you see, we must not allow
you to sacrifice yourself merely because a girl turns her heel on you.
It is not to be thought of. We cannot afford to lose you; besides, it is
monstrous that the innocent should suffer, and the guilty go free--"
"The articles of the Society, your Excellency--"
"That particular article, my Calabressa, was framed with a view to
encourage self-sacrifice and generosity, no doubt, but not with a view,
surely, to any such extreme madness as this. No. The fact is, I had no
time to explain the circumstances of the case to the young lady, or I
could easily have shown her how you were no more involved than herself
in procuring the decree against her father. To-day I cannot; to-morrow I
cannot; the day after to-morrow, I solemnly assure you, I will see her,
and reason with her, and convince her that you have acted throughout as
her best friend only could have done. You are too sensitive, my
Calabressa: ah, is it not the old romance recalled that is making you
so? But this I promise you, that she shall beg your pardon for having
turned away from you."
"Then," said Calabressa, with a little touch of indignant pride, "then
your Excellency imagines that it is my vanity that has been wounded?"
"No; it is your heart. And she will be sorry for having pained a true
friend: is not that as it should be? Why, your proposal, if she agreed
to it, what would be the result? You would stab her with remorse. For
this momentary slight you would say, 'See, I have killed myself. Learn
now that Calabressa loved you.' But that would be very like revenge, my
Calabressa; and you ought not to think of taking revenge on the daughter
of Natalie Berezolyi."
"Your Excellency--"
Calabressa was about to protest: but he was stopped.
"Leave it to me, my friend. The day after to-morrow we shall have more
leisure. Meanwhile, no more thoughts of quixotism. _Addio!_"