BOB SMITH and Bill Davis, a couple of boys in the full costume of the
"order" chummy, were charged with the high crime and misdemeanor of
having attempted to violate that portion of the British Constitution,
contained in the act relating to the removal of rubbish, by carrying off
a portion of the contents of Lord Derby's dusthole, the property of the
dust contractor.
"Please your lordship's grace," said the dust contractor's deputy,
"master and me has lately lost a hunaccountable lot o' dust off our
beat, and as ve nat'rally know'd 'at it couldn't have vanished if no
body had a prigged it, vy consekvent_lye_ I keeps a look out for them
'ere unlegal covies vot goes out a dusting on the _cross_. Vhile I vos
out in Growener-skvare, I saw'd both these here two young criminals slip
down his lordship's airy and begin a shoveling his lordship's stuff into
von of their sackses. I drops on 'em in the werry hidentikle hact, and
collers both on 'em vith master's property."
_Mr. Conant:_ You hear the charge, my lads--what have you to say in
defence?
_Smith:_ Ve vorks for the house, my lud.
_Mr. Conant:_ Is it your business to take away the dust?
_Smith:_ No, my lud--ve're the rig'lar chimbly sveeps vot sveeps his
ludship's chimblys. Both on us call'd on his ludship to arsk if his
ludship's chimblys vonted sveeping--and ve larnt that they didn't; so,
my lud, as ve happened to see a lady sifting cinders in his ludship's
airy, ve arks'd her if she could be so werry hobliging as to let us have
a shovelful. She granted our demand vith the greatest perliteness, and
jest as ve vos about to cut our sticks, that there chap comes up and
lugs us avay to this here hoffice.
_Mr. Conant:_ The case is proved, and the act says you must be fined
10_l._ Have you got 10_l._ a-piece?
_Smith:_ (_grinning from ear to ear_)--Me got ten _pounds!_ I should
like to see a cove vot ever had sitch a precious sum _all at vonce_. All
as ever I got is threeha'pence-farden, and a bag of marbles; (_to the
other_)--you got any capital, Bill?
_Bill:_ Ain't got nuffin--spent my last _brown_ on Vensday for a baked
tater.
Mr. Conant looked over the act with a view of ascertaining if power had
been granted to mitigate; but the legislature had so carefully provided
for the enormity of the offence, that nothing less than the full penalty
would, according to the act, satisfy the justice of the case.
The fine of 10_l._ each was imposed, or ten days' imprisonment.