THE _Mobile Advertiser_, of the 19th ult., tells the following good
story of a notorious practical joker of that city, yclept "Straight-back
Dick." Dick was at the wharf, one day last week, when one of the up
river boats arrived. He watched closely the countenance of each
passenger as he stepped from the plank upon the wharf, and at length
fastened his gaze upon an individual, who, from his appearance and
manner, was considerably nearer Mobile than he had ever been before. He
was evidently ill at ease, and had probably heard the reports which were
rife in the country relative to the hundreds dying in Mobile every hour
from yellow fever. The man started off towards Dauphin street, carpet
sack in hand, but had not proceeded far when a heavy hand was laid upon
his shoulder, and he suddenly stopped. Upon turning round, he met the
cold, serious countenance of Dick, and it seemed to send a thrill of
terror throughout his whole frame. After looking at him steadily for
about a minute, Dick slowly ejaculated:
"Yes, you are the man. Stand straight!"
With fear visible in his countenance, the poor fellow essayed to do as
commanded.
"Straighter yet!" said Dick. "There, that will do," and taking from his
pocket a small tape measure, he stooped down and measured him from the
sole of his boot to the crown of his hat, took a pencil and carefully
noted the height in his pocket book, to the utter amazement of the
stranger; after which he measured him across the shoulders, and again
noted the dimensions. He then looked the stranger firmly in the face and
said:
"Sir, I am very sorry that it is so, but I really will not be able to
finish it for you before morning."
"Finish what?" asked the stranger, endeavoring in vain to appear calm.
"Why, your coffin, to be sure! You see, I am the city undertaker, and
the people are dying here so fast, that I can hardly supply the demand
for coffins. You will have to wait until your turn comes, which will be
to-morrow morning--say about 9 o'clock."
"But what do I want with a coffin? I have no idea of dying!"
"You haven't, eh? Sir, you will not live two hours and a half. I see it
in your countenance. Why, even now, you have a pain--a slight pain--in
your back."
"Y-yes, I believe I h-have," replied the trembling hoosier.
"Exactly," said Dick, "and in your limbs too?"
"Yes, stranger, you're right, and I begin to feel it in the back of my
neck and head."
"Of course you do, and unless you do something for it, you'll be dead in
a short time, I assure you. Take my advice now, go back aboard the boat,
swallow down a gill of brandy, get into your state-room, and cover up
with blankets. Stay there till you perspire freely, then leave here like
lightning!"
Hoosier hurried on board the boat, and followed Dick's instructions to
the letter. He says he never will forget the kindness of the tall man in
Mobile, who gave him such good advice.