A SMALL-MADE MAN, with a carefully cultivated pair of carroty-colored
mustaches, whose style of seedy toggery presented a tolerably good
imitation of a "Polish militaire," came before the commissioners to
establish his legal right to fifteen pence, the price charged for a
whole-length likeness of one _Mister_ Robert White, a member of the
"black and thirsty" fraternity of coalheavers.
The complainant called himself Signor Johannes Benesontagi, but from all
the genuine characteristics of Cockayne which he carried about him, it
was quite evident he had Germanized his patronymic of John Benson to
suit the present judicious taste of the "pensive public."
Signor Benesontagi, a peripatetic professor of the "fine arts," it
appeared was accustomed to visit public-houses for the purpose of
caricaturing the countenances of the company, at prices varying from
five to fifteen pence. In pursuit of his vocation he stepped into the
"Vulcan's Head," where a conclave of coalheavers were accustomed nightly
to assemble, with the double view of discussing politics and pots of
Barclay's entire. He announced the nature of his profession, and having
solicited patronage, he was beckoned into the box where the defendant
was sitting, and was offered a shilling for a _full-length_ likeness.
This sum the defendant consented to enlarge to fifteen pence, provided
the artist would agree to draw him in "full fig:"--red velvet
smalls--nankeen gaiters--sky-blue waistcoat--canary wipe--and
full-bottomed fantail. The bargain was struck and the picture finished,
but when presented to the sitter, he swore "he'd see the man's back
_open and shet_ afore he'd pay the wally of a farden piece for sitch a
reg'lar 'snob' as he was made to appear in the portrait."
The defendant was hereupon required to state why he refused to abide by
the agreement.
"Vy, my lords and gemmen," said Coaly, "my reasons is this here. That
'ere covey comes into the crib vhere I vos a sitting blowing a cloud
behind a drop of heavy, and axes me if as how I'd have my picter draw'd.
Vell, my lords, being a little 'lumpy,' and thinking sitch a consarn
vould please my Sall, I told him as I'd stand a 'bob,' and be my pot to
his'n, perwising as he'd shove me on a pair of prime welwet breeches wot
I'd got at home to vear a Sundays. He said he vould, and 'at it should
be a 'nout-a-nout' job for he'd larnt to draw _phisogomony_ under _Sir
Peter Laurie_."
"It's false!" said the complainant, "the brother artist I named was Sir
Thomas Lawrence."
"Vere's the difference?" asked the coalheaver. "So, my lords, this here
persecutor goes to vork like a Briton, and claps this here thingamy in
my fist, vich ain't not a bit like me, but a blessed deal more likerer a
_bull with a belly-ache_." (_Laughter._)
The defendant pulled out a card and handed it to the bench. On
inspection it was certainly a monstrous production, but it did present
an ugly likeness of the coalheaver. The commissioners were unanimously
of opinion it was a good fifteen-penny copy of the defendant's
countenance.
"'Taint a bit like me?" said the defendant, angrily. "Vy, lookee here,
he's draw'd me vith a _bunch of ingans_ a sticking out of my pocket.
I'm werry fond of sitch wegetables, but I never carries none in my
pockets."
"A bunch of onions!" replied the incensed artist--"I'll submit it to any
gentleman who is a _real_ judge of the 'fine arts,' whether that
(_pointing to the appendage_) can be taken for any thing else than the
gentleman's _watch-seals_."
"Ha! ha! ha!" roared the coalheaver; "my votch-seals! Come, that's a
good 'un--I never vore no votch-seals, 'cause I never had none--so the
pictur can't be _like_ me."
The commissioners admitted the premises, but denied the conclusion; and
being of opinion that the artist had made out his claim, awarded the sum
sought, and costs.
The defendant laid down six shillings one by one with the air of a man
undergoing the operation of having so many teeth extracted, and taking
up his picture, consoled himself by saying, that "pr'aps his foreman,
Bill Jones, vould buy it, as he had the luck of vearing a votch on
Sundays."