Who can tell the joy of their awakening? The transcendent pleasure to
Paul to be allowed to play with his lady's hair, all unbound for him to do
with as he willed? The glory to realise she was his--his own--in his arms?
And then to be tenderly masterful and give himself lordly airs of
possession. She was almost silent, only the history of the whole world of
passion seemed written in her eyes--slumbrous, inscrutable, their heavy
lashes making shadows on her soft, smooth cheeks.
The ring-dove was gone, a thing of mystery lay there instead--unresisting,
motionless, white. Now and then Paul looked at her half in fear. Was she
real? Was it some dream, and would he wake in his room at Verdayne Place
among the sporting prints and solid Chippendale furniture to hear Tompson
saying, "Eight o'clock, sir, and a fine day"?
Oh, no, no, she was real! He raised himself, and bent down to touch her
tenderly with his forefinger. Yes, all this fascination was indeed his,
living and breathing and warm, and he was her lover and lord. Ah!
The same coloured orchid-mauve silk curtains as at Lucerne were drawn over
the open windows, so the sun in high heaven seemed only as dawn in the
room, filtering though the _jalousies_ outside. But what was time? Time
counts as one lives, and Paul was living now.
It was twelve o'clock before they were ready for their dainty breakfast,
laid out under the balcony awning.
And the lady talked tenderly and occupied herself with the fancies of her
lord, as a new bride should.
But all the time the mystery stayed in her eyes. And the thought came to
Paul that were he to live with her for a hundred years, he would never be
sure of their real meaning.
"What shall we do with our day, my Paul?" she said presently. "See, you
shall choose. Shall we climb to the highest point on this mountain and
look at our kingdom of trees and lake below? Or shall we rest in the
launch and glide over the blue water, and dream sweet dreams? Or shall we
drive in the carriage far inland to a quaint farmhouse I know, where we
shall see people living in simple happiness with their cows and their
sheep? Decide, sweetheart--decide!"
"Whatever you would wish, my Queen," said Paul.
Then the lady frowned, and summer lightnings flashed from her eyes.
"Of course, what I shall wish! But I have told you to choose, feeble Paul!
There is nothing so irritates me as these English answers. Should I have
asked you to select our day had I decided myself? I would have commanded
Dmitry to make the arrangements, that is all. But no! to-day I am thy
obedient one. I ask my Love to choose for me. To-morrow I may want my own
will; to-day I desire only thine, beloved," and she leant forward and
looked into his eyes.
"The mountain top, then!" said Paul, "because there we can sit, and I can
gaze at you, and learn more of life, close to your lips. I might not touch
you in the launch, and you might look at others at the farm--and it seems
as if I could not bear one glance or word turned from myself today!"
"You have chosen well. _Mylyi moi._"
The strange words pleased him; he must know their meaning, and learn to
pronounce them himself. And all this between their dainty dishes took
time, so it was an hour later before they started for their walk.
Up, up those winding paths among the firs and larches--up and up to the
top. They dawdled slowly until they reached their goal. There, aloof from
the beaten track, safe from the prying eyes of some chance stranger, they
sat down, their backs against a giant rock, and all the glory of their
lake and tree-tops to gaze at down below.
Paul had carried her cloak, and now they spread it out, covering their
couch of moss and lichen. A soft languor was over them both. Passion was
asleep for the while. But what exquisite bliss to sit thus, undisturbed in
their eyrie--he and she alone in all the world.
Her words came back to him: "Love means to be clasped, to be close, to be
touching, to be One!" Yes, they were One.
Then she began to talk softly, to open yet more windows in his soul to joy
and sunshine. Her mind seemed so vast, each hour gave him fresh surprises
in the perception of her infinite knowledge, while she charmed his fancy
by her delicate modes of expression and un-English perfect pronunciation,
no single word slurred over.
"Paul," she said presently, "how small seem the puny conventions of the
world, do they not, beloved? Small as those little boats floating like
scattered flower-leaves on the great lake down there. They were invented
first to fill the place of the zest which fighting and holding one's own
by the strength of one's arm originally gave to man. Now, he has only laws
to combat, instead of a fiercer fellow creature--a dull exchange forsooth!
Here are you and I--mated and wedded and perfectly happy--and yet by these
foolish laws we are sinning, and you would be more nobly employed yawning
with some bony English miss for your wife--and I by the side of a mad,
drunken husband. All because the law made us swear a vow to keep for ever
stationary an emotion! Emotion which we can no more control than the trees
can which way the wind will blow their branches! To love! Oh! yes, they
call it that at the altar--'joined together by God!' As likely as not two
human creatures who hate each other, and are standing there swearing those
impossibilities for some political purpose and advantage of their family.
They desecrate the word love. Love is for us, Paul, who came together
because our beings cried, 'This is my mate!' I should say nothing of
it--oh no! if it had no pretence--marriage. If it were frankly a
contract--'Yes, I give you my body and my dowry.' 'Yes, you give me your
name and your state.' It is of the coarse, horrible things one must pass
through in life--but to call the Great Spirit's blessing upon it, as an
exaltation! To stand there and talk of love! Ah--that is what must make
God angry, and I feel for Him."
Paul noticed that she spoke as if she had no realisation of the lives of
lesser persons who might possibly wed because they were "mated" as
well--not for political reasons or ambition of family. Her keen senses
divined his thought.
"Yes, beloved, you would say--?"
"Only that supposing you were not married to any one else, we should be
swearing the truth if we swore before God that we loved. I would make any
vows to you from my soul, in perfect honesty, for ever and ever, my
darling Queen."
His blue eyes, brimming with devotion and conviction of the truth of his
thought, gazed up at her. And into her strange orbs there came that same
look of tenderness that once before had made them as a mother's watching
the gambols of her babe.
"There, there," she said. "You would swear them and hug your chains of
roses--but because they were chains they would turn heavy as lead. Make no
vows, sweetheart! Fate will force you to break them if you do, and then
the gods are angry and misfortune follows. Swear none, and that fickle one
will keep you passionate, in hopes always to lure you into her
pitfalls--to vow and to break--pain and regret. Live, live, Paul, and
love, and swear nothing at all."
Paul was troubled. "But, but," he said, "don't you believe I shall love
you for ever?"
The lady leant back against the rock and narrowed her eyes.
"That will depend upon me, my Paul," she said. "The duration of love in a
being always depends upon the loved one. I create an emotion in you, as
you create one in me. You do not create it in yourself. It is because
something in my personality causes an answering glow in yours that you
love me. Were you to cease to do so, it would be because I was no longer
able to call forth that answer in you. It would not be your fault any more
than when you cease to please me it will be mine. That is where people are
unjust."
"But surely," said Paul, "it is only the fickle who can change?"
"It is according to one's nature; if one is born a steadfast gentleman,
one is more likely to continue than if one is a _farceur_--prince or
no--but it depends upon the object of one's love--whether he or she can
hold one or not. One would not blame a needle if it fell from a magnet,
the attraction of the magnet being in some way removed, either by a
stronger at the needle's side, or by some deadening of the drawing quality
in the magnet itself--and so it is in love. Do you follow me, Paul?"
"Yes." said Paul gloomily. "I must try to please you, or you will throw me
away."
"You see," she continued, "the ignorant make vows, and being
weaklings--for the most part--vanity and fate easily remove their
inclination from the loved one; it may not be his fault any more than a
broken leg keeping him from walking would be his fault, beyond the fact
that it was _his_ leg; but we have to suffer for our own things--so there
it is. We will say the weakling's inclination wants to make him break his
vows; so he does, either in the letter or spirit--or both! And then he
feels degraded and cheap and low, as all must do who break their sacred
word given of their own free will when inclination prompted them to. So
how much better to make no vow; then at least when the cord of attraction
snaps, we can go free, still defying the lightning in our untarnished
pride."
"Oh! darling, do not speak of it," cried Paul, "the cord of attraction
between us can never snap. I worship, I adore you--you are just my life,
my darling one, my Queen!"
"Sweet Paul!" she whispered, "oh! so good, so good is love, keep me loving
you, my beautiful one--keep my desire long to be your Queen."
And after this they melted into one another's arms, and cooed and kissed,
and were foolish and incoherent, as lovers always are and have been from
the beginning of old time. More concentrated--more absorbed--than the
sternest Eastern sage--absorbed in each other.
The spirit of two natures vibrating as One.