MONARCH OF ALL HE SURVEYED: THEN DEPOSED.
Here on elevated lands around a pretty clearwater lake, directly on
the Florida Central and Peninsula Railroad, and near a famous grotto
extending deep into the earth, at the bottom of which, like a well,
was an abundance of water containing peculiar fish, near the noted
Eichelburger cave, and vast forests of gigantic trees with sloping
hills around, we founded the town of B----.
I was elected general manager, and went north to sell the $100,000 of
capital stock, convertible at the option of the holder into our lands
at schedule price, leaving a Mr. B---- as superintendent to cut
avenues, build a hotel, and conduct the general affairs in my absence.
For several years I devoted all my energies very successfully to
selling the stock and organizing colonies of settlers. I paid ten per
cent. dividend on the stock while I was manager, besides furnishing
thousands of dollars to defray expenses of building a handsome railway
station, a fine commodious schoolhouse and town hall, a good hotel,
and providing good roads.
I went to Tallahassee, and log rolled through the state legislature a
bill enabling us to form a city government, and statutory prohibition
of all liquor selling in our new town by incorporating said
prohibition into all our deeds. After securing these funds and many
settlers, also Ex-Governor Chamberlain of Maine as president of our
board of directors, I moved to the new town with my family, there to
reside permanently.
Here our duties were in many respects agreeable, because useful, for
quite a long time. My wife was mother of the town, going from house to
house ministering to the wants of the newcomers who had become sick
by their carelessness in exposing themselves by night and day while
intoxicated with the delights of this incomparable climate. She formed
a union church, sang in the choir, and sometimes played the organ. I
was the father of the town in many senses of the word, being the only
person having any legal authority, and was expected to settle all
disputes whether between man and man or between man and wife.
Our town was overrun by hungry clergymen of many denominations and
from nearly every state, all clamoring for the lucre to be obtained by
preaching in our union church. I might have obtained the friendship of
one by appointing him as pastor; but I made malicious enemies of all
by insisting upon each one officiating in turn and taking therefor the
contents of the contribution box on his day.
The air resounded with the prayer-meeting shouts of these
ecclesiastics who all secretly worked against me, because I would not
allow them to found as many churches as there were inhabitants.
Many of the impecunious newcomers schemed against me because I could
not furnish them all with light work and heavy pay. Some would persist
in drinking surface water, ignoring all sanitary laws, became unwell
and then cursed the climate and my so-called misrepresentations;
others would ignore all instructions as to the agricultural methods
essential to success in this climate, and then denounce me on the sly
because their crops were not satisfactory.
Many wished to act as real estate agents on commission, and when
one succeeded, the rest, fired with jealousy, would accuse me of
favoritism because their own incompetency did not secure for them
these prizes. Our house was besieged by day and night, so that we
had to cut a hole in the outside door to talk with them when we were
seeking a little sleep.
We formed a temperance, literary and musical club which every one in
the town attended, and at this, at least, we spent many pleasant and
useful hours. I was president of this club, and performed all the
drudgery necessary to its success. I established a general store at
which goods were sold at about cost, but many complained because they
could not have unlimited credit.
One oasis in this fault-finding desert, was the outside colony of
freedmen. I employed many of them to do the heavy work of clearing
avenues, and the air resounded with their cheerful songs, and I had
the pleasure, with much labor, to save from the rapacious white
robbers, the farms which these colored men had received from generous
Uncle Sam. One case will illustrate the many instances in which I
appeared as umpire.
Uncle and Aunty Peter Gooden owned a fertile farm, and made a good
living and more by diligent labor thereon. A white "cracker" coveted
this property, and told the ignorant aunty that he would let her have
$300 on mortgage at two per cent. per week, so that she could buy
a new yellow wagon, silver-mounted harness and prancing mules, a
gorgeous red silk dress with much finery, with which she could
outshine all her neighbors. These unsophisticated, honest "coons,"
thinking it meant that they would have to pay only two cents per week,
accepted the offer, affixed their X marks to his unknown papers, and
not even Solomon in all his glory was arrayed like this simple couple.
In a short time they came to me broken-hearted, sobbing, and wailing,
telling me that the "cracker shylock" had foreclosed, ordering them
out of their house and home. I at once notified the avaricious shark
that he was guilty of violating the laws of the state by defrauding
and by false pretenses, tendered him the principal with legal
interest, and threatened punishment by law if he did not accept. He
said, like the fabled raccoon in the tree, "Don't shoot, I'll come
down." I paid the money for which, in due time, Uncle Peter reimbursed
me.
I secured the hatred of the "crackers," but the undying gratitude
of the negroes, who vied with each other in bringing us game in
profusion, the first fruits of their crops, and shedding tears if
we offered payment therefor, begging to be allowed to show their
thankfulness by these free gifts. If one of them heard a threat
against us he would guard our house all night with a shotgun, and
would shadow me as I went about in the night, ready to spring upon any
of my assailants.
[Illustration: Ups and Downs in the Wild Woods.]
I provided a school and church for these loving, dusky children,
and it was pathetic and cheering to see them all, from the tiny
pickaninnies to the tottering gray heads, going regularly with their
primers and Bibles, trying to learn to read and write.
Many pleasant evenings in midwinter we sat on our vine-clad piazza,
enjoying the balmy breezes, perfumed with the delicious orange
blossoms, looking at the stately pines glorified by moonlight and
starlight; listening to the songs of these dark-faced but white-souled
serenaders, the whites of whose eyes and perfect teeth could be seen
beaming upon us through the dusky shades of the forest.
On the evening of the day when news arrived of the first election of
Grover Cleveland to the Presidency, we were sitting as usual on our
piazza, when, suddenly, I saw a flash of fire in the woods, followed
by the report of a rifle, then others in quick succession. Rushing to
the scene I found a few Southern whites armed with repeating rifles,
facing a large band of negroes carrying a motley array of pitchforks,
scythes, razors, clubs, and a few ancient shotguns. Yelling: "Hold
up!" I sprang between the embattled hosts, and demanded to know what
was the row.
"Get out of the way, you damned Yankee," shrieked the crackers, "or
we'll riddle you with bullets." Then they gave the far-reaching,
fiendish, rebel yell.
"Shoot," I replied, "if you want to be hung."
--"Boys," I said, turning to the darkies, "what's the matter?"
"Oh, boss, massa Linkum's dead, de Dimikrat am Presidunt, und we poo'
niggers be slabes agin. We fight, we die, but we won't be slabes agin,
neber."
Again came the roar of rifles behind me and the minnie balls went
shrieking over our heads. "Boys," I shouted, "you are mistaken. A
million Northern soldiers will march down here if necessary to prevent
that; go at once to your homes; I will take care of you." Slowly the
colored men, who trusted me implicitly, melted away in the darkness.
Again the rebel yell, again the rifle shots high in the air.
"Gentlemen," said I, to the menacing whites, "come with me to the
Hall, I want to talk with you."
"To hell with you!" they yelled, but followed me into the building.
When they had sullenly taken seats, with guns threateningly at the
ready, they glared at me like tigers ready to spring. Soon a man, I
had, on my way, sent to the store, arrived with a box of good Florida
cigars, and I quietly passed them around to my "lions couchant,"
took a seat on the platform facing them, lit up, and commenced the
enjoyment of a silent smoke, they following suit.
The tender of a cigar in the South is a recognition of comradeship
which is a most potent mollifier. At last they brought their guns
to the ground arms, parade rest, and the leader, an ex-Confederate
officer, drawled out, "Wall, Yank, what do you want of we uns?"
"Just as you please, gentlemen, peace or war?"
"We are smoking the pipe, or cigar, of peace, Yank."
"So mote it be, brothers," said I, knowing that they were all members
of the mystic tie. "We meet on the level, let us part on the square."
"So mote it be," was the response in a regular lodge room chorus.
A few quick signs were exchanged between chair and settees, the ice
was broken, the "lodge was opened in due form;" there was no longer
any restraint, for we were all members of the most ancient fraternal
order on earth, of which the wisest man who ever lived was founder.
They had not known this before. The white dove descended, and they
promised on the sacred oath which makes all men brothers, to molest
the negroes no more. We had a jolly good time, gave each other the
Grand Masonic grip and departed to our homes.
As I walked, I saw several dark figures dodging from tree to tree,
and all that night my dusky-hued friends kept vigilant watch and ward
about our cottage. The next morning many valiant war-men in time of
peace, but peace-men in time of war, told me what brave fighting they
would have done for my protection had I but called upon them to do so.
I stocked the lake with excellent food fish obtained from the National
Fish Commissioner, built good sidewalks, arched by beautiful shade
trees; and many prominent men bought lands in our town. We passed an
ordinance forbidding the use of our public thoroughfares to cattle
and hogs, and for a while the air quivered with the squealings of
infuriated razor backs.
Our valiant city marshal would pounce upon each one of these
long-snouted swine; then came the tug-of-war, amid clouds of dust;
down went marshal and razor-back, the nose as long and sharp as a
ploughshare cleaving the earth near the sidewalks lined with laughing
people. Our great Floridian always triumphed, and his pig-ship was
incarcerated in the town "pound" until owner paid charges and penned
his property outside city limits.
Once I saw a terrific contest between one of these long-legged,
long-nosed porkers and the lone, pet alligator of our lake. His
pig-ship was enjoying a drink when Mr. 'Gator seized him by the snout,
the porcine braced and yelled; the 'gator let go in amazement; the pig
turned to run; 'gator seized him by the leg, then Greek met Greek,
teeth met teeth, till' the saurian struck him with his mighty tail,
and all was over; the alligator and the porker lay down in peace
together with the pig inside the 'gator.
One day, one of our fishermen brought in a string of trout which far
overshadowed the miraculous draught of fishes in the Sea of Galilee.
On being questioned as to how he did it, he said he got one bite and
pulled for three hours. The fish kept catching hold of each others'
tails in their eagerness to be caught, until he had landed four
barrels of the toothsome fat trout.
Our champion brought from a few hours' hunt, enough quail for the
entire town; and when asked how he did it, he replied: "Oh, I saw
three thousand quail roosting on the limb of a tree. I had only my
rifle with one ball; I shot at the limb, cracked it, their legs fell
through the crack which closed when the bullet went through, and
chained them all hard and fast. All I had to do was to cut off the
limb with my jack-knife and bag the whole lot."
One day this mighty Nimrod brought home three bears and four deer.
"How did you do it?" asked the envious multitude. "I was asleep in my
wigwam, was waked up by a rumpus outside, rushed out with my gun, and
chased the crowd around the hut till I was dead beat, then I bent my
rifle across my knee into the exact circumference shape of my house,
and fired. The bullet whistled by me for half an hour, chasing the
varmints who were chasing each other; bum by, the bullet caught up,
went through the whole crowd, and by gum; that 'ere bullet is chasing
round that wigwam naouw."
On another occasion, this same man brought in a lot of wild turkeys
all ready for the table. As usual we expressed our wonderment. "Wall,
by gum," said he, "'twas the beatemest thing you ever heered on. I
was waked up by these critters squawkin' over my haouse; I fired up
chimbly, and daown tumbled the whole gang; the fire burnt off the
feathers and roasted um up braown afore I could get at um."
"But how about the stuffing?"
"Oh, that's nothin'; they'd stuffed themselves afore I shot um."
We had often congratulated ourselves upon our immunity from snakes,
never having seen even one in our Bailiwick; but our sweet dreams of
peace were rudely disturbed by this Baron Munchausen who horrified our
ladies one day, by saying that he went into our church to make some
repairs, and there met a rattle-snake which swallowed him whole at one
full swoop; at once he recalled the Sunday-school lesson of Jonah in
the whale's belly, took courage, struck a match, made a bonfire of his
hat, and by its light cut his way out with his hatchet, ran to his
house, got his gun and shot the snake, which was so large that he had
not noticed the man's cutting, nor his escape, but was vastly enjoying
his after dinner nap. This man long bore the honors of being the
champion liar and champion hunter of the universe.
Thus, rapidly, sped away our days replete with alternating smiles and
tears until arrived the time for our annual stockholders' election. On
our way to Ocala to attend this important event, I conversed at length
with the Rev. W----, upon whom I had conferred many and profitable
favors. This ostentatiously pious individual expressed much gratitude
for my kindness to him, assured me that my administration of affairs
had been a grand success, that I had gained the merited respect and
confidence of all the people in the town and that he would urge my
reelection as general manager, with all his strength.
The conference progressed very harmoniously for awhile, when I was
called out to see a man on some important business, and on reentering
the room, I noticed some excitement among the members, when General
Chamberlain, the president, called me to his chair and frankly told
me, in the hearing of all, that the Rev. W---- had, as soon as I left,
denounced me fiercely as a fraud and a liar, stating that I had the
respect of no one in B----; that the town would be ruined were I
reelected; that he himself would take my position without any salary,
relying solely upon commission from land sales, as compensation, and
that he made this statement at the unanimous request of the citizens
of the town.
All eyes were turned to me for an explanation. I looked for awhile
at the hypocritical clergyman very steadily, until he cringed like a
viper, and turned pale as a ghost. I then narrated the statements made
to me scarcely an hour before, called upon him for some proof of his
accusations, and closed by saying that I would not accept a reelection
unless it came to me unanimously. The craven reverend left the room
without a word; I was reelected without a dissenting vote, and thus
closed one of the most revolting revelations of depravity that I ever
witnessed.
This "wolf in sheep's clothing," after an extraordinary career in
endeavoring to "fleece" others, finally lost every dollar of his
property, fled from the town with his family, and I have never been
able to hear from him since. I wish for the sake of faith in human
nature that this had been the only case of "fall from grace," but
alas, there were others!
But let the curtain fall. Moral--have no confidence in the man who
wears his religion on his coat sleeve or necktie; but try the spirits
whether they are of Christ.
At this time, a party of prominent people arrived at B----, from
the North, to consider the feasibility of investing quite largely
somewhere in Florida. As they wished to visit the southern part of the
state before deciding, I procured free passes for all, and escorted
them via steamer, down the entire Gulf coast, touching at all
attractive points, exploring coral islands where myriads of sea birds
nested, encircling us with wild screams till the clouds of them
well-nigh shut out the sun; then we collected rare shells and flotsam
and jetsam from far away lands; one hour, floating over the calm Gulf
of Mexico, as smooth as a mirror, then tossed by a sudden tempest
far towards the stars, and tumbling down to Davy Jones' locker; now
enjoying the lotos-eaters' paradise, then, as we reached the lowlands,
well-nigh devoured by millions of mosquitoes and sand flies.
Then we crossed the peninsular, traveling under hammock-woods and
century-old wild-orange trees, whose "twilight dim hallowed the
noonday," regaled with unlimited fish and game to the far-famed Indian
River,--delightful recreation-spots for a few weeks in winter, but too
hot, damp, and mosquitoey for colonies. Then we were guests of the
millionaires' club at Cape Canaveral, where were acres of wild ducks,
droves of screaming catamounts, and huge-billed, fish-devouring
pelicans. We drove over many miles of hard, firm sea-beaches--delightful
brief winter homes for the rich, then back to our fertile piny woods
highlands, convinced that the "backbone" of the peninsular was the only
desirable locality for permanent settlers who must get a living from the
bosom of mother earth.
Soon after, leaving Mr. B----, the superintendent, in charge of the
company's interests in our new town, which now contained over one
hundred houses, and had elected a Mayor and Alderman, I returned with
my family to Boston, devoting my time to lecturing on Florida in
general, and B---- in particular, in nearly all the cities of New
England, distributing illustrated books which I had prepared, and
which were approved as true, by many prominent people who had lived
for many years among the scenes which were therein described.
My labors were very successful, and a great success for our enterprise
seemed assured, when I received a letter from our directors, stating
that a Dr. K---- had offered to accept my position as general manager,
without salary; pay his own expenses, relying on his commissions on
land sales, and that as I had declined to serve on this basis they
had felt compelled to accept his services. As I was obliged to have
a regular income for the support of my family, I acquiesced in the
directors' decision, and soon, under the new incompetent management,
the company failed; so another of my business enterprises, on the very
verge of a grand success, became a defeat, and again the innocent were
blamed for the acts of the guilty. I converted my stock in the M.L.&I.
Co., into lands of the company at a great loss to me, as I took the
lands at company's schedule values instead of at the cost prices,
while the stock cost me--the full price of $100 per share. Blessed is
he who expecteth nothing, for he alone shall not be disappointed.
Our varying days pass on and on,
Our hopes fade unfulfilled away,
And things which seem the life of life
Are taken from us day by day.
Our little dramas all may fail,
And naught may issue as we planned,
Our costliest ships refuse to sail,
Our firmest castles fall to sand.
But God lives on, and with our woe
Weaves golden threads of joy and peace,
And somewhere we will surely know
From sorrow and pain the glad release.