BILL NYE.

It is customary at this season of the year to poke fun at the good

clothes of our friends and well-wishers, the ladies, but it occurs to

me that this spring there is a very small field for the witty and

sarcastic critic of female attire. There has not been a time since I

first began to make a study of this branch of science when the ladies

seem to have manifested better taste or sounder judgment in the matter

of dress.

Even bonnets seem to be less grotesque this season than heretofore,

although the high, startled bonnet, the bonnet that may be characterized

as the excelsior bonnet, is still retained by some, though how it is

retained has always been a mystery to me. Perhaps it holds its place in

society by means of a long, black pin, which apparently passes through

the brain of the wearer.

Black hosiery continues to be very popular, I am informed. Sometimes it

is worn clocked, and then again it is worn crocked. The crockless black

stocking is gaining in favor in our best circles, I am pleased to note.

Nothing looks more mortified than a foot that has been inside of a

crockable stocking all through a long, hot, summer day.

I am very glad to notice that the effort made a few years ago by a

French reformer to abolish the stocking on the ground of unhealthfulness

has met with well-merited failure. The custom of wearing hosiery is one

that does great credit to the spirit of American progress, which cannot

be thwarted by the puny hand of foreign interference or despotic

intervention.

Street costumes of handsomely fitting and unobtrusive shades of soft and

comfortable goods will be generally in favor, and the beautiful and

symmetrical American arm with a neatly fitting sleeve on the outside of

it will gladden the hearts of the casual spectator once more.

The lady with the acute elbow and the italicized clavicle will make a

strong effort this season to abolish the close-fitting and extremely

attractive sleeve, but it will be futile.

The small dog will be worn this season in shades to match the costume.

For dark and brown combinations in street dresses the black-and-tan dog

will be very much in favor, while the black-and-drab pug will be

affected by those wearing these shades in dress. Small pugs that are

warranted not to bag at the knees are commanding a good price. Spitz

dogs to match lynx or fox trimmed garments or spring wraps are now being

sprinkled with camphor and laid aside for the summer. Coach dogs of the

spotted variety will be worn with polka-dot costumes. Tall, willowy

hounds with wire tails will be much affected by slender young ladies and

hydrophobia. Antique dogs with weak eyes, asthma, and an air of languor

will be used a great deal this season to decorate lawns and railroad

crossings. Young dogs that are just budding into doghood will be noticed

through the spring months trying their new teeth on the light spring

pantaloons of male pedestrians.

Styles in gentlemen's clothing have not materially changed. Lavender

pantaloons, with an air of settled melancholy and benzine, are now

making their appearance, and young men trying to eradicate the droop in

the knees of last summer's garment may be seen in their luxurious

apartments most any calm spring evening.

An old nail-brush, with a solution of ammonia and prussic acid, will

remove traces of custard pie from light shades in pantaloons. This

preparation will also remove the pantaloons.

The umbrella will be worn over the shoulder and in the eye of the

passing pedestrian, very much as usual on pleasant days, and left behind

the door in a dark closet on rainy days.

Gentlemen will wear one pocket-handkerchief in the side pocket, with the

corner gently emerging, and another in the hip pocket, as they did last

season, the former for decorative purposes and the latter for business.

This is a wise provision and never fails to elicit favorable comment.

The custom of wearing a few kernels of roasted coffee or a dozen cloves

in the little cigarette pocket of the cutaway coat will still continue,

and the supply will be replenished between the acts, as heretofore.

Straw hats will be chased down the streets this spring by the same

gentlemen who chased them last spring, and in some instances the same

hats will be used. Shade trees will be worn a little lower this summer,

and will therefore succeed in wiping off a larger crop of plug hats, it

is hoped. Linen dusters, with the pockets carefully soldered together,

have not yet made their appearance.

[Illustration]

Bill Nye's Cordwood · 第 15 / 69 题