WINIFRED DRIFTS
Winifred, pale as death, rose to receive her lover, with that letter in
her hand which made an appointment with her at a house in East Orange; a
letter which she believed to have been written by a dramatic agent, but
which was actually inspired by Senator Meiklejohn. It was the bait of
the trap which should put her once more in the power of Meiklejohn and
his accomplices.
During a few tense seconds the girl prayed for power to play the bitter
part which had been thrust upon her--to play it well for the sake of the
man who loved her, and whom she loved. The words of his mother were
still in her ears. She had to make him think that she did not care for
him. In the last resort she had to fly from him. She had tacitly
promised to do this woeful thing.
Far enough from her innocent mind was it to dream that the visit of
Rex's mother had been brought about by her enemies in order to deprive
her of a protector and separate her from her lover at the very time
when he was most necessary to save her.
Carshaw entered in high spirits. "Well, I have news--" he began. "But,
hello! What's the matter?"
"With whom?" asked Winifred.
"You look pale."
"Do I? It is nothing."
"You have been crying, surely."
"Have I?"
"Tell me. What is wrong?"
"Why should I tell _you_, if anything is wrong?"
He stood amazed at this speech. "Odd words," said he, looking at her in
a stupor of surprise, almost of anger. "Whom should you tell but me?"
This touched Winifred, and, struggling with the lump in her throat, she
said, unsteadily: "I am not very well to-day; if you will leave me now,
and come perhaps some other time, you will oblige me."
Carshaw strode nearer and caught her shoulder.
"But what a tone to me! Have I done something wrong, I wonder? Winnie,
what is it?"
"I have told you I am not very well. I do not desire your
company--to-day."
"Whew! What majesty! It must be something outrageous. But what? Won't
you be dear and kind, and tell me?"
"You have done nothing."
"Yes, I have. I think I can guess. I spoke of Helen Tower yesterday as
of an old sweetheart--was that it? And it is all jealousy. Surely I
didn't say much. What on earth did I say? That she was like a
Gainsborough; that she was rather a beauty; that she was _elancee_ at
twenty-two. But I didn't mean any harm. Why, it's jealousy!"
At this Winifred drew herself up to discharge a thunderbolt, and though
she winced at the Olympian effort, managed to say distinctly:
"There can be no jealousy where there is no love."
Carshaw stood silent, momentarily stunned, like one before whom a
thunderbolt has really exploded. At last, looking at the pattern of a
frayed carpet, he said humbly enough:
"Well, then, I must be a very unfortunate sort of man, Winifred."
"Don't believe me!" Winifred wished to cry out. But the words were
checked on her white lips. The thought arose in her, "He that putteth
his hand to the plow and looketh back--"
"It is sudden, this truth that you tell me," went on Carshaw. "Is it a
truth?"
"Yes."
"You are not fond of me, Winnie?"
"I have a liking for you."
"That's all?"
"That is all."
"Don't say it, dear. I suffer."
"Do you? No, don't suffer. I--can't help myself."
"You are sorry for me, then?"
"Oh, yes."
"But how came I, then, to have the opposite impression so strongly? I
think--I can't help thinking--that it was your fault, dear. You made me
hope, perhaps without meaning me to, that--that life was to be happy for
me. When I entered that door just now no man in New York had a lighter
step than I, or a more careless heart. I shall go out of it--different,
dear. You should not have allowed me to think--what I did; and you
should not have told me the truth so--quite so--suddenly."
"Sit down. You are not fair to me. I did not know you cared--"
"You--you did not know that I cared? Come, that's not true, girl!"
"Not so much, I mean--not quite so much. I thought that you were
flirting with me, as I--perhaps--was flirting with you."
"Who is that I hear speaking? Is it Winifred? The very sound of her
voice seems different. Am I dreaming? She flirting with me? I don't
realize her--it is a different girl! Oh! this thing comes to me like a
falling steeple. It had no right to happen!"
"You should sit down, or you should go; better go--better, better go,"
and Winifred clutched wildly at her throat. "Let us part now, and let us
never meet!"
"If you like, if you wish it," said Carshaw, still humbly, for he was
quite dazed. "It seems sudden. I am not sure if it is a dream or not. It
isn't a happy one, if it is. But have we no business to discuss before
you send me away in this fashion? Do you mean to throw off my help as
well as myself?"
"I shall manage. I have an offer of work here in my hands. I shall soon
be at work, and will then send the amount of the debt which I owe you,
though you care nothing about that, and I know that I can never repay
you for all."
"Yes, that is true, too, in a way. Am I, then, actually to go?"
"Yes."
"But you are not serious? Think of my living on, days and years, and not
seeing you any more. It seems a pitiable thing, too. Even you must be
sorry for me."
"Yes, it seems a pitiable thing!"
"So--what do you say?"
"Good-by. Go--go!"
"But you will at least let me know where you are? Don't be quite lost to
me."
"I shall be here for some time. But you won't come. I mustn't see you. I
demand that much."
"No, no. I won't come, you may be sure. And you, on your part, promise
that if you have need of money you will let me know? That is the least I
can expect of you."
"I will; but go. I will have you in my--memory. Only go from me now, if
you--love--"
"Good-by, then. I do not understand, but good-by. I am all in, Winnie;
but still, good-by. God bless you--"
He kissed her hand and went. Her skin was cold to his lips, and, in a
numb way, he wondered why. A moment after he had disappeared she called
his name, but in an awful, hushed voice which he could not hear; and she
fell at her length on the couch.
"Rex! My love! My dear love," she moaned, and yet he did not hear, for
the sky had dropped on him.
There she lay a little while, yet it was not all pain with her. There is
one sweetest sweet to the heart, one drop of intensest honey, sweeter to
it than any wormwood is bitter, which consoled her--the consciousness of
self-sacrifice, of duty done, of love lost for love's sake. Mrs. Carshaw
had put the girl on what Senator Meiklejohn cynically called "the heroic
tack"; and, having gone on that tack, Winifred deeply understood that
there was a secret smile in it, and a surprising light. She lay catching
her breath till Miss Goodman brought up the tea-tray, expecting to find
the cheery Carshaw there as usual, for she had not heard him go out.
Instead, she found Winifred sobbing on the couch, for Winifred's grief
was of that depth which ceases to care if it is witnessed by others. The
good landlady came, therefore, and knelt by Winifred's side, put her arm
about her, and began to console and question her. The consolation did no
good, but the questions did. For, if one is persistently questioned, one
must answer something sooner or later, and the mind's effort to answer
breaks the thread of grief, and so the commonplace acts as a medicine to
tragedy.
In the end Winifred was obliged to sit up and go to the table where the
tea-things were. This was in itself a triumph; and her effort to secure
solitude and get rid of Miss Goodman was a further help toward throwing
off her mood of despair. By the time Miss Goodman was gone the storm was
somewhat calmed.
During that sad evening, which she spent alone, she read once more the
letter making the appointment with her at East Orange. Now, reading it a
second time, she felt a twinge of doubt. Who could it be, she wondered,
whom she would have to see there? East Orange was some way off. A
meeting of this sort usually took place in New York, at an office.
Her mind was not at all given to suspicions, but on reading over the
letter for the third time, she now noticed that the signature was not in
the handwriting of the agent. She knew his writing quite well, for he
had sent her other letters. This writing was, indeed, something like
his, but certainly not his. It might be a clerk's; the letter was typed
on his office paper.
To say that she was actually disturbed by these little rills of doubt
would not be quite true. Still, they did arise in her mind, and left her
not perfectly at ease. The touch of uneasiness, however, made her ask
herself why she should now become a singer at all. It was Carshaw who
had pressed it upon her, because she had insisted on the vital necessity
of doing something quickly, and he had not wished her to work again with
her hands. In reality, he was scheming to gain time.
Now that they were parted she saw no reason why she should not throw off
all this stage ambition, and toil like other girls as good as she. She
had done it. She was skilled in the bookbinding craft; she might do it
again. She counted her money and saw that she had enough to carry her
on a week, or even two, with economy. Therefore, she had time in which
to seek other work.
Even if she did not find it she would have not the slightest hesitation
in "borrowing" from Rex; for, after all, all that he had was hers--she
knew it, and he knew it. Before she went to bed she decided to throw up
the singing ambition, not to go to the appointment at East Orange, but
to seek some other more modest occupation.
About that same hour Rex Carshaw walked desolately to the apartment in
Madison Avenue. He threw himself into a chair and propped his head on a
hand, saying: "Well, mother!" for Mrs. Carshaw was in the room.
His mother glanced anxiously at him, for though Winifred had promised to
keep secret the fact of her visit, she was in fear lest some hint of it
might have crept out; nor had she foreseen quite so deadly an effect on
her son as was now manifest. He looked care-worn and weary, and the
maternal heart throbbed.
She came and stood over him. "Rex, you don't look well," said she.
"No; perhaps I'm not very well, mother," said he listlessly.
"Can I do anything?"
"No; I'm rather afraid that the mischief is beyond you, mother."
"Poor boy! It is some trouble, I know. Perhaps it would do you good to
tell me."
"No; don't worry, mother. I'd rather be left alone, there's a dear."
"Only tell me this. Is it very bad? Does it hurt--much?"
"Where's the use of talking? What cannot be cured must be endured. Life
isn't all a smooth run on rubber tires."
"But it will pass, whatever it is. Bear up and be brave."
"Yes; I suppose it will pass--when I am dead."
She tried to smile.
"Only the young dream of death as a relief," she said. "But such wild
words hurt, Rex."
"That's all right, only leave me alone; you can't help. Give me a kiss,
and then go."
A tear wet his forehead when Mrs. Carshaw laid her lips there.