THE prisoner in this case, whose name was Dickey Swivel, alias "Stove
Pipe Pete," was placed at the bar, and questioned by the Judge to the
following effect:
_Judge_: Bring the prisoner into court.
_Pete_: Here I am, bound to blaze, as the spirits of turpentine said,
when he was all a fire.
_Judge_: We'll take a little fire out of you. How do you live?
_Pete_: I ain't particular, as the oyster said when they asked if he'd
be roasted or fried.
_Judge_: We don't want to know what the oyster said or the turpentine
either. What do you follow?
_Pete_: Anything that comes in my way, as the engine said when he run
over a little nigger.
_Judge_: Don't care anything about the locomotive. What's your business?
_Pete_: That's various, as the cat said when she stole the chicken off
the table.
_Judge_: If I hear any more absurd comparisons, I will give you twelve
months.
_Pete_: I am done, as the beef steak said to the cook.
_Judge_: Now, Sir, your punishment shall depend on the shortness and
correctness of your answers. I suppose you live by going around the
docks?
_Pete_: No, Sir. I can't go around docks without a boat, and I hain't
got none.
_Judge_: Answer me now, Sir. How do you get your bread?
_Pete_: Sometimes at the baker's, and sometimes I eat taters.
_Judge_: No more of your stupid nonsense. How do you support yourself?
_Pete_: Sometimes on my legs, and sometimes on a cheer, (chair.)
_Judge_: How do you keep yourself alive?
_Pete_: By breathing, Sir.
_Judge_: I order you to answer this question correctly. How do you do?
_Pete_: Pretty well, thank you, Judge. How do _you_ do?
_Judge_: I shall have to commit you.
_Pete_: Well, you have committed yourself first, that's some
consolation.