THE next day we got up earlier than usual and dressed ourselves in our
new gowns. I could not believe my own eyes, and asked several times
whether that was myself or not. I found that I looked all right,
although I hadn't been wearing this sort of costume for so long.
They seemed to think that we would look awkward. Our own eunuchs were
delighted to see us dressed that way. The Young Empress came in while
passing our rooms on her way to the Empress Dowager's Palace, and waited
for us to go with her. When we arrived at the waiting room a lot of
people came in and looked at us, and talked so much about us, that it
made me feel rather shy. Everyone told us that we looked much better
that way than in foreign clothes, except the Emperor Kwang Hsu. He
said to me: "I think your Parisian gowns are far prettier than this."
I smiled and said nothing. He shook his head at me, and went into Her
Majesty's bedroom. Li Lien Ying came and saw us, and was very much
excited and told me to go and see Her Majesty at once. I told him that
everyone was looking at us, as if we were curios. He said: "You don't
know how nice you look now, and I wish that you would not wear foreign
clothes at all." Her Majesty laughed so loud when she saw us that it
made me uncomfortable, for I was afraid we looked unnatural to her. She
said: "I cannot believe you are the same girls. Just look at yourselves
in this looking-glass." She pointed to a large mirror in her room. "See
how you have changed. I feel that you belong to me now. I must have some
more gowns made for you." Then Li Lien Ying said that the twenty-fourth
would be the first day of the Summer. On that day everyone would begin
to wear jade hairpins instead of gold, and we had none. Her Majesty said
to Li: "I am very glad you told me that. I must give them each a jade
hairpin after having asked them to change into Manchu dress." Li went
away and came back with a box of hairpins of pure green jade. Her
Majesty took a beautiful one and handed it to my mother and told her
that that pin had been worn by three Empresses. She took two very nice
ones, and gave one to me and one to my sister. She told us that these
two were a pair, and that the other Empress Dowager (the East Empress
Dowager) used to wear one, and that the other was worn by herself when
she was young. I felt ashamed that Her Majesty had given us so many
presents and I had done nothing for her in any way. However, we thanked
her most sincerely, and showed our appreciation. She said: "I look upon
you as my own people, and the gowns I have made for you are the very
best. I have also decided to let you wear the full Court dress, the
same as one of the Princesses. You are my Court lady, so you are equally
ranked here." Li stood there behind her and made a sign to us to kowtow
to her. I cannot remember how many times I kowtowed that day. The
headdress was very heavy, and I was not quite used to it; I was afraid
it might fall off. Her Majesty also said that she would make our rank
known to the Court on her seventieth birthday. I will explain this. On
every decade from the time of her birth Her Majesty used to give special
favors to anyone she liked, or to anyone who had done something for her,
and had been useful to her. She could promote anyone at any time, but
on these occasions it was something special. The Young Empress
congratulated us, and said that Her Majesty was looking for a young
Prince to marry me. She was also very fond of teasing. I wrote to my
father about all the favors that had been given to me. He wrote me he
hoped that I deserved them all, and that I must do all I could to be
useful and loyal to Her Majesty as long as she lived.
I was very happy. Life was perfectly lovely at the Palace. Her Majesty
was always nice and kind. I noticed the difference in the way she had
treated us since (as she said) we had become Manchus once more. One day
Her Majesty asked me while we were sailing on the lake in the moonlight,
if I wanted to go to Europe any more. It was a superb night, and several
boats were sailing behind us. In one boat several eunuchs were playing
a kind of sweet music on the flute and an instrument very much like the
mandolin, called Yeuh Chin (small harp, like the shape of the moon),
with Her Majesty singing very softly to herself. I told her I was
satisfied to be with her, and did not wish to go anywhere at all. She
said that I must learn to sing poetry and that she would teach me every
day. I told her that my father had made me study all kinds of poetry and
I had composed some myself. She looked surprised and said: "Why didn't
you tell me that before? I love poems. You must read to me sometimes.
I have many books here containing poems of different dynasties." I told
her that my knowledge of Chinese literature was very limited, and I
dared not let her see how little I knew. I had only studied eight years.
Her Majesty told me that the Young Empress and herself were the only
ones who were familiar with Chinese literature at the Court. She told
me that she tried to teach the Court ladies to read and write some time
ago, but having found them so lazy she gave them up. My father told me
to be very careful not to show them what I could do until I was asked,
so I kept it to myself. After they found this out, some of the Court
ladies were very disagreeable to me, and this went on day after day.
Except for this unpleasantness the fourth moon passed very agreeably.
The first day of the fifth moon was a busy day for us all, as from the
first to the fifth of the fifth moon was the festival of five poisonous
insects, which I will explain later--also called the Dragon Boat
Festival. All the Viceroys, Governors and high officials, besides
the Imperial Family, Court ladies and eunuchs, all offer Her Majesty
beautiful presents. I never saw such a lot of things as came into the
Palace during this festival. Each person who sent in presents must
accompany them with a sheet of yellow paper, and at the right lower
corner the sender's name must be written and also the word Kuai Jin,
meaning to present their gifts kneeling, also to write what the presents
were. The eunuchs took big yellow trays to bring them in. During these
five days everyone was busy, especially the eunuchs. I could not count
just how many people sent presents to Her Majesty. The presents were of
every kind, such as things for the household; silks and jewelry of all
kinds and description. A large part of the presents were foreign goods
of the ordinary kind. I also saw lovely carved thrones and embroideries.
Her Majesty ordered them to be put away, and the foreign things to be
kept in her Palace, for those were new to her.
The third day of the fifth moon was the day for just the people of the
Palace to make presents. It was a most beautiful sight to see. We were
busy all night making preparations, and had to go and help the Young
Empress. The next morning we placed our presents in the big courtyard
in these big yellow trays. The Young Empress had her trays in the first
row. The presents from the Young Empress to the Empress Dowager were
made by her own hands. There were ten pairs of shoes, silk embroidered
handkerchiefs, little bags for betel nuts, and bags for tobacco, all
exquisitely done. The Secondary wife of the Emperor Kwang Hsu presented
about the same to Her Majesty. The Court ladies' presents were all
different, as we could ask permission to go out shopping before the
Feast. We could not go out together, for one or two of us must be there
at all times, and it was very exciting to tell each other what we had
bought. We ourselves did not ask permission to go out of the Palace,
for we had our presents ready long before. Everyone seemed to be talking
about presents, whether Her Majesty would like them or not. My mother,
my sister and myself had written to Paris to get some lovely French
brocades, one set of furniture, French Empire style. We had learned Her
Majesty's taste already during our short stay there, so including those
presents we also gave her fans, perfumes, soaps and some other French
novelties. Her Majesty always looked over everything, and noticed
some of the presents were of very poor quality, and wanted to know the
sender's name. The eunuchs and servant girls also made her good and
useful presents. Her Majesty would select the articles she liked the
best, and order the rest to be put away, and she might never see them
again. I must say that Her Majesty liked and admired some foreign things
very much, she especially loved the French fancy brocades, for she was
making new gowns almost every day. She was also pleased with soaps and
powder that would beautify the skin. She always thanked us in a very
nice way and said how very thoughtful we were in selecting beautiful
articles for her. Her Majesty would also say something nice to the
eunuchs and girls, and that made everyone feel pleased.
The fourth day of the fifth moon was the day that Her Majesty gave
presents to us all, the different Princes, high officials, servant
girls and eunuchs. Her memory was something extraordinary, for she could
remember every one of the presents that had been given to her the day
before, and the names of the givers also. That was a busy day for us.
Her Majesty gave people presents according to the way they gave her. We
had yellow sheets of paper and wrote out the names of those to whom
she wished to give. That day Her Majesty was very angry with one of the
wives of a certain Prince because her presents were the poorest. Her
Majesty told me to keep that tray in her room and said she would go over
them and see what they were. I knew she was not pleased, for she had
a telltale face. She told us to measure the silks and ribbons in that
tray, and leave it in the hall. The ribbons were all of different
lengths, all too short to trim a gown, and the dress materials were not
of good quality. Her Majesty said to me: "Now you look for yourself.
Are these good presents? I know very well all these things were given
to them by other people and they of course would select the best for
themselves, and give me what was left. They know they are obliged to
send me something. I am surprised to see how careless they are. Probably
they thought as I receive so many presents I would not notice. They are
mistaken, for I notice the poorest the first, in fact I can remember
everything. I can see those who gave me things in order to please me,
and those who gave because they were obliged to. I will return them the
same way." She gave the Court ladies each a beautiful embroidered gown
and a few hundred taels, the same to the Young Empress and the Secondary
wife. The presents which she gave us were a little different, consisting
of two embroidered gowns, several simple ones, jackets and sleeveless
jackets, shoes, and flowers for the Manchu headdress. She said that
we had not so many gowns, and instead of giving us the money, she had
things made for us. Besides that, she gave me a pair of very pretty
earrings, but none to my sister, for she noticed that I had a pair of
ordinary gold earrings, while my sister had a pair set with pearls and
jade. Her Majesty said to my mother: "Yu Tai Tai. I can see you love one
daughter better than the other. Roonling has such pretty earrings and
poor Derling has none." Before my mother could answer her she had turned
to me while I was standing at the back of her chair: "I will have a nice
pair made for you. You are mine now." My mother told her that I did not
like to wear heavy earrings. Her Majesty laughed and said: "Never mind,
she is mine now, and I will give her everything she needs. You have
nothing to do with her." The earrings she gave me were very heavy. Her
Majesty said that if I would wear them every day I would get used to
them, and so it proved that after some time I thought nothing of it.
Now about this Feast. It is also called the Dragon Boat Feast. The fifth
of the fifth moon at noon was the most poisonous hour for the poisonous
insects, and reptiles such as frogs, lizards, snakes, hide themselves in
the mud, for that hour they are paralyzed. Some medical men search
for them at that hour and place them in jars, and when they are dried,
sometime use them as medicine. Her Majesty told me this, so that day I
went all over everywhere and dug into the ground, but found nothing. The
usual custom was that at noon Her Majesty took a small cup filled with
spirits of wine, and added a kind of yellow powder (something like
sulphur). She took a small brush and dipped it into the cup and made a
few spots of this yellow paint under our nostrils and ears. This was to
prevent any insects from crawling on us during the coming summer. The
reason why it was also called the Dragon Boat Festival was because at
the time of the Chou Dynasty the country was divided into several parts.
Each place had a ruler. The Emperor Chou had a Prime Minister named Chi
Yuan, who advised him to make alliance with the other six countries,
but the Emperor refused, and Chi Yuan thought that the country would be
taken by others in the near future. He could not influence the Emperor,
so he made up his mind to commit suicide and jumped into the river,
taking a large piece of stone with him. This happened on the fifth day
of the fifth moon, so the year afterwards, the Emperor got into a Dragon
boat to worship his soul, and throw rice cakes, called Tzu Tsi, into the
river. On that day the people have celebrated this feast ever since.
At the Palace the theatre played first this history, which was very
interesting, and also played the insects trying to hide themselves
before the most poisonous hour arrived. On that day we all wore tiger
shoes, the front part of which was made of a tiger's head, with little
tigers made of yellow silk to wear on the headdress. These tigers were
only for the children to wear, and signified that they would be as
strong as a tiger, but Her Majesty wanted us to wear them also. The
wives of the Manchu officials came to the Court, and when they saw us
they laughed at us. We told them it was by Her Majesty's orders.
A register recording the birthdays of all the Court ladies was kept by
the head eunuch, and a few days before my own birthday came around, the
tenth day of the fifth moon, he informed me that the custom of the Court
was to make a present to Her Majesty and said that the present should
take the form of fruit, cakes, etc., so I ordered eight boxes of
different kinds.
Early in the morning I put on full Court dress, and made myself look as
nice as possible and went to wish Her Majesty good morning. When she had
finished dressing, the eunuchs brought in the presents and, kneeling,
I presented them to Her Majesty, bowing to the ground nine times. She
thanked me and wished me a happy birthday. She then made me a present of
a pair of sandalwood bracelets, beautifully carved, also a few rolls of
brocade silk. She also informed me that she had ordered some macaroni
in honor of my birthday. This macaroni is called (Chang Shou Me'en) long
life macaroni. This was the custom. I again bowed and thanked her for
her kindness and thoughtfulness. After bowing to the Young Empress and
receiving in return two pairs of shoes and several embroidered neckties,
I returned to my room, where I found presents from all the Court ladies.
Altogether I had a very happy birthday.
I can never forget the fifteenth day of the fifth moon as long as I
live, for that was a bad day for everyone. As usual we went to Her
Majesty's bedroom quite early that morning. She could not get up and
complained that her back ached so much. We rubbed her back, in turns,
and finally she got up, though a little late. She was not satisfied.
The Emperor came in and knelt down to wish her good morning, but she
scarcely took any notice of him. I noticed that when the Emperor saw
that Her Majesty was not well, he said very little to her. The eunuch
who dressed her hair every morning was ill, and had ordered another one
to help her. Her Majesty told us to watch him very closely to see that
he did not pull her hair off. She could not bear to see even one or two
hairs fall out. This eunuch was not used to trickery, for instance, in
case the hair was falling off, he could not hide it like the other one
did. This poor man did not know what to do with any that came out. He
was frightened, and Her Majesty, seeing him through the mirror, asked
him whether he had pulled her hair out. He said that he had. This made
her furious, and she told him to replace it. I almost laughed, but the
eunuch was very much frightened and started to cry. Her Majesty ordered
him to leave the room, and said she would punish him later. We helped
her to fix up her hair. I must say it was not an easy job, for she had
very long hair and it was difficult to comb.
She went to the morning audience, as usual, and after that she told the
head eunuch what had happened. This Li was indeed a bad and cruel man,
and said: "Why not beat him to death?" Immediately she ordered Li
to take this man to his own quarters to receive punishment. Then Her
Majesty said the food was bad, and ordered the cooks to be punished
also. They told me that whenever Her Majesty was angry everything went
wrong, so I was not surprised that so many things happened that day. Her
Majesty said that we all looked too vain with our hair too low down
at the back of the head. (This Manchu headdress is placed right in the
center of one's head and the back part is called the swallow's tail, and
must reach the bottom part of one's collar.) We had our hair done up the
same way every day, and she had previously never said a word about it.
She looked at us, and said: "Now I am going to the audience, and don't
need you all here. Go back to your rooms and fix your hair all over
again. If I ever see you all like that again I am going to cut your hair
off." I was never more surprised in my life when I heard her speak
so sharply to us. I don't know whether I was spoken to or not, but I
thought it well to be wise, and I answered I would. We were all ready to
go and Her Majesty stood there watching us. When we were about five or
six feet away we heard her scolding Chun Shou (the girl who was neither
a Court lady nor a servant). Her Majesty said she was pretending she was
all right, and Her Majesty ordered her to go also. When we were walking
towards our own place, some of them laughed at Chun Shou, which made
her angry. When Her Majesty was angry with anyone, she would say that we
were all doing something on purpose to make her angry. I must say that
everyone of us was scared, and wondered who would have dared to do that.
On the contrary, we tried our best to please her in every way.
But that day she was furious all day and I tried to stay away from her.
I noticed some of the eunuchs went to her to ask questions concerning
important matters, but she would not look at them, but kept on reading
her book. To tell the truth, I felt miserable that day. At the beginning
I thought all the eunuchs were faithful servants, but seeing them every
day, I got to know them. It did not do them any harm to be punished once
in a while.
The Young Empress told me to go in and wait on Her Majesty as usual. She
said that probably if I would suggest playing dice with her, she might
forget her troubles. At first I did not want to go, for I was afraid
that she might say something to me, but seeing that the poor Young
Empress spoke to me so nicely, I told her I would try. When I entered
Her Majesty's sitting room I found her reading a book. She looked at me
and said: "Come over here, I would like to tell you something. You know
these people at the Palace are no good and I don't like them at all.
I don't want them to poison your ears by telling you how wicked I am.
Don't talk to them. You must not fix your hair too low down at the back
of your head. I was not angry with you this morning. I know you are
different. Don't let them influence you. I want you to be on my side,
and do as I tell you." Her Majesty spoke very kindly to me, and her face
changed also--not at all the same face she had that morning. Of course I
promised her that I would be only too happy to do all I could to please
her. She spoke to me just like a good mother would speak to a dear
child. I changed my opinion and thought that perhaps after all she was
right, but I had often heard from the officials that one cannot be
good to a eunuch, as he would do all he could to injure you without any
reason whatsoever.
I noticed that day they all seemed to be more careful in doing their
work. I was told that when once Her Majesty got angry, she would never
finish. On the contrary, she talked to me very nicely, just as if there
had been no troubles at all. She was not difficult to wait upon, only
one had to watch her moods. I thought how fascinating she was, and I had
already forgotten that she had been angry. She seemed to have guessed
what I was thinking, and said: "I can make people hate me worse than
poison, and can also make them love me. I have that power." I thought
she was right there.