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[Illustration: ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
MR. LOWTHER TAKES THE CHAIR FOR "POSITIVELY THE LAST TIME." HIS
ENTHUSIASTIC PROPOSER AND SECONDER (COLONEL MILDMAY AND SIR HENRY
DALZIEL), BITTEN BY THE POPULAR CRAZE, PUT A BIT OF "JAZZ" INTO THE
PROCEEDINGS.]
_Tuesday, February 4th_.--There is much virtue in horsehair. Few who
attended the informal opening of the Third Parliament of KING GEORGE
THE FIFTH would have guessed that under the full-bottomed wig and
gorgeous black-and-gold robes of the dignified figure on the Woolsack
lay the volatile personality of "F. E." He played his new part nobly.
A trifling error in the setting of his three-cornered hat, whose
rakish cock was for the moment reminiscent of the "Galloper," was
quickly corrected on the advice of one of the Lords Commissioners at
his side; and by the time the faithful Commons were admitted to hear
the Commission read there was nothing to differentiate Lord BIRKENHEAD
(as he had now become) from any previous occupant of his exalted
position. Nor was there any lack of dignity in his delivery of the
instructions to the Commons to "proceed to the choice of some proper
person to be your Speaker"--though I fancy that when he bade them
"repair to the place where you are to sit" he must have been tempted
to add the words, "provided that you can find room there."
For the Lower House, when we returned there, was a seething mass of
humanity. How many of the 707 duly elected Members were present I know
not; but there were enough to swamp the floor and surge over into the
Galleries. Seeing that the "Tubes" were closed and taxis few and far
between, some of them were obliged to resort to unusual methods of
locomotion. Sir HENRY NORMAN surprised the police in Palace Yard by
arriving on a motor-scooter, and there is an unconfirmed rumour
that the Editor of _John Bull_ made his _rentrée_ to the House in a
flying-boat drawn by four _canards sauvages._ Anyhow, there they were,
so thick and slab that Mr. DE VALERA, who was reported to have escaped
from durance vile with the intention of presenting himself at the
House and creating a disturbance, would have found it impossible to
gain entry unless preceded by a charge of gelignite. As it was, none
of the Sinn Feiners was present, nor indeed any representative of
Irish Nationalism at all, and the proceedings were as orderly as a
Quaker funeral.
Not that they were by any means dull. For both Colonel MILDMAY, who
proposed, and Sir HENRY DALZIEL, who seconded, the re-election of Mr.
LOWTHER as Speaker, spiced their compliments with humour. The former
was confident that even if Woman appeared on the floor of the House
the SPEAKER-ELECT'S "consummate tact" would be equal to coping with
her artfullest endeavours to get round the rules of procedure; while
the latter attributed his priceless gift of humour to "Scottish
ancestry on the mother's side."
Horsehair again! I hardly recognised in the quietly-dressed Member who
rose from the Bench behind Ministers to acknowledge these encomiums
the man whose awe-inspiring appearance (when clothed in wig and gown)
has quelled so many storms in the last four Parliaments. Let us hope
that the fifth, of which, being the outcome of his famous Conference,
he may in a sense be described as the "onlie begetter," will not
disgrace its parentage.
Already there are elements of difficulty. Through the non-return of
Mr. ASQUITH the Opposition has lost its head literally and is in some
danger of losing it figuratively, for the remnant of the un-"couponed"
Liberals and the Labour Party are at present acutely divided on the
question upon whom the lost Leader's mantle should fall. Today Sir
DONALD MACLEAN, as senior Privy Councillor, took the _pas_ and was
able from personal experience to give his conception of the ideal
Speaker, who "must not only have good vision but be sometimes quite
blind; not only have acute hearing but occasionally be almost
stone-deaf." Fortunately the SPEAKER-ELECT can assume these physical
defects at will; for, despite its quiet opening, I doubt if the
new Parliament when it gets to work will prove precisely a Lowther
Arcadia.
_Wednesday, February 5th_.--To the Lords again, where the
SPEAKER-ELECT, attired in Court dress and accompanied by the
SERGEANT-AT-ARMS dandling the Mace as if it ware a refractory infant,
presented himself at the Bar to hear from the LORD CHANCELLOR the
pleasing intelligence that HIS MAJESTY was convinced of his "ample
sufficiency" to execute his arduous duties, and readily approved his
election. Thereupon Sir COLIN KEPPEL swung the Mace on to his shoulder
and escorted the SPEAKER, now confirmed in his rank, back to the
Commons.
There was an unusual rush of Members to take the oath. This was not
entirely due to the new Members, naturally desirous of completing
their initiatory rites, but was shared by many of the older hands, for
the good and sufficient reason that, until a Member is certified as
having been duly sworn, he cannot recover his one hundred and fifty
pounds deposit from the Returning Officer. In their zeal to be in a
position to reimburse themselves Members crowded in such numbers to
the tables that there was some danger that they would be overturned.
As one of our Latinists remarked, "It looks as if we should have
_novae res_ outside and _novae tabulae_ inside."
_Thursday, February 6th._--The process, once immortalized by a Lords'
reporter in the sentence, "A few Bishops looked in, swore, and went
away again," went on in both Houses; but in the Commons in a more
orderly fashion than yesterday. For the SPEAKER, ever ready, as he
said on his election, "to carry out the old rules in a modern
spirit," directed the waiting Members to form up in line. One of the
Coalitionists evinced a little surprise. He had always understood that
when coupons were issued queues were superfluous.
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[Illustration: _Donald (who a short time before had put the bottle in
the cupboard "for another day" breaking long silence)._ "SAXPENCE FOR
YOUR THOUGHTS, SANDY."
_Sandy._ "WEEL, I'M THENKIN' IT'S JEST TWA MEENITS SEN THE CLOCK STRUCK
TWELVE--AN' IT'LL BE ANITHER DAY."
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"Wanted a Certificated (Resilient) Lady Teacher for Std.
V."--_Times of India_.
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