DEAR MR. PUNCH,--I see that, with a view to economy, the Victorian
Legislature have cut down the salary of their future Governors to a
reasonable sum. Every one will applaud an act inspired by so worthy a
motive. Still, as the officials who have been thus deprived of some of
their emoluments have a certain state to keep up, I think it would
be only fair were that state also to undergo revision. With a view to
assisting in so desirable a programme, I jot down a few suggestions.
_Uniform._--Future Governors not to be required to wear gold lace.
Yellow braid to be sparingly used in decorating their frock-coats.
Dirks to be substituted for swords. Cocked-hats no longer to be
trimmed with feathers.
_Official Entertainments._--Governors no longer to be required to
ask Colonials to dinner. Luncheons with chops and steaks and boiled
potatoes to be substituted for extensive _menus_. Balls to be given
only occasionally, and guests to be served with the lightest of light
refreshments (sandwiches and lemonade); and if dancing be required,
dancers to supply their own orchestras.
_Attending State Functions._--Governors no longer to be expected to
appear in carriage and pair. Their Excellencies to be entitled to use
tram-cars, omnibuses, and bicycles. When laying a foundation-stone,
the Governors to be permitted to wear double-soled boots, and carry
umbrellas.
_Miscellaneous._--To avoid expense, salutes will be dispensed with
as much as possible. When guns are fired, tubes to be used without
cartridges. Flags not to be flown in wet weather, and Chairs of State
always to be covered with brown holland. Gaslights to be sparingly
lighted, and wax-candles abolished.
There, my dear Sir, this should be a relief both to the goose and the
gander. It is quite right to economise, but it is a little strange to
find that we get our first hint in this direction from the Antipodes.
Yours truly,
GAY WITHOUT PAY.
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[Illustration: A SLIGHT CONFUSION OF IDEAS.
_Local Hatter._ "I 'OPE YOU'LL EXCUSE MY CALLING, SIR GEORGE; BUT
I 'EARD AS HER LADYSHIP WAS GOING TO GIVE A PLAY IN THE GROUNDS--A
_PASTORAL_ PLAY, THEY TOLD ME--SO I MADE SO BOLD AS JEST TO COME ROUND
AND SAY AS I'D GOT A LARGE ASSORTMENT OF _CLERICAL 'ATS_, AND THAT I
SHOULD BE MOST 'APPY TO PUT 'EM AT HER LADYSHIP'S DISPOSAL!"]
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