+Prophetess Grows Jocose.+
"I want to tell you a joke which I heard the other day that has come
thundering down the ages of time and which is told about Theodore B.
Wilcox when he was cashier of Ladd & Tilton's Bank, somewhere in the
1880's. This will go to show you that people may forget their Bible
lessons but they never fail to remember a joke.
"A Frenchman appeared at the depository at First and Stark Streets one
day with a check for $750, payable to Jean Crapo. Mr. Wilcox told the
Frenchman that he must be identified before he could draw the money.
'Identified, identified. I don't know what that means,' exclaimed the
Frenchman. When it was explained to him he said, 'Oh, I comprenez,'
and producing a photograph of himself from his side pocket, he
triumphantly informed Mr. Wilcox that he thought this would be
sufficient identification."
"Yes," I said, "I remember that story. It was told by Jerry Coldwell in
the columns of the Oregonian, and it is hard to believe that people are
smiling over the story 120 years later."
"Another story is told of C. A. Malarkey," continued the visitor, "and I
will relate it:
"Charley was visiting in San Francisco and put up at the Palace Hotel. A
darkey had driven him around in his carriage viewing the city all one
afternoon and as the dinner hour approached, the cab was about to be
discharged when Charley remembered that he needed some neckwear and
told the driver to take him to a haberdasher. The darkey drove around
several blocks finally stopping to ask, 'Where did you say you wanted to
go, boss?' 'I want to go to a haberdasher,' he replied, and the driver
started off again.
"He drove around seven or eight blocks, then dismounted, and in an
apologetical tone said, 'Look hyar, sah, Ise driven this hyar hack for
22 years and neber gib anyone away yet; you just tell me whare it is
yer want to go, sah, and Ise de boy that can take yer there.'
"I understand that this anecdote was told the other night at one of the
popular lodges under the head of 'good of the order'," and the old lady
proceeded to look still further into her portmanteau for other items of
interest.
"Tell me," I asked, "what is the force and energy used in producing
electricity? They must have found more power for there is so much of it
used."
"Oh, yes," responded the old lady, "If you remember, there was a
movement on foot away back in 1905 to harness the ocean's waves, but it
was determined to be unfeasible. Later on, it was demonstrated that the
project was a simple one and now the highway to the ocean is lined with
poles carrying power developed by the ocean waves which gives an endless
and inexhaustible supply and which is cheap and always reliable. This
means of securing power is utilized the entire length of the Pacific
Ocean, Atlantic Ocean and on all the Great Lakes, Chicago being the
first city to try the experiment from the waters of Lake Michigan.
"This discovery has had the good effect of making it possible to
properly conserve the nation's water supply and has created a new
industry. Irrigation by means of huge air tanks filled with water and
allowed to rain upon parched spots is the present method of irrigating
and it works wondrously well."