Volume 108, May 11th, 1895.
_edited by Sir Francis Burnand_
"BRAINS FOR CASH."
["The unbridled greediness of some authors."--MR. GOSSE.]
_Publisher_ (_nervously_). And what will your terms be for a short
story, in your best style?
_Author_ (_loftily_). I have only one style, and that is perfection. I
couldn't think of charging less than fifty guineas a page.
_Publisher_ (_aghast_). Fifty guineas a page! But are you aware that
Lord MACAULAY got only ten thousand for the whole of his history, and
that MILTON----
_Author_ (_rudely_). Hang MACAULAY and MILTON! Surely you would
not compare those second-rate writers with _myself!_ If _they_ were
content to work for starvation wages, I am not.
_Publisher_. But, say your story runs to twenty pages, as it probably
will, I shall have to pay you for that one short tale the really
ridiculous sum of a thousand pounds!
_Author_ (_coolly_). Yes, it is rather ridiculous--ridiculously small,
I mean. Still, out of regard to your pocket, I am willing to accept
that inadequate remuneration. Is it a bargain?
_Publisher_ (_with a groan_). It must be. The public demands your
work, and we have no option. But allow me to remark that your policy
is----
_Author_ (_gaily_). A Policy of Assurance, on which _you_ have to pay
the premium. Ha, ha!