But Elizabeth took no notice, she was launched on a veritable torrent of
self-indulgence which she had no will to stem. The pent-up unhappiness
of years gushed out at this moment. All the ambitions, the longings, the
tenderness sternly repressed, the maternal instinct, the lover
instinct, all the frustrations, they were all there, finding despairing
expression as she sobbed. She rocked herself from side to side and
backwards and forwards. She lost her breath with little gasps, but found
it again immediately, and went on crying. She murmured in a kind of
ecstatic anguish: "Oh! oh!--Oh! oh!" And then, "Joan, Joan, Joan!" But
not for an instant did her tears cease.
Ralph heard the sound of sobbing as he passed on his way to bed, and a
quiet, unhappy voice speaking very low, breaking off and then speaking
again. He hesitated a moment, wondering if he should go in, but shook
his head, and sighing, went on to his own room, closing the door
noiselessly after him.
3
Two days later Joan was waiting in the matron's sitting-room at
Alexandra House. Someone had told her that Miss Jackson wished to speak
to her before she went up to her sister. She remembered that Miss
Jackson was Milly's "Old Scout," and smiled in spite of herself.
The door opened and Miss Jackson came in. She held out her hand with an
exaggeratedly bright smile. "Miss Ogden?"