The Vatican where the Pope keeps house is the biggest house in the
world; its dimensions are one thousand one hundred and fifty-one feet,
by seven hundred and sixty-seven feet. And if you want to realize the
size of such a buildin', you jest try to frame it and you'd find out.
Why, as I told Josiah, Joel Gowdey is called our best carpenter in
Jonesville, but if he should try to plan that buildin', where would he
be? He is a great case to scratch his head in difficulties, Joel is,
and I guess he'd be pretty bald before he got through studyin' on it,
much less doin' the work. It has twenty courts, two hundred
staircases, and 'leven thousand rooms. Josiah worried some about it,
and sez:
"What duz one old man want of 'leven thousand rooms? He can't be in
more'n one to time, and if he tried to go round and see if his hired
help kep' 'em swep' up and mopped and the winders cleaned, it would
keep him on the go the hull time and be too much for him."
But I told Josiah that Mr. Pope didn't make use of the hull buildin'
his own self, but there wuz libraries in it and museums and picture
galleries. I believe myself Mr. Pope is a real likely man, of which
more anon. I don't believe that there is a room in the U. S. or the
hull surroundin' world so grand and magnificent as the Great Hall of
the Vatican Library. It is over two hundred feet long, and glorious in
architecture and ornaments from top to bottom. It contains the most
priceless treasures in books and manuscripts. For hundreds of years
the collection has been constantly growing by purchase, gifts and
conquests. One of its choicest treasures is the Bible of the fourth
century.
The picture galleries in the Vatican contain pictures and statutes
enough, it seems to me, to ornament the parlors of the world if they
wuz divided up. And the museum--I don't spoze there is so big a
collection in the world of such rare and costly things, and I spoze
like as not there will never be another one so large and valuable. I
never should try it, nor Josiah wouldn't. It would be too big a tug on
our strength, if we had oceans of money, and can no more be described
than I could count the sands of the sea and set 'em in rows.
We thought one day we would visit the Pantheon. Miss Meechim didn't
really want to go on account of her conscience partly, and I too felt
some as she did, for it wuz a pagan temple riz up to all the gods
twenty-seven years before Christ. But finally we all did go. As I told
Miss Meechim, we could keep up a stiddy thinkin' on better things, if
we wuz lookin' on pagan shrines.
She said she wuz afraid that Rev. Mr. Weakdew wouldn't approve of her
being there, and she didn't seem to enjoy herself very much and I d'no
as I did. But it must have been a glorious place as fur as beauty is
concerned in its prime, for it is beautiful in its ruin. There are no
windows, but it has a large circular openin' in the ruff through which
I spoze the smoke of sacrifice ascended, not much, I believe, above
the figures that used to stand up there fifty feet above the marble
and porphry pavement--Mars, Jupiter, Apollo, Minerva, Vulcan, etc.,
etc. For all everything has been stole from this gorgeous temple that
could be, it is grand-lookin' and beautiful now.
From the Pantheon we went to the Capitol--the Capituline Hill where
justice wuz meted out to the public from kings and nobles.
We went safely past the two huge lions at the foot of the
staircase--though Tommy got behind me when he first saw them--past the
spot where Rianzi wuz killed. Here we see no end of statutes of the
Cæsars, the Popes and other influential families. We stood on the
spot where Brutus made that memorable speech, and I felt that I could
almost see that noble figger as he stood there sayin': "Friends,
Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears!" If I had been there, I'd lent
him two pairs; mine and Josiah's in welcome.
The bronze wolf, spoke of by Mr. Cicero, is still standin' there; and
in the museum here we see no end of rich sculpture, statutes, mosaic
and beautiful, rare objects of art. Pliny's doves made a noble show;
they are made of little pieces of stun, one hundred and sixty pieces
in an inch; I couldn't done it to save my life. The Venus of the
Capitol looks beautiful; Josiah thought she favored Sally Ann Henzy,
but I didn't. And, 'tennyrate, Sally Ann would have scorned to appear
in company in that condition; Sally Ann is real modest.
In the Pincian Garden, we see the villa of Lucullus, a brave soldier
who had his faults, but wuz a good provider and thought a site of his
vittles; he made me think of Josiah. And also we see the home of Mr.
Nero--mean creeter--I wuz glad enough he passed away before I got
there. My principles on intemperance and monopolies would have riled
him up dretful, and Arvilly's talk made him hoppin' mad. I d'no what
he would have took it into his head to do. And I never should have gin
him the freedom of Jonesville, never, he needn't thought on't; nor I
never should invited him to make a all day's visit to our house, nor a
afternoon one, either.
They have beautiful fountains in Rome. All of a sudden as we went
through a narrer street, we see a dazzlin' sheet of water come down
from the rock shell work and statutes, clear streams of water seemed
to be gushin' out on all sides, fallin' into a big reservoir big
enough for a ship to float in, and one day we went to see the Baths of
Caracella. Jest think of a bath a mile square, big enough for thirty
or forty thousand folks to bathe in at one time. It is all in ruins
now, but you can see from the thick walls, tall arches, the sides
covered with costly mosaic, what they wuz in their glory. Josiah
thought he could make a lovely piece of mosaic from the stuns down in
our paster and slate stuns. He said if he could cover the front of the
barn with the pictures of his travels in stun, some like the travels
of Ulysses, it would be a boon to Jonesville. But good land! it would
be a sight to behold made of stuns as big as your hand and all shapes.
That ambition must be squenched. Josiah breathed this aspiration to me
as we went through the Hall of the Emperors. And they didn't look no
better nor so well as the bretheren in the Jonesville meetin'-house
would if they wuz sculped and Josiah said so; though, of course, as I
told him, they wuz dressed up more fancy. And he said: "Any decent
woman would lend her nightgown for her pardner to be sculped in and
handkerchief pins and lace under-sleeves and things."
Poppea Sabina, the second wife of Mr. Nero, wuz a beautiful-lookin'
woman, though I don't spoze she wuz what she should be. Her husband
kicked her to death some time ago. He ort to been kicked himself; I'd
been willin' to hire the mule myself to done it, I wuz that put out
thinkin' on't.
Josiah said "Poppy Sabriny wuz the best-lookin' figger there."
Arvilly said she most knew he'd been drinkin', it wuz so fashionable
for drinkin' men to kick their wives, and sez she: "Oh, how I wish I
could have canvassed Nero for the 'Twin Crimes' before he done it."
And I sez: "It might have been a good thing for Mr. Nero and for
Poppy, but I don't know how it would have been with you, Arvilly; a
man that would kick his wife to death wouldn't be apt to brook a
book-agent."
"Yes," sez Josiah, "anybody that would kick Poppy Sabriny would do
anything."
Sez I: "It would look just as well, Josiah, for a perfessor not to
talk so much about another woman besides his pardner, even if she is a
stun woman."
"Jealous of a statter!" sez Josiah skornfully.
"Not at all," sez I. "But Poppea Sabina wuz a pagan, and no better
than she should be, and her folks wuzn't likely and----"
"Jest like a woman!" sez Josiah, "a man can't praise up another
female, dead or alive, without his pardner picking flaws in 'em."
Well, I drawed his attention off onto the Cæsars, Augustus and
Domitian, and quite a few on 'em. Nero's bust I despised lookin'
at--brutal tyrant--as Josiah truly said anybody that would kill his
wife and grandmother would do anything and wuz too mean to be looked
at. If I could covered up his face I'd been willin' to used my best
crape veil that I mourned for Mother Allen in. Nero's grandma, she
that wuz Agrepina Agrippa, wuz good featured but broken-hearted
lookin'. No wonder, havin' such a grandson in the family. Arvilly said
as she looked at it, that she believed if old Miss Nero, his grandma,
and his own ma had spanked him good and sound and sot him down hard in
the corner from day to day he wouldn't acted and behaved so when he
got bigger. She said she presoomed he wuz allowed to pierce flies with
a pin and torter hornets and May bugs and rob birds' nests and tie
cans to dogs' tails and act, and he got worse as he got bigger. And I
d'no but she wuz right. I've seen the Nero sperit in small boys many
times; why, I see it in Thomas Jefferson when he wuz little, but it
wus squenched and he's come up noble.
Miss Meechim wanted to see the Paletine Hill, the spot where Romulus
and Remus wuz nursed by a she wolf; Josiah don't believe it. He said
no wolf would consent to bring up twins by hand, and no ma would ever
allow it, but that's what they say. Miss Meechim explained here how
when the twins had growed up Romulus harnessed a heifer and bull to a
plough and laid out the site of the city. Robert Strong wuz full of
memories of Cicero, Catalus, the Gracchi, and so wuz Dorothy. But no
place interested me there so much as the Forum, where some think Paul
wuz tried. He wuz tried before Nero, and there wuz Nero's judgment
place, and there wuz the seat for prisoners. As I looked round me I
could imagine the incomparable eloquence of Paul that sways the human
heart as leaves are waved by a strong breeze, and his memory sweetened
the hull place, and it needed it bad enough, yes indeed it did. But to
resoom:
One day Arvilly and I wuz takin' a walk together, Josiah and Tommy
bein' a little ahead, when we see a elegant carriage comin' along, a
rich red color all ornamented with gold, with six horses, their
gorgeous harnesses nice enough for bridal ornaments. And there wuz
outriders goin' ahead and men in brilliant uniform fallin' in behind,
and lots and lots of carriages follerin' on in the procession. There
wuz a axident in front, two carriages goin' in opposite directions had
smashed in together, and two or three fallin' over them wuz the cause.
I see that in that splendid carriage right under my nose as it were, a
gentleman sittin' alone, dressed up in a way that would have shed
delight into the soul of Josiah Allen, and a female bystander sez,
"There is the pope."
He had a bright red robe on, all covered with crosses and stars and
orders, and a high peaked cap of the same color. And even as I looked
at him I thought what a beautiful stripe them clothes would make in a
rag carpet after he'd got through with 'em.
You could see he wuz good natered and smart and about as old as
Salathiel Henzy and looked like him. His benign face wuz lookin' over
the crowd as if he had a look into a better country. I liked his
linement first-rate and believe he is a likely man, and I felt that it
would encourage him to hear me say so, and also I felt that there wuz
some things that I wanted to advise him for his good. So I advanced to
the side of the carriage door and sez, holdin' out my hand in a
cordial way:
"Good mornin', Mr. Pope; I am glad to see you lookin' so well."
Bein' took so completely by surprise, he held out his hand. They have
told me since that he meant to have me kiss it, but I never thought
on't nor shouldn't done it if I had, not bein' in the habit of kissin'
strange men's hands; no, I grasped holt of it and shook it warmly just
as I would Salathiel's.
He riz his hand up in benediction and said some words that I couldn't
understand, but good ones I know from his looks, and I bent my head as
reverent as I would before Elder Minkley. But as I lifted my eyes what
wuz my horrow to see Arvilly advance takin' out "The Twin Crimes" from
her work-bag and before I could interfere she had begun to canvass
him. Sez she: "Mr. Pope, I have a book here I would like to call your
attention to: 'The Twin Crimes of America: Intemperance and Greed.'"
Good creeter, it wuz too bad. But it ended triumphant for Arvilly, for
whether it wuz my noble words to him that had softened him down or
whether it wuz that he knowed how rampant these two evils wuz in the
United States and wanted to inform himself still further about it,
'tennyrate he looked the book over and said he would be glad to have
the book, and he and two more of the leadin' men nigh him in that
procession bought books, Arvilly deliverin' 'em on the spot and takin'
her money. And if the stoppage in the crowd hadn't let up and they
started on, I d'no but she would have canvassed the hull flower of the
Romish meetin'-house; though we wuz told afterwards by one who
pretended to know, that it wuzn't the Pope I had talked to and Arvilly
had canvassed, but some other high dignitary in the meetin'-house.
We stayed on in Rome longer than we had laid out to, for our sweet
Dorothy liked it there. And if she had took it into her head to set
down on a lonesome rock in mid ocean, like a mermaid, for a week,
there would the rest on us be sot round her till her mind changed.
For the head of our party would have managed it some way so she could
had her way. Not that she would do anything aginst the wishes of the
rest of us, but she wuz happy there, and the rest of us all liked it
and found plenty of things to interest us, but at last we did set out
for Naples.
I had sot a good deal of store on seein' the Bay of Naples, and so had
the other females of our party. Robert Strong had seen it before. And
my pardner when I tried to roust up his interest and admiration by
quotin' the remark so often made: "See Naples and die."
He said he wouldn't do any such thing, not if he could keep alive.
"But," sez he, "more'n as likely as not the vile Italian cookin' will
be too much for me and your prophecy may come true; I may see Naples
and die--from starvation."
But I told him it wuz the incomparable beauty of the seen that wuz
meant, that when you'd seen that you had beheld the best and most
beautiful the world could offer you and you might as well pass away
without tryin' any further.
And Josiah said he would ruther see the Jonesville creek down in the
paster back of the house, where it makes a bend round our sugar house
and the sugar maples grow clear down to the water's edge, and pussy
willers lean down, so the pussy most touch the water, and you can see
the brook trout darting about over the clean pebbles, than to see
forty Napleses.
I too felt a good deal the same, but wouldn't encourage him by sayin'
so. And the Bay of Naples wuz beautiful, its beauty stole on you
onbeknown and growed and growed till it possessed your hull heart and
soul, if you had a soul. It lays like a big blue liquid gem in its
encirclin' settin' of fadeless green and flashing white walls, and
crowned by the hantin' dretful beauty of Mount Vesuvius.
Naples is a big city, the biggest in Italy, and as easy to git into
from land as Jonesville is, only on its principle avenues there are
what they call barriers where they collect duties on provisions, etc.,
brought from the country.
Josiah thought that would be a splendid thing for him. Sez he, "I
believe I shall have Ury help me and build a barrier in front of my
house and take a tax for big loads that go by. Why," sez he, "at a
cent a load I could make a splendid livin'."
But he won't try it. As I told him he might just as well lanch right
out on Jonesville creek as a corsair, "and I've always said," sez I,
"that never would I live on brigandage."
Some of the streets of Naples are narrer and noisy as Bedlam with
market men and women cryin' out their wares and all sorts of street
noises. Little donkeys carryin' loads fur too big for our old mair. A
sort of a big loose bag hangs on each side on 'em piled up as high as
they will hold with fruit, vegetables, flowers, etc.
Sometimes you will see such a big load walkin' off and can't for your
life tell what propels it till bime by you will hear a loud bray from
underneath. It sounds quite scareful. The little ridin' wagons of the
poor people are packed too as I never see a hoss car in the U. S.
Sometimes you will see more'n two dozen folks, priests, soldiers, men,
women and children, and sometimes baskets full of vegetables and
babies swingin' underneath and all drawed by a donkey; it hain't right
and I wanted to talk to 'em about it, but didn't know as they would
hear to me. But our old mair is used fur different.
The Cathedral is quite a noble lookin' buildin' and contains tombs of
many noted people, Pope Innocent, King Andrew, Charles I. of Anjou,
and many, many others. The Piazza del Municipio has a beautiful
fountain, and there is one fashionable promenade over two hundred feet
wide containing all sorts of trees and shrubs where you can see the
Neopolitans dressed in fine array. There is a terrace extending into
the sea, temples, winding paths, grottos, etc.
The Piazza del Plebiscito has an equestrian statute that wuz taken in
the first place for Napoleon, then changed to General Murat and
finally to Charles III. It made me think considerable of the daily
papers who use one picture for all social and criminal purposes, and
for Queen Victoria and Lydia Pinkham.
Some of the principal streets are straight and handsome, with blocks
of lava right out of the bosom of the earth for pavement. It give me
queer feelin's to tread on't thinkin' that it come from a place way
down in the earth that we didn't know anything about and thinkin' what
strange things it could tell if stuns could talk. Some of the best
streets had sidewalks. It is well lighted by gas.
As you walk along the streets you see rich and poor, beggar and
priest, soldier and peasant, every picturesque costoom you can think
on and all sorts of faces. But there seems to be a kind of a
happy-go-lucky air in 'em all, even to the beggars and the little
lazy, ragged children layin' in the sunshine. The people live much out
of doors here, you can see 'em washin' and dressin' the children, and
doin' housework, and everything right from the street, and though I
don't spoze the poor suffer so much here on account of the warm
climate, yet dirt and rags and filth and vermin didn't look any better
to me here than they did in Jonesville.
In Naples as a rule the lower parts of the houses are shops,
restaurants, etc., and the upper stories are used for dwellings. The
beautiful terraces of the city and the flat roofs of the houses are
covered with shrubs and flowers, and filled with gayly dressed
promenaders, givin' it a gay appearance. And you don't see in the
faces of the crowd any expression of fear for the danger signal that
smokes up in the sky, no more than our faces to home show signs of our
realizin' the big danger signals on our own horizon.
I d'no as I ever had hearn of the third city that wuz destroyed when
Herculaneam and Pompeii wuz. But Vesuvius did put an end to another
city called Stabea at that time, most two thousand years ago, but that
is some years back and I d'no as it is strange that the news hadn't
got to Jonesville yet.
Naples has three hundred meetin'-houses, enough you would say to make
the citizens do as they ort to. But I don't spoze they do. I hearn,
and it come quite straight, too, that it is a dretful city for folks
to act and behave, though it used us real well.
It has a good many theatres and has a large museum where I would be
glad to spent more time than I did. Dretful interestin' to me wuz the
rich frescoes and marbles dug up in the buried cities. Just to think
on't how long they stayed down there under the ground, and now come
out lookin' as well as ever whilst the Love or the Ambition that
carved the exquisite lines have gone away so fur that we can't foller
'em; way into some other planet, mebby. Bronze statutes, the finest
collection in the world they say, and all sorts of weapons, Etruscian
vases, coins, tablets, marbles, ornaments of all kinds enough to make
your head feel dizzy to glance at 'em.
Some of the statutes I didn't want Josiah to see; they wuzn't dressed
decent to appear in company, but then agin I knew he wuz a perfessor
and had always read about the Garden of Eden and Eve when she and Adam
first took the place and wuz so scanty on't for clothes, but I didn't
like their looks. Miss Meechim thought they wuz genteel and called it
high art, and Josiah, for a wonder, agreed with her; they hardly ever
think alike.
But I sez, "Josiah Allen, while I am a livin' woman, and a Methodist
sister, you never will be sculped with nothin' but a towel hung over
one arm, not even a paper collar on, and," sez I, "what should we
think to go into a photograph gallery to home and see Sister Bobbett
and Sister Gowdey portrayed with a little mosquiter nettin' slung over
one shoulder?" Sez I, "It would be the town's talk and ort to be--you
can call it high art, Miss Meechim, if you want to, but I shall always
call it low art."
Miss Meechim murmured sunthin' about its bein' genteel, and Josiah
looked round and didn't pay the attention to my earnest words that he
ort to. I believe they did for a spell shet up them statters of Venus,
but they had let 'em out agin when we wuz there. There wuz one statter
of a woman with the top of her head and her arms off. Josiah said to
me:
"The idee of puttin' that poor cripple in here amongst decent lookin'
wimmen; if they pictured her at all they ought to pictured her as
bein' carried to a hosspital."
Miss Meechim wuz nigh by and I see she had gone almost into spazzums
of admiration over it, and on our family's account, didn't want to
fall too low down in her estimation, so I wunk at him and whispered,
"Josiah, that is the celebrated Sikey; it is the proper thing to fall
into extacies of admiration and wonder when you see it." And I as I
say not wantin' to demean myself any further before Miss Meechim, put
up my two hands in an attitude of wonder, but which she could take for
admiration if she wanted to, but I didn't say it wuz.
But Josiah sez, "Catch me a praisin' up a no armed female, one who has
been scalped, too, in the bargain."
I hope Miss Meechim didn't hear him. She always praised just what wuz
proper to praise, she always read in her guide book just what she
ought to admire and then proceeded to admire it to once. As she
boasted her mind wuz a eminently conservative and genteel mind.
As for me my mind and sperit loved to grope around more and find out
things to praise and blame by rote and not by note, and Dorothy and
Robert Strong was some so.
Arvilly wuz more bent on disseminatin' her books to help and instruct,
and would have canvassed Michael Angelo himself for the "Twin Crimes,"
turning her back onto his most wonderful creations. As for Josiah, a
wild goat leapin' through museums and picture galleries couldn't have
been more scornful of contemporaneous judgment exceptin' when he
tried to be fashionable.
Dear little Tommy would wander round with his arms clasped behind him
under his velvet jacket and wonner at things to himself, and I spoze
Carabi walked up and down beside him though we couldn't see him.
Sometimes I felt kinder conscience smitten to think I couldn't
honestly admire what seemed to be the proper thing to, and then agin I
kinder leaned up agin the memory of John Ruskin and how he liked in
art what he did like, and not what it was fashionable to, and I felt
comforted.
One day, tired out with sightseein' and havin' sunthin' of a headache,
I stayed to home while all the rest of the party went out and Miss
Meechim invited me into their settin'-room as it wuz cooler there, so
I had sot there for some time readin' a good book and enjoyin' my poor
health as well as I could, when a card wuz brung in for Robert Strong.
I told the hall boy that he wuz out but wuz expected back soon, and in
a few minutes he come back usherin' in a good lookin' man who said he
wuz anxious to see him on business and that he would wait for him. I
knowed him from his picture as well as his card; it wuz Mr.
Astofeller, a multi-millionaire, who had got his enormous wealth from
trusts and monopolies.
I couldn't go back into my room for Josiah had the key, and so we
introduced ourselves and had quite a agreeable visit, when all of a
sudden right whilst we wuz talkin' polite and agreeable two long
strings dangled down in front of the eyes of my soul, strings I had
often clung to. Well I knowed 'em, and I sez to myself almost wildly:
Oh, Duty! must I cling to thy apron-strings here and now, enjoyin' as
I do poor health and in another woman's room? For reply, them strings
dangled down lower yet, and I had to reach up the arms of my sperit
and gently but firmly grip holt on 'em and stiddy myself on 'em whilst
I tackled him on the subject of monopolies, having some hopes I could
convert him and make him give 'em up then and there and turn round and
be on the Lord's side.
And bein' so dretful anxious to convince him, I begun some as the M.
E. ministers sometimes do in a low, still voice, gradually risin'
higher and deeper and more earnest. I told him my idees of trusts and
monopolies and what a danger I thought they wuz to individual and
national life. And I described the feelin's I felt to see such droves
of poor people out of work and starvin' for the necessaries of life,
whilst a few wuz pilin' up enormous and onneeded wealth, and I sez:
"Mr. Astofeller, what good does it do to heap up such a lot of money
jest to think you own it and hide it from the tax collector? And bring
up your daughters to luxury and foolish display, their gole being to
give you a titled son-in-law who will bend down toward you from his
eminence jest fur enough to reach your pockets, and if you refuse to
have them emptied too many times you will anon or oftener have your
daughter returned to you, her beauty eat up by sorrow, her ears
tinglin' and heart burnin' with experiences a poor girl would never
know. And bring up your sons to idleness and temptation, when you
know, Mr. Astofeller, that it is Earnest Toil, wise-headed,
hard-handed step-ma, that goads her sons on to labor and success. And
it is not, as a rule, the sons of millionaires who are our great men.
It is the sons of Labor and Privation that hold the prizes of life
to-day and will to-morrow."
And sez I, reasonable: "What is the use, Mr. Astofeller, of so much
money, anyway? You can't ride in but one buggy at a time, or wear more
than one coat and vest, or sleep on more than one bed and three
pillers at the outside, or eat more than three meals a day with any
comfort, so why not let poorer folks have a chance to eat one meal a
day--lots of 'em would be tickled to death to.
"Our Lord said: 'Take no thought for the morrow what ye shall eat or
what ye shall drink;' and He must have meant that the time wuz comin'
when juster laws should prevail, when Mammon should yield to Mercy and
plunder changed to plenty for all and no burden of riches for any. The
Bible sez that in those days when the pure influence of Jesus still
rested on his disciples that they had everything in common."
Sez Mr. Astofeller, "Start ten men out rich Monday morning, and nine
of them would be poor Saturday night, and the tenth one would own the
money of all the rest."
And I sez: "I presoom so, if they had their own way, and that is a big
argument to prove that there ought to be a wise head and a merciful
hand at the hellum to look out for the hull on 'em. A good father and
mother with a big family of children takes care of the hull on 'em.
And if one is miserly and one a spendthrift and one a dissipator and
one over-ambitious they watch over 'em and curb these different traits
of theirn and adjust 'em to the good of all and the honor of their pa
and ma. They spur on the indolent and improvident, hold back the
greedy and ambitious, watch and see that the careless and good-natured
don't git trod on, nor the strong make slaves of the weaker. The
feeble are protected, temptations are kept out of the way of the
feeble wills; the honest, industrious ones hain't allowed to perish
for want of work they would gladly do, and the strong, keen-witted
ones hain't allowed to steal from the onfaculized ones. Why, how it
would look for that pa to let some of his children heap up more money
than they could use, whilst some of the children wuz starvin'? It
would make talk and ort to."
Mr. Astofeller said, "Millionaires are very charitable; look at their
generous gifts on every side."
And I sez, "Yes, that's so; but Charity, though she's a good creeter
and well thought on, hain't so good as Justice in lots of places."
He sez, "We give big gifts to the churches."
And I sez, "Yes, I know it; but do you think that the Lord is goin' to
think any better on you for raisin' up costly temples sacred to the
Lord who specially said in his first sermon that he had come to
preach the Gospel to the poor, give sight to the blind, set at liberty
them that are bound? As it is you rare up magnificent temples and hire
eloquent clergymen to preach the doctrine that condemns you if they
preach the Bible, which a good many on 'em do. For you must remember
what it sez:
"If you who have plenty give not to your brother in need, how dwelleth
the love of God in you? And if you have two coats and your poorer
brother has none, you ort to give him your second best one. And you
kneel down on your soft hassocks and pray all your enormous, needless
wealth away from you, for you pray, 'Thy kingdom come,' which you know
is the kingdom of love and equality and justice, and 'Thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven,' when you know that God's will is mercy,
pity and love. And 'Give us our daily bread,' when you must know that
you are takin' it right out of the mouths of the poor when you are
makin' your big corners on wheat and meat, and freezin' the widder and
orphan when you make your corners on coal."
Sez I, "Look at Robert Strong's City of Justice. Love, peace and
happiness rains there. Every workman is content, for he has his pay
for his labor and a fair percentage on profits. If the factory is
prosperous the workman knows that he gets just as much accordin' for
the work he puts in as if he owned the hull thing, and it is for his
advantage to give good work and help it along all he can.
"Intemperance is not allowed to show its hoof and horns inside that
city, for that would be injustice to the weak-willed and their
families. Greed and plunder and the whiskey power has to stay outside,
for the Bible sez without are dogs.
"Robert Strong might wring all the money he could from these workmen,
wrop himself in a jewelled robe and set up in a gold chair and look
down on the bent forms of the poor, sweating and groaning and striking
and starving below him. But he don't want to. He is down there right
by the side of 'em. Capital and labor walking side by side some like
the lion and the lamb. He has enough for his wants, and they have
enough for their wants, and there is mutual good-will there and peace
and happiness. Hain't that better than discontent and envy and
despair, bloody riots and revolutions? Cold, selfish, greedy Capital
clutching its money-bags, and cowering and hiding away from starvin'
infuriated strikers."
Sez I, growin' real eloquent, "Monopoly is the great American brigand
hid in the black forest of politics. It has seized Labor in its
clutches and wrings a ransom out of every toiler in the land.
"Monopoly steals out of Uncle Sam's pocket with one hand and with the
other clutches the bread-money out of the tremblin' weak fingers of
the poor. Is our law," sez I, "a travesty, a vain sham, that a man
that steals millions for greed goes unpunished, while a man who steals
a loaf to keep his children from starvin' is punished by our laws and
scorfed at? Monopoly makes the poor pay tribute on every loaf of bread
and bucket of coal, and the govermunt looks on and helps it. Shame!
shame that it is so!"
Sez Mr. Astofeller, "Where would the world be to-day if it wuzn't for
rich people building railroads, stringing telegraph and telephone
wires, binding the cities and continents together?"
"Yes," sez I, "I set store by what they've done, just as I do on them
good old creeters who used to carry the mails in their saddle-bags for
so much a year. Folks felt tickled to death, I spoze, when they could
send a letter by somebody for 10 cents a letter. And it wuz a great
improvement on havin' to write and send it by hum labor, a boy and a
ox team. But when I see Uncle Sam can carry 'em for two cents and one
cent a-piece, why I can't help favorin' the idee of givin' Uncle Sam
the job. And if he can carry letters so much cheaper why can't he
carry packages at just the same reduced rate, and talk over the wires,
etc., etc.?
"Not that I look down on them saddle-bags--fur from it--I honor 'em
and I honor the rich men that have cut iron roads through continents,
mountain and abyss, honor them that have made talkin' under the ocean
possible and through the pathless air. Yes, indeed, I honor 'em from
nearly the bottom of my heart. But I would honor 'em still more if
they should now all on 'em stand up in a row before Uncle Sam, and
say, We have done all we could to help the people (and ourselves at
the same time), and now as we see that you can help 'em still more
than we can, we turn our improvements all over into your hands to use
for the people, for you can make travel jest as much cheaper as letter
carryin', and do it just as peaceable. Why, what a stir it would make
on earth and in heaven, and Uncle Sam would see that they didn't lose
anything by it. He'd see jest what a grand thing they wuz doin', and
pay 'em well for it. And these rich men, instead of leavin' their
wealth in bags of greenbacks for moth and rust and lawyers to corrupt,
and fightin' heirs to break through their wills and steal, would leave
it in grateful memories and a niche in history where their benine
faces would stand up with all the great benefactors of the race.
Hain't that better, Mr. Astofeller, than to leave jest money for a
fashionable wife and golf-playin' sons to run through?"
Mr. Astofeller said he believed it wuz better; he looked real
convinced. And seein' him in this softened frame of mind I went on and
brung up a number of incidents provin' that the great folks of the
past had held a good many of my idees in regard to wealth. I reminded
him of Mr. Cincinnatus who did so much to make Rome glorious, when the
public sought him out for honors (he not a-prancin' through the
country with torch-light processions and a brass band, talkin' himself
hoarse, and lavishin' money to git it), no indeed, when they sought
him for a candidate for public honors they found him a not fixin' up
the primarys and buyin' bosses, but ploughin' away, just as peaceable
as his oxen, workin' on his own little farm of four acres. He wuz
satisfied with makin' enough to live on. Live and let live was his
motto.
"And Mr. Regulus, the leader of the great Roman forces, wuz satisfied
with his little farm of seven acres, creepin' up a little in amount
from four to seven. But it wuzn't till long, long afterwards that the
rich grew enormously rich and the poor poorer, and what a man had wuz
honored instead of what he wuz. Over and over the drama has been
played out, moderation and contentment, luxury and discontent,
revolution and ruin, but I did hope that our republic, havin' more
warnin's and nigher the millenium, wouldn't go the same old jog trot
up, up--up, and down, down, down. I wuz some in hopes they would hear
to me, but I d'no."
I could see that Mr. Astofeller wuz greatly impressed by what I said.
I see he took out his watch a number of times, wantin' to see, I
mistrusted, the exact minute that I said different things. He wuz jest
like the rest of them millionaires, a first-rate lookin' and actin'
creeter when you git down to the real man, but run away with by
Ambition and Greed, a span that will take the bits in their mouth and
dash off and carry any one further than they mean to be carried. He
didn't say so right out but he kinder gin me to understand that I'd
convinced him more'n a little. And I am lookin' every day to see him
make a dicker with Uncle Sam (a good-hearted creeter too as ever lived
Uncle Sam is, only led away sometimes by bad councillors), yes, I
expect he will make a dicker with Uncle Sam for the good of the public
and hasten on the day of love and justice. I am lookin' for it and
prayin' for it; in fact the hull world is prayin' for it every day
whether they know it or not when they pray "Thy kingdom come."
But to resoom: Robert Strong and Josiah come back almost simeltaneously,
and I don't know what Mr. Astofeller's bizness wuz with Robert, sunthin'
about California affairs, I guess, mebby politics or sunthin'. But
'tennyrate, if it wuz anything out of the way I know he would never get
Robert to jine in with him.