One of the best things the last century has done for woman is to make
single-blessedness appear very tolerable indeed, even if it be not
actually desirable.
The woman who didn't marry used to be looked down upon as a sort of a
"leftover" without a thought, apparently, that she may have refused
many a chance to change her attitude toward the world. But now, the
"bachelor maid" is welcomed everywhere, and is not considered
eccentric on account of her oneness.
With the long records of the divorce courts before their eyes, it is
not very unusual for the younger generation of women nowadays
deliberately to choose spinsterhood as their independent lot in life.
A girl said the other day: "It's no use to say that a woman can't
marry if she wants to. Look around you, and see the women who _have_
married, and then ask yourself if there is anybody who can't!"
This is a great truth very concisely stated. It is safe to say that no
woman ever reached twenty-five years of age, and very few have passed
twenty, without having an opportunity to become somebody's mate.
A very small maiden with very bright eyes once came to her mother with
the question: "Mamma, do you think I shall ever have a chance to get
married?"
And the mother answered: "Surely you will, my child; the woods are
full of offers of marriage--no woman can avoid them."
And ere many years had passed the maiden had learned that the wisdom
of her mother's prophecy was fully vindicated.
Every one knows that a woman needs neither beauty, talent, nor money
to win the deepest and sincerest love that man is capable of giving.
Single life is, with rare exceptions, a matter of choice and not of
necessity; and while it is true that a happy married life is the
happiest position for either man or woman, there are many things which
are infinitely worse than being an old maid, and chiefest among these
is marrying the wrong man!
The modern woman looks her future squarely in the face and decides
according to her best light whether her happiness depends upon
spinsterhood or matrimony. This decision is of course influenced very
largely by the quality of her chances in either direction, but if the
one whom she fully believes to be the right man comes along, he is
likely to be able to overcome strong objections to the married state.
If love comes to her from the right source, she takes it gladly;
otherwise she bravely goes her way alone, often showing the world that
some of the most mother-hearted women are not really mothers. Think of
the magnificent solitude of such women as Florence Nightingale and our
own splendid Frances Willard! Who shall say that these, and thousands
of others of earth's grandest souls, were not better for their
single-heartedness in the service of humanity?
A writer in a leading journal recently said: "The fact that a woman
remains single is a tribute to her perception. She gains an added
dignity from being hard to suit."
This, from the pen of a man, is somewhat of a revelation, in the light
of various masculine criticisms concerning superfluous women. No woman
is superfluous. God made her, and put her into this world to help her
fellow-beings. There is a little niche somewhere which she, and she
alone, can fill. She finds her own completeness in rounding out the
lives of others.
It has been said that the average man may be piloted through life by
one woman, but it must be admitted that several of him need somewhere
near a dozen of the fair sex to wait upon him at the same time. His
wife and mother are kept "hustling," while his "sisters and his aunts"
are likely to be "on the keen jump" from the time his lordship enters
the house until he leaves it!
But to return to the "superfluous woman,"--although we cannot
literally return to her because she does not exist. Of the "old maid"
of to-day, it is safe to say that she has her allotted plane of
usefulness. She isn't the type our newspaper brethren delight to
caricature. She doesn't dwell altogether upon the subject of "woman's
sphere," which, by the way, comes very near being the plane of the
earth's sphere, and she need not, for her position is now well
recognised.
She doesn't wear corkscrew curls and hideous reform garments. She is a
dainty, feminine, broad-minded woman, and a charming companion. Men
are her friends, and often her lovers, in her old age as well as in
her youth.
Every old maid has her love story, a little romance that makes her
heart young again as she dreams it over in the firelight, and it
calls a happy smile to the faded face.
Or, perhaps, it is the old, sad story of a faithless lover, or a
happiness spoiled by gossips--or it may be the scarcely less sad story
of love and death.
Ibsen makes two of his characters, a young man and woman who love each
other, part voluntarily on the top of a high mountain in order that
they may be enabled to keep their high ideals and uplifting love for
each other.
So the old maid keeps her ideals, not through fulfilment, but through
memory, and she is far happier than many a woman who finds her ideal
surprisingly and disagreeably real.
The bachelor girl and the bachelor man are much on the increase.
Marriage is not in itself a failure, but the people who enter unwisely
into this solemn covenant too often are not only failures, but bitter
disappointments to those who love them best.
Life for men and women means the highest usefulness and happiness, for
the terms are synonymous, neither being able to exist without the
other.
The model spinster of to-day is philanthropic. She is connected, not
with innumerable charities, but with a few well-chosen ones. She gives
freely of her time and money in many ways, where her left hand
scarcely knoweth what her right doeth, and the record of her good
works is not found in the chronicles of the world.
She is literary, musical, or artistic. She is a devoted and loyal club
member, and is well informed on the leading topics of the day, while
the resources of her well-balanced mind are always at the service of
her friends.
And when all is said and done, the highest and truest life is within
the reach of us all. Doing well whatever is given us to do will keep
us all busy, and married or single, no woman has a right to be idle.
The old maid may be womanly and mother-hearted as well as the wife and
mother.