SELDOM does a live Dutchman get the credit of more smart things than are
set down to him in this catechism that he puts to a journeyman printer.
A Dutchman sitting at the door of his tavern in the Far West, is
approached by a tall, thin Yankee, who is emigrating westward on foot,
with a bundle on a cane over his shoulder:
"Vell, Misther Valking Sthick, vat you vant?"
"Rest and refreshments," replied the printer.
"Super and lotchin, I reckon?"
"Yes, supper and lodging, if you please."
"Pe ye a Yankee peddler, mit chewelry in your pack, to sheat the gals?"
"No, sir, I am no Yankee peddler."
"A singin'-master, too lazy to work?"
"No, sir."
"A shenteel shoemaker, vat loves to measure te gals' feet and hankles
petter tan to make te shoes?"
"No, sir, or I should have mended my own shoes."
"A pook achent, vat podders te school committees till they do vat you
vish, shoost to get rid of you?"
"Guess again, sir. I am no book agent."
"Te tyfels! a dentist, preaking te people's jaws at a dollar a shnag,
and running off mit my daughter?"
"No sir, I am no tooth-puller."
"Prenologus, ten, feeling te young folks, heads like so much cabbitch?"
"No, I am no phrenologist."
"Vell, ten, vat the mischief can you be? Shoost tell, and ye shall have
te pest sassage for supper, and shtay all night, free gratis, mitout a
cent, and a shill of whiskey to start mit in te morning."
"I am an humble disciple of Faust--a professor of the art that preserves
all arts--a typographer at your service."
"Votch dat?"
"A printer, sir: a man that prints books and newspapers."
"A man vat printish nooshpapers! oh yaw! yaw! ay, dat ish it. A man vat
printish nooshpapers! Yaw! yaw! Valk up! a man vat printish nooshpapers!
I vish I may pe shot if I didn't dink you vas a poor old dishtrict
schoolmaster, who verks for notting and poards around--I tought you vas
him!"