AN Englishman was bragging of the speed on English railroads to a Yankee
traveler seated at his side in one of the cars of a "fast train," in
England. The engine bell was rung as the train neared a station. It
suggested to the Yankee an opportunity of "taking down his companion a
peg or two." "What's that noise?" innocently inquired the Yankee. "We
are approaching a town," said the Englishman; "they have to commence
ringing about ten miles before they get to a station, or else the train
would run by it before the bell could be heard! Wonderful, isn't it? I
suppose they haven't invented bells in America yet?" "Why, yes," replied
the Yankee, "we've got bells, but can't use them on our railroads. We
run so 'tarnal fast that the train always keeps ahead of the sound. No
use whatever; the sound never reaches the village till after the train
gets by." "Indeed!" exclaimed the Englishman. "Fact," said the Yankee;
"had to give up bells. Then we tried steam whistles--but they wouldn't
answer either. I was on a locomotive when the whistle was tried. We were
going at a tremendous rate--hurricanes were nowhere, and I had to hold
my hair on. We saw a two-horse wagon crossing the track about five miles
ahead, and the engineer let the whistle on, screeching like a trooper.
It screamed awfully, but it wasn't no use. The next thing I knew, I was
picking myself out of a pond by the roadside, amid the fragments of the
locomotive, dead horses, broken wagon, and dead engineer lying beside
me. Just then the whistle came along, mixed up with some frightful oaths
that I had heard the engineer use when he first saw the horses. Poor
fellow! he was dead before his voice got to him. After that we tried
lights, supposing these would travel faster than the sound. We got some
so powerful that the chickens woke up all along the road when we came
by, supposing it to be morning. But the locomotive kept ahead of it
still, and was in the darkness, with the lights close on behind it. The
inhabitants petitioned against it; they couldn't sleep with so much
light in the night time. Finally, we had to station electric telegraphs
along the road, with signal men to telegraph when the train was in
sight; and I have heard that some of the fast trains beat the lightning
fifteen minutes every forty miles. But I can't say as that is true; the
rest I know to be so."--_New York Tribune._