_Bis._ Suppose I take through Germany and drink harder than you?
_Dur._ Suppose I go to a bawdy house?
_Bis._ Suppose I show you the way?
_Dur._ 'Sdeath, woman! will you go to the guard with me, and smoke a
pipe?
_Bis._ Allons donc!
_Dur._ The devil's in the woman!--Suppose I hang myself?
_Bis._ There I'll leave you.
_Dur._ And a happy riddance: the gallows is welcome.
_Bis._ Hold, hold, sir, [_Catches him by the Arm, going._] one word
before we part.
_Dur._ Let me go, madam,--or I shall think that you're a man, and,
perhaps, may examine you.
_Bis._ Stir if you dare; I have still spirits to attend me, and can
raise such a muster of fairies, as shall punish you to death.--Come,
sir, stand there now, and ogle me: [_He frowns upon her._] Now a
languishing sigh: [_He groans._] Now run, and take my fan,--faster.
[_He runs, and takes it up._] Now play with it handsomely.
_Dur._ Ay, ay. [_He tears it all in pieces._
_Bis._ Hold, hold, dear, humorous coxcomb! Captain, spare my fan, and
I'll--Why, you rude, inhuman monster! don't you expect to pay for this?
_Dur._ Yes, madam, there's twelve pence; for that is the price on't.
_Bis._ Sir, it cost a guinea.
_Dur._ Well, madam, you shall have the sticks again.
[_Throws them to her, and exit._
_Bis._ Ha! ha! ha! ridiculous, below my concern! I must follow him,
however, to know if he can give me any news of Oriana. [_Exit._
SCENE IV.
LAMORCE'S _Lodgings_.
_Enter_ YOUNG MIRABEL.
_Y. Mir._ Bloody hell-hounds! I overheard you:--Was not I two hours ago,
the happy, gay, rejoicing Mirabel? How did I plume my hopes in a fair,
coming prospect, of a long scene of years! Life courted me with all the
charms of vigour, youth, and fortune; and to be torn away from all my
promised joys, is more than death;--the manner too, by villains!--O my
Oriana, this very moment might have blessed me in thy arms!--and my poor
boy! the innocent boy! Confusion!--But hush, they come--I must dissemble
still.--No news of my wine, gentlemen?
_Enter the Four_ BRAVOES.
_1 Bra._ No, sir, I believe your country booby has lost himself, and we
can wait no longer for't:--True, sir, you're a pleasant gentleman, but,
I suppose you understand our business?
_Y. Mir._ Sir, I may go near to guess at your employments; you, sir, are
a lawyer, I presume--you a physician, you a scrivener, and you a stock
jobber.----All cut-throats, egad! [_Aside._
_4 Bra._ Sir, I am a broken officer; I was cashiered at the head of the
army, for a coward, so I took up the trade of murder, to retrieve the
reputation of my courage.
_3 Bra._ I am a soldier too, and would serve my king; but I don't like
the quarrel, and I have more honour than to fight in a bad cause.
_2 Bra._ I was bred a gentleman, and have no estate; but I must have my
whore and my bottle, through the prejudice of education.
_1 Bra._ I am a ruffian too; by the prejudice of education, I was born
a butcher.--In short, sir, if your wine had come, we might have trifled
a little longer.--Come, sir, which sword will you fall by? mine, sir?
_2 Bra._ Or mine? [_Draws._
_3 Bra._ Or mine? [_Draws._
_4 Bra._ Or mine? [_Draws._
_Y. Mir._ I scorn to beg my life; but to be butchered thus!--O, there's
the wine!--this moment for [_Knocking._] my life or death.
_Enter_ ORIANA.
Lost! for ever lost!--Where's the wine, child! [_Faintly._
_Oriana._ Coming up, sir. [_Stamps._
_Enter_ DURETETE _with his Sword drawn, and six of the_ GRAND
MUSQUETEERS, _with their Pieces presented, the_ RUFFIANS _drop
their Swords_.--ORIANA _goes off_.
_Y. Mir._ The wine, the wine, the wine! Youth, pleasure, fortune, days
and years, are now my own again! Ah, my dear friends! did not I tell
you, this wine would make me merry?--Dear Captain, these gentlemen are
the best natured, facetious, witty creatures, that ever you knew.
_Enter_ LAMORCE.
_Lam._ Is the wine come, sir?
_Y. Mir._ O yes, madam, the wine is come----see there! [_Pointing to
the_ SOLDIERS.] Your ladyship has got a very fine ring upon your finger.
_Lam._ Sir, 'tis at your service.
_Y. Mir._ O ho! is it so? Thou dear seven hundred pound, thou'rt welcome
home again, with all my heart!--Ad's my life, madam, you have got the
finest built watch there! Tompion's, I presume?
_Lam._ Sir, you may wear it.
_Y. Mir._ O madam, by no means, 'tis too much--Rob you of all!--[_Taking
it from her._] Good, dear time, thou'rt a precious thing, I'm glad I
have retrieved thee. [_Putting it up._] What, my friends neglected all
this while! Gentlemen, you'll pardon my complaisance to the lady.--How
now! is it civil to be so out of humour at my entertainment, and I so
pleased with yours? Captain, you're surprised at all this--but we're in
our frolics, you must know.--Some wine here!
_Enter_ SERVANT, _with Wine_.
Come, Captain, this worthy gentleman's health.
[_Tweaks the First_ BRAVO _by the Nose; he roars_.
But now, where--where's my dear deliverer, my boy, my charming boy?
_1 Bra._ I hope some of our crew below stairs have dispatched him.
_Y. Mir._ Villain, what say'st thou? dispatched! I'll have ye all
tortured, racked, torn to pieces alive, if you have touched my
boy.--Here, page! page! page! [_Runs out._
_Dur._ Here, gentlemen, be sure you secure those fellows.
_1 Bra._ Yes, sir, we know you, and your guard will be very civil to us.
_Dur._ Take them to justice. [_The_ GUARDS _carry off the_ BRAVOES.] Now
for you, madam;----He! he! he! I'm so pleased to think that I shall be
revenged of one woman, before I die.--Well, Mrs. Snap Dragon, which of
these honourable gentlemen is so happy to call you wife?
_1 Bra._ Sir, she should have been mine to-night, 'cause Sampre, here,
had her last night.--Sir, she's very true to us all four.
_Enter_ OLD MIRABEL, DUGARD, _and_ BISARRE.
_Old Mir._ Robin! Robin!--Where's Bob? where's my boy!--What, is this
the lady? a pretty creature, 'faith!--Harkye, child, because my son was
so civil as to oblige you with a coach, I'll treat you with a cart,
indeed I will.
_Dug._ Ay, madam, and you shall have a swinging equipage, three or four
thousand footmen at your heels, at least.
_Dur._ No less becomes her quality.
_Bis._ Faugh! the monster!
_Dur._ Monster! ay, you're all a little monstrous, let me tell you.
_Enter_ YOUNG MIRABEL.
_Old Mir._ Ah, my dear Bob! art thou safe, man?
_Y. Mir._ No, no, sir, I am ruined: the saver of my life is lost!
_Old Mir._ No, he came and brought us the news.
_Y. Mir._ But where is he?
_Enter_ ORIANA.
Ha! [_Runs and embraces her._] My dear preserver! what shall I do to
recompense your trust?--Father, friends, gentlemen, behold the youth,
that has relieved me from the most ignominious death!--Command me,
child; before you all--before my late, so kind, indulgent stars, I
swear to grant whate'er you ask.
_Oriana._ To the same stars, indulgent now to me, I will appeal, as to
the justice of my claim: I shall demand but what was mine before--the
just performance of your contract to Oriana. [_Discovering herself._
_Omnes._ Oriana!
_Oriana._ In this disguise I resolved to follow you abroad, counterfeited
that letter, that brought me into your service; and so, by this strange
turn of fate, I became the instrument of your preservation; few common
servants would have had such cunning; my love inspired me with the
meaning of your message, because my concern for your safety made me
suspect your company.
_Dur._ Mirabel, you're caught.
_Y. Mir._ Caught! I scorn the thought of imposition--Caught! No, 'tis
my voluntary act; this was no human stratagem, but by my providential
stars, designed to show the dangers wandering youth incurs, by the
pursuit of an unlawful love; to plunge me headlong in the snares of
vice, and then to free me by the hands of virtue: Here, on my knees,
I humbly beg my fair preserver's pardon; my thanks are needless, for
myself I owe: And now, for ever, do protest me yours.
_Old Mir._ Tall, all di dall! [_Sings._] Kiss me, daughter--no, you
shall kiss me first, [_To_ LAMORCE.] for you're the cause on't. Well,
Bisarre, what say you to the captain?
_Bis._ I like the beast well enough, but I don't understand his paces so
well as to venture him in a strange road.
_Old Mir._ But marriage is so beaten a path, that you can't go wrong.
_Bis._ Ay, 'tis so beaten that the way is spoiled.
_Dur._ There is but one thing should make me thy husband--I could marry
thee to-day, for the privilege of beating thee to-morrow.
_Old Mir._ Come, come, you may agree for all this;--Mr. Dugard, are not
you pleased with this?
_Dug._ So pleased, that, if I thought it might secure your son's
affection to my sister, I would double her fortune.
_Y. Mir._ Fortune! has she not given me mine? my life--estate--my all?
and what is more, her virtuous self?--Behold the foil [_Pointing to_
LAMORCE.] that sets this brightness off! [_To_ ORIANA.] Here view the
pride, [_To_ ORIANA.] and scandal of the sex!
What liberty can be so tempting there, [_To_ LAMORCE.
As a soft, virtuous, am'rous bondage here? [_To_ ORIANA.
THE END.
TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE
Punctuation and orthography in the text depart from modern practice,
especially in the use of capitalisation following semi-colon and colon
and in the failure to capitalise such terms as, e.g. christendom.
On a few occasions where no confusion is possible, Young Mirabel (Y.
Mir.) appears simply as Mirabel (Mir.)
The name of a character is not italicised where it is immediately
preceded or followed by text in italics.
The following substantive changes have been made to the text:
In Act 2, scene 1, the word "make" was added to the following passage:
_Old Mir._ Neither! Don't make me angry now, Bob--pray, don't MAKE
me angry.
In Act 3, scene 1, a second instance of the word "been" was removed from
the sentence:
_Y. Mir._ Why sir, han't I been beating (...)
Towards the end of Act 3, it is conceivable that the line:
_Old Mir._ What's that to you, sir?
should be spoken by Young Mirabel.
In Act 5, scene 1, _Dug._ (Dugard) was changed to _Dur._ (Duretete) for
the line:
The fellow has quite forgot this journey;--have you bespoke post
horses?