Why she, even she--
Oh! Heav'ns! a beast, that wants discourse of reason,
Would have mourn'd longer.
oeHAMLET.oe
Selina's meditations were disturbed by a summons to Lady Eltondale's
dressing-room, on a subject of no less importance than the choice of
mourning: a mixed sentiment of contempt and indignation took possession
of her mind, as she saw every feeling, that should have been called
forth in that of the recent loss, absorbed in the more momentous
reflections suggested by the comparative merits of the bombasins. But
when the bevy of milliners left the room, and Lady Eltondale, hiding her
face with her handkerchief, gave way to an outrageous burst of grief,
Selina condemned herself for her premature judgment. "That is fortitude,
which I have cruelly termed insensibility," thought she; and softened by
her tears, the first she had ever seen her shed, she kindly took her
hand, and addressed her in terms of condolence. But Lady Eltondale
interrupting her in a tone, which from contending passions almost
approached a scream: "Spare me, spare me," exclaimed she, "I can bear
any thing but _pity_. Good God! is it come to this! am I, the envied,
flattered Lady Eltondale, born to be _pitied_?" Then turning to Selina,
with a countenance distorted with rage, and her figure distended into
more than common loftiness, "You mistake me, Miss Seymour," she
continued; "though that man of sloth, that dormouse, Lord Eltondale, has
left me almost pennyless; though all my entreaties, all my reasons,
could never rouse him from his indolence, to make him active for or
against ministers, either of which would have procured me a pension; yet
do not fancy I am yet to be despised. My spirit is independent, be my
circumstances what they may, and they may still be bettered."
Selina was thunderstruck at this address. She could scarcely recognise
the calm, dignified Lady Eltondale, in the being convulsed with rage,
that writhed beneath her steady gaze. In the contortion of uncontrolled
passion, the veil had dropped, and the delusion vanished. A silence of a
few moments ensued, and both the ladies recovered themselves; Selina to
explain the condolences she had meant to offer as kindnesses, and Lady
Eltondale to receive them with that degree of gratitude, she timely
recollected it was most prudent to profess. And now,
"Brief as the lightning in the collied night,
That in a spleen unfolds both Heav'n and earth,"
did the Viscountess reassume all her usual calmness, and more than her
usual charms. Stretching out one white hand towards Selina, whilst she
pressed the other on her forehead, "Forgive me, my love," exclaimed
she, "this sudden misfortune has quite overpowered me. But you, Selina,
I know will bear with me; you will not forsake me."
Selina gave her every assurance, that duty and compassion, if not
affection, could suggest; and Lady Eltondale, with that feverish
restlessness of mind, which was no less distinguishable in her, than the
calm self-possession of her external deportment, immediately proceeded
to arrange the plans for her future life. "We will leave this directly,"
said she, "as I am anxious to return to Eltondale as soon as possible,
after the funeral of my poor dear Lord is over. I want to arrange my
papers, and my jewels, and a thousand little trifles that are my own
property, and may be useful to me hereafter; and then we can be decided
by Lord Eltondale's answer to the letters I have written to him, whether
to await his return at Eltondale, or to spend the intervening time at
Brighton." "Or suppose, my dear Lady Eltondale, we return to Deane, I
shall be so delighted----" "Impossible, my love," interrupted the
Viscountess; "in my present weak spirits such a retirement would kill
me." But this selfish, unfeeling woman was yet to learn by deprivation
the value of those blessings she had hitherto disregarded, and of that
kindness she had only despised. Before she could decide at which of the
gay watering places it would be most advisable for her to pass the first
months of mourning, Lord Eltondale's steward arrived, in the utmost
consternation, with the agonizing intelligence, that the Viscount's
creditors had seized on all his personal property, to pay some part of
the debts her extravagance had so largely contributed to contract. They
had possessed themselves both of the house at Eltondale and in Portman
Square; and mercilessly stripped them of all they could lay claim to of
their splendid furniture, not even sparing her Ladyship's "jewels, and
the thousand little trifles," which she had determined to appropriate to
herself. Bitterly did she now inveigh against the memory of him, whose
inconsiderate compliance with all her unreasonable demands had
principally occasioned the distress of which she so unfeelingly
complained. At last, having exhausted her passion in invective, she next
employed herself in suggesting and debating on a variety of schemes for
her immediate residence: and at length being convinced, that a few
months of the very retirement at Deane, which she had at first so
indignantly rejected, was the most advantageous measure she could now
adopt, she endeavoured to make a virtue of necessity, and accepted
Selina's proposition in such a manner, as would have convinced a
stranger, that her sole reason for doing so was compliance with Selina's
wishes.
The delighted girl did not, however, pause to investigate the motives of
the Viscountess's assent to her plan. With a little of the vivacity,
which once had marked her every impression, did she now anticipate with
fond delight her return to those beloved scenes of her happy infancy.
Her heart beat high as in swiftest thought she pictured to herself being
once more pressed to the maternal bosom of Mrs. Galton, and once more
enjoying the calm unembittered pleasures of her earlier years. Overcome
by the various emotions these thoughts gave birth to, she retired to her
own room, to regain composure, and to write to persuade her dearest aunt
to meet her there.
But an unforeseen difficulty arose to their quitting Cheltenham. Lady
Eltondale, with her usual inconsiderate extravagance, had run into debt
with almost every shopkeeper in the town; and the tradesmen, from the
moment her departure was announced, sent in their demands with what she
was pleased to call impertinent importunity. Her own resources had been
long exhausted; and perhaps of all her mortifications, none was to her
so severe as being under the necessity of applying to Selina for
pecuniary assistance. But notwithstanding Selina's accession of
fortune, when she lost her habits of early economy, she with them lost
the power of being generous. The last letter she had received from her
banker had informed her, that her account was so much overdrawn, he
could no longer accept her frequent drafts: and when she was obliged to
refuse Lady Eltondale's request for money, she received a practical
lesson on the folly of extravagance, which was more effectual than any
precepts could have been. But Lady Eltondale was not to be repulsed by
trifling difficulties; her brain, ever fruitful in expedients, suggested
the possibility of Selina anticipating her rents, by drawing a bill on
her agent in Yorkshire. Impatient of delay, and dreading the demands
which her other numerous creditors in London and elsewhere might bring
forward against her, she prevailed on Selina to go the next day to
Mr. ----'s bank to negotiate the transaction in person, and fixed to
leave Cheltenham as soon as possible afterwards.
Accordingly, very early the following morning, she proceeded to obey
Lady Eltondale's directions, having desired the steward, who professed
to be well versed in such business, to meet her at the bank, in order to
explain all that was necessary for her to do: she however needed no
introduction, the wealth of the great Yorkshire heiress was too well
known to require any confirmation; and on signing a paper which she
scarcely looked at, she joyfully received the sum she desired, without
stopping to calculate at what price the banker and the steward had
agreed she was to purchase the accommodation.
Elated by her success, she sent the money to Lady Eltondale by the
steward, while she proceeded to take a farewell ramble amongst her
favourite walks, and to indulge in their retirement the pleasing
reveries the idea of returning to Deane Hall had excited. Her solitude
however was soon interrupted: Sedley, who for the last three days had
with restless anxiety hovered round her door, had followed her unseen,
and now hastily overtook her. On first seeing him she was half tempted
to return, but he, perceiving her intention, half seriously and half
carelessly, put her arm within his, and led her forward. At first he
paid her the common compliments of condolence; but when, in answer to
his inquiries, she told him she and Lady Eltondale were to leave
Cheltenham that day, his surprise and disappointment overcame all his
resolutions, and with a vehemence of manner and expression, that almost
terrified Selina, he declared his passion in the strongest terms. So
little had Selina been accustomed to think of him as her lover, that at
first she considered his address merely as an effusion of gallantry, and
as such returned it with careless _badinage_. But his renewed
protestations convincing her he was in earnest, her trepidation
increased, nor would she probably soon have recovered her composure, had
she not perceived that he misconstrued her prolonged silence. As soon
therefore as he would permit her, she interrupted him, by politely
thanking him for his good opinion of her: "But," continued she, "it
distresses me even more than it flatters me: I cannot encourage a
partiality I feel I do not return." With an agitated countenance, and
looks almost of menace, he now inquired who was the favoured mortal she
preferred. "It is not that I prefer another," replied she, "but I do not
sufficiently prefer you. I think the only way I can repay your kindness
is by treating you with perfect frankness. Do not therefore think me
harsh when I say, that though I certainly prefer your society more than
that of most others, and though I prize your friendship most highly, I
by no means feel for you that exclusive partiality, of which I know my
heart is capable; and without which, in my opinion, there can be no
happiness in married life." "But may not time and assiduity win your
affections, dear, dearest Selina; let me still hope." And then, with all
the eloquence he was master of, did he implore her to consider him
still as her friend; and to permit him in that character to enjoy her
society, and at least endeavour to gain her love.
But the delicacy of Selina's mind shrunk from the idea of encouraging an
attachment she never meant to return; and scorning the little arts by
which so many women gratify their own vanity, at the expense of those
feelings which they seem to soothe, she steadily refused to give him any
ground for expecting her to change her present sentiments: for within
the last few days she had "communed with her own heart," and understood
it better than she had ever done before. However her refusal though firm
was gentle; and when Sedley parted from her at Lady Eltondale's door,
the tempered smile that played on her lip, and the tear that gemm'd her
eye, spoke so much of female softness and benevolence, that he departed
more enamoured than ever; and, hastening home, shut himself up in his
chamber, to indulge in a variety of schemes and reflections, which all
concluded by his determining never to relinquish her pursuit, and by a
natural consequence persuading himself his case was not yet desperate:
"None without hope e'er lov'd the brightest fair,
But love will hope where reason would despair."
When Selina entered the drawing room, she found Lady Eltondale too much
engrossed by her preparations for departure, to notice her protracted
absence and agitated appearance. And when a few hours afterwards Selina
actually found herself seated in the carriage, which was to convey her
to her own home, her thoughts became so entirely occupied by painfully
pleasing retrospection connected with it, that for a time all others
faded from her mind. Orders had been dispatched for its being prepared
for their arrival. And as they travelled but slowly, sufficient time was
afforded for their execution. For the last few miles Selina preserved an
uninterrupted silence, her whole attention being occupied in
endeavouring to recognize every well known object; and as each
succeeding tree, and cottage, and spire, met her view, a sentiment of
pleasure, amounting almost to agony, oppressed her. At last, when the
carriage turned up the long avenue, her feelings could no longer be
repressed. She sobbed aloud, and concealed her face in her handkerchief,
which she did not remove till she found herself pressed to the
palpitating heart of Mrs. Galton, who having received Selina's letter
when on a visit in Lancashire, had succeeded in anticipating her arrival
by a few hours.