In the years from nineteen to forty-two most men have fulfilled
their destiny; those who have had within them the ability to rise
have risen; the weak, the wastrels, the mediocrities have shaken
down into their appointed places. Even the bummer has his own
particular bit of wall in front of the saloon and his own
particular chair within. Those who have something to do are busy
doing it, whatever it may be. In the human comedy everyone in time
finds his role and must play it to the end, happy indeed if he be
cast in a part that at all suits him.
George Raymond at forty-two was still in the auditor's department
of the New York Central. Time had wrinkled his cheek, had turned
his brown hair to a crisp grey, had bowed his shoulders to the
desk he had used for twenty-two years. His eyes alone retained
their boyish brightness, and a sort of appealing look as of one
who his whole life long had been a dependent on other people. As
an automaton, a mere cog in a vast machine, he had won the praise
of his superiors by his complete self-effacement. He was never
ill, never absent, never had trouble with his subordinates, never
talked back, never made complaints, and, in the flattering
language of the superintendent, "he knew what he knew!"
In the office, as in every other aggregation of human beings,
there were coteries, cliques, friendships and hatreds, jealousies,
heart-burnings and vendettas. There was scarcely a man there
without friends or foes. Raymond alone had neither. To the others
he was a strange, silent, unknown creature whose very address was
a matter of conjecture; a man who did not drink, did not smoke,
did not talk; who ate four bananas for his lunch and invariably
carried a book in the pocket of his shabby coat. It was said of
him that once, during a terrible blizzard, he had been the only
clerk to reach the office; that he had worked there stark alone
until one o'clock, when at the stroke of the hour he had taken out
his four bananas and his book! There were other stories about him
of the same kind, not all of them true to fate, but essentially
true of the man's nature and of his rigid adherence to routine. He
had risen, place by place, to a position that gave him a hundred
and fifty dollars a month, and one so responsible that his death
or absence would have dislocated the office for half a day.
"A first-class man and an authority on pro ratas!"
Such might have been the inscription on George Raymond's tomb!
His mother was still alive. She had never entirely regained her
health or her strength, and it took all the little she had of
either to do the necessary housekeeping for herself and her son.
Thin to emaciation, sharp-tongued, a tyrant to her finger-tips,
her indomitable spirit remained as uncowed as ever and she ruled
her son with a rod of iron. To her, Georgie, as she always called
him, was still a child. As far as she was concerned he had never
grown up. She took his month's salary, told him when to buy new
shirts, ordered his clothes herself, doled out warningly the few
dollars for his necessaries, and saved, saved, continually saved.
The old woman dreaded poverty with a horror not to be expressed in
words. It had ruined her own life; it had crushed her son under
its merciless wheels; in the words of the proverb, she was the
coward who died a thousand deaths in the agonies of apprehension.
She was one of those not uncommon misers, who hoard, not for love
of money, but through fear. She had managed, with penurious thrift
and a self-denial almost sublime in its austerity, to set aside
eight thousand dollars. Eight thousand dollars from an income that
began at sixty and rose to a little under three times that amount!
Eight thousand dollars, wrung from their lives at the price of
every joy, every alleviation, everything that could make the world
barely tolerable.
Every summer Raymond had a two-weeks' holiday, which he spent at
Middleborough with some relatives of his father's. He had the
pronounced love of the sea that is usual with those born and bred
in seaport towns. His earliest memories went back to great deep-
water ships, their jib-booms poking into the second-story windows
of the city front, their decks hoarsely melodious with the yo-
heave-yo of straining seamen. The smell of tar, the sight of
enormous anchors impending above the narrow street, the lofty
masts piercing the sky in a tangle of ropes and blocks, the exotic
cargoes mountains high--all moved him like a poem. He knew no
pleasure like that of sailing his cousin's sloop; he loved every
plank of her dainty hull; it was to him a privilege to lay his
hand to any task appertaining to her, however humble or hard. To
calk, to paint, to polish brasswork; to pump out bilge; to set up
the rigging; to sit cross-legged and patch sails; and, best of
all, to put her lee rail under in a spanking breeze and race her
seaward against the mimic fleet--Ah, how swiftly those bright
days passed, how bitter was the parting and the return, all too
soon, to the dingy offices of the railroad.
It never occurred to him to think his own lot hard, or to contrast
himself with other men of his age, who at forty-two were mostly
substantial members of society, with interests, obligations,
responsibilities, to which he himself was an utter stranger. Under
the iron bondage of his mother he had remained a child. To
displease her seemed the worst thing that could befall him; to win
her commendation filled him with content. But there were times,
guiltily remembered and put by with shame, when he longed for
something more from life; when the sight of a beautiful woman on
the street reminded him of his own loneliness and isolation; when
he was overcome with a sudden surging sense that he was an
outsider in the midst of these teeming thousands, unloved and old,
without friends or hope or future to look forward to. He would
reproach himself for such lawless repining, for such disloyalty to
his mother. Was not her case worse than his? Did she not lecture
him on the duty of cheerfulness, she the invalid, racked with
pains, with nerves, who practised so pitifully what she preached?
The tears would come to his eyes. No, he would not ask the
impossible; he would go his way, brave and uncomplaining, and let
the empty years roll over his head without a murmur against fate.
But the years, apparently so void, were screening a strange and
undreamed-of part for him to play. The Spaniards, a vague, almost
legendary people, as remote from Raymond's life as the Assamese or
the cliff-dwellers of New Mexico, began to take on a concrete
character, and were suddenly discovered to be the enemies of the
human race. Raymond grew accustomed to the sight of Cuban flags,
at first so unfamiliar, and then, later, so touching in their
significance. Newspaper pictures of Gomez and Garcia were tacked
on the homely walls of barber-shops, in railroad shops, in grubby
offices and cargo elevators, and with them savage caricatures of a
person called Weyler, and referring bitterly to other persons (who
seemed in a bad way) called the reconcentrados. Raymond wondered
what it was all about; bought books to elucidate the matter; took
fire with indignation and resentment. Then came the Maine affair;
the suspense of seventy million people eager to avenge their dead;
the decision of the court of inquiry; the emergency vote; the
preparation for war. Raymond watched it all with a curious
detachment. He never realised that it could have anything
personally to do with him. The long days in the auditor's
department went on undisturbed for all that the country was arming
and the State governors were calling out their quotas of men. Two
of his associates quitted their desks and changed their black
coats for army blue. Raymond admired them; envied them; but it
never occurred to him to ask why they should go and he should
stay. It was natural for him to stay; it was inevitable; he was as
much a part of the office as the office floor.
One afternoon, going home on the Elevated, he overheard two men
talking.
"I don't know what we'll do," said one.
"Oh, there are lots of men," said the other.
"Men, yes--but no sailors," said the first.
"That's right," said the other.
"We are at our wits' end to man the new ships," said the first.
"What did you total up to-day?" said the other.
His companion shrugged his shoulders.
"Eighty applicants, and seven taken," he said.
"And those foreigners?"
"All but two!"
"There's danger in that kind of thing!"
"Yes, indeed, but what can you do?"
The words rang in Raymond's head. That night he hardly slept. He
was in the throes of making a tremendous resolution, he who, for
forty years, had been tied to his mother's apron string. Making it
of his own volition, unprompted, at the behest of no one save,
perhaps, the man in the car, asserting at last his manhood in
defiance of the subjection that had never come home to him until
that moment. He rose in the morning, pale and determined. He felt
a hypocrite through and through as his mother commented on his
looks and grew anxious as he pushed away his untasted breakfast.
It came over him afresh how good she was, how tender. He did not
love her less because his great purpose had been taken. He knew
how she would suffer, and the thought of it racked his heart; he
was tempted to take her into his confidence, but dared not,
distrusting his own powers of resistance were she to say no. So he
kissed her instead, with greater warmth than usual, and left the
house with misty eyes.
He got an extension of the noon hour and hurried down to the naval
recruiting office. It was doing a brisk business in turning away
applicants, and from the bottom of the line Raymond was not kept
waiting long before he attained the top; and from thence in his
turn was led into an inner office. He was briefly examined as to
his sea experience. Could he box the compass? He could. Could he
make a long splice? He could. What was meant by the monkey-gaff of
a full-rigged ship? He told them. What was his reason in wanting
to join the Navy? Because he thought he'd like to do something for
his country. Very good; turn him over to the doctor; next! Then
the doctor weighed him, looked at his teeth, hit him in the chest,
listened to his heart, thumped and questioned him, and then passed
him on to a third person to be enrolled.
When George Raymond emerged into the open air it was as a full A B
in the service of the United States
This announcement at the office made an extraordinary sensation.
Men he hardly knew shook hands with him and clapped him on the
back. He was taken upstairs to be impressively informed that his
position would be held open for him. On every side he saw kindling
faces, smiling glances of approbation, the quick passing of the
news in whispers. He had suddenly risen from obscurity to become
part of the War; the heir of a wonderful and possibly tragic
future; a patriot; a hero! It was a bewildering experience and not
without its charm. He was surprised to find himself still the same
man.
The scene at home was less enthusiastic. It was even mortifying,
and Georgie, as his mother invariably called him, had to endure a
storm of sarcasm and reproaches. The old woman's ardent patriotism
stopped short at giving up her son. It was the duty of others to
fight, Georgie's to stay at home with his mother. He let her talk
herself out, saying little, but regarding her with a grave, kind
obstinacy. Then she broke down, weeping and clinging to him.
Somehow, though he could hardly explain it to himself, the
relation between the two underwent a change. He left that house
the unquestioned master of himself, the acknowledged head of that
tiny household; he had won, and his victory instead of abating by
a hair's-breadth his mother's love for him had drawn the pair
closer to each other than ever before. Though she had no
articulate conception of it Georgie had risen enormously in his
mother's respect. The woman had given way to the man, and the
eternal fitness of things had been vindicated.
Her tenderness and devotion were redoubled. Never had there been
such a son in the history of the world. She relaxed her economies
in order to buy him little delicacies, such as sardines and
pickles; and when soon after his enlistment his uniform came home
she spread it on her bed and cried, and then sank on her knees,
passionately kissing the coarse serge. In the limitation of her
horizon she could see but a single figure. It was Georgie's
country, Georgie's President, Georgie's fleet, Georgie's righteous
quarrel in the cause of stifled freedom. To her, it was Georgie's
war with Spain.
He was drafted aboard the Dixie, where, within a week of his
joining, he was promoted to be one of the four quartermasters. So
much older than the majority of his comrades, quick, alert,
obedient, and responsible, he was naturally amongst the first
chosen for what are called leading seamen. Never was a man more in
his element than George Raymond. He shook down into naval life
like one born to it. The sea was in his blood, and his translation
from the auditor's department to the deck of a fighting ship
seemed to him like one of those happy dreams when one pinches
himself to try and confirm the impossible. Metaphorically
speaking, he was always pinching himself and contrasting the
monotonous past with the glorious and animated present. The change
told in his manner, in the tilt of his head, in his fearless eyes
and straighter back. It comes natural to heroes to protrude their
chests and walk upon air; and it is pardonable, indeed, in war
time, when each feels himself responsible for a fraction of his
country's honour.
"Georgie, you are positively becoming handsome," said his mother.
Amongst Raymond's comrades on the Dixie was a youngster of twenty-
one, named Howard Quintan. Something attracted him in the boy, and
he went out of his way to make things smooth for him aboard. The
liking was no less cordially returned, and the two became fast
friends. One day, when they were both given liberty together,
Howard insisted on taking him to his own home.
"The folks want to know you," he said. "They naturally think a
heap of you because I do, and I've told them how good you've been
and all that."
"Oh, rubbish!" said Raymond, though he was inwardly pleased. At
the time they were walking up Fifth Avenue, both in uniform, with
their caps on one side, sailor fashion, and their wide trousers
flapping about their ankles. People looked at them kindly as they
passed, for the shadow of the war lay on everyone and all hearts
went out to the men who were to uphold the flag. Raymond was
flattered and yet somewhat overcome by the attention his companion
and he excited.
"Let's get out of this, Quint," he said. "I can't walk straight
when people look at me like that. Don't you feel kind of givey-
givey at the knees with all those pretty girls loving us in
advance?"
"Oh, that's what I like!" said Quintan. "I never got a glance when
I used to sport a silk hat. Besides, here we are at the old
stand!"
Raymond regarded him with blank surprise as they turned aside and
up the steps of one of the houses.
"Land's sake!" he exclaimed; "you don't mean to say you live in a
place like this? Here?" he added, with an intonation that caused
Howard to burst out laughing.
The young fellow pushed by the footman that admitted them and ran
up the stairs three steps at a time. Raymond followed more slowly,
dazed by the splendour he saw about him, and feeling horribly
embarrassed and deserted. He halted on the stairs as he saw
Quintan throw his arms about a tall, stately, magnificently
dressed woman and kiss her boisterously; and he was in two minds
whether or not to slink down again and disappear, when his
companion called out to him to hurry up.
"Mother, this is Mr. Raymond," he said. "He's the best friend I
have on the Dixie, and you're to be awfully good to him!"
Mrs. Quintan graciously gave him her hand and said something about
his kindness to her boy. Raymond was too stricken to speak and was
thankful for the semi-darkness that hid his face. Mrs. Quintan
continued softly, in the same sweet and overpowering manner, to
purr her gratitude and try to put him at his ease. Raymond would
have been a happy man could he have sunk though the parquetry
floor. He trembled as he was led into the drawing-room, where
another gracious and overpowering creature rose to receive them.
"My aunt, Miss Christine Latimer," said Howard.
She was younger than Mrs. Quintan; a tall, fair woman of middle
age, with a fine figure, hair streaked with grey, and the remains
of what had once been extreme beauty. Her voice was the sweetest
Raymond had ever listened to, and his shyness and agitation wore
off as she began to speak to him. He was left a long while alone
with her, for Howard and his mother withdrew, excusing themselves
on the score of private matters. Christine Latimer was touched by
the forlorn quartermaster, who, in his nervousness, gripped his
chair with clenched hands and started when he was asked a
question. She soon got him past this stage of their acquaintance,
and, leading him on by gentle gradations to talk about himself,
even learned his whole story, and that in so unobtrusive a fashion
that he was hardly aware of his having told it to her.
"I am speaking to you as though I had known you all my life," he
said in an artless compliment. "I hope it is not very forward of
me. It is your fault for being so kind and good."
He was ecstatic when he left the house with Quintan.
"I didn't know there were such women in the world," he said. "So
noble, so winning and high-bred. It makes you understand history
to meet people like that. Mary Queen of Scots, Marie Antoinette
and all those, you know--they must have been like that. I--I could
understand a man dying for Miss Latimer!"
"Oh, she's all right, my aunt!" said Quintan. "She was a
tremendous beauty once, and even now she's what I'd call a
devilish handsome woman. And the grand manner, it isn't everybody
that likes it, but I do. It's a little old-fashioned nowadays,
but, by Jove, it still tells."
"I wonder that such a splendid woman should have remained
unmarried," said Raymond. He stuck an instant on the word
unmarried. It seemed almost common to apply to such a princess.
"She had an early love affair that turned out badly," said
Quintan. "I don't know what went wrong, but anyway it didn't work.
Then, when my father died, she came to live with us and help bring
us up--you see there are two more of us in the family--and I am
told she refused some good matches just on account of us kids. It
makes me feel guilty sometimes to think of it."
"Why guilty?" asked Raymond.
"Because none of us were worth it, old chap," said Quintan.
"I'm sure she never thought so," observed Raymond.
"My aunt's rather an unusual woman," said Quintan. "She has
voluntarily played second fiddle all her life; and, between you
and me, you know, my mother's a bit of a tyrant, and not always
easy to get along with--so it wasn't so simple a game as it looks."
Raymond was shocked at this way of putting the matter.
"You mean she sacrificed the best years of her life for you," he
said stiffly.
"Women are like that--good women," said Quintan. "Catch a man being
such a fool--looking at it generally, you know--me apart. She had
a tidy little fortune from her father, and might have had a yard
of her own to play in, but our little baby hands held her tight."
Raymond regarded his companion's hands. They were large and red,
and rough with the hard work on board the Dixie; regarded them
respectfully, almost with awe, for had they not restrained that
glorious being in the full tide of her youth and beauty!
"Now it's too late," said Quintan.
"What do you mean by too late?" asked the quartermaster.
"Well, she's passed forty," said Quintan. "The babies have grown
up, and the selfish beasts are striking out for themselves. Her
occupation's gone, and she's left plante la. Worse than that, my
mother, who never bothered two cents about us then, now loves us
to distraction. And, when all's said, you know, it's natural to
like your mother best!"
"Too bad!" ejaculated Raymond.
"I call it deuced hard luck," said Quintan. "My mother really
neglected us shamefully, and it was Aunt Christine who brought us
up and blew our noses and rubbed us with goose-grease when we had
croup, and all that kind of thing. Then, when we grew up, my
mother suddenly discovered her long-lost children and began to
think a heap of us--after having scamped the whole business for
fifteen years--and my aunt, who was the real nigger in the hedge,
got kind of let out, you see."
Raymond did not see, and he was indignant, besides, at the
coarseness of his companion's expressions. So he walked along and
said nothing.
"And, as I said before, it's now too late," said Quintan.
"Too late for what?" demanded Raymond, who was deeply interested.
"For her to take up with anybody else," said Quintan. "To marry,
you know. She sacrificed all her opportunities for us; and now, in
the inevitable course of things, we are kind of abandoning her
when she is old and faded and lonely."
"I consider your aunt one of the most beautiful women in the
world," protested Raymond.
"But you can't put back the clock, old fellow," said Quintan.
"What has the world to offer to an old maid of forty-two? There
she is in the empty nest, and not her own nest at that, with all
her little nestlings flying over the hills and far away, and the
genuine mother-bird varying the monotony by occasionally pecking
her eyes out."
Raymond did not know what to answer. He could not be so rude as to
make any reflection on Mrs. Quintan, though he was stirred with
resentment against her. This noble, angelic, saintly woman, who in
every gesture reminded him of dead queens and historic personages!
It went to his heart to think of her, bereft and lonely, in that
splendid house he had so lately quitted. He recognised, in the
unmistakable accord between him and her, the fellowship of a pair
who, in different ways and in different stations, had yet fought
and suffered and endured for what they judged their duty. Forty-
two years old! Singular coincidence, in itself almost a bond
between them, that he, too, was of an identical age. Forty-two!
Why, it was called the prime of life. He inhaled a deep breath of
air; it was the prime of life; until then no one had really begun
to live!
"Why don't you say something?" said Quintan.
"I was just thinking how mistaken you were," returned Raymond.
"There must be hundreds of men who would be proud to win her
slightest regard; who, instead of considering her faded or old,
would choose her out of a thousand of younger women and would be
happy for ever if she would take--" He was going to say them, but
that sounded improper, and he changed it, at the cost of grammar,
to "him."
Quintan laughed at his companion's vehemence, and the subject
passed and gave way to another about shrapnel. But he did not
fail, later on, to carry a humorous report of the conversation to
his aunt.
"What have you been doing to my old quartermaster?" he said.
"Hasn't the poor fellow enough troubles as it is, without falling
in love with you! He can't talk of anything else, and blushes like
a girl when he mentions your name. He told me yesterday he was
willing to die for a woman like you."
"I think he's a dear, nice fellow," said Miss Latimer, "and if he
wants to love me he can. It will keep him out of mischief!"
Raymond saw a great deal of Miss Latimer in the month before they
sailed south. Quintan took him constantly to the house, where, in
his capacity of humble and devoted comrade, the tall quartermaster
was always welcome and made much of. Mrs. Quintan was alive to the
value of this attached follower, who might be trusted to guard her
son in the perils that lay before him. She treated him as a sort
of combination of valet, nurse, and poor relation, asking him all
sorts of intimate questions about Howard's socks and
underclothing, and holding him altogether responsible for the
boy's welfare. Her tone was one of anxious patronage, touching at
times on a deeper emotion when she often broke down and cried. The
quartermaster was greatly moved by her trust in him. The tears
would come to his own eyes, and he would try in his clumsy way to
comfort her, promising that, so far as it lay with him, Howard
should return safe and sound. In his self-abnegation it never
occurred to him that his own life was as valuable as Howard
Quintan's. He acquiesced in the understanding that it was his
business to get Howard through the war unscratched, at whatever
risk or jeopardy to himself.
Those were wonderful days for him. To be an intimate of that
splendid household, to drive behind spanking bays with Miss
Latimer by his side, to take tea at the Waldorf with her and other
semi-divine beings--what a dazzling experience for the ex-clerk,
whose lines so recently had lain in such different places.
Innately a gentleman, he bore himself with dignity in this new
position, with a fine simplicity and self-effacement that was not
lost on some of his friends. His respect for them all was
unbounded. For the mother, so majestic, so awe-inspiring; for
Howard, that handsome boy whose exuberant Americanism was
untouched by any feeling of caste; for Melton and Hubert Henry,
his brothers, those lordly striplings of a lordly race; for Miss
Latimer, who in his heart of hearts he dared not call Christine,
and who to him was the embodiment of everything adorable in women.
Yes, he loved her; confessed to himself that he loved her; humbly
and without hope, with no anticipation of anything more between
them, overcome indeed that his presumption should go thus far.
He did not attempt to hide his feelings for her, and though too
shy for any expression of it, and withheld besides by the utter
impossibility of such a suit, he betrayed himself to her in a
thousand artless ways. He asked for no higher happiness than to
sit by her side, looking into her face and listening to her mellow
voice. He was thrice happy were he privileged to touch her hand in
passing a teacup. Her gentleness and courtesy, her evident
consideration, the little peeps she gave him into a nature
gracious and refined beyond anything he had ever known, all
transported him with unreasoning delight. She, on her part, so
accustomed to play a minor role herself in her sister's
household, was yet too much a woman not to like an admirer of her
own. She took more pains with her dress, looked at herself more
often in the glass than she had done in years. It was laughable;
it was absurd; and she joined as readily as anyone in the mirth
that Raymond's devotion excited in the family, but, deep down
within her, she was pleased. At the least it showed she had not
grown too old to make men love her; it was the vindication of the
mounting years; the time, then, had not yet come when she had
ceased altogether to count. She had lost her nephews, who were
growing to be men; the love she put by so readily when it was in
her reach seemed now more precious as she beheld her faded and
diminished beauty, the crow's-feet about her eyes, her hair
turning from brown to grey. A smothered voice within her said:
"Why not?"
She analysed Raymond narrowly in the long tete-a-tetes they had
together. She drew him out, encouraging and pressing him to tell
her everything about himself. She was always apprehending a
jarring note, the inevitable sign of the man's coarser clay, of
his commoner upbringing, the clash of his caste on hers. But she
was struck instead by his inherent refinement, by his unformulated
instincts of well-doing and honour. He was hazy about the use of
oyster-forks, had never seen a finger-bowl, committed to her eyes
a dozen little solecisms which he hastened to correct by frankly
asking her assistance; but in the true essentials she never had to
feel any shame for him. Clumsy, grotesquely ignorant of the social
amenities, he was yet a gentleman.
The night before they were to sail, he came to say good-bye. The
war had at last begun in earnest; men were falling, and the
Spaniards were expected to make a desperate and bloody resistance.
It was a sobering moment for everyone, and, in all voices, however
hard they tried to make them brave and gay, there ran an
undercurrent of solemnity. Howard and Raymond were to be actors in
that terrible drama not yet played; stripped and powder-blackened
at their guns, they were perhaps doomed to go down with their ship
and find their graves in the Caribbean. Before them lay untold
possibilities of wounds and mutilation, of disease, suffering, and
horror. What woman that knew them could look on unmoved at the
sight of these men, so grave and earnest, so quietly resolute, so
deprecatory of anything like braggadocio or over-confidence? It
filled Christine Latimer with a fierce pride in herself and them;
in a race that could breed men so gentle and so brave; in a
country that was founded so surely on the devoted hearts of its
citizens.
She was crying as Raymond came to her later on the same evening,
and found her sitting in the far end of the drawing-room with the
lights turned low. They were alone together, for the quartermaster
had left Howard with his mother and his brothers gathered in a
farewell group about the library fire. Miss Latimer took both of
Raymond's hands, and, with no attempt to disguise her sorrow, drew
him close beside her on the divan. She was overflowing with pity
for this poor fellow, whose life had been so hard, in which until
now there had neither been love nor friends, whose only human tie
was to his mother and to her. Had he known it, he might have put
his arms about her and kissed her tear-swollen eyes and drawn her
head against his breast. She was filled with a pent-up tenderness
for him; a word, and she would have discovered what was until then
inarticulate in her bosom. But the tall quartermaster was withheld
from such incredible presumption. Her beautiful gown against his
common serge typified, as it were, the gulf between them. Her
distress, her agitation, were in his mind due to her concern for
Howard Quintan; and he told her again and again, with manly
sincerity, that he would take good care of her boy.
She knew he loved her. It had been plain to her for weeks past.
She knew every thought in his head as he sat there beside her,
thrilled with the touch of her hands, and in the throes of a
respectful rapture. Again and again the avowal was on his lips; he
longed to tell her how dear she was to him; it would be hard to
die with that unsaid, were he to be amongst those who never
returned. It never occurred to him that she might return his love.
A woman like her! A queen!
She could easily have helped him out. More than once she was on
the point of doing so. But the woman in her rebelled at the
thought of taking what was the man's place. She had something of
the exaggerated delicacy of an old maid. It was for him to ask,
for her to answer; and the precious moments slipped away. At last,
greatly daring, he managed to blurt out the fact that he wanted to
ask a favour.
"A favour?" she said.
"Won't you give me something," he said timidly, "some little thing
to take with me to remember you by?"
She replied she would with pleasure. She wanted him to remember
her. What was it that he would like?
"There is nothing I could refuse you," she said, smiling.
Raymond was overcome with embarrassment. She saw him looking at
her hair; her hair which was her greatest beauty, and which when
undone was luxuriant enough to reach below her waist. He had often
expressed his admiration for it.
"What would you like?" she asked again.
"Oh, anything," he faltered. "A--a book!"
She could not restrain her laughter. A book! She laughed and
laughed. She seemed carried away by an extraordinary merriment.
Raymond thought he had never heard a woman laugh like that before.
It made him feel very badly. He wondered what it was that had made
his request so ridiculous. He thanked his stars that he had held
his tongue about the other thing. Ah, what a fool he had been! He
could not have borne it, had the other been received with the same
derision.
"I shall give you my prayer-book," she said at last, wiping her
eyes and looking less amused than he had expected. "I've had it
many years and value it dearly. It is prettily bound in Russia,
and if you carry it on the proper place romance will see that it
stops a bullet--though a Bible, I believe, is the more correct."
Somehow her tone sounded less cordial. She had withdrawn her
hands, and her humour, at such a moment, jarred on him. In spite
of his good resolutions he had managed to put his foot into it
after all. Perhaps she had begun to suspect his secret and was
displeased. He departed feeling utterly wretched and out of heart,
and got very scant comfort from his book, for it only reminded him
of how seriously he had compromised himself. He was in two minds
whether or not to send it back, but decided not to do so in fear
lest he might give fresh offence. The next day at dawn the Dixie
sailed for the scene of war.