BILL NYE UNDERTAKES TO MILK HER WHEN THE SIGN IS NOT RIGHT--DISASTROUS
RESULTS.
When I was young and used to roam around over the country, gathering
water-melons in the dark of the moon, I used to think I could milk
anybody's cow, but I do not think so now. I do not milk a cow now unless
the sign is right, and it hasn't been right for a good many years.
The last cow I tried to milk was a common cow, born in obscurity; kind
of a self-made cow. I remember her brow was low, but she wore her tail
high and she was haughty, oh, so haughty.
I made a common-place remark to her, one that is used in the very best
of society, one that need not have given offense anywhere. I said
"so"--and she "soed". Then I told her to "histe"--and she histed. But I
thought she overdid it. She put too much expression in it.
Just then I heard something crash through the window of the barn and
fall with a dull, sickening thud on the outside.
The neighbors came to see what it was that caused the noise. They found
that I had done it in getting through the window.
I asked the neighbors if the barn was still standing. They said it was.
Then I asked if the cow was injured much. They said she seemed to be
quite robust. Then I requested them to go in and calm the cow a little
and see if they could get my plug hat off her horns.
I am buying all my milk now of a milk-man. I select a gentle milk-man
who will not kick and I feel as though I could trust him. Then if he
feels as though he could trust me, it is all right.