"Two manners of sickness that we have: impatience, or sloth;--despair,
or mistrustful dread"
All the blessed teaching of our Lord was shewed by three parts: that
is to say, by bodily sight, and by word formed in mine understanding,
and by spiritual sight. For the bodily sight, I have said as I saw, as
truly as I can; and for the words, I have said them right as our Lord
shewed them to me; and for the spiritual sight, I have told some deal,
but I may never fully tell it: and therefore of this sight I am stirred
to say more, as God will give me grace.
God shewed two manners of sickness that we have: the one is impatience,
or sloth: for we bear our travail and our pains heavily; the other is
despair, or doubtful dread, which I shall speak of after. _Generally_,
He shewed _sin_, wherein that all is comprehended, but in special He
shewed only these two. And these two are they that most do travail
and tempest us, according to that which our Lord shewed me; and of
them He would have us be amended. I speak of such men and women as for
God's love hate sin and dispose themselves to do God's will: then by
our spiritual blindness and bodily heaviness we are most inclining to
these. And therefore it is God's will that they be known, for then we
shall refuse them as we do other sins.
And for help of this, full meekly our Lord shewed the patience that He
had in His Hard Passion; and also the joying and the satisfying that
He hath of that Passion, for love. And this He shewed in example that
we should gladly and wisely bear our pains, for that is great pleasing
to Him and endless profit to us. And the cause why we are travailed
with them is for lack in knowing[1] of Love. Though the three Persons
in the Trinity[2] be all even[3] in Itself, the soul[4] took most
understanding in Love; yea, and He willeth that in all things we have
our beholding and our enjoying in Love. And of this knowing are we most
blind. For some of us believe that God is Almighty and may do all,
and that He is All-Wisdom and can do all; but that He is All-Love and
will do all, there we stop short.[5] And this not-knowing it is, that
hindereth most God's lovers, as to my sight.
For when we begin to hate sin, and amend us by the ordinance of Holy
Church, yet there dwelleth a dread that letteth us, because of the
beholding of our self and of our sins afore done. And some of us
because of our every-daily sins: for we hold not our Covenants, nor
keep we our cleanness that our Lord setteth us in, but fall oftentimes
into so much wretchedness that shame it is to see it. And the beholding
of this maketh us so sorry and so heavy, that scarsely we can find any
comfort.
And this dread we take sometime for a meekness, but it is a foul
blindness and a weakness.[6] And we cannot despise it as we do another
sin, that we know [as sin]: for it cometh [subtly] of Enmity, and it
is against truth. For it is God's will that of all the properties of
the blissful Trinity, we should have most sureness and comfort in Love:
for Love maketh Might and Wisdom full meek to us. For right as by the
courtesy of God He forgiveth our sin after the time that we repent us,
right so willeth He that _we_ forgive our sin, as anent our unskilful
heaviness and our doubtful dreads.
[1] "for _unknowing_."
[2] seen as Might, Wisdom, Love.
[3] _i.e._ equal.
[4] _i.e._ Julian (xiii., xxiv., xlvi.).
[5] "astynten."
[6] S. de Cressy: "a wickedness"; but the MS. word is "waykenes."