Having expressed the great gratification I should enjoy at being permitted
to become a member of so agreeable a society, I was formally presented by
the chairman with a capacious meerschaum, richly mounted in silver, and
dark with honoured age, filled with choice tobacco, which he informed me
was the initiatory pipe to be smoked by every neophyte on his admission
amongst the "Puffs." I shall not attempt to describe with what profound
respect I received that venerable tube into my hands--how gently I applied
the blazing match to its fragrant contents--how affectionately I placed
the amber mouth-piece between my lips, and propelled the thick wreaths of
smoke in circling eddies to the ceiling:--to dilate upon all this might
savour of an egotistical desire to exalt my own merits--a species of
_puffing_ I mortally abhor. Suffice it to say, that when I had smoked the
pipe of peace, I was heartily congratulated by the chairman and the
company generally upon the manner in which I had acquitted myself, and I
was declared without a dissentient voice a duly-elected member of the
"Puffs."
The business of the night, which my entrance had interrupted, was now
resumed; and the chairman, whom I shall call Arden, striking his hammer
upon a small mahogany box which was placed before him on the table,
requested silence. Before I permit him to speak, I must give my readers a
pen-and-ink sketch of his person. He was rather tall and erect in his
person--his head was finely formed--and he had a quick grey eye, which
would have given an unpleasant sharpness to his features, had it not been
softened by the benevolent smile which played around his mouth. In his
attire he was somewhat formal, and he affected an antiquated style in the
fashion of his dress. When he spoke, his words fell with measured
precision from his lips; but the mellow tone of his voice, and a certain
courteous _empressement_ in his manner, at once interested me in his
favour; and I set him down in my mind as a gentleman of the old English
school. How far I was right in my conjecture my readers will hereafter
have an opportunity of determining.
"Our new member," said the chairman, turning towards me, "should now be
informed that we have amongst us some individuals who possess a taste for
literary pursuits."
"A very small taste," whispered a droll-looking 'Puff,' with a
particularly florid nose, who was sitting on my right hand, and who
appeared to be watching all the evening for opportunities of letting off
his jokes, which were always applauded longest and loudest by himself. My
comical neighbour's name, I afterwards learned, was Bayles; he was the
licensed jester of the club; he had been a punster from his youth; and it
was his chief boast that he had joked himself into the best society and
out of the largest fortune of any individual in the three kingdoms.
This incorrigible wag having broken the thread of the chairman's speech, I
shall only add the substance of it. It was, that the literary members of
the "Puffs" had agreed to contribute from time to time articles in prose
and verse; tales, legends, and sketches of life and manners--all which
contributions were deposited in the mahogany box on the table; and from
this literary fund a paper was extracted by the chairman on one of the
nights of meeting in each week, and read by him aloud to the club.
These manuscripts, I need scarcely say, will form the series of THE PUFF
PAPERS, which, for the special information of the thousands of the fair
sex who will peruse them, are like the best black teas, strongly
recommended for their fine _curling leaf_.
The first paper drawn by the chairman was an Irish Tale; which, after a
humorous protest by Mr. Bayles against the introduction of foreign
extremities, was ordered to be read.
The candles being snuffed, and the chairman's spectacles adjusted to the
proper focus, he commenced as follows:--