"ICE BREAKERS," SUGGESTIONS FOR DINNER, MENU AND PLACE CARDS, TABLE
STORIES, TOASTS, TABLE DECORATIONS.
ICE BREAKERS.
A dinner always stands a better chance of being a success if there is
some little thing to break the ice at the start. A little verse might be
placed on the card bearing the name of each guest. A particularly lively
and cheerful young woman might have a verse something like this:--
"Fevers are contagious,
But they're not by half
As quickly, surely catching
As Mrs. Thompson's laugh."
A lady who gives much thought and attention to political reforms might
have the following:--
"Dogs have their days, so political parties
Pass through their seasons of sunshine and storm,
While longing eyes see the time that is coming,
When women shall work a more lasting reform."
An attractive young married woman might find this parody at her place:--
"How doth the dainty matron fair
Improve each shining hour,
And work on men both old and young,
Her fascinating power."
The wife of a distinguished landscape painter could get these lines:--
"Why should one desire to travel,
And in distant climes to roam,
When she has the fairest landscapes
Always hanging in her home."
When the oyster plates are removed, a letter might be found under each
one, addressed to the person sitting at the place.
A man who is a well known promoter might receive this:--
"Dear Mr. J.--
"Is it true that you are interested in a project for
connecting New York with the infernal regions by telephone?
If so, as soon as the wires are in operation, I should like
to call up Henry the Eighth, and find out what excuse he
really made for getting rid of his wives. The demands upon
me have been so great during this past year, that my stock
of defenses has given out.
"Yours truly,"
Here place the name of some prominent criminal lawyer.
A lady whose first baby is only a few months old, might have the
following in the envelope bearing her name:--
"Dear Madame:--
"Stick to the old reliable. There is only one perfectly pure
and harmless soothing syrup, and that is made by yours,
"Respectfully,
"MRS. WINSLOW."
An artist with a considerable reputation for painting sheep, might enjoy
the following:--
"Dear Sir,
"Do you care to buy the small, stuffed lamb that has been in
our window for several years past? It looks very natural,
and would be much more quiet for a model than a live one.
"Respectfully,
"BECK, Butcher."
Washington Market.
DINNER, MENU AND PLACE CARDS.
The place card may be plain white edged with gold, and the monogram or
crest in gold with the guest's name written plainly across it. However,
handsome cards as souvenirs of a dinner are much prized by travelers and
the younger set and are especially in favor for breakfasts, luncheons,
bridal affairs and college dinners and spreads.
At the present moment there is the greatest diversity in guest cards.
You may use a plain heavy visiting card with flowers stuck through the
upper left corner, or decorated cards of every style, pen and ink,
water-colors, etc. Cards for stag affairs have Old English pictures on a
soft gray background; souvenir postals make interesting guest cards;
tiny fans, playing cards, ribbons, cards cut out of water-color paper
imitating flower pots with flowers in bloom, cards decorated with
sketches of brides and bridegrooms, kodak pictures of familiar scenes,
boats, different sports--you can scarcely go amiss on your cards--the
more original they are the better. The card is laid on the napkin at
dinner or luncheon, or if it has an easel-like back is fastened to the
wineglass.
Graphology cards are an idea of the moment, and seem likely to prove
more than a passing fad. Before ordering a set of these, the hostess
obtains from each guest a line in his or her own handwriting; the note
of acceptance received can be used, if one is sure that a secretary has
not been employed. These specimens are turned over to the stationer,
who, in turn, places them in the hands of an expert graphologist. When
the occasion arrives for which the writing was obtained, each guest
finds at his cover a card bearing his name and a printed delineation of
his character formed from the chirography.
For guest cards at a large dinner have in the center of the table a
gridiron of flowers and from it run orange and black ribbons to each
plate. Have the guests' names in gilt letters on these ribbons, and each
ribbon ends in a favor, which indicates the special fad of the guest.
The oarsman finds a scull, the yachtsman a tiny yacht, the football
captain a football, the hunter a tiny bear, the bowler ten pins, the
poker player a miniature poker table, the glee club leader a tiny
mandolin, and the man who wins hearts, a heart-shaped box with the
miniature of a Gibson girl on its surface.
The girl who cuts paper dolls may make quaint and unique menu cards by
cutting out little pickaninnies from shiny black kindergarten paper,
then, little dresses, say of red, since this is the most striking
combination, and pasting them on the plain cards.
The way to make them is to place a bit of black and a bit of red paper
together, fold them shiny side out, and the red outside the black, cut
out the dolls, one black, one red, then snip off heads, hands and legs
of the red. This leaves the little dresses all ready to go on.
Before pasting on the dress make eyes and mouth in the little black
head, by folding it perpendicularly and cutting out the mouth, then
horizontally for the eyes. When the figure is once nicely pasted on the
card, it is perfectly smooth, no sign of the various foldings appearing.
A dinner for a mixed company of talented men and women is made
attractive by clever little quotations on the place cards. A general
quotation in quaint lettering at the top of the card may apply to the
feast; one following the name of the guest whose place it marks, may
apply to the profession or personality of the guest.
* * * * *
"Who can display such varied art,
To suit the taste of saint and sinner,
Who go so near to touch their heart,
As you, my darling dainty dinner?"
* * * * *
"Who would not give all else for two pennyworth only of
beautiful soup?"
* * * * *
"Your dressing, dancing, gadding, where's the good in?
Tell me, sweet lady, can you make a pudding?"
* * * * *
"Smoking and tender and juicy,
And what better meat can there be?"
* * * * *
"The true essentials of a feast are only fun and
feed."--_O. W. Holmes._
* * * * *
"May your appetite keep on good terms with your digestion."
"A good dinner is better than a fine coat."--_Proverb._
* * * * *
"Sit down to that nourishment which is called
supper."--_Shakespeare._
* * * * *
"To thee and thy company I bid a hearty
welcome."--_Shakespeare._
* * * * *
"No man can be wise on an empty stomach."--_Geo. Elliot._
* * * * *
For the Artist:
"Industry can do anything which genius can do, and very many
things which it cannot."--_Henry Ward Beecher._
* * * * *
"He is the greatest artist then,
Whether of pencil or of pen,
Who follows Nature."
--_Longfellow._
* * * * *
For a Writer:
"Wise poets that wrap truth in tales."--_Carew._
* * * * *
For the Architect:
"He builded better than he knew."--_Emerson._
* * * * *
For the Actor:
"We'll hold, as 'twere, the mirror up to
Nature."--_Shakespeare._
* * * * *
"With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles
come."--_Shakespeare._
* * * * *
For the Young Bachelor:
"A weather-beaten lover but once known,
Is sport for every girl to practice on."
--_Anon._
* * * * *
"He had then the grace too rare in every clime
Of being, without alloy of fop or beau,
A finished gentleman from top to toe."
--_Byron._
* * * * *
"That man that hath a tongue I say is no man
If with his tongue he cannot win a woman."
--_Shakespeare._
* * * * *
"A sweeter and a lovelier gentleman
Fram'd in the prodigality of Nature,
Young, valiant, wise and no doubt right royal;
The spacious world cannot again afford."
--_Shakespeare._
* * * * *
"Oh, he was all made up of love and charms,
Whatever maid could wish or man admire."
--_Addison._
* * * * *
For the Soldier:
"They never fail who die in a great cause."--_Byron._
* * * * *
"The rascal hath good mettle in him."--_Shakespeare._
* * * * *
For the Young Girl:
"Blessings be about you dear, wherever you may
go."--_Allingham._
* * * * *
"The mildest manners and the gentlest
heart."--_Shakespeare._
* * * * *
"A Book of Verses underneath the Bough,
A jug of Wine, a loaf of bread--and Thou
Beside me singing in the Wilderness.
O, Wilderness were Paradise enow."
--_Omar Khayyam._
* * * * *
"Grace was in her steps, heaven in her eyes;
In every gesture dignity and love."
--_Milton._
* * * * *
"Bright as the sun her eyes the gazers strike,
And like the sun they shine on all alike."
--_Pope._
* * * * *
"The clear blue eyes, the tender smile,
The sovereign sweetness, the gentle grace,
The woman's soul and the angel's face."
--_Anon._
* * * * *
Apt sentiments in connection with each course add much to the interest
or amusement of guests, but they must be chosen intelligently.
THE DINNER.
If the dinner be to a guest of honor, have something like this at the
head of the menu:
"I beseech you all be better known to this
gentleman."--_Shakespeare._
SAUCE
"Come, gentlemen!! Here's sauce for the gods."
"Let hunger move thy appetite, not savory sauce."
--_Babee's Book._
WELSH RAREBIT
"A man can die but once."--_Henry IV._
"Cowards die many times--the truly valiant never taste death
but once."--_Shakespeare._
ROAST BEEF
"England's darling."--_Alfred Austin._
"Cut and come again."--_Crabbe._
"Our old and faithful friend, we're glad to see
you."--_Shakespeare._
WITH THE OYSTER COURSE
"All the world is my oyster."--_Anon._
WITH CLAMS
"Fruit of the wave, all dainty and delicious."--_Croffut._
"If you can't speak, sing; if you can't sing, imitate the
clam."--_Six Dinners._
SOUP--CONSOMME AND MOCK TURTLE
"Of two evils, choose the least."--_Thomas A. Kempis._
"It's the rules of the house, sir; you must take
soup."--_Mark L. Demotte._
FISH
"'Tis sweet and fresh--'twas caught this night."--_Beaumont
& Fletcher._
"Now bring along your liars, and let the biggest one take
the cake."--_Six Dinners._
TERRAPIN
"A dish that I do love to feed upon."--_Shakespeare._
LOBSTERS
"On eight long feet these wondrous warriors tread
And either end alike supplies the head."
--_Homer._
SHRIMPS
"Old Ocean, envious of my ladies crimps,
Tried hard to copy them, and--presto! Shrimps!"
--_Six Dinners._
FOR ENTRIES OF VARIOUS KINDS
"Take every creature in of every kind."--_Pope._
"When I have tasted of this sacred dish, then shall my bones
rest in my father's tomb in peace."--_Beaumont & Fletcher._
"Not to know me argues yourselves unknown."--_Milton._
FOR A SPECIAL OR NOVEL DISH
"It's better to be out of the world than out of the
fashion."--_Swift._
FROG'S LEGS
"We sport in water or we dance on land."--_Homer._
"Though this be fun for you,
'Tis death to us."--_Fables._
LAMB
"Pray you, who does the wolf love?"--_Shakespeare._
"Ah, gentle lamb! 'Tis better that you be roasted and served
to sympathizing human folk than be devoured ungracefully by
ravenous beasts."--_Six Dinners._
ROAST PIG
"See him in the dish, his second cradle!"--_Charles Lamb._
"He hath a fair sepulchre in the grateful stomach of the
judicious epicure, and for such a tomb might be content to
die."--_Charles Lamb._
CHICKENS
"We'll not eat crow, but him that crow'd."--_Anon._
TURKEY
"Nothing in his life
Became him like the leaving of it."--_Macbeth._
GOOSE
"What's sauce for the goose
Is sauce for the gander."--_Old Rhymes._
SUCCOTASH
"These be the great twin brethren."--_Macauley._
MACARONI
"Some Jay of Italy."--_Cymbeline._
ONIONS
"So near will I be that your best friends shall wish I had
been further."--_Julius Caesar._
GREEN PEAS
"How green you are and fresh."--_King John._
GAME
"Here's a pigeon so finely roasted it cries, 'Come eat
me.'"--_Swift._
SALAD
"I warrant there is vinegar and pepper in't."--_Twelfth
Night._
DESSERT
"'Tis the dessert that graces all the feast, for an ill end
disparages the rest."--_Art of Cookery._
BON BONS
"I can teach sugar to slip down your throat a million of
ways."--_Dekker._
JELLY
"Feel, masters, how I shake."--_2nd Henry IV._
PUDDING
"My morning incense and my evening meal the sweets of hasty
pudding."--_Barlow._
ICES
"I always thought cold victuals nice;
My choice would be vanilla ice."
--_Holmes._
FRUIT
"How gladly then he plucks the grafted pear,
Or grape that dims the purple tyrants wear."
--_Horace._
FIGS
"In the name of the prophet, figs!"--_Horace Smith._
CHEESE
"Pray, does anybody here hate cheese? I would be glad of a
bit."--_Swift._
ROQUEFORT
"At which my nose is in great indignation."--_Tempest._
"A last course at dinner without cheese," says Savarin, "is
like a pretty woman with only one eye."
COFFEE
"One sip of this
Will bathe the drooping spirits in delight."--_Milton._
CIGARS
"By Hercules! I do hold it and will affirm it to be the most
sovereign and precious herb that ever the earth tendered to
the use of man.--_B. Jonson._
"The man who smokes thinks like a sage and acts like a
Samaritan."--_Bulwer Lytton._
CIGARETTES
"I never knew tobacco taken as a parenthesis before."--_B.
Jonson._
WINES
"Good, my Lord, you are full of heavenly stuff."--_Henry
VIII._
"I feel the old convivial glow (unaided) o'er me stealing,
The warm champagny, old particular, brandy, punchy feeling."
--_Holmes._
"Come, come, good wine is a good familiar creature if it be
well used; exclaim no more against it."--_Othello._
"I pray thee, take the cork out of thy mouth that I may
drink."--_As You Like It._
"This wine should be eaten, it's too good to be
drunk.--_Swift._
"Fill the goblets again, Cnacias. Let us drink the last cup
to the manes of famous Lysander, and then, though
unwillingly, I must warn you of the approach of day. The
host who loves his guests rises from the table when the joy
reaches its climax. The pleasant memory of this untroubled
evening will soon bring you back to this house, whereas you
would be less willing to return if you were forced to think
of the hours of depression which followed your
enjoyment."--_From "An Egyptian Princess."_
TWO PIES
"If you would know the flavor of a pie,
The juicy sweet, the spice and tart, you must
Be patient till the fiery core is cool,
And bite a little deeper than the crust.
"If you would know the flavor of a man,--
God's mud pie, made of Eden's dew and dust,--
Be patient till love's fire has warmed him through,
And look a little deeper than the crust."
--_Aloysius Coll._
* * * * *
TABLE STORIES.
Upon one occasion when six fair women and half a dozen brave men,
gathered round a hospitable board, had fallen into that state of
"innocuous desuetude" from which nothing but heroic measures would
relieve them, a still small voice was heard asking if any one present
could tell why the "Athenasian creed is like a tiger?" It chanced that
no one present could guess, and when the propounder, a delicate,
spirituelle looking woman declared that it was "because of its damnation
clause," there was a roar of laughter that successfully put to flight
all stiffness and formality.
* * * * *
A well-known gentleman gained quite a reputation among his set by
propounding a French riddle, which is sometimes called Voltaire's
riddle, because no one ever answered it. He wrote on the back of a card
the following: "Ga" and asked if anyone could make it out, saying the
answer was what every one had or should have had when he sat down to
dinner. The card went round the table and made conversation for some
time. After fruitless efforts, all gave it up, and he wrote underneath
the "Ga" as follows:
Capital G. Small a.
G. grande. a petite.
J'ai grande apetite.
I have a good appetite. See?
* * * * *
There is only one thing which is said to be worse than being called upon
unexpectedly to make an after dinner speech--that is to prepare an after
dinner speech and not be asked to deliver it.
* * * * *
Over the teacups: "Do you believe that awful story they are telling
about Miss Prim?"
Ladies in Chorus--"Yes. What is it?"
* * * * *
"Say, mister," said the little fresh air child as she watched the cattle
enjoying their cud, "do you have to buy gum for all of them cows to
chew?"
* * * * *
I remember the Colonel from Missouri who forgot the name of the suburb
he wanted to go to near Boston. "It runs in my head," said he to the
hotel clerk, "its name is something like whisky straight, though that is
not it exactly." "Oh," said the clerk, "I know; you mean Jamaica Plain."
"Yes, yes, that's it," said the Colonel, and he immediately ordered two
whisky straights.--Henry C. Caldwell.
* * * * *
"These Americanos," cries the affrighted Tagal, "are cannibals."
"What ever gave you such an idea?" asks the Moro.
"I just heard one of those soldiers ask that pretty school teacher to
come and eat a Filipino with him!"
* * * * *
Lady--"Little boy, are you sure this butter is clean?"
Boy from the Country--"I low as how it ought to be. Ma and Sis set up
half the night picking the specks out of it."
* * * * *
Squire's daughter--"Do you think it is quite healthy to keep your pigs
so close to the cottage?"
Hodge--"I dunno, Miss. Noan of ther pigs ain't ever been ill."
* * * * *
Emaciated Invalid (just arrived at the springs)--"Is it true that
drinking these waters produces fat?"
Native (weight 250)--"Produces fat? Why, stranger, when I came here I
only weighed eight pounds, and look at me now!"
* * * * *
At a "literary dinner" in London, Mr. Zangwell told a story of a fat
lady of his acquaintance. Her corpulence had so grown upon her that she
resolved to consult a physician about it. She had had no previous
experience with "banting" of any sort.
The doctor drew up a careful dietary for her. She must eat dry toast,
plain boiled beef, and a few other things of the same lean sort, and in
a month return and report the result to the doctor.
At the end of the time the lady came, and was so stout that she could
hardly get through the door. The doctor was aghast.
"Did you eat what I told you?" he asked.
"Religiously," she answered.
His brow wrinkled in perplexity. Suddenly he had a flash of inspiration.
"Did you eat anything else?" he asked.
"Why, I ate my ordinary meals," said the lady.
* * * * *
Considerate Little Girl--"Please, Mr. Keeper, will it hurt the elephant
if I give him a currant out of my bun?"--Leisure Hours.
* * * * *
Howard Paul is responsible for this anecdote of Lillian Russell. The
fair vocalist was lunching at a restaurant and ordered "floating
island"--a popular _entremet_. In due course it arrived, and on its
snowy surface three little red ants were having a cheap picnic and
wriggling about in ecstatic contortions on the banquet they were
enjoying. "Waiter," said Miss Russell, "I asked you for an island, but I
expressed no desire to have it inhabited--take it away and bring me a
_dessert_ island."
* * * * *
A lank, awkward countryman presented himself at the clerk's desk in an
American hotel, and, after having a room assigned to him, inquired at
what hours meals were served.
"Breakfast from seven to eleven, luncheon from eleven to three, dinner
from three to eight, supper from eight to twelve," recited the hotel
clerk glibly.
"Jerushy!" ejaculated the country man, with bulging eyes, "When am I
going to get time to see the town?"
* * * * *
A waiter in a restaurant once entered the room where a lady and
gentleman were dining--they were just finishing their soup--without any
preliminary knock. What he saw led him to stammer: "A thousand pardons,
Monsieur; I was too precipitate." "Why, you idiot," said the gentleman,
"what are you standing there for, with your head under the tray? Did you
never see a gentleman kiss a lady before in this restaurant?" "Oui,
Monsieur, but nevaire before ze feesh--nevaire!"
* * * * *
"It ain't any trouble to get along in Europe, whether you know the
language or not," said the man who had been on a "personally conducted."
"Take Germany, for instance. One day I wanted a drink, and I went into
one of the gardens and said to the waiter: 'Look here, old man, I'm dry;
do you understand? Dry!' and the next minute he came back with three
beers."
* * * * *
Mrs. Smith--"I'm afraid you'll have to look for a new place the first of
the month, Bridget." Fat Bridget--"What fur, Ma'am?" Mrs. Smith--"Mr.
Smith objects to so much waste in the kitchen." Fat Bridget--"Lor,
Ma'am, if that's all, I'll lace mesilf widin an inch of my life."
* * * * *
"I want you to come and dine with me," said John to Pat, "though I can
only offer you a nice piece of beef and boiled potatoes." "Don't make
the laist apology about the dinner," said Pat, "it's the very same I
should have had at home, barrin' the bafe."
* * * * *
"You must find that impediment in your speech rather inconvenient at
times, Mr. Brown."
"Oh, n-o--everyb-body has his little p-peculiarity. Stammering is
m-m-mine; what is y-yours?"
"Well, really, Mr. Brown, I am not aware that I have any."
"W-which hand d-do you stir y-your tea with?"
"The right hand, of course."
"W-well, that is y-your p-peculiarity; most p-people u-use a
t-teaspoon."
* * * * *
The second course of the table d'hote was being served.
"What is this leathery stuff?" demanded the corpulent diner.
"That, sir, is filet of sole," replied the waiter.
"Take it away," said the corpulent diner, "and see if you can't get me a
nice, tender piece of the upper, with the buttons removed."
* * * * *
"Gracious," exclaimed Mr. Swellman, "The baby has eaten a lot of that
dog biscuit."
"Never mind, dear," replied Mrs. Swellman. "It just serves Fido right,
for he's often stolen the baby's food--haven't you, Fido? 'Oo naughty
'ittle rogue, 'oo!"
* * * * *
Once upon a time there was a young man who felt sure that within his
bosom burned the incandescent light of dramatic fire. To assure the
world of this fact he secured a position as supernumerary in a
theatrical combination which was presenting a repertoire of classical
tragedies.
Of course, all great careers have an humble start; so had his. All that
was required of him was to come on R. U. E., when the lordly baron was
about to take his regal bride to his proud ancestral halls, and inform
him, and the audience:
"My lord, the carriage waits."
The leading lady, who played the fair young bride, was rather inclined
to embonpoint, as we say when we wish to insinuate as delicately as
possible that some one is fat.
The budding genius had rehearsed his lines--or line--until he felt that
he was letter perfect. He haunted the wings all evening until he heard
his cue. Then he strutted onto the scene, struck a tragic pose, and
announced excitedly:
"My Lord! She carries weights!"
* * * * *
Frank Stockton tells a fish story. A gentleman asked a question of a boy
who was fishing. The boy mumbled an indistinct response. "Why don't you
speak plainly?" said the gentleman. "What have you in your mouth?"
"Wums--wums for bait," answered the boy.
"That was the first instance I ever knew," remarked Mr. Stockton in
telling the story, "of anybody really speaking with baited breath."
* * * * *
Smith--"Did you ever see a woman trying to pull a cork out of a bottle,
colonel?"
Col. Drinker--"No, suh; and no gentleman will stand idly by and see a
lady struggling to take a cork out of a bottle. It takes her too long,
suh?"
* * * * *
Wife--"We have been married twelve years, and not once during that time
have I missed baking you a cake for your birthday. Have I dear?"
Hubby--"No, my pet I look back upon those cakes as milestones in my
life."
* * * * *
Jones--"You don't usually say grace at meals?"
Bones--"No; only when the minister is present."
Jones--"Ah, I see. He not alone graces the occasion, but he occasions
the grace."
* * * * *
Doctor--"My dear young lady, you are drinking unfiltered water, which
swarms with animal organisms. You should have it boiled; that will kill
them."
Patient--"Well, doctor, I think I'd sooner be an aquarium than a
cemetery."
* * * * *
A tiny girl of seven gave a dinner party the other day, for which twelve
covers were laid, and that number of small maidens sat down to dine. It
was a real little girl's dinner, and the little hostess herself
presided, sitting at the head of the table. She had been very anxious,
in looking forward to it, to do everything as it should be done.
"Mamma," she asked, "shall we say grace?"
"No," said mamma, "it will be a very informal dinner, and I think you
need not do that."
That meant one less ceremony to be gone through, and was a relief, but
the little lady was anxious to have all her small guests understand it.
So, as they were gathered about the table, she explained:
"Mamma says this is such an infernal dinner that we need not have grace
today."
* * * * *
Three different waiters at a hotel asked a prim, precise little man at
dinner if he would have soup. A little annoyed, he said to the last
waiter who asked the question:
"Is it compulsory?"
"No, sir," said the waiter. "I think it's mock turtle."
* * * * *
Mistress--"Now, remember, Bridget, the Joneses are coming for dinner
tonight."
Cook--"Leave it to me, mum. I'll do me worst! They'll never trouble yez
again!"
* * * * *
Murphy--"Oi tell yez, Flaherty, th' saloon is th' poor mon's cloob.
Troth, Oi don't see how he could git on widout it."
Flaherty--"He couldn't. Iv there wor no saloons there'd be no poor min."
* * * * *
A member of the police force came across a boy the other day who was
wheeling home a load of oyster cans and bottles, and, curious to know
what use the lad could put them to, he made a direct inquiry.
"Going to throw them into our back yard," replied the boy. "I took two
loads home yesterday."
"But what do you use them for?"
"I'd just as lief tell," continued the boy, as he spit on his hands to
resume hold on the barrow. "We are going to have some relashuns come in
from the country. We may not have much to eat, but if they see these
cans and bottles and boxes they'll think we've had isters, champagne,
figs and nuts till we've got tired of 'em, and are living on bread and
taters for a healthy change."
* * * * *
Col. Sam Reed was breakfasting at Delmonico's. After looking over the
French menu he said to the waiter:
"You may bring me some eggs blushing like Aurora, and some breeches in
the royal fashion, with velvet sauce; and for dessert be sure you bring
a stew of good christians, and a mouthful of ladies."
The astonished waiter said:
"Sir, we don't serve such dishes."
"Yes, you do," said the guest, pointing to the bill of fare--"Oeufs a la
Aurore--culottes a la royale sacque veloute--compote de bon
cretiens--bouchee de dames."
"All right," said the waiter--"ready in two minutes, sir."
* * * * *
"Patrick, you were on a bad spree yesterday."
"Yis, Mr. Ellis, I was. Bless me if I weren't a-layin' in the gutter wid
a pig. Father Ryan came along, looked at me, and says says he 'One is
known by the company he kapes."
"And did you get up, Patrick?"
"No, but the pig did."
* * * * *
Gladstone was a marvelous conversationalist and particularly alive at
dinner parties, where, by the way, in his more vigorous days, he came
rightly near monopolizing the conversation. Two well-known men about
town who prided themselves on their ability to be interesting at the
dinner table were invariably eclipsed when Gladstone was present. No
matter what the subject broached, before it had proceeded far, the
G. O. M. forged to the front, and by his familiarity with the question,
became the focus of all eyes and ears. Tired of being thus overshadowed,
the gentlemen referred to hit upon a plan for getting even, at least for
the once. Selecting an abstruse and very unfamiliar subject, they delved
into the Encyclopaedia Britannica and thoroughly posted themselves. The
question was one on which scientists differed and so the conspirators
took opposite sides, each prepared to maintain his view. At a convenient
moment during the next dinner when they met Mr. Gladstone, the subject
was sprung and immediately the two _disputants_ went at it, hammer and
tongs. For some time the fight raged hotly, no one else venturing to
take part in the discussion. The trick was working capitally and the
triumphant pair cast congratulating looks at one another. Mr. Gladstone
hadn't spoken a word. Finally the hostess, in a momentary lull in the
conflict, said: "What are your views about this matter, Mr. Gladstone;
which do you think right now?" "There is very little choice," returned
the sly old fox, turning with a good natured smile to the disputants, "I
made up my mind as to that when I wrote the article on the subject in
the Encyclopaedia Britannica, which, by the way, gentlemen, I see you
have been studying very carefully." There was a moment of embarassing
silence and then a roar. The conspirators acknowledged themselves fairly
beaten and since then they allow Mr. Gladstone the floor whenever he
signifies a wish to occupy it.
POINTS ON TOASTS.
The dinner in private house or club where the ladies are at table during
the toasts, is perhaps the most trying of all ordeals to the man not
blessed with nerve.
Toasts at dinner which are given in honor of some special guest are
necessarily of the most informal kind. A bit of interesting personal
reminiscence, with as much of the ego eliminated as possible, a good
story (always and always the good story) a compliment to the guest of
honor a few well chosen words (never fulsome) of praise for host and
hostess, and in closing a few lines complimentary to the ladies. This
pre-supposes one is expected to give a somewhat extended toast.
Ordinarily a story is sufficient. On one point never make a mistake--sit
down before your friends have had quite enough of you, never keep on
talking until the ladies vote you a bore and the men something more
decided.
The host should be the real toastmaster, though his formidable title is
concealed under the informal manner in which he draws out his guests. At
such a dinner the talks are very short; and generally between courses,
as no one can enter on a long dissertation and eat his dinner. Later
when the dessert is removed, and the coffee, cigars and liqueurs brought
in, the toasts come. If the guest of honor is a traveler the host may
start him on his favorite topic by asking: "What do you consider the
most dangerous journey you ever took?" Then naturally will follow tales
of wrecks, floods, hold-ups, trains missed, traveling in different
countries, etc. If the host knows that Jones has the star story and is
too modest to assert himself, it is his duty to call on Jones, not in a
marked way, but easily, gracefully, helping him along by well-put
questions until Jones forgets his embarassment and that he is telling a
story.
A man at a formal dinner assigned to "take in" a lady whom he has never
met before, should take his conversational cue from her--no Chinese
desecration, of course--and thereby avoid pitfalls to which the
diffident and embarrassed are often led. Besides, it is woman's admitted
privilege to "do all the talking," and she best gives the key note at
dinners.
For the informal dinner, be natural, good-natured and jolly. As ready to
listen and to laugh heartily at the jokes of others as to talk.
Do not keep silent because you have no spread eagle oration at command,
your friends do not expect it. Tell your own interesting experiences,
always remembering how tiresome the repetition of the capital "I"
becomes.
Avoid telling jokes at the expense of another guest present. This may do
at a stag supper, but an enemy may be made by making a friend ridiculous
before the ladies.
Make your talk very brief and in telling a story get to the point
quickly without dragging in an endless number of uninteresting details.
After you have told your story and made your hit, be content to give
others a chance even if you have a host of good stories at command.
If Brown is present do not steal his best story and tell it in his
presence; he will not thank you if you do.
Good topics to avoid at a dinner where one does not know the personal
history of each guest present, are divorces, jokes on foreigners of any
nationality, mixed marriages, politics, religion, in fact anything that
could be taken as a personal attack by another guest.
TOASTS.
ORIGIN OF TOASTS.
The proposal of a health in an after-dinner speech dates back to
mediaeval times. At that time the loving cup was used at every banquet.
It was filled to the brim with wine and in the center was placed a piece
of toasted bread. The cup circulated the table, each one present taking
a sip of the wine. When it came back to the host he drained the
remaining wine and ate the piece of toast in honor of all the friends
assembled at his table.
The ancient Greeks, the Romans, the Assyrians and the Egyptians drank
each other's health at dinner, but post-prandial oratory was not adopted
until modern times. The Greek toast was, "I salute you, be happy;" that
of the Romans, "I drink your health."
ETIQUETTE OF TOASTS.
It is highly improper for a person to drink to his own health, hence the
only thing to do when one's health is being drunk by his friends is for
the individual honored to leave his glass alone, and bow his thanks in a
dignified manner, rising to talk only when he is called on for a speech.
Perhaps one of the wittiest toasts on record is that of Franklin. After
the victories of Washington had made his name well known throughout
Europe, Franklin chanced to dine with the French and English
ambassadors, when these toasts were drunk. The son of Britain rose and
proudly remarked: "England--the sun whose beams enlighten and fructify
the remotest corners of the earth."
The Frenchman, glowing with national pride, drunk: "France--the moon
whose mild, steady, cheering rays are the delight of all nations;
consoling them in darkness and making their dreariness beautiful."
This furnished Franklin with a fine opening and his quaint humor bubbled
over in his retort: "George Washington--the Joshua, who commanded the
sun and the moon to stand still, and they obeyed him."
OLD NEGRO SOL'S TOAST.
Little ter-day and little ter-morrer,
Out o' meal and boun' ter borrer;
Hoe cake an' dab o' dough,
Dash her down an' say no mo'!
Peace at home and pleasure abroad,
Please your neighbor an' serve de Lord.
God bless you.
* * * * *
Well may we ever be,
Ill may we never be;
Here's to the President
And good company.
* * * * *
May health and happiness both be yours,
And fortune smile on all you do;
And we hope you feel like wishing us
The same good things we're wishing you!
--_From Royal Blue._
* * * * *
God made man
Frail as a bubble;
God made love,
Love made trouble.
God made the vine,
Was it a sin
That man made wine
To drown trouble in?
* * * * *
May love, like wine, improve as Time advances,
May we always have old wines, old friends and young cares.
* * * * *
'Twas nectar fed
Of old, 'tis said,
Their Junos, Joves, Apollos;
And man may brew
His nectar too,
The rich receipts as follows:
Take wine like this,
Let looks of bliss
Around it well be blended;
Then bring wit's beam
To warm the stream,
And there's your nectar, splendid!
So, wreathe the bowl
With flowers of soul
The brightest wit can find us;
We'll take a flight
Towards heaven tonight,
And leave dull earth behind us!
--_Thomas Moore._
* * * * *
BON VOYAGE.
May every joy the traveler knows,
Be yours upon the trip,
May favoring winds fill out your sails
And safely speed your ship.
May rest and recreation bring
Their meed of health and strength
While under alien skies you roam,
Then homeward turn at length.
* * * * *
To those who have passed me on the highway and gave greeting,
To the possible friends who have come my way, whose eyes lingered as
they fell on mine,
May they ever be eager with youth, and strong with fellowship
May they never miss a welcome or want a comrade.
--_Marie McGee._
* * * * *
Here's to man, God's first thought.
Here's to woman, God's second thought
As second thoughts are best--
Here's to woman.
Drink, for you know not
Whence you came nor why;
Drink, for you know not why
You go, nor whence.
--_Omar Khayyam._
* * * * *
Here's to the press, the pulpit and the petticoat, the three
ruling powers of the day. The first spreads knowledge, the
second spreads morals, and the third spreads considerably.
* * * * *
The Lord gave teeth to men, that they might eat,
And then, to use them on, he gave us meat;
But here's a health to that great man who took
And brought the two together--to the cook!
* * * * *
FAMILY DINNER TOAST.
Here's a toast to the host who carved the roast; And a toast to the
hostess--may none ever "roast" us.
* * * * *
LADIES' TOAST.
The soldiers of America.
Their arms our defense, our arms their reward;
Fall in, men, fall in.
* * * * *
TO A CHAPERONE.
Here's to the chaperone,
May she learn from Cupid
Just enough blindness
To be sweetly stupid.
--_Oliver Herford._
* * * * *
FOR A PATRIOTIC DINNER.
If we drink to China, we drink the poison of the "Sick Man
of the East;" if we drink to Italy, we put "The Boot" on the
wrong foot; if we drink to Peru, we burn our lips on the
equator; so let us drink to him who hath not harm in his
heart, venom in his veins, nor flaw in his flag--Uncle Sam.
* * * * *
Let us toast our huddled little brothers of the frigid
North--the Esquimaux. They need it.
* * * * *
FATHER O'FLYNN.
Far renowned for larnin' and piety,
Still I'd advance ye widout impropriety,
Father O'Flynn as the flower of them all.
Here's a health to you, Father O'Flynn,
Slainte and slainte and slainte agin.
Pow'rfulest preacher and tenderest teacher
And kindliest creature in ould Donegal.
* * * * *
To the stars and the stripes,
To the land of our birth,
The American girl--
The best things on earth.
* * * * *
Here's to the lying lips we meet,
For truthful lips are bores.
But lying lips are very sweet
When lying close to yours!
--_Smart Set._
* * * * *
Drink to Life and the passing show,
And the eyes of the prettiest girl you know!
* * * * *
Drink, Drink, Drink!
Drink to the girl of your heart;
The wisest, the wittiest, the bravest, the prettiest;
May you never be far apart.
* * * * *
Here's to the girl--
With dash and whirl--
Who rides about in an auto;
Here's to the man
Who'll bridle her
To ride about as she "ought to."
* * * * *
Here's to love, the only fire against which there is no insurance.
* * * * *
Here's to the lasses we've loved, my lad,
Here's to the lips we've pressed;
For of kisses and lasses
Like liquor in glasses,
The last is always the best.
* * * * *
To Woman--When she is neither too young to be wise, nor too
old to be careful.--_Minnie Thomas Antrim._
* * * * *
To Woman--A paradox who puzzles when she pleases and pleases
when she puzzles.--_Minnie Thomas Antrim._
* * * * *
TO THE FINEST GIRL I KNOW.
Here's to her whose presence is ever and always near,
Here's to her whose large brown eyes make life forever dear;
Here's to her whose fair white skin is clear as the whitest snow,
Here's to the sweetest of her sex--
The finest girl I know!
* * * * *
Here's to the rim of my lady's glass,
But tipped by her beautiful lip,
And here's to the thrill that must certainly pass
From the rim to the base of that fortunate glass
Whenever she takes a sip.
--_Bayard Bacon._
* * * * *
Here's health to you and wealth to you,
Honors and gifts a thousand strong;
Here's name to you and fame to you,
Blessing and joy a whole life long.
But, lest bright Fortune's star grow dim,
And sometimes cease to move to you,
I fill my bumper to the brim
And pledge a lot of love to you!
* * * * *
I fill this cup to one made up
Of loveliness alone,
A woman, of her gentler sex
The seeming paragon.
Her health! and would on earth there stood
Some more of such a frame,
That life might be all poetry,
And weariness a name.
--_Edward Coate Pinckney._
* * * * *
TO MY LADY FAIR.
To my lady fair
I fill my cup!
To my lady fair
With the cheeks so rare
Where the dimples dare
To tarry;
To her footsteps bright
So like the flight
Of a swallow light
And airy--
To my lady fair
I fill my cup,
To my lady fair
I drink it up!--_Bayard Bacon._
* * * * *
Oh, lovely woman! man's great bane
And joy! You ne'er can pall!
Source of all pleasure and all pain,
And--bless you! worth it all!
--_Lewis._
* * * * *
Drink to fair woman, who, I think,
Is most entitled to it;
For if anything could ever drive me to drink,
She certainly could do it.--_B. Jabez Jenkins._
* * * * *
Here's to woman, lovely woman--
Gladdest in her gladness when she's glad;
Saddest in her sadness when she's sad;
But her gladness when she's glad,
And her sadness when she's sad,
Aren't in it with her badness when she's bad.
* * * * *
I've toasted your eyes of blue, Marie,
I've toasted your hair of brown;
I've toasted your name with joyous glee
To every man in town.
I've done my best, so here's my plea.
Fair lady of winsome frown,
Could you decide to make for me
My toast of golden brown?
* * * * *
A TOAST OVER THE WEDDING CAKE.
A slice of love; a piece of joy;
A chunk of adoration;
A sliver of unfailing health,
And bridal concentration;
An atom of the groom's content;
The sweetness of the bride--
And may the crumbs of comfort
With both of them abide.
* * * * *
WHEN THE BRIDE BECOMES A MOTHER.
She has planted a family tree that branches forever; let us
drink to the dew of its roots and sip the April showers on
its buds, and the golden sun that shall never cease to shine
on its ripening fruit.
* * * * *
TO A BRIDE.
Happy is the bride whom the sun shines on,
And happy today are you;
May all of the glad dreams you have dreamed
In all of your life come true;
May every good there is in life
Step down from the years to you.
* * * * *
PICTURE OF A STORK.
Here's to the stork,
A most valuable bird,
That inhabits the residence districts
He doesn't sing tunes,
Nor yield any plumes,
But he helps out the vital statistics.
--_Portland Oregonian._
* * * * *
AT THE CHRISTENING OF A GIRL BABY.
Here's hoping that the little tot
We christened at the water
May live to take another name
And name another daughter.
* * * * *
THE BABIES.
We haven't all had the good fortune to be ladies; we have
not all been generals, or poets, or statesmen; but when the
toast works down to babies, we stand on common ground--for
we've all been babies.--_Samuel L. Clemens_ (_Mark Twain_).
* * * * *
WHEN THE OLD BACHELOR ANNOUNCES HIS ENGAGEMENT:
To the hour he found his courage;
To the smile that won his heart
With a little look of sweetness
And a dainty Cupid dart;
To the bachelor's broken pledges;
To the venial little sin
That he cannot do without her--
To the girl that took him in.
* * * * *
Bring frost bring snow,
Come winter; bring us holly
Bring joy at Christmas,
Off with melancholy.
Sing ho, sing hey
For the holiday.
* * * * *
Sing hey for good Christmas cheer
But quaff one glass
To the days that pass
The last of the grand Old Year.
* * * * *
Here's to the old year, drink boys, drink.
Here's to the days that have fled.
Old friends, old wine, old memories;
Drink to the joys that are dead.
Here's to the New Year stretching ahead,
To the days that are blithesome and gay,
May the joys of the old be the joys of the new,
Its sorrows fade gently away.
* * * * *
Here's good-bye to the old year--
Here's regret.
It has done the best it could--
Let's not forget.
Here's greeting to the New Year--
Hold out a hand.
Let's do the best that we know how--
Make a good stand.
* * * * *
TABLE DECORATIONS.
A basket of Parma violets or of valley lilies makes a delightful gift to
carry home to the children of the family after it has beautified a
woman's luncheon table. Pale daffodils are exquisite in a grass green
frame, and so on.
The bottom of each basket is fitted out with a tin plate filling it
exactly. Upon this is placed the damp moss which keeps the blossoms
fresh throughout the meal. The flowers are arranged in upright position
to look exactly as if growing out from the wicker-work receptacle.
* * * * *
Centerpieces are either very low or very high. There seems to be no
intermediate stage. A number of fashionable women whose table fashions
are watched and copied still cling to the low bed of flowers which
allows one to see the face of the vis-a-vis.
A charming centerpiece which smart florists are suggesting is of white
hyacinths and violets. The violets used are either of the pale double
varieties or the large single flower--usually the latter.
Violets and hyacinths are not mingled. Either one-half of the
centerpiece is formed of each with its own foliage, or large clusters of
each are massed together. There is no scattering of the single blossoms.
As for the rose basket. It is entirely lovely. It is in use everywhere.
It has one fault. It is sure to cut off one side of the table from the
eyes of the other half. Women who must have what is newest use it for
every kind of social entertaining--dinners, luncheons--wherever a table
is used. More conservative hostesses have one for a wedding breakfast or
other affair where there is no question of cutting off the view of any
guest.
These baskets are really among the daintiest bits of table furniture
that the florists have yet devised. Usually the body of the basket is
more or less shallow. The handle curving over it is very high and
carried out in some artistic design of wicker-work.
Long rose sprays are loveliest for filling these baskets. When well
arranged the sprays appear to spring from the body of the basket, to
climb wildly upward along the handle and to meet at the top in a mad
tangle of spicy blossoms.
For decorations for a summer luncheon have a large gilt basket of white
sweet peas in the center of the table and tiny baskets of gilt wicker
filled with white sweet peas at each plate. For ice cream have a boat of
plain vanilla filled with luscious fresh strawberries. Red raspberries,
ripe peaches or any desired fruit can be used to fill the boat. A
pretty conceit would be to have the lower part of the boat of pistachio
to represent the sea and the upper part vanilla.
A very effective centerpiece consists of a swinging basket supported by
ribbons attached to the chandelier or the ceiling. The baskets, which
are filled with cut flowers, are sometimes made of birch bark, and can
be made without resorting to the aid of a professional. A square,
shallow birch bark basket filled with pansies and suspended by means of
yellow, violet or green ribbons is exquisite.
The smartest down-town flower shops are offering pussy willow boughs for
table decoration. The soft, downy brown of the buds is often chosen for
an entire luncheon decorative scheme, and nothing could be more
delicious to the eye. The branches are cut long and are massed
together in tall vases. Glass does nicely for this purpose, but
porcelain--especially gray, blue or buff-colored porcelain--is ideal.
A masterpiece for the table is a combination of white sweet peas, and
the feathery white gypsophilum. All decorations are made low, springing
from almost invisible foundations, every leaf and every bloom asserting
its individuality, and never were orchids more in demand. For those who
cannot afford to invest in them the long iris intermixed with grasses
will serve.
A unique and effective decoration for a luncheon table is made of long,
narrow bouquets of white carnations, tied with bows of yellow satin
ribbon and arranged so that the ribbons all meet in the center of the
table, while the points are directed toward the guests. The effect is
of a great golden-hearted daisy.
Violets, lovely as they are, do not make a pretty table decoration,
being too dull in color. A few scattered in the finger bowls give an air
of daintiness and bring with them a delicate fragrance.
For the centerpiece for the Thanksgiving dinner table, this day of days,
take a toy wagon, the kind which represents a farm wagon is best, and
place it in the center of the table on a mat of wild grasses and berries
and fill it to overflowing with luscious fruits, peaches, grapes,
oranges, lemons, apples, whatever your larder affords. Entwine the
wheels and tongue with smilax or grape leaves. If one is in a city and
can afford the expense one can buy one of the larger toy turkey candy
boxes and harness it to the cart with red ribbons, or another pretty way
is to buy a different sort of animal, or bird candy box for each guest
and fasten it with gay ribbons to the front of the toy wagon. A doll
dressed as a farmer in blue overalls and big straw hat can be placed on
the seat for driver and hold the ribbons.
Another pretty centerpiece is a massive silver bowl, or a fancy Indian
basket piled high with pretty fruits, nuts, nut burrs and the vine and
berries of the bittersweet. If the dinner is to be late in the afternoon
use Colonial candlesticks of brass or glass without shades. At each
plate have a toy garden implement tied with a ribbon, the guests' names
written on the ribbons.
WASHINGTON'S BIRTHDAY.
The Colonial colors, blue and buff, can be used in the celebration of
Washington's Birthday. The floors in drawing-room, hall and dining-room
are given an extra polish, and only candlelight from wax tapers in
sconces, candelabra and Colonial candlesticks of brass allowed. For the
table decorations take a long, narrow pasteboard box, round the ends,
cover it smoothly with buff satin, and make a boat. Fill this with
violets and yellow jonquils, resting on a sea of ferns in the center of
the table. A tiny reproduction of the original Stars and Stripes made of
silk and fastened to a gilded standard place in the prow of the boat. In
one corner of the table have a miniature cherry tree with artificial
cherries from the milliner's carefully wired on. On the opposite corner,
diagonally, have an imitation stump with hatchet sticking in the wood.
In the corresponding corners have white candles with shades in form of
yellow jonquils.
ST. PATRICK'S DAY.
Have simply a green plant in the center of the table, the pot being
covered with a ruffle of green tissue paper tied with ribbon to match.
Ferns or green leaves may be laid on the cloth around the little dishes
holding nuts, olives and green candies.
FOURTH OF JULY.
Have a centerpiece of scarlet geraniums, poppies or nasturtiums, white
geraniums, daisies, sweet peas and blue cornflowers. Or have a center
basket of ferns, the handle tied with red, white and blue ribbons and
tiny flags stuck in the ferns. Red and white and blue satin ribbons
crossed on the tablecloth or a border of flags crossed in two's make a
pretty table decoration. Or for the centerpiece use a large toy cannon
decorated with flags. By the side of the cannon stack air guns or any
sort of toy guns in stacks of three.
HALLOWE'EN.
To decorate for Hallowe'en have in the center of the dining table a
green jardiniere filled with red and yellow "button" chrysanthemums.
Radiating from this have red and yellow ears of corn with green leaves
between. At each corner of the table a jack-o-lantern and towards the
center, baskets made of pumpkins full of red, green and yellow fruit.
Cabbages and turnips hollowed out filled with chestnuts, and carrots
used for candlesticks. All set upon mats of autumn leaves on a bare
table. The effect is surprisingly artistic.
FOR CHRISTMAS.
The centerpiece may consist of three wreaths joined together and laid
along the "backbone" of the table. The central wreath must be
considerably larger than the other two. All three may be of holly, or
prettier still, the larger wreath of holly, the other two of some
decorative ferns. In the center of each wreath is arranged a low flower
bowl containing rich red carnations or roses.