I had always been afraid of my father, and I now feared him more than
ever. I was harbouring in my breast a whole world of vague questions
and sensations. Could he understand me? Could I confess anything to him
without betraying my friends? I trembled at the thought that in due
time he would hear of my acquaintance with that “bad company,” but,
betray Valek and Marusia--no, that I could never do! There was a reason
for my resolve: if I broke my word and betrayed them, I should never be
able to raise my eyes to their faces again for shame.