LAMORCE'S _Lodgings_.
_Enter_ MIRABEL _and_ LAMORCE.
_Lam._ To convince me, sir, that your service was something more than
good breeding, please to lay out an hour of your company upon my
desire, as you have already upon my necessity.
_Y. Mir._ Your desire, madam, has only prevented my request:--My hours!
Make them yours, madam, eleven, twelve, one, two, three, and all that
belong to those happy minutes.
_Lam._ But I must trouble you, sir, to dismiss your retinue, because an
equipage at my door, at this time of night, will not be consistent with
my reputation.
_Y. Mir._ By all means, madam, all but one little boy--Here, page!
_Enter_ ORIANA.
Order my coach and servants home, and do you stay; 'tis a foolish
country-boy, that knows nothing but innocence.
_Lam._ Innocence, sir! I should be sorry if you made any sinister
constructions of my freedom.
_Y. Mir._ O, madam, I must not pretend to remark upon any body's
freedom, having so entirely forfeited my own.
_Lam._ Well, sir, 'twere convenient towards our easy correspondence,
that we entered into a free confidence of each other, by a mutual
declaration of what we are, and what we think of one another.--Now, sir,
what are you?
_Y. Mir._ In three words, madam,--I am a gentleman, and have five
hundred pounds in my pocket.
_Lam._ And your name is----
_Y. Mir._ Mustapha.--Now, madam, the inventory of your fortunes?
_Lam._ My name is Lamorce--my birth, noble; I was married young, to
a proud, rude, sullen, impetuous fellow;--the husband spoiled the
gentleman;--crying ruined my face, till at last, I took heart, leaped
out of a window, got away to my friends, sued my tyrant, and recovered
my fortune.--I lived from fifteen to twenty, to please a husband; from
twenty to forty, I'm resolved to please myself, and from thence, upwards,
I'll humour the world.
_Y. Mir._ Ha! ha! ha! I rejoice in your good fortune, with all my heart!
_Lam._ O, now I think on't, Mr. Mustapha, you have got the finest ring
there, I could scarcely believe it right; pray let me see it.
_Y. Mir._ Hum! Yes, madam, 'tis--'tis right--but--but--but--but--but it
was given me by my mother--an old family ring, madam--an old-fashioned,
family ring.
_Lam._ Ay, sir!--If you can entertain yourself for a moment, I'll wait
on you immediately.
_Y. Mir._ Certainly the stars have been in a strange, intriguing humour,
when I was born.--Ay, this night should I have had a bride in my arms,
and that I should like well enough! But what should I have to-morrow
night? The same. And what next night? The same. And what next night?
The very same: Soup for breakfast, soup for dinner, soup for supper,
and soup for breakfast again--But here's variety.
_I love the fair, who freely gives her heart,_
_That's mine by ties of nature, not of art;_
_Who boldly owns whate'er her thoughts indite,_
_And is too modest for a hypocrite._
[LAMORCE _appears at the Door; as he runs towards her, Four_
BRAVOES _step in before her. He starts back._
She comes, she comes--Hum, hum--Bitch--Murdered, murdered, to be sure!
The cursed strumpet! To make me send away my servants--Nobody near me!
These cut-throats always make sure work.----What shall I do? I have but
one way. Are these gentlemen your relations, madam?
_Lam._ Yes, sir.
_Y. Mir._ Gentlemen, your most humble servant;--sir, your most
faithful; yours, sir, with all my heart; your most obedient--come,
gentlemen, [_Salutes all round._] please to sit--no ceremony--next the
lady, pray, sir.
_Lam._ Well, sir, and how d'ye like my friends? [_They all sit._
_Y. Mir._ O, madam, the most finished gentlemen! I was never more happy
in good company in my life; I suppose, sir, you have travelled?
_1 Bra._ Yes, sir.
_Y. Mir._ Which way, may I presume?
_1 Bra._ In a western barge, sir.
_Y. Mir._ Ha! ha! ha! very pretty! facetious pretty gentleman!
_Lam._ Ha! ha! ha! sir, you have got the prettiest ring upon your finger
there--
_Y. Mir._ Ah! Madam, 'tis at your service, with all my heart!
[_Offering the Ring._
_Lam._ By no means, sir, a family ring! [_Takes it._
_Y. Mir._ No matter, madam.----Seven hundred pound, by this light!
[_Aside._
_2 Bra._ Pray, sir, what's o'clock?
_Y. Mir._ Hum! Sir, I have left my watch at home.
_2 Bra._ I thought I saw the string of it, just now.
_Y. Mir._ Ods my life, sir, I beg your pardon, here it is!--but it don't
go. [_Putting it up._
_Lam._ O dear sir, an English watch! Tompion's, I presume?
_Y. Mir._ D'ye like, it, madam? No ceremony--'tis at your service, with
all my heart and soul!--Tompion's! Hang ye! [_Aside._
_1 Bra._ But, sir, above all things, I admire the fashion and make, of
your sword hilt!
_Y. Mir._ I'm mighty glad you like it, sir!
_1 Bra._ Will you part with it, sir?
_Y. Mir._ Sir, I won't sell it.
_1 Bra._ Not sell it, sir!
_Y. Mir._ No, gentlemen, but I'll bestow it, with all my heart!
[_Offering it._
_1 Bra._ O sir, we shall rob you!
_Y. Mir._ That you do, I'll be sworn! [_Aside._] I have another at home;
pray, sir,--Gentlemen, you're too modest--have I any thing else that
you fancy?--Sir, will you do me a favour? [_To the First_ BRAVO.] I
am extremely in love with that hat which you wear, will you do me the
favour to change with me?
_1 Bra._ Lookye, sir, this is a family hat, and I would not part with
it, but if you like it----[_They change Hats._]--I want but a handsome
pretence to quarrel with him--Some wine! Sir, your good health.
[_Pulls_ MIRABEL _by the Nose_.
_Y. Mir._ Oh, sir, your most humble servant! a pleasant frolic enough,
to drink a man's health, and pull him by the nose! ha! ha! ha! the
pleasantest, pretty-humoured gentleman----
_Lam._ Help the gentleman to a glass. [MIRABEL _drinks_.
_1 Bra._ How d'ye like the wine, sir?
_Y. Mir._ Very good o'the kind, sir:--But I tell ye what, I find we're
all inclined to be frolicsome, and 'egad, for my own part, I was never
more disposed to be merry; let's make a night on't, ha!--This wine is
pretty, but I have such burgundy at home! Lookye, gentlemen, let me
send for half a dozen flasks of my burgundy, I defy France to match
it;--'twill make us all life, all air, pray, gentlemen.
_2 Bra._ Eh? Shall us have his burgundy?
_1 Bra._ Yes, 'faith, we'll have all we can; here, call up the
gentleman's servant.--[_Exit_ FOOTMAN.] What think you, Lamorce?
_Lam._ Yes, yes--Your servant is a foolish country boy, sir, he
understands nothing but innocence.
_Y. Mir._ Ay, ay, madam.--Here, Page,----
_Enter_ ORIANA.
Take this key, and go to my butler, order him to send half a dozen
flasks of the red burgundy, marked a thousand; and be sure you make
haste, I long to entertain my friends here; my very good friends.
_Omnes._ Ah, dear sir!
_1 Bra._ Here, child, take a glass of wine--Your master and I have
changed hats, honey, in a frolic.--Where had you this pretty boy, honest
Mustapha?
_Oriana._ Mustapha!
_Y. Mir._ Out of Picardy--this is the first errand he has made for me,
and if he does it right, I will encourage him.
_Oriana._ The red burgundy, sir?
_Y. Mir._ The red, marked a thousand, and be sure
you make haste.
_Oriana._ I shall, sir. [_Exit._
_1 Bra._ Sir, you were pleased to like my hat, have you any fancy for my
coat?--Lookye, sir, it has served a great many honest gentlemen, very
faithfully.
_Y. Mir._ The insolence of these dogs is beyond their cruelty!
[_Aside._
_Lam._ You're melancholy, sir.
_Y. Mir._ Only concerned, madam, that I should have no servant here but
this little boy--he'll make some confounded blunder, I'll lay my life
on't; I would not be disappointed of my wine, for the universe.
_Lam._ He'll do well enough, sir; but supper's ready; will you please to
eat a bit, sir?
_Y. Mir._ O, madam, I never had a better stomach in my life.
_Lam._ Come, then, we have nothing but a plate of soup.
_Y. Mir._ Ah! the marriage soup I could dispense with now.
[_Aside.--Exit, handing the Lady._
_2 Bra._ Shall we dispatch him?
_3 Bra._ To be sure; I think he knows me.
_1 Bra._ Ay, ay, dead men tell no tales; I han't the confidence to look
a man in the face, after I have done him an injury, therefore we'll
murder him. [_Exeunt._