Miss Meechim wanted to visit Carlsbad, the great Bohemian watering
place. She said it wuz a genteel spot and very genteel folks went
there to drink the water and take the mud baths. And so we took a trip
there from Vienna. It is only a twelve-hours' journey by rail. Our
road lay along the valley of the Danube, and seemed to be situated in
a sort of a valley or low ground, till we reached the frontiers of
Bohemia, but it wuz all interestin' to us, for novelty is as
refreshin' to older ones as to children. Cheerful, clean-lookin'
little villages wuz scattered along the way, flourishin' orchards and
long fields of grass and grain, and not a fence or hedge to break the
peaceful beauty of the picture.
Anon we entered a mountainous country with blue lakes and forests of
tall pine trees and knowed we had entered Bohemia. We see gypsy tents
anon or oftener, for what are gypsies but true Bohemians, wanderers at
will, hither and yon.
Josiah mentioned the idee of our leavin' the train for an hour or two
and havin' our fortunes told by a real gypsy, but I told him _sotey
vosey_ that my fortune come along about as fast as I wuz ready for it,
and I didn't know as I wanted to pay these swarthy creeters for lyin'
to me. And he didn't contend for it, for which I wuz thankful.
All along the way we see shrines with the faces of our Lord and Mary
and Joseph lookin' out of 'em. And anon a little hamlet would appear,
a meetin'-house with five or six dwellin' houses clustered round it
like a teacher in the midst of half a dozen scholars. Flowering shrubs
and fruit trees almost hid the houses of the quiet little hamlets,
and then we'd go by a village with forty or fifty houses, and as I
told Arvilly, in all these little places so remote from Jonesville and
its advantages, the tragedy of life wuz goin' on just as it did in
bigger places.
And she said she wondered if they drinked; sez she, "If they do there
is tragedies enough goin' on."
Bohemia is a country of orchards. I should say there was fruit enough
there so every man, woman and child there could have bushels and
bushels of it to spare after they had eat their fill. Even along the
highways the bending trees wuz loaded with fruit. A good plan, too,
and I told Josiah I would love to introduce it into Jonesville. Sez I,
"How good it would be to have the toil-worn wayfarers rest under the
shady branches and refresh themselves with good fruit."
And he said "He didn't want to toll any more tramps into Jonesville
than there wuz already."
And I spoze they would mebby find it too handy to have all the good
fruit they wanted hangin' down over their heads as they tramped
along--I d'no but it would keep 'em from workin' and earnin' their
fruit.
Anon the good car would whirl us from a peaceful country into mountain
scenery, huge ledges of rock would take the places of the bending
fruit trees, and then jest as we got used to that we would be whirled
out agin, and see a peaceful-lookin' little hamlet and long, quiet
fields of green.
In the harvest fields we see a sight that made me sad and forebode,
though it seemed to give Josiah intense satisfaction. We see as many
agin wimmen in the harvest field as we did men, and in Carlsbad we see
young girls carryin' brick and mortar to the workmen who wuz buildin'
houses. I thought as I looked out on the harvest fields and see wimmen
doin' all the hard work of raisin' grain and then havin' to cook it
after it wuz made into flour and breakast food it didn't seem right to
me, it seemed as if they wuz doin' more than their part. But I spozed
the men wuz off to the wars fightin' and gittin' killed to satisfy
some other man's ambition, or settlin' some other men's quarrels.
Josiah sez, smilin' happily, "Wouldn't it look uneek to see Philury
mowin' in our oat and wheat fields, and you and Sister Bobbett rakin'
after and loadin' grain and runnin' the thrashin' machine?"
"Yes," sez I, "when I foller a thrashin' machine, Josiah Allen, or
load a hay rack it will look uneeker than will ever take place on this
planet, I can tell you to once."
But Arvilly sez, "Don't be too sure, Josiah Allen's wife; with three
wars bein' precipitated on our country durin' one administration, and
the conquered contented regions havin' to be surrounded by our
soldiers and fit all the time to keep 'em from laughin' themselves to
death, you don't know how soon all of our men will be drafted into the
army and we wimmen have to do all the farm work."
"Yes," sez Josiah, "that is so, and you would be a crackin' good hand
to pitch on a load of hay or mow away, you are so tall."
"And you," sez she with a defiant mean, "would be a good hand to put
in front of the battle field; you're so short, the balls _might not_
hit you the first round."
She put a powerful emphasis on the "might not," and Josiah looked real
agitated, and I sez:
"Such talk is onprofitable, and I should advise you, Josiah, to use
your man's influence to try to make peace for the country's good,
instead of wars for the profit of Trusts, Ambition, etc., and you can
escape the cannon's mouth, and Arvilly keep on sellin' books instead
of ploughin' and mowin'."
Robert Strong and Dorothy enjoyed Carlsbad the best that ever wuz. I
don't think they sot so much store by the water as they did the long
mountain walks. Everybody here becomes a mountain climber. The doctors
here agree that this exercise is a great means of cure, and they make
the climbing easy and delightful. There are over thirty miles of good
roads over the mountains and around Carlsbad, and as you climb upwards
anon or even oftener you come to pretty little pavilions where you can
rest and look off onto the delightful scenery, and every little while
you'll come to a place where you can git good refreshments to refresh
you.
The Sprudel, or Bubbling Well, bubbles over in a stream of almost
boiling hot water five or six inches in diameter. It is so hot that
you can't handle the mugs it is served in with your naked hand, you
hold it by a napkin and have to take it a little sip at a time if you
don't want to be scalded.
Josiah had disputed with me about the waters being so hot. He said it
didn't look reasonable to him that bilin' hot water would flow out of
the cold ground, and he knowed they had told stories about it. "Why,"
sez he, "if it wuz hot when it started it would git cooled off goin'
through the cold earth."
But I sez: "They say so, Josiah--them that have been there."
"Well," sez he, "you can hear anything. I don't believe a word on't."
And so in pursuance of his plan and to keep up his dignity he wouldn't
take a napkin with his mug of water, but took holt on't with his naked
hand and took a big swaller right down scaldin' hot.
He sot the mug down sudden and put his bandanna to his mouth, and I
believe spit out the most on't. He looked as if he wuz sufferin' the
most excruciating agony, and I sez:
"Open your mouth, Josiah, and I will fan it."
"Fan your grandmother!" sez he. "I didn't like the taste on't,
Samantha; it most sickened me."
But I sez: "Josiah Allen, do you want some liniment on your hand and
your tongue? I know they pain you dretfully."
Sez he, smilin' a dretful wapeish smile: "It is sickish tastin'
stuff." And he wouldn't give in any further and didn't, though I knew
for days his mouth wuz tender, and he flinched when he took anything
hot into it.
As I would look dreamily into the Bubblin' Well I would methink how I
do wish I knowed how and where you come to be so hot, and I'd think
how much it could tell if it would bubble up and speak so's we could
understand it. Mebby it wuz het in a big reservoir of solid gold and
run some of the way through sluice ways of shinin' silver and anon
over beds of diamonds and rubies. How could I tell! but it kep' silent
and has been mindin' its own bizness and runnin' stiddy for over six
hundred years that we know on and can't tell how much longer.
Exceptin' in the great earthquake at Lisbon about a hundred and fifty
years ago, it stopped most still for a number of days, mebby through
fright, but afer a few days it recovered itself and has kep' on
flowin' stiddy ever since. It wuz named for Charles IV., who they say
discovered it, Charle's Bath or Carlsbad. His statute stands in the
market-place and looks quite well. Carlsbad has a population of twenty
or thirty thousand, and over fifty thousand people visit Carlsbad
every summer to drink of the waters. Drinking and walking is what the
doctors prescribe and I d'no but what the walking in the invigorating
mountain air does as much good as the water. The doctor generally
makes you drink a glass about seven in the morning, then take a little
walk, then drink another glass, and another little walk and so on
until about eight, when you can go to the Swiss bakery and get the
zwiebach or twice baked bread, which is handed you in a paper bag, and
then you can go to some cafay on the sidewalk and get coffee or tea
and boiled eggs and make out your breakfast. No butter is given you
unless the doctor orders it. That madded Josiah and he said they kep'
it back because they wuz clost and wanted to save. He is a great case
for butter.
And then after resting for an hour, you go for a walk up the
mountains, or if you are too weak to walk, you can get a cart and a
donkey, the driver walking alongside; up the shady paths you will go,
resting anon or oftener at some pleasant summer house or cafay. At one
you have your dinner, you can get it anywhere along your way or go
back to your tarven for it; Josiah and I generally went back and got
our dinner at the tarven and rested for a while. After dinner, folks
generally go for another walk, but Josiah and I and Tommy used often
to go to the Sprudel Corridor and listen to first-rate music or to a
garden concert nigh by.
It wuz a sight to set in the Sprudel Corridor and see the crowds of
people go by, each one bearin' a little mug in their hands or strapped
over their shoulders. All sorts of lookin' folks, handsome and humbly,
tall and short, thick and thin, thousands and thousands of 'em a-goin'
every morning for their drink and walk, drink and walk. There are six
or eight little girls at each of these springs who hand the water to
the guests and they have to work spry to keep 'em all supplied.
It wuz a remarkable coincidence that royalty so soon after havin' the
advantage of a interview and advice from Josiah Allen's wife should
agin have the privilege of listenin' to her invaluable precepts. But
not so remarkable when you come to study on it philosophically. For it
seems to be a law of nater that if one thing happens, another similar
thing follers on and happens too, such as breakin' dishes, onexpected
company, meetin' royalty, etc., etc.
I wuz settin' alone in the Sprudel Corridor one day, for my pardner
had gone with Tommy to see a little donkey that had took the child's
fancy and we meant to let him have a ride up the mountain on it and
the rest of our party had driv out to Mentoni's Spring, about two
milds from Carlsbad.
I see a real sweet pretty girl coming along carrying her little mug
just like the rest of the folks. She wuz attended by a good-lookin'
lady, who seemed to be looking out for her, and I hearn a bystander
say:
"That's the Queen of Holland."
When I wuz told that the Queen of Holland wuz approachin' I sez, "You
don't say so! you don't say that that is Willieminy?"
"Yes," sez the bystander standin' by.
And I tell you I looked at her with all the eyes I had, and if I had
had a dozen more I should have used them all, for I liked her looks
first-rate, fair complected, blue eyes, light wavy hair, and a air of
demure innocence and wisdom that wuz good to see. She wuz pretty and
she wuz good, I could see that as plain as I could tell a buff cochin
hen from a banty. And I wuz glad enough, when havin' discovered
sunthin' she had left behind, her companion left her and went back to
the tarven and she come and sot down right by my side to wait for
her.
And as my rule is, I immegiately lived up to my privileges and told
her how highly tickled I wuz to have the chance to see her and tell
her how much store I sot by her. Sez I: "My dear, I have always wanted
to see you and tell you how much I have liked almost every move you've
made since you got to be a sovereign and before. Your crown hain't
seemed to be top heavy, drawin' your fore top and your common sense
down with it as some crowns do. You've wore it sensible and you've
carried your septer stiddy, and for a young girl like you to do them
things has seemed a great thing to me. A good many young girls would
be carried away if they wuz in a place like yours; I am most afraid
Tirzah Ann would at your age."
"Tirzah Ann?" sez she inquirin'ly.
"Yes, Josiah Allen's girl by his first wife," sez I. "I did my best
bringin' her up, but if a kag is filled with rain water you can't tap
it and have it run cream or maple molasses. She wuz nateraly kinder
sentimental and vain and over dressy, and keeps up them traits to this
day. And I d'no what she would have done if she'd tried to rule a
kingdom at eighteen; I guess her subjects would have seen strange
doin's and strange costooms, though I think Tirzah means to be a
Christian. But you've done first-rate, you've seemed to study the best
good of your subjects and have made a big effort to have peace in the
world. I wuz dretul interested when you had that Peace Conference meet
in your 'House in the Woods.' I'd been more'n willin' to had it meet
in our sugar house, but it wuzn't big enough, and it wuzn't so
central; it wuz better to have it where it wuz.
"I guess I sot more store by your doin's in that respect than by any
other, for peace is what a sovereign and a subject must have to git
along any ways comfortable. And at the present time what a comfort it
would be if the nations of the world could git holt on it. But it
almost seems as if peace had spread her wings and flowed away from
this planet, such cuttin's up and actin's are on every side, wars and
rumors of wars, armies and navies crashin' up aginst each other,
nations risin' up aginst nation, brothers' hands lifted up aginst
brothers and the hull world seemin' to be left to the mercy of the
bloody fiend, War.
"Well, you and I can't help it, Willieminy. I've done all I could in
Jonesville. I've talked a sight and sot Josiah up all I could to vote
for peace, and you've done all you could in Holland, and so now we've
got to set down and trust in the Providence that watches over
Jonesville and Holland."
She acted as if she felt real pleased with my praise, as well she
might, and I sez, "Another thing I've liked in you, Willieminy, you
wuz so bound and determined to pick out your pardner for yourself and
not have him selected for you. Why, good land! a dress or a pair of
shues or gloves hain't half so apt to fit and set well if you leave
'em for somebody else to pick out for you, and much more a pardner. I
honored you for your idees in that direction, for you've probably
found out, my dear," sez I, "that even if you take sights of pains and
pick him out yourself, a pardner is sunthin' that requires lots of
patience and long sufferin' to git along with, though real convenient
to have round lots of times when tramps are about, or reachin' up
overhead in the buttery, or at funerals, etc. It always looks nobler
to have a man along with you than to mog along alone. And men are
about on a average as fur as their goodness goes with their female
pardners most of the time.
"But he will be no he-angel, if you cross him just before meal time,
or don't see that his clothes are mended up good. I hearn once of a
young bride who thought her husband wuz perfect, and I spoze looked at
his backbone sarahuptishushly from day to day a-worryin' for fear his
wings would sprout out and he would soar away from her to go and be an
angel. But one day she mended a hole in his pocket, and bein' on-used
to mendin' she took a wrong turn, and sewed the pocket right up.
"Well! well! I don't spoze she ever worried about his angel qualities
after that time. I spoze he cut up dretful and said words she never
dremp of his knowin' by sight, and she wuz jest as surprised and
horrified as she would have been to had a lamb or a cooin' dove bust
out in profanity. But he wuz a likely man, and got over it quick, and
wuz most too good to her for a spell afterwards, as pardners have been
wont to do on such occasions ever since the creation of the world.
"But, as I say, matrimony has difficulties enough when Love heads the
procession and Wedded Bliss plays the trombone in the orkestry."
She looked real interested as if my words wuz awful congenial to her.
And whilst watchin' her sweet face growin' brighter and sweeter, I
thought of another thing that I thought mebby she had been worryin'
about and that I could comfort her up in, just as I would want our
Tirzah Ann comforted under like circumstances, and I got real eloquent
talkin' about this before I got through.
Sez I: "Of course, my dear, there wuz some talk about your pardner
havin' his eye on your proppity, but I wouldn't let that worry me, for
I've always said that if I wuz a rich, handsome young woman, I would
just as soon be married for my money as my beauty. They're both
outside of the real self, equally transitory, or in fact, the money if
invested in govermunt bonds is more lasting. For the national system
is fur more firm and steadfast than the physical.
"Fifty years hence I spoze the money will all be safe and gainin'
interest, so if that is what a woman is married for she will keep her
attraction and even increase it. But fifty years hence where will her
beauty be, if she wuz married alone for that? Where are its powerful
attractions? All gone. If she had nothing but the beauty of snowy brow
and brilliant eye and clustering locks and perfect features.
"But beauty that looks from the soul through the face. Ah! that is
another thing! That still remains when the dusky hair is changed to
white, when the glow is turned to shadows in the eyes, when the lithe
form is bent. That is a bit of the eternal, and forever young like its
Creator. You have got that beauty, my dear, as well as proppity, so
don't worry."
I felt real eloquent, and I could see by her looks that I wuz
impressin' her powerfully and givin' her sights of comfort in her
tryin' place.
But I knew that eppisodin', though interestin' and agreeable, devoured
time, and I knew that I must hold my eloquent emotions back and let
Common Sense take the reins and conclude my remarks, so I sez:
"I hope from the bottom of my heart that your pardner is a good man,
one that hain't too uppish, and is willin' to chore round the house a
little if necessary, and set store by you in youth and age, and that
you and he will live happy and reign long over a peaceful and happy
land."
I see her companion in the distance comin' slowly back as if not
hardly dastin' to interrupt our conversation, and I sez, "Good-by, my
dear, and God bless you. Give my respects to your pardner and Queen
Emma, and if you ever come to Jonesville I would love to have you make
me a all day's visit, and I'll invite the children and kill a hen and
make a fuss.
"I don't spoze Jonesville is so neat as Amsterdam; I spoze you can set
down and eat offen the sidewalk in Holland most anywhere, but I am
called a good housekeeper, and will do the best I can. And now I don't
want you to put yourself out in the matter, but if you should come and
could manage it handy, if your ma would bring me some of your tulip
seeds I'd swop with her and give her some of the handsomest sunflowers
she ever laid eyes on, and they make splendid food for hens to make
'em lay."
She didn't give me any answer about this either way, and I thought
mebby her ma might be short on it for bulbs, and I wouldn't say
anything more about it. But she bid me good-by real pleasant and we
shook hands and wuz jest partin' away from each other when I thought
of another very important thing that I wanted to warn the dear young
queen about, and I turned round and sez:
"Oh, I must warn you solemnly of one thing more before we part; I have
worried a sight about it; thinkin' so much on you as I do, I have been
dretful afraid that you would be overflowed. If there should be big
rains and the ocean should rise half an inch I've felt I didn't know
what would become of you. You had better keep wash-tubs and pails
handy and don't be ketched out without rubber boots, and keep your eye
on leakages in the ground as well as govermuntal and financial
affairs. And now again I will say, my dear, God bless you and
farewell."
She shook hands agin quite warm, and with a sweet smile on a pretty
young face she assured me that she would be careful, and she jined her
companion and went on towards the spring. And I know she wuz dretful
pleased with what I'd said to her for I hearn her fairly laugh out as
she told the lady about it.
Whilst we wuz in Carlsbad Miss Meechim took the mud baths. She said
they wuz considered very genteel and I guess mebby they wuz, so many
things are genteel that are kinder disagreeable. They wuz also said to
be first-rate for the rumatiz and the nerves. But it seemed to me I
had almost ruther have nerves than to be covered all over with that
nasty black mud.
They take about sixty pounds of clay and mix it with the hot spring
water till it is just about as thick as I make the batter for
buckwheat cakes in Jonesville, and I make that jest about as thick as
I do my Injin bread. And you git into this bath and stay about half an
hour. Then of course before you're let loose in society you're gin a
clean water bath to git the mud off. Miss Meechim thought they helped
her a sight, and mebby they did, and she boasted a lot how genteel
they wuz.
But I told her I had never been in the habit of settin' store by mud
and lookin' up to it, and didn't believe I should begin at this late
day, but Josiah's rumatiz wuz so bad I didn't know but he had better
take one. But he said he had took one in Jonesville some years ago
that would last him durin' his nateral life.
He did fall into a deep mud-puddle one night goin' to sister Celestine
Gowdey's for a bask pattern for Tirzah Ann. And it bein' dark and the
puddle a deep one he floundered round in it till he looked more like a
drownded rat than a human bein'. He never could bear basks from that
hour till this, and he has always dated his rumatiz from that time,
but it hain't so; he had it before. But 'tennyrate he wouldn't take
the mud baths at Carlsbad, nor none of us did but Miss Meechim.
Howsumever there are lots of folks that set store by 'em.