_House of Commons, Monday, August 14._--Quite shocked to see ASHER
to-day. Strong constitution and a happy disposition united to make him
a picture of buoyant health. Observing him walk up floor of House
just now, hardly knew him. Shoulders bowed; arms hanging limp; cheeks
sallow; an unspeakable sorrow in his dimmed eyes.
"What's the matter, Mr. SOLICITOR?" I asked, instinctively falling
into the whispering tone proper in sick rooms. "Is it the state
of Scotch business that weighs upon your mind? or is it true, as
whispered, that necessity has been discovered for bringing in Bill
amending the Borough Police and Health Act, 1892, with its 435
clauses?"
"No," said ASHER; "I'm thinking of neither. My thoughts tend in quite
another direction. My heart is at Deeside, my heart is not here. I
have a moor there; you understand me--not a person of dark complexion,
who, after much conversation, disposes of his wife with the assistance
of a pillow. But a stretch of moorland, gorse-scented, grouse-haunted.
I awoke early on Saturday morning hearing the popping of the guns in
far-off Aboyne. Mere fancy, of course. You remember CHARLES LAMB'S
story about supping with some Scotchmen, and incidentally observing he
only wished, to make the joy complete, that BURNS were there? One by
one the Scotchmen got up and explained to him that BURNS had been dead
for ever so many years, and that it was practically impossible, in
view of the circumstances, that he could have been present; even, one
of them added, supposing they knew BURNS, and it had occurred to them
to invite him. So you will say that Deeside, being hundreds of miles
away, I could not hear the birds on the wing, or the pottering of the
guns. In a sense, that is true; but I heard them all the same; worse
still, heard them when I was in church yesterday, and should have been
hearing something else. I wouldn't mind missing a day, a week, or, in
the service of my QUEEN and country, a fortnight. What I see, and what
gars me greet, is the endless vista of nights and days we shall spend
here. If we get any shooting at all we shall begin with the pheasants.
"O my BARTLEY, shallow-pated! O my TOMMY, such a bore!
O, my dear beloved moorland, shall I see thee evermore?"
ASHER'S case representative of many; only his despair is the more
eloquent.
_Business done._--Marking time in Home-Rule debate.
[Illustration: FATHER THAMES PURIFIED AND GLORIFIED, AS PROMISED BY L.
C. C.]
_Tuesday._--Just before eight bells, when all hands were piped below,
Admiral FIELD turned up in favourite character as the honest British
sailor. Rather modelled on transpontine style; a little unnecessarily
noisy; too humorously aggressive; hopelessly obvious. But in present
circumstances House grateful for anything; gleefully laughed whilst
the Admiral shivered his timbers, talked about losing his soundings in
a fog, declared against all shams, referred to himself as "honest and
modest sailor who believed in straightforward action, and refused to
have his eyes blinded by abstract proposals."
[Illustration: Admiral Field as the honest British Sailor.]
That last phrase didn't sound seafaring, but, as another honest sailor
was accustomed to say, its bearings lay in the application of it.
Motion before House was to eliminate Second Chamber from Home-Rule
scheme; brought forward by Radicals; situation difficult for
Opposition. If they voted against the Government they would be
declaring against principle of House of Lords. If they voted with
them they would be approving a proposition of the hated Bill. JOSEPH
judiciously got out of difficulty by declining to vote at all.
PRINCE ARTHUR elaborately explained that in going into Lobby with the
Radicals he was voting against a concrete proposal and in favour of
an abstract principle. This too subtle for COURTNEY, who announced his
intention of voting with Government who happened to agree with him in
approving principle of Second Chamber. It was amid these cross
blades that the Admiral, hitching up his trousers, danced a hornpipe.
TOMLINSON attempting to bring House back to more serious views,
Members with one accord rushed into Lobby, and Government came out
with majority of 83.
_Business done._--Seventh night in Report Stage Home-Rule Bill.
_Thursday._--"Whew!" said the Member for SARK. "I don't know what will
become of us if things go on much longer like this. With a PREMIER
over eighty, and the thermometer over 90, the situation is at least
unusual. Even JOSEPH not able to maintain his favourite attitude,
grafted on the iced cucumber. Just now Mr. G. made a passing remark,
quite mild compared with JOEY'S own sly hits. J. C. up on instant,
with boding brow and angry plaint that Mr. G. had attempted to slay
him with a sneer."
"Yes," said PLUNKET, "times _are_ hot. I don't know what we should do
without TOMMY BOWLES. The spectacle of his white ducks is to me as the
shadow of a great rock in a weary land. They talk about an army of
men in the basement working machinery that keeps the temperature ten
degrees below what it is marked on the Terrace. Also there is, it
seems, a ton and a half of ice melting in ventilating chambers at the
taxpayers' expense for our comfort. But I don't think ice is in
it with TOMMY'S ducks. Even if they were stationary it would be
something. But observe how, coming and going, TOMMY'S brain an argosy
of great thoughts, the ducks seem to skim over our prosaic floor,
calling up even to the unimaginative mind a vision of deep,
tree-shaded, quietly-rippling Broad, over which the wild duck swiftly
moves, waving white wings."
Only PLUNKET, I fancy, could evolve poesy out of to-night's scene; hot
above precedent, dull beyond endurance.
"PLUNKET'S duck picture cool and refreshing. But," said EDWARD OF
ARMAGH, drawing on his military experiences, "what we're doing just
now may be much more accurately described as the goose step."
Quite so. We sit all afternoon and far into the night, always talking,
sometimes dividing; every appearance of motion, no advance; feet
lifted with due sign of walking, but when midnight strikes and parade
dismissed we are found posted exactly at the same spot as that on
which we took our stand at half-past three in the afternoon.
If Mr. G. means business the sooner he gets about it the better.
_Business done._--None.
_Friday._--Mr. G. does mean business. Commences on Monday, when Motion
will be made to close Report Stage of Home-Rule Bill. Mere reference
to it set House bubbling with excitement. Mr. G.'s proposed Resolution
not yet drafted. "You know how it is," he said, smiling blandly
at PRINCE ARTHUR; "you've had a good deal of experience in drawing
Resolutions of this nature." But if Ministers not ready with their
Resolution, JOSEPH prepared with Amendment. Read it out amid lively
interruption.
Conversation later conducted with much vigour across the Gangway,
where, a fortnight ago, GUNTER received an Irish Member (not iced)
full in pit of stomach. Once the Blameless BARTLEY signalled out
Member for South Donegal, mentioning him by name as responsible for
particular exclamations. "Don't presume to mention my name," said
MACNEILL, leaning across gangway.
[Illustration: Swift MacNeill refuses to be named.]
"Look here, BARTLEY," said TOMMY BOWLES, "if you're going on that
tack, you must come and sit at this side. When I saw MACNEILL open his
mouth to speak, I confess I thought I was going to be swallowed whole.
You sit here; there's more of you."
_Business done._--Notice given that business is about to commence.
* * * * *
Transcriber's Note:
Sundry damaged or missing punctuation has been repaired.