A certain lawyer was asked by an acquaintance how it was that lawyers
contrived to remain on such friendly terms with each other, although
they were famed for their cutting remarks.
The lawyer looked at him with a twinkle in his eye, and remarked:
"Yes, but they're like scissors; they only cut what comes
between."--_Japan Advertiser._
* * * * *
His Honor: "Get the prisoner's name, so we can tell his mother." Rookie:
"He sez his mither knows his name."--_Vaudeville News._
* * * * *
"Prisoner at the bar," said the judge, "will you have trial by judge or
jury?"
"By jury, your honor," said the defendant. "I'll take no chance on you!"
"What!" roared the court. "Do you mean to say that I would--"
"I don't mean t' say nothing," said the prisoner, stoutly, "but I ain't
taking no chances. I done some plumbin' work for you last
winter!"--_Richmond Times-Dispatch._
* * * * *
There recently died in Illinois an aged farmer, reputed to be wealthy.
After his death, however, it was discovered he left nothing. And his
will ran like this:
"In the name of God, amen. There's only one thing I have. I leave the
earth. My relatives have always wanted it. Now they can have it."
* * * * *
Mr. Hardfax: "So your son left us to go into a bank in the city? How did
he acquit himself?"
Mr. Timbertop: "He didn't acquit himself. It took the best lawyer in the
county to get him acquitted."--_Boston Globe._