Again we take a leap over a period of time which, to those in the
enjoyment of a life of pleasure and excitement, appears short, but to
the sufferer on a bed of sickness, or the condemned felon, is an age.
They, in whom we are more immediately interested, thought it either
brief or tedious, as it brought good or ill fortune. James Ashly, though
deeply concerned in the distress of his friend, was enabled by the
elasticity of his spirits to preserve that sprightly air, which had in a
manner become habitual. But he had much real cause for joy. The girl who
had long reigned mistress of his heart, had consented to become a bride,
and appointed a day for the wedding. As for Oliver Barton, a heavy cloud
rested on his brow, denoting deep-seated grief. In vain his friend tried
to entertain him, and draw his mind from the melancholy subject on which
it continually brooded; in vain Oliver himself endeavored to carry out
his resolution, and banish all thought of Clara Medford from his mind;
the effort only proved the strength of his affection. But it was not
weakness; he could have trusted himself in her society, conversed with,
worshiped her, and yet kept the secret buried in his breast.
“Oliver,” said uncle Scott one day, bustling into his nephew’s office,
with a huge book under his arm, which looked as though it might have
been bound near the beginning of the seventeenth century, “here is an
old relic of your family, which I think you have never seen—no less
than the family Bible, containing a record of the births, marriages, and
deaths, of the ancestors in whose connexion you have just reason to be
proud.”
This was delivered with all the importance of one communicating a
valuable secret, never doubting that Oliver would feel as lively an
interest as himself.
“It is, in fact,” continued he, “a complete history of the house for
several generations back. The character of the writer is shown in the
chirography much better than in many a prosy biography.”
Oliver expressed much more interest in the “old relic” than he really
felt, from a desire to please an indulgent uncle by humoring his whims.
“Your father,” continued Mr. Scott, spreading the old volume before him,
and looking intently on it, “you will observe, was an only son, with two
sisters, Mary and Catharine Blake. The former died early; here is the
record in his own hand.” Oliver gazed on with awakened attention. “The
latter married Charles Blake.”
“Her name, then, was Catharine Blake,” said Oliver, earnestly.
“Yes,” answered Mr. Scott, “it was; my recollection serves me to recall
an incident in relation to her marriage. It was this; John Medford loved
her devotedly, but she could never return his affection, and finally
bestowed her hand on Charles Blake, who had nothing but spotless worth
and intelligence to recommend him. She left no children, and is long
since dead; but Medford, who always cherished an affection for her,
could never be persuaded of the truth of the report.”
This account was heard by Oliver with breathless attention, and as he
examined the venerable record, a glow of intense joy lit up his face.
Observing this, Mr. Scott proceeded further back into the annals of the
Bartons, and expiated on the events and eras with critical exactness.
But the mind of his nephew was engrossed by what he had already learned,
and he scarcely heard the list of marriages, and intermarriages, deaths,
and births, which his uncle recounted with painful minuteness.
At length he was alone.
“A ray of hope,” exclaimed he, “has already dawned, destined probably to
shed a propitious fight on my path. James was right; the future may yet
have a store of happiness provided for me, too great even to
contemplate.”
* * * * *
A goodly company was assembled in the lofty parlors of Miss Medford’s
residence. The young, the gay, the serious, the frivolous, were there in
indiscriminate profusion; some chatting familiarly on the luxurious
sofas and lounges, others walking or standing beneath the chandelier,
and not a few engaged in unseen, as they thought, flirtations in the
corners. The young and the old of both sexes seemed to enjoy the scene
with a peculiar relish. The flowers sparkled in their vases, under the
rich light of the numerous lamps; the jewels glistened, their owners
smiled, and all was gay, happy, and inspiring.
Among that numerous and fashionable company, James Ashly was the most
joyful of the joyous, the happiest of the happy. His heart had secured
the prize for which it had so long contended—its constant love had been
crowned with success; and in the sweet being leaning on his arm, he felt
he possessed such a treasure as the world could not equal. After a
prolonged courtship, Jane Preston became his bride—and they were now
the admired of all admirers. The small figure and benevolent countenance
of Mr. Scott were not less conspicuous in the crowd of happy faces which
thronged the apartments, whose walls had never witnessed so animated a
scene.
But there was one individual who seemed to have no connexion with any
one present. He sat by himself, and took no part in the conversation of
either the young or old. His countenance bore deep traces of habitual
care and discontent, which, with the wrinkles of age, gave it a sour and
forbidding aspect. Dressed in a blue coat, which might have fitted him
when it was made, but now hung loosely about his form; straight-collared
vest, too long and too loose; and pantaloons of the greatest redundancy
of cloth—he appeared to no advantage, nor did he seem to care. A
nervous uneasiness pervaded his frame, as though contemplating something
beyond the mere pleasure of being present. Sometimes his attention was
attracted by a witty remark, or joyful laugh, but he would turn away his
head, and smile dismally, as though he envied the happy heart from which
it echoed. The name of this person was Sandford. He had been engaged in
business with the deceased Mr. Medford, and was in every respect a
congenial spirit. At his death, Sandford was left executor, and
entrusted with the administration of the will.
The occasion which brought together this various company, and gave it so
lively a tone, was no less than the marriage of the modest and charming
Clara Medford to the handsome and talented Oliver Barton.
The hour approached when the knot was to be tied, and the grave
minister, in his robes, was already present. A bustle was suddenly
perceptible through the rooms as the youthful couple entered, the bride
blushing to the borders of her dress, and the groom, it must be
confessed, paler than usual. The ceremony began with that embarrassment
always attending such occasions; and many a heart palpitated with
mingled emotions of joy and terror under the solemn and impressive voice
of the clergyman. The earnest appeal was made for those who knew of any
impediment “to speak now, or ever after hold their peace.”
“This lady,” said Sandford, in the pause that followed, with the
astonished eyes of every one fixed on him, “this lady, by the present
act, forfeits, according to her uncle’s will, all title to his wealth,
which is to go to one Catharine Blake, or her heirs, if she be not
living. I thought it proper to make this declaration, as the legal
executor of the deceased Mr. Medford. The ceremony may now proceed.”
“And, sir,” said Oliver Barton, “the only surviving heir of Catharine
Blake you will recognize in me.”
A whisper of delight ran through the rooms at this unexpected
_dénouement_; the service proceeded, and in a few moments, tears,
kisses, and confusion announced the silken bands of matrimony had firmly
united two as pure, confiding hearts as ever throbbed in human breast.
And thus the case was doubly gained.
* * * * *
MY AUNT FABBINS’S OLD GARRET.
BY C. P. CRANCH.
I have often wondered whether there ever was in our whole blessed United
States, such a queer place as my Aunt Fabbins’s garret. In all my
migrations from city to city, from house to house, from room to room,
where I was the guest of people who were quite differently constituted
by nature and education from my good aunt, I have thought to myself as I
observed somewhat of the family economy in these various hospitable
abodes, that there could not possibly be in a single one of them a room
whose internal arrangement or disarrangement bore the faintest
resemblance to that queer old garret at my Aunt Fabbins’s. Oh, it was
the queerest of all queer places that the sun ever peeped into or did
not peep into. Language utterly fails to tell how queer it was. I have
sometimes thought I would seriously sit down and describe it at length;
that I would take an inventory of all the queer things it contained, one
by one, with scientific patience and accuracy, and give to the herein
unenlightened world the results of my researches and labors, in the
shape of an article for some antiquarian society, or, perhaps, some
national academy of arts and sciences. Catacombs and tombs, and Egyptian
pyramids, have been thrown open to the gaze of mankind, and the dim
religious light of old cloisters and cathedrals has been invaded by the
prying spirit of utilitarian curiosity and reform; and that which was
hidden and mysterious, hath been everywhere brought into the atmosphere
of vulgar daylight, and Penny Magazines, and Lyceum Lectures—and
science every where is laying his cold clutch upon the shrinking form of
poetic truth; then why should not the secrets of my Aunt Fabbins’s queer
old musty fusty garret be disclosed, and the world be one little wrinkle
the wiser?
Now I do not propose to treat this old garret and its contents
scientifically or chronologically—perhaps I shall treat it hardly
reverentially; and though there was many a monument therein of past
years, and many a hieroglyphic of deep significance were the key only
known, yet I shall modestly decline entering the lists with Champollion
or Mr. Gliddon. Other spirits more peculiarly gifted with powers of
investigation than myself, may, at some future time, visit my aunt’s
house, and if they should be favored by chance, or by friendship, to
enter that dim upper receptacle of the shadows of the past, they may
more fully explore a field which I have scarcely had the courage or
patience to do with completeness and accuracy.
But before I enlighten my readers upon the subject of this old garret
and its arcana, it will be necessary for me to give a glance at one
feature in the domestic economy of my Aunt and Uncle Fabbins.
A worthier and more warm-hearted old couple never lived. For forty years
they had shared the joys and sorrows of life together; they had known
many trials, but these had only bound them more closely to each other,
and to Heaven. They had married early, and brought up a large family,
like good parents and good Christians as they were. In the earlier
period of their wedded state, they had both, through habit and
necessity, managed all their domestic affairs with the strictest
economy. They were perfect patterns of housekeeping and management to
their neighbors. With the extravagant Southerners, among whom they lived
(for my uncle and aunt emigrated from the land of steady habits, old
Massachusetts, soon after their marriage, into a more southern latitude,
for the same reasons, I suppose, which carry so many of our young
couples, nowadays, off to the west); among these Southerners, I say, my
Uncle and Aunt Fabbins were absolute wonders, so different were their
habits from those about them. There was no end, no bound to the wonder
of these people. They could not comprehend how, with their limited
income, they contrived to live so snugly and genteelly. The richest
families among them could not keep their household arrangements from
going “out in the elbows.” In the winter time they never could keep
their parlors warm, or their doors shut. Their windows _would_ rattle;
the wind _would_ blow in, bringing influenza and consumption on its
wings; they _could_ not keep their closets supplied with medicines, or
even always with the necessary eatables of life, but were somehow or
other obliged to borrow of the Fabbins’s. And in summer, they would
leave their windows open to every rain, or their chimneys would tumble
down, or their garden-tools would get lost or broken, or their children
catch the ague and fever, from running about in puddles, or eating green
fruit; and then the whole family establishment and family counsel and
assistance of the Fabbins’s were taxed for the ill-management of these
extravagant and improvident neighbors. If a pump-handle were loose, or
needed oiling, no one could put it to rights like Uncle Fabbins. If a
wheelbarrow or rake were broken, they invariably borrowed of neighbor
Fabbins. If a baby had the croup, the whole family came in a committee
of the whole to wait on the Fabbins’s; Uncle Fabbins must prescribe the
physic, and weigh it out, and Aunt Fabbins must leave her sewing, or her
pickling, or her ironing, and run in to put the child into a warm bath.
If a neighboring housewife wanted a quart of meal, or a loaf of bread,
or a pound of butter, she would not scruple to send at all hours of the
day, or night to draw upon Mrs. Fabbins’s exhaustless store-house.
Everybody knew just where to go when any sudden want or emergency
overtook them. I remember hearing of a man who sent out his servant to
one of his neighbors’ houses, when a thunder storm was coming up, to
give his master’s compliments, and “please wouldn’t he lend him his
_lightning-rod_ for a little while.” I have never heard that my uncle’s
neighbors ever went quite so far in their neighborly feelings as this,
but I do remember hearing my aunt relate one circumstance nearly as
amusing as this. A storm was coming up, and all the windows and doors
were closed—not a sign of any living creature was seen abroad, save a
few lazy cows, who began to think it best to retire to their apartments
in their respective cow-yards. The sky was growing darker and darker;
the wind swept by over trees and dusty roads in fearful gusts; a few
large rain-drops were beginning to fall, and one or two vivid flashes of
lightning had cleft the dark clouds, followed by tremendous claps of
thunder; when a small boy was seen running violently toward my uncle’s
house—a loud knocking was heard—the summons was answered—and the
embassy was not exactly to borrow a lightning-rod, for there were none
in those days, I believe, but, “mother says, please lend her”—“What,
child, is anybody dying?” “No, marm, but mother says, please lend her—a
_nutmeg_!”
“_Parturiunt Montes!_” I said to myself, when I heard it, (it was in my
college days, when I was fond of Latin quotations,) “_et nascitur
ridiculus mus_.”
This is not altogether a digression from my subject. I will come to the
garret presently, after I have patiently conducted my readers up the
preliminary steps. We must always begin at the bottom of the stairs
before we can get to the top; that old garret may be called the flower,
_run to seed_, of all this beautiful economy in the household affairs of
the Fabbins’s.
It was, indeed, a beautiful system of economy. The Fabbins’s homestead
was a little world in itself of ways and means—a microcosm, where, for
years, every thing that was needed stood at hand ready for use, and
every thing had its place. You could not lay your hand upon the merest
bit of broken crockery, or rusty nail, or weather-stained shingle, or
fragment of tangled twine, but it came into service, sooner or later, in
some part of the establishment—at least so my aunt always affirmed.
Honor to these good old folks for their principles and their practice.
If the world—if society at large—if government could but take a lesson
from these humble lights of their little circle, how much poverty, and
crime, and misery, would be avoided, which now runs riot over the world.
But, alas! there is an old adage which will come sneaking into the
corner of my brain, as I continue to trace my way up toward the old
garret—some cynic philosopher must have given it birth; “too much of a
good thing is good for nothing.” Rather harsh, friend philosopher, but
the rough shell may be found to contain a kernel of truth.
And here I am much disposed to fall into some deep reflections, and give
utterance to some very profound remarks, and even go into some winding
digressions about the philosophy of ultraism, and show how there is no
one truth, or good principle, which, if emphasized too strongly and
exclusively, may not result in a falsity and an evil. Virtue may become
vice, truth error, if we persist in riding our favorite hobby forever in
the same way, and on the same road. Let us not dwell forever in the
parts and particles of good, but in the whole. Let us not breathe the
gasses, hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen, or carbonic acid, but _air_.
Having taken my patient reader this long step upward, we come to a
landing and a breathing place on the stairs. Let us have a little more
patience yet, and we shall finally come to the garret. I already, in
fancy, begin to inhale its musty fragrance.
Acting uniformly on this principle of throwing away or destroying
nothing that might, at some future time, be turned to account in some of
the departments of the household economy, my good uncle and aunt had
gradually accumulated around them a little of every thing that was ever
known or thought of in the memorandum-book of a housekeeper. It so
happened that they had gone through several removals from one house to
another, in their forty years of housekeeping, (they always had an
aversion to boarding,) and all their effects from the greatest to the
least, from looking-glasses and bedsteads down to broken saucers and
barrel-hoops, were always taken along with them. Not a scrap of any
kind, were it nothing more than an old newspaper, or a dozen of old
broken corks, was ever suffered to be thrown away.
“Mother,” said my aunt’s youngest daughter, Jemima, once, on the eve of
one of their removals, “I shall throw away these old bits of rusty
iron—they cannot possibly be of any use to us; they have been lying in
this corner for years, and the spiders have made a grand nest among
them.”
“You shan’t throw them away, child!” said my aunt, “they’ll all come
into use. Waste not, want not, my dear. When you live to be as old as I
am, you will be cured of these extravagant whims.”
“But, mother, what use can possibly be made of them?” said Jemima.
“Use enough, my dear,” said my aunt. “Stop up rat holes, made into
hinges—plenty of use for them; at any rate the blacksmith will buy
them—any thing rather than throw them away.”
“But, mother, these bits of broken window-glass, and these old cracked
cups, and that worn-out old coffee-mill, without a tooth in its head,
and—”
“You _shan’t_ throw them away, child, I tell you—I shall find some use
for them if you don’t.”
“But, mother, those old boots of Frank’s, that are all out at the toes,
and down at the heels, and no soles to them, and all mouldy and green—”
“I tell you, child, you shan’t.” Just then in bustled Uncle Fabbins,
with three barrel-staves under one arm, on which hung a basket of old,
dry blacking bottles, and extending the other at full length, at the
extremity of which appeared four worn-out, dirty tooth-brushes, of
various patterns and ages.
“See here,” he exclaimed, “I guess this is some of your doings,
Jemima—when will you learn to be economical. Here I found all these
lying on the ground, where, to all appearance, they had been thrown from
the windows. Waste not, want not, my child. Why can’t you take a lesson
of good housekeeping from your mother.”
“But, father,” said Jemima, hardly restraining her mirth, “what on earth
can you do with those old tooth-brushes?”
“Do with them?—clean your lamps with them—rub your brasses—keep a
great many of your things bright and clean. Do with them? I think _I_
could find use enough for them.”
And with that he carefully wrapped up the much abused instruments of
cleanliness in a piece of brown paper, which he carefully drew from his
pocket, and as carefully unfolded, and placed them in a corner of his
basket, along with the quondam receptacles of Day and Martin.
And thus it went on for years—this gradual accumulation; and as the
sons and daughters grew up into more independence of thought and habit,
it became not unfrequently, especially at the spring or fall
house-cleaning, a bone—no, not exactly a bone, but a sort of
_ossification_ of contention between parents and offspring. But the old
folks had their way, and by following out steadfastly their principles
of economy, even inoculated the younger branches of the family tree to
some extent with their peculiarities in this respect.
As long ago as my first acquaintance in my Aunt Fabbins’s family, I
remember these heaps and accretions of useless rubbish. I remember how
they excited my boyish curiosity and imagination. Visions of dark
closets piled to the very ceiling with all the nameless odds and ends in
the annals of housekeeping, are even now hovering before me. There were
strata and substrata—primary, secondary, and tertiary formations. There
were shelves, and boxes, and old chests, and barrels of things which
seemed as if they never had a name, much less a use—things that seemed
as if they must have dropped out of the moon, or might have once
belonged to some inhabitant of the planet Saturn, who had come to take
lodgings on our earth, and had forgotten to take away all his old traps.
Every closet, nook and corner of the house was filled with these antique
remnants. For years the process of accumulation had gone on, silently,
and almost invisibly, like the formation of stalactites in a cave. And
whenever it became absolutely necessary that a portion of the rubbish
should be removed—do not for a moment suppose that it was thrown into
the street, or sold at auction, or even given to the poor, (although my
Aunt Fabbins was charity herself to all who were in want,) but every
thing was taken from below stairs, and transferred to the garret. This
was the great receptacle of all fragments—this was the final
resting-place—the charnel-house, or say rather kingdom of the dead,
where the ghosts of the departed dumb servants of the household at last
congregated in peaceful and undisturbed repose. And now we have reached
this dim land of shadows at length, not as the ancients did, by
descending, but by ascending—to the very top of the house, we may draw
forth our key and unlock the sacred door, and enter, reverently if we
can—we have reached
MY AUNT FABBINS’S GARRET.
But, ah! how can I describe it, when I have no other light but memory to
enable me to grope through it? Yet will I endeavor, as well as I can, to
throw a little light upon this dark, silent abode of mysteries.
We open the door, then. A strong odor,—compounded of various
ingredients, the chief of which seem to be salt fish, bacon, grease,
dried herbs and old leather,—assails our olfactories;—“A most ancient
and fish-like smell, a sort of, not the newest, poorjohn.” We enter a
dark apartment, with a low ceiling, the greater part of it sloping with
the roof, and very much stained by the rains which have leaked through.
A dim light beams through a single window, the panes of which are very
dusty and cracked. We will seat ourselves on a couple of old
candle-boxes, and commence our inventory of the contents in all due
form, as well as the light of memory and the dim window-glass will
permit.
Item. A pair of old buckskin breeches hanging on the wall, which once
adorned the legs of my Uncle Fabbins himself, some forty-five years ago.
Alas! where are the buff waistcoat, the sky-blue coat, the
buckled-shoes, the three-cornered hat, and the long cane that used to
accompany this affecting relic of the past? And could Echo speak, in an
apartment so crowded as this, she would answer, as she does to the
poets—where?
Item, secondly. An old sword—also hanging against the wall. We will
take it down—we will draw it from its rusty scabbard. What! can that be
blood upon its blade? Ah, no! nothing but spots of rust—and the blade
is duller than my uncle’s dullest hoe. It was never sharpened for the
battle—it is guiltless of ever shedding a drop of blood—it never was
used but in piping times of peace, by my uncle’s eldest son Ebenezer,
when he belonged to a company of cavalry. It will never again see a
training day—it will remain in its corner till my uncle and aunt’s
effects descend to their children.
Item, thirdly. A barrel of old business letters, receipted bills, leaves
torn out of Latin grammars and books of arithmetic; old newspapers, that
were fresh once—in the days of the Revolution—but are now so stale and
fusty that the very rats turn from them with disgust. “All this old
paper will come into use, yet,” says my Aunt Fabbins.
Item, fourthly. But I see plainly that at this rate we shall never get
through—we must take the garret _en masse_, and present a rough sketch
of the whole.
Picture, then, to yourself a medley somewhat like what follows; to wit:
old broken bedsteads, and worn-out sacking; a battered warming-pan; a
copper kettle, with a great hole in the bottom; a quantity of old
bottles and phials, pots of paint dried up as hard as granite, old
stumps of paint brushes, shreds of canvas, broken casts and an easel,
once the property of a poor painter who once was a boarder in my uncle’s
house; pine-boards and scraps of mahogany furniture, of every shape and
size—old rags—old mouldy boots and shoes—old picture-frames; bits of
window-glass and looking-glass; old rusty keys, old coffee-mills—and
great iron wheels that seem as incomprehensible as those of Ezekiel; old
greasy boxes, with something old and mysterious in every one of
them—battered old trunks, without tops to them; quantities of empty
bottles, and one or two forsaken demijohns, (my uncle and aunt have
joined the Temperance Society;) great heaps of rusty iron—saws without
handles or teeth; locks without keys or springs; scraps of bell-wire;
bells without tongues; doll-babies without heads or legs; broken-down
chairs and tables; knives and forks without handles, broken pitchers,
bags of dried sage, antiquated andirons, fire-shovels, tongs, fenders
and battered fire-boards, and—but I can remember no more—the rest the
reader may fill out _ad libitum_. My recording muse halts, and hastens
out to take a whiff of fresh air, and refresh her soul with something
green and living—something that belongs to the present rather than to
the past. We will leave this museum of antiquities, though we have not
half described it, and transport ourselves to my aunt’s snug little
breakfast parlor, on the first floor. Time—about a year ago, one fine
spring morning, after breakfast. Present—Aunt Fabbins, Uncle Fabbins,
the five Miss Fabbinses, and the three Mr. Fabbinses, my cousins, myself
and the cat. The ladies were washing up the breakfast things and putting
the room in order, my uncle was reading the paper, and the three sons
and myself—contemplating the rest of the party; when the following
conversation arose.
“I wish,” said Jemima, partly to herself, and partly that her father and
mother might hear—“I wish, upon my soul, that something would happen
which would clear this house of some of its rubbish. I can’t find room
for these books on the shelf, for the old newspapers have taken complete
possession. I am obliged to convert the top of my piano into a
book-shelf—and I don’t think I shall submit to it. There is no room for
half the things that are in the house. I have half a mind, I declare, to
turn some of these piles of trash into the street.”
“Those are just my sentiments, Jemima,” said doctor Peter, the youngest
son—“I’ll help you, Jemima—just go ahead, and I’ll second you. The
fact is, I’ve long been of the opinion that the whole house, from top to
bottom, needs a thorough treatment. It is as full as a boa constrictor
that has swallowed a calf—it will tumble down with its own weight, one
of these days, and die of repletion. It needs blood-letting. Confound
me, if I can find an inch of room for my chemical experiments.”
“Yes,” said Susan, “and all my beautiful plants I am obliged to keep out
of doors, exposed to the night frosts, to make room for that old desk of
father’s, which is filled with empty ink-bottles and pamphlets and
sermons half a century old, that nobody, not even he, ever thinks of
reading. It would be such a nice little corner for my flowers.”
“In my opinion,” said Frank, “I really think a fire would do the house
good.”
“What!” said my aunt, in a tone of horror.
“I mean,” said Frank, “if the old house caught fire, and burned—a
little—I don’t mean much—but just a little, it would greatly purify
us. We should have room to breathe—and I should have room for my gun
and dogs and fishing-tackle. I really should laugh to see the old garret
go.”
“My child,” said my aunt, solemnly, “you speak like a fool. When you get
to be as old as your father and mother, you will alter your tone. Will
my children _ever_ learn economy?”
My uncle here looked up over his spectacles, solemnly at Frank, and
approvingly at his wife, but said nothing, and went on reading the
paper.
The rest of my cousins said little, and rather took sides with their
parents. The fact was, they were growing old and conservative.
Ebenezer thought the house was very well as it was; and he for one did
not wish to see any thing cleared out—unless, indeed, it were in some
places, where he needed a closet or two for his bugs and butterflies and
geological specimens.
But my good aunt still persisted in maintaining that there was nothing
in the whole house that could be spared, and that sooner or later every
thing would come into use.
Such little altercations as this not unfrequently arose in the Fabbins
family circle; but I have not yet heard that they have resulted in any
change or reform in the administration of the internal affairs.
O, Spirit of Conservatism! I have seen thee in the first green buds of
thy spring time and thy youth, when thou wast a necessary and wholesome
plant, in commonwealths as in families;—I have beheld thee again
bursting into bloom, when thou wast still a beautiful and fragrant
flower, smiling serenely and lovingly in thy green shady nooks, a
blessing and a protecting angel, when the weeds of fanaticism and
anarchy would spread a poisonous blight over the fairest and most
venerable things of life;—but again, and too often, have I seen thee,
when thy blossoms have shriveled up and fallen to the earth, and thy
stalk was flowerless and leafless, and covered with nothing but dry
seed-dust, with bugs and with cobwebs—keeping thy place in the garden
merely because thou wast _once_ beautiful, but now an unsightly cumberer
of the ground, a brother to the meanest weeds and stubble of the field!
But such high-flown conceits as this I have just uttered, never entered
the brains of my Uncle and Aunt Fabbins, and least of all would they see
that it had any thing whatever to do with their house and its
arrangements. But, good reader, if thou wilt look into it, thou mayest
find a deeper significance in this family picture than at first meets
the eye. The most homely and common things often cover a moral which is
grounded in the very heart of universal and primal truth. If thou
readest not merely to laugh, but to think, this little sketch may guide
thee into the light of spiritual facts of infinite value; may teach thee
the great lesson which in our age all must learn—to separate the spirit
from the letter, the substance from the form—and to see that the best
principle, carried to extremes and pursued with exclusive rigor, will,
in its latter end, so differ from its beginning, that men will say, “I
know it not; this is not the friend of my youth.” And if a straw like
this I throw into the stream, may show thee how the current sets, I
shall have done something more beside the attempt to amuse thee.
* * * * *
A PRAYER.
BY J. B.
Thou source of wisdom and of power,
Thou God supreme, who from thy throne,
On mankind dost thy blessings shower,
Knowing all things, thyself unknown;
Content to show thy heavenly care,
(Oh bold presumption let me shun,)
And be this still my only prayer,
Thy will be done.
I feel I’m weak, I know I’m blind,
And evil prone to ask for good,
Enlighten thou my darkened mind,
My faith in thee be still renewed;
Teach me, just God, to trust in thee,
(Oh bold presumption let me shun,)
A mortal’s prayer should only be
Thy will be done.
Thou wilt not change thy just decrees,
Always, eternal God, the same,
If with thy will my prayer agrees,
I need not then implore thy name;
But should my heart with folly pray,
(O bold presumption let me shun,)
Kind Father teach my soul to say
Thy will be done.
* * * * *
GAME-BIRDS OF AMERICA.—NO. V.
[Illustration]
CANVAS-BACKED DUCK. (_Anas Valisineria._)
According to Richardson, this bird breeds in all parts of the remote fur
countries, from the 50th parallel to their most northern limits,
associating much at this time with the ordinary tribe of ducks. It
arrives in the United States, from the north, about the middle of
October. The greater number of them congregate about the waters of the
Chesapeake Bay, and the Susquehanna, Patapsco, Potomac, and James
rivers. Some of them descend only to the Hudson and the Delaware, while
others are found in the sounds and bays of North Carolina, and in most
of the southern waters to the coast of the Gulf of Mexico. They feed
upon a plant said to be a species of _valisineria_, which grows on
fresh-water shoals of from seven to nine feet, in long, narrow,
grass-like blades, four or five feet in length; the root white, somewhat
resembling small celery. Wherever there is an abundance of this plant
the Canvas-backs resort, either to make an occasional visit, or to take
up their regular residence for the winter. The great abundance of this
food in the waters of the Chesapeake, make those killed in that region
to be most esteemed by epicures, possessing as they do, in a
super-eminent degree, the rich, juicy tenderness of flesh, and delicacy
of flavor which places the Canvas-back at the head of the whole family
of ducks.
Wilson, who is quite enthusiastic in his account of this species of
duck, describes its size and plumage as follows: The Canvas-back is two
feet long, and three feet in extent, and when in good order, weighs
three pounds; the bill is large, rising high in the head, three inches
in length, and one inch and three-eighths thick at the base, of a
glossy-black; eye very small; irides, dark-red; cheeks, and forepart of
the head, blackish-brown; rest of the head, and greater part of the
neck, bright, glossy, reddish-chestnut, ending in a broad space of
black, that covers the upper part of the breast, and spreads around to
the back; back, scapulars, and tertials, white, faintly marked with an
infinite number of transversely waving lines or points, as if done with
a pencil; whole lower parts of the breast, also the belly, white,
slightly penciled in the same manner, scarcely perceptible on the
breast, pretty thick toward the vent; wing coverts, grey, with numerous
specks of blackish; primaries and secondaries, pale slate, two or three
of the latter of which, nearest the body, are finally edged with a deep,
velvety-black, the former dusky at the tips; tail very short, pointed,
consisting of fourteen feathers, of a hoary-brown; vent and tail
coverts, black; lining of the wing, white; legs and feet, very pale ash,
the latter three inches in width, a circumstance which partly accounts
for its great powers of swimming. The female is somewhat less than the
male, and weighs two pounds and three-quarters; the crown is
blackish-brown; cheeks and throat of a pale drab; neck, dull brown;
breast, as far as the black extends in the male, dull brown, skirted in
places with pale drab; beak, dusky white, crossed with fine waving
lines; belly, of the same dull white, penciled like the back; wings,
feet, and bill, as in the male; tail coverts, dusky; vent, white, waved
with brown. The windpipe of the male has a large, flattish, concave
labyrinth, the ridge of which is covered with a thin transparent
membrane, where the trachea enters this it is very narrow, but
immediately above swells to three times that diameter.
Considerable skill is required to enable the sportsman to get within
gun-shot of his favorite game. Not only are they extremely shy, but they
possess such speed and agility in swimming and diving, as to render
pursuit hopeless, when they are only wing-tipped by a shot. One of the
most common ways of bringing them to within the range of a gun is by
_tolling_. The gunner having affixed a red handkerchief, or other
attractive object, to the back of a well trained dog, secrets himself on
the bank, and the dog plays backward and forward on the margin of the
stream. Impelled by curiosity, the ducks approach the shore, and the
gunner shoots at them on the water, and as they rise. In very cold
weather it is customary to make holes in the ice, directly above their
favorite grass, and within gunshot of a hut, or place of concealment for
the hunter, on the bank. Distressed by want of food, the game
congregates about these openings, and falls a prey to its enemy.
The most effectual way of bagging the Canvas-back, however, is by
shooting it at night. The position of a flock having been previously
marked, the sportsman takes to his skiff by moonlight, and by taking
advantage of the shadow of the woody bank or cliff, paddles silently to
within fifteen or twenty yards of a flock of a thousand, among whom he
makes great slaughter. Killing them by night, however, soon causes them
to abandon the place where they have been thus shot at. By continuing
the bait for several days in succession, they may be decoyed to
particular places, by seeds and grain, especially wheat.
In connection with the Canvas-back, we may notice the Pochard, or
Red-Headed Duck, his near relative, and constant associate. Feeding upon
the same kind of food, they become almost equal in size and flavor to
the Canvas-back, and are, in fact, very frequently sold and eaten for
the same. The sportsman, of course, cannot be deceived as to the real
Canvas-back, yet it may not be superfluous to describe the plumage of
the Pochard, that others may be enabled to detect this imposition.
The Red-head is twenty inches in length, and two feet six inches in
extent; bill, dark slate, sometimes black, two inches long, and
seven-eighths of an inch thick at the base, furnished with a large,
broad nail at the extremity; irides, flame coloured; plumage of the
head, long, velvety, and inflated, running high above the base of the
bill; head, and about two inches of the neck, deep, glossy,
reddish-chestnut; rest of the neck, and upper part of the breast, black,
spreading round to the back; belly, white, becoming dusky toward the
vent by closely marked, undulating lines of black; back and scapulars,
bluish-white, rendered gray by numerous transverse, waving lines of
black; lesser wing-coverts, brownish-ash; wing quills, very pale slate,
dusky at the tips; lower part of the back and sides, under the wings,
brownish black, crossed with regular zigzag lines of whitish; vent,
rump, tail, and tail-coverts, black; legs and feet, dark ash.
Among epicures, the Pochard is ranked next to the Canvas-back. It is
sometimes met with in the waters of North and South Carolina, and also
in Jersey and New York, but always in fresh water, near the sea; in the
waters of the Chesapeake it is most numerous. It is abundant in Russia,
in Denmark, in the north of Germany, in England, Holland, France, and
Italy. Their walk is awkward and difficult; their cry resembles the
hollow hiss of a serpent; and their flight different, and more rapid,
than that of the common wild duck; and the noise of their wings is
different. In the London markets these ducks are sold under the name of
Dun birds, and are deservedly esteemed. In England they are principally
taken in decoys after the following manner. A pond is prepared for the
Pochards, as well as for the others, and a situation is chosen which
shall possess, in the most eminent degree, the three attractions of
cover, quietness, and proximity to the feeding-ground. It is technically
called a flight-pond, because the birds are captured when they are first
on the wing; and the nets by which this is effected, are so placed as
that they may act to windward of the birds—as ducks always fly to
windward when they take the wing. The net is kept ready extended on the
tops of the reeds, or other cover, upon poles, which, by means of a
counterpoise at the bottom, can be easily erected, upon withdrawing the
pins by which they are held down; when this is done, the poles rise and
elevate the net to the height of about thirty feet; and this takes place
just as the birds are alarmed and made to take the wing. They strike
against the net, are thrown off their balance, and are thrown on the
ground, which, all under the net, is formed into little pens or traps,
into which the birds fall, and are unable again to take the wing. The
numbers caught in this way, at one skillful application of the net, are
often perfectly astonishing; and they tumble into the pens, one over the
other, till the lower ones are killed, and sometimes pressed nearly flat
with the burden of their companions. It is mentioned that, on some parts
of the Essex coast, a wagon load of Pochards has been taken at one drop
of the net.
The market of Philadelphia is very plentifully supplied both with
Canvas-backs and Red-heads during the latter part of autumn and the
winter. The price of the former varies from a dollar and a quarter per
brace to three dollars. The latter seldom bring more than one dollar.
All the hotels of note treat their guests frequently to Canvas-backs
during the season; and private parties, where luxury is specially
consulted, generally have the entertainment graced by a course of this
highly valued game. European epicures have long envied the Americans the
possession of this splendid bird; but lately the rapid intercourse by
steamers between this country has enabled the _bon vivant_ of London and
Paris to enjoy the envied American luxury at home. Queen Victoria, we
are informed, has tasted Canvas-backs at her own board.
[Illustration]
HARLEQUIN DUCK. (_Clangula Histrionica._)
The sub-genus, Clangula, embraces several species of ducks, small in
size, but very active. They are found most abundantly in the northern
parts of our continent, only appearing in the Middle States of the Union
when they are driven from their habitations by the ice. The general
characters of the sub-genus present a short and narrow bill; the
feathers on the scapulars produced, pointed and apart from each other;
the third quills passing over the primaries in the closed wing.
The first species which presents itself to our notice is the common
Golden Eye, known to many of our gunners by the name of the Brass-Eyed
Whistlers. The latter name it derives from the noisy whistling of its
short wings, as it rises when flushed. It does not appear to possess any
audible voice, and never utters a cry, or a quack, when disturbed. Easy
of approach, they are nevertheless exceedingly difficult to kill, as
they dive with such dexterity at the flash of a gun, or the twang of a
bow, as to set at defiance the Aborigines, who have ascribed to them
supernatural powers, and named them the Conjuring, or Spirit Duck. The
Golden Eye has been the subject of much diversity of opinion among
naturalists, and we therefore the more readily give place to Wilson’s
accurate description of his plumage. The Golden Eye is nineteen inches
long, and twenty-nine inches in extent, and weighs, on an average, about
two pounds; the bill is black, short, rising considerably up in the
forehead; the plumage of the head, and part of the neck, is somewhat
humid, and of a dark green, with violet reflections, marked near the
corner of the mouth with an oval spot of white; the irides are
golden-yellow; rest of the neck, breast, and whole lower parts, white,
except the flanks, which are dusky; back and wings, black; over the
latter, a broad bed of white extends from the middle of the lesser
coverts to the extremity of the secondaries; the exterior scapulars are
also white; tail, hoary brown; tail-coverts, black; legs and toes,
reddish-orange, webs very large, and of a dark purplish-brown; hind toe,
and exterior edge of the inner one, broadly finned; sides of the bill,
obliquely dentated; tongue covered above with a fine, thick, velvety
down, of a whitish color. The full plumaged female is seventeen inches
in length, and twenty seven inches in extent; bill, brown, orange near
the tip; head, and part of the neck, brown, or very dark drab, bounded
below by a ring of white, below that the neck is ash, tipped with white;
rest of the lower part, white; wings dusky, six of the secondaries and
their greater coverts, pure white, except the tips of the last, which
are touched with dusky spots; rest of the wing coverts sinereous, mixed
with whitish; back and scapulars, dusky, tipped with brown; feet, dull
orange; across the vent a band of sinereous; tongue, covered with the
same velvety down as the male. The young birds of the first season very
much resemble the females, but may generally be distinguished by the
white spot, or at least its rudiments, which marks the corner of the
mouth, yet in some cases even this is variable, both old and young male
birds occasionally wanting the spot.
Its flesh is well flavored, and it is equally common, in the winter
season, in all the coasts of the United States. It is essentially a
water bird, and walks with extreme difficulty. The birds known in the
Carolinas by the name of Dippers, and in Pennsylvania and New Jersey by
the appellation of Butter Box, belong to the Clangula, and are known by
the specific name of Spirit Ducks, which they have acquired by
successful evasions of the bullet and the arrow. They are even more
difficult to bag than the Golden Eye, for when wounded with shot, they
conceal themselves with great art beneath the water, remaining submerged
to the bill until they fall into the jaws of a hungry pike, or are
abandoned by the disappointed sportsman.
Of all the Clangulas, however, the most rare and most valued is the
beautiful species whose representation we have given above. It is not
unfrequently found off the coasts of New England, where the elegant
crescents and circles of white which ornament its neck and breast have
gained for it the proud title of The Lord, and, on the shores of
Hudson’s Bay, the Painted Duck. It swims and dives well, has a whistling
note, flies swift and to a great height, but always takes to the water
on the report of a gun, as its most secure and natural element. Its
flesh is extremely good, far superior, as game, to the Wild Duck.
* * * * *
SINGLETON SNIPPE.
WHO MARRIED FOR A LIVING.
BY JOSEPH C. NEAL.
[Illustration]
“Used to be—”
We have, as a general rule, an aversion to this species of qualifying
phraseology, in which so many are prone to indulge. It seems to argue a
disposition like to that of Iago, who “was nothing if not critical;” and
it indicates a tendency to spy out flaws and to look after defect—a
disposition and a tendency at war, we think, with that rational scheme
of happiness which derives its comfort from the reflection of the sunny
side of things. “It was”—“she has been”—“he used to be”—and so forth,
as if all merit were a reminiscence—if not past, at least passing away.
Is that a pleasure? Would it not be quite as well to applaud the present
aspect, and to be satisfied with the existing circumstance, instead of
murmuring over the fact that once it was brighter?
But yet there is a difference—
Yes—decidedly—the matter here is beyond the possibility of a dispute.
There is a difference—lamentable enough you may term it, between the
Singleton Snippe that was, and the Singleton Snippe that is.
The Singleton Snippe that was, is not now an existence; and the
probabilities are that he never will be again. Nothing is stable in this
world but instability; and the livery-stable of to-day is converted into
something else on the morrow, never more to be a stable, unstable
stable. And so with men as well as with horses—for this perpetual
revolution of human affairs goeth not backwards, except when the rope
breaks on an inclined plane, making it a down-hill sort of a business.
Snippe is on the down-hill—rather.
The Singleton Snippe that is, stands picturesquely and pictorially
before you—patiently, as it were, and on a monument.
And now, was there ever—we ask the question of those who remember
Snippe in his primitive and natural state—was there ever a merrier
fellow than the said Singleton Snippe, in the original, if we may term
it so—before the said Singleton was translated into his present
condition, and became tamed down from his erratic, independent
eccentricities to the patient tolerance of the band-box and the bundle?
Who, thus remembering and thus contrasting Singleton Snippe as he was,
with the Singleton Snippe as he is now portrayed, could possibly believe
that there are processes in life—chemistries and alchemies—which could
bring the man of to-day so diametrically opposite to the same man of
yesterday; and cause the Singleton Snippe of the past to differ with
such strangeness from the Singleton Snippe of the current era? Two
Snippes, as plain as may be; but legally and responsibly the same
Snippe. There was Snippe the bold—Snippe the reckless—Snippe the gay
and hilarious—scoffing, joking, jeering Snippe—Snippe that was always
on hand for mischief or for fun—Snippe, with the cigar in his mouth, or
the champagne glass in his grasp—yes, that very Snippe whom you have so
often heard in the street, disturbing slumber by the loud and musical
avowal of his deliberate determination not to “go home till morning,” as
if it would, barring the advantage of the daylight, be any easier to him
then, and whose existence was ever a scene of uproar and jollity, except
in the repentant intervals of headache and exhaustion. And then, besides
his ornamental purposes, he was such a useful member of society, this
Singleton Snippe, in the consumption of the good things of this life at
the restaurants and in the oyster saloons.
Was not that a Snippe—something like a Snippe?
But, alas for Snippe, the last representative of the illustrious firm of
“Tom & Jerry.” Who is there now—now that Snippe is withdrawn as a
partner from the establishment—to maintain the credit of the house?
Snippe is snubbed—snubbed is Snippe. Well, well, well—let the
watchmen—sweet voices of the night—rejoice in their boxes, if they
will, over their pine kindlings, and their hot sheet-iron
stoves—rejoice in their cosy slumbers, that the original Snippe no
longer molests their ancient, solitary reign, by uncouth noises,
preliminary, symphonious, and symptomatic to a row. And let the
cabmen—want a cab, sir?—be merry, too, with rein in hand, or reclining
against the friendly wall, that they are no more to be victimized by the
practical jocularities of the school of Singleton Snippe. What relish
have they for the gracefulnesses of existence—its little playful
embellishments, that bead and dimple the dull surface of the pond into
the varieties of playful fantasy.
Such as these would describe a boy of the superlative order of merit, as
“one that goes straight home and never stops to play on the road;” and
we all know that Singleton Snippe never went straight home in the whole
course of his experience.
Home!
Home, it should be understood, so much vaunted by the poets, and so
greatly delighted in by the antipodes to Snippe, is regarded in quite a
different light—humdrummish—by the disciples of Snippeism. Home,
according to them, is not so much a spot to retire to, as a place to
escape from—a centre of rendezvous, no doubt, with the washerwoman, the
bootblack, and other indispensable people of that sort. Snippe’s new
clothes were always sent home; and long bills, provocative of long
faces, were apt to follow them with the certainty of cause and effect.
But to stay at home himself—what—Snippe?—He stay at home? He was
called for occasionally at that point—his breakfast was taken there,
when any degree of appetite remained from the preceding night; and a
note would eventually reach its destination if left for him there. But
it required a very unusual conjunction of circumstances to find
Singleton Snippe at home more frequently than could be helped. Home, in
Snippe’s estimation, was the embodiment of a yawn—he never heard of it
without the most extended of gapes. He could not speak of it without
opening his mouth to the extent of its volume; and Snippe’s mouth is not
a diamond edition, but rather an octavo, if not rising to the dignity of
a quarto, at least when he is drinking. “Home!” said he; “home’s a bore.
What fun is there at home, except dozing over the fire, or snoring on a
sofa?”
Home, indeed!—Talk to Snippe about staying at home, if you would risk a
home-icide. To be sure, when too ill to run about, Singleton Snippe
remained unwillingly at home, as if it were a hospital; and he staid at
home once for the space of an evening, merely to try the experiment,
when he was in health; but before he went to bed, Snippe had thoughts of
sending for the Coroner, to sit upon his body, but changed his mind and
brewed a jorum of punch, which, after he had shod the cat with walnut
shells, somewhat reconciled him to the monotone of domestic enjoyment.
But Snippe never stayed at home again, not he. Home is where the heart
is; and Snippe’s heart was a traveler—a locomotive heart,
perambulating; and it had no tendencies toward circumscription and
confine. That put him out of heart altogether.
Wherever any thing was going on—“a fight or a foot-race,” according to
popular phraseology, which thus distinguishes the desirable in the shape
of spectacular entertainment—there was Snippe, with his hat set
knowingly on one side, to indicate that if others felt out of their
element on the occasion, he, Snippe, was perfectly at home under all
circumstances—the more at home, the more singular the occasion, and the
more strange the circumstance; and his hat was the more knowingly set on
to indicate the extent of his superiority to vulgar prejudices. It was
the hat of a practical philosopher—of a thorough bred man of the world,
who could extract sport from any thing, and who did not care, so that
the occurrence afforded excitement, whether other people thought it
reprehensible or not. Yes, yes—there is much in a hat—talk of your
physiognomy and your phrenology—what are they as indications of
character, feeling, and disposition, compared to the “set” of one’s
beaver? Look at courage, will you, with its hat drawn resolutely down
upon its determined brow. Dare you dispute the way with such a hat as
that? The meek one and the lowly, with his hat placed timidly on the
back of his head, does not every bully practice imposition there? Hats
turned up behind, indicate a scornful indifference to public opinion in
all its phases—say what you will, who cares? While the hat turned up
before, has in it a generous confidence, free from suspicion of
contempt. Nay, more—when science has made a further progress, why
should not the expression of the hat afford knowledge of the passing
mood of mind in its wearer, the hat shifting and changing in position as
the brain beneath forms new combinations of thought? Let the shop-boy
answer; does he not discover at a glance, from the style in which his
master wears his hat at the moment, whether he, the subordinate, is to
be greeted with scoldings and reproaches, or with commendations and
applause? Does not the hat paternal forbode the sunshine or the storm;
and as the pedagogue approaches school, where is the trembling truant
who does not discern “the morn’s disaster” from the cocking of that
awful hat? There cannot be a doubt of it. The science of the hat yet
remains to be developed; and deep down in the realms of ignorance are
they who have not reflected yet upon the clue afforded by the hat to
what is passing in the soul of him who wears it.
Thus, you could distinguish Singleton Snippe’s hat at a horse-race, at a
riot, or at a fire—equally delighted was that hat at every species of
uproar—in the street—the lobby—the bar-room, or wherever else that
hat could spy out “fun,” the great staple of its existence, with this
advantage, that it had an instinct of peril, and could extricate itself
from danger without the slightest ruffling of its fur. Snippe was
wise—Snippe preferred that all detriments should fall to the share of
others, while the joke remained with him.
But at last, a change reached even unto the hat of Snippe—change comes
to all; a change, singularly enough, that took all other change from the
pockets of Snippe. He was obliged to discover that the mere
entertainments of life are not a commodity to live upon, and that
however pleasant it may be to amuse one’s self, the profits therefrom
accruing, do not furnish continued means of delectation and delight.
Snippe neglected his business, and consequently, his business, with a
perversity peculiar to business, neglected Snippe—so that Snippe and
Snippe’s business had a falling out.
“This will never do,” declared Snippe, after deep reflection on the
subject of ways and means—“never do in the world.”
But yet it did do—did do for Singleton Snippe, and effectually broke
him up in the mercantile way, which involved all other ways; and so Mr.
Snippe resolved to make the most available market that presented itself
for the retrieval of past error. Snippe resolved to
marry—advantageously, of course. Snippe was not poetical—he had no
vein of romance in his constitution; he could live very well by himself,
if he only had the means for that purpose; but not having the means,
unfortunate Snippe, he determined to live by somebody else, living of
some sort being a matter of necessity in Snippe’s estimation, though no
other person could discover what necessity there was for the living of
Snippe. The world might revolve without a Snippe; and affairs generally
would work smoothly enough, even if he were not present. Snippe labored
under a delusion.
But still—not having much of philosophy in his composition to enable
him to discover that, so for as the general economy of the universe is
concerned, it was no matter whether Singleton Snippe obtained a living
or not; and lacking the desire, if not also the ability, to work out
that living by his own energies of head and hands, Snippe, according to
his own theory, having too much of proper pride and of commendable
self-respect to engage in toil, though some of the unenlightened gave it
the less respectful designation of laziness, which, perhaps, is a nearer
relative to the pride of the Snippes than is generally supposed—Snippe,
as already intimated, made up his mind to marry as aforesaid—upon the
mercantile principle—bartering Snippe as a valuable commodity, (without
regard to the penal enactments against obtaining goods on false
pretences) for a certain share of boarding and lodging, and of the other
appliances required for the outfit and the sustenance of a gentleman of
wit and leisure about town—Snippe offered to the highest bidder—Snippe
put up, and Snippe knocked down—going—gone!
Now although there are many who would not have had Singleton Snippe
about the premises, even as a gift, and would have rejected him had he
been offered as a Christmas-box, yet there was a rich widow, having the
experience of three or four husbands, who did not hesitate on the
experiment of endeavoring to fashion our Snippe into the shape and form
of a good and an available husband. Mrs. Dawkins was fully aware of the
nature of his past life, and of the peculiarities of his present
position. She likewise formed a shrewd guess as to the reasons which
impelled him to seek her well-filled hand, and to sigh after her
plethoric purse—Snippe in search of a living; but confident in her own
skill—justly confident, as was proved by the result—to reduce the most
rebellious into a proper state of submissiveness and docility, she
yielded her blushing assent to become the blooming bride of Singleton
Snippe, and to undertake the government of that insubordinate province,
the state of man.
“I shall marry Mrs. Dawkins,” thought Snippe; but, alas! how mistakenly;
“I shall marry her,” repeated he, “and, for a week or two, I’ll be as
quiet as a lamb, sitting there by the fire a twiddling of my thumbs, and
saying all sorts of sweet things about ‘lovey,’ and ‘ducky,’ and so
forth. But as soon after that as possible, when I’ve found out how to
get at the cash, then Mrs. Dawkins may make up her mind to be astonished
a little. That dining-room of hers will do nice for suppers and card
parties, and punch and cigars—we’ll have roaring times in that room,
mind I tell you we will. I’ll have four dogs in the yard—two pinters, a
poodle, and a setter; and they shall come into the parlor to sleep on
the rug, and to hunt the cat whenever they want to. A couple of horses
besides—I can’t do without horses—a fast trotter, for fun, and a
pacer, for exercise; and a great many more things, which I can’t
remember now. But Mrs. Dawkins has a deal to learn, I can tell her.
There’s nothing humdrum about Singleton Snippe; and if she did henpeck
my illustrious predecessors, she has got to find the difference in my
case.”
So Snippe emphasized his hat plump upon his brow, and looked like the
individual, not Franklin, that defied the lightning.
“And I shall marry Singleton Snippe,” also soliloquized Mrs. Dawkins,
“who is described to me as one of the wildest of colts, and as being
only in pursuit of my money. Well, I’m not afraid. A husband is a very
convenient article to have about the house—to run errands, to call the
coach, to quarrel with work-people, and to accompany me on my visits.
Everybody ought to have a husband to complete the furniture; and as for
his being a wild colt, as Mrs. Brummagem says, I should like to see the
husband of mine who will venture to be disobedient to my will when he
has to come to me for every thing he wants. I’ll teach Mr. Singleton
Snippe to know his place in less than a week, or else Mr. Singleton
Snippe is a very different person from the generality of men.”
Thus Singleton Snippe and Mrs. Dorothea Dawkins became one, on the
programme above specified; and thus Mr. Singleton Snippe, whose last
dollar was exhausted in the marriage fee, was enabled to obtain a
living. Poor Snippe!
Glance, with tear in eye, if tears you have, at the portrait of the
parties now first laid before the public—note it in your books, how
sadly Singleton Snippe is metamorphosed from the untamed aspect that
formerly distinguished him in the walks of men, and tell us whether
Driesbach, Van Amburg, or Carter, ever effected a revolution so great as
we find here presented. Observe the bandbox, and regard the
umbrell’—see—above all—see how curiously and how securely Singleton
Snippe’s hand is enfolded in that of Mrs. Singleton Snippe, that she may
be sure of him, and that he may not slip from her side, and relapse into
former habits—“safe bind, safe find,” is the matrimonial motto of Mrs.
Singleton Snippe. Moreover, in vindication of our favorite theory of the
expression of the beaver, mark ye the drooping aspect of Snippe’s
chapeau, as if it had been placed there by Mrs. Snippe herself, to suit
her own fancy, and to avoid the daring look of bachelor, which is her
especial detestation.
Snippe is subdued—a child might safely play with him.
And now, curious psychologist and careful commentator on the world,
would ye learn how results apparently so miraculous, were effected and
brought about? Read, then, and be wiser.
Snippe has his living, for he is living yet, though he scarcely calls it
living—but Mrs. Snippe firmly holds the key of the strong-box, and thus
grasps the reins of authority. The Snippes are tamed as lions are—by
the mollifying and reducing result of the system of short allowances.
Wonderful are the effects thereof, triumphant over Snippes—no suppers,
no cards, no punches, and no cigars. The dogs retreated before judicious
applications of the broom-handle; and it was found a matter of
impossibility to trot those horses up—the arm of cavalry formed no
branch in the services of Singleton Snippe.
Foiled at other points, Mr. Snippe thought that he might at least be
able to disport himself in the old routine, and to roam abroad with full
pockets in the vivacious field of former exploit; and he endeavored one
evening silently to reach his hat and coat, and to glide away.
“Hey, hey!—what’s that?—where, allow me to ask, are you going at this
time of night, Mr. Snippe?” cried his lady in notes of ominous
sharpness.
“Out,” responded Snippe, with a heart-broken expression, like an
afflicted mouse.
“Out, indeed!—where’s out, I’d like to know?—where’s out, that you
prefer it to the comfortable pleasures of your own fireside?”
“Out is nowhere’s in particular, but everywhere’s in general, to see
what’s going on. Everybody goes out, Mrs. Snippe, after tea, they do.”
“No, Mr. Snippe, everybody don’t—do I go out, Mr. Snippe, without being
able to say where I am going to? No, Mr. Snippe, you are not going out
to frolic, and smoke, and drink, and riot round, upon my money. If you
go out, I’ll go out too. But you’re not going out. Give me that hat, Mr.
Snippe, and do you sit down there, quietly, like a sober, respectable
man.”
And so, Mr. Snippe’s hat—wonder not at its dejection—was securely
placed every evening under Mrs. Snippe’s most watchful eye; and Mr.
Snippe, after a few unavailing efforts to the contrary, was compelled to
yield the point, to stay quietly at home, his peculiar detestation, and
to nurse the lap-dog, and to cherish the cat, instead of bringing poodle
and setter into the drawing-room to discontent the feline favorite.
“I want a little money, Mrs. Snippe, if you please—some change.”
“And, pray, allow me to ask what you want it for, Mr. Snippe?”
“To pay for things, my dear.”
“Mr. Snippe, I tell you once for all, I’m not going to nurture you in
your extravagance, I’m not. Money, indeed!—don’t I give you all you
wish to eat, and all you want to wear? Let your bills be sent to me, Mr.
Snippe, and I’ll save you all trouble on that score. What use have you
for money? No, no—husbands are always extravagant, and should never be
trusted with money. My money, Mr. Snippe—mine—jingling in your
pockets, would only tempt you to your old follies, and lead you again to
your worthless companions. I know well that husbands with money are
never to be trusted out of one’s sight—never. I’ll take better care of
you than that, Mr. Snippe, I will.”
If Singleton Snippe ever did escape, he was forthwith brought to the
confessional, to give a full and faithful account of all that had
occurred during his absence—where he had been—whom he had seen—what
he had done, and every thing that had been said, eliciting remarks
thereon, critical and hypercritical, from his careful guardian; and so
also, when a little cash did come into his possession, he was compelled
to produce it, and to account for every deficient cent.
No wonder, then, that Singleton Snippe underwent
“A sea change,
Into something quaint and strange.”
He married for a living, but while he lives, he is never sure whether it
is himself or not, so different is the Singleton Snippe that is, from
the Singleton Snippe that was.
If you would see and appreciate differences in this respect, it would
not be amiss to call upon the Snippes, and to observe with what a
subdued tranquilized expression, the once dashing, daring Snippe now
sits with his feet tucked under his chair, to occupy as little room as
possible, speaking only when he is spoken to, and confining his remarks
to “Yes, Ma’m,” and “No, Ma’m.” Mrs. Snippe has “conquered a peace.”
* * * * *
THE OATH OF MARION.
A STORY OF THE REVOLUTION.
BY CHARLES J. PETERSON.
(_Concluded from page 99._)