(_A Room at an Inn--A window open, with balcony, a little to the R. in
flat--A large screen, folded up and leaning against the flat--The only
entrance is by a door in set wing L. 2 E.--tables and chairs--WAITER
discovered busied about._)
_Enter HARRIET and CUTAWAY, L._
CUT. Most unlucky! Hymen has extinguished his link for the day, and
here we are yet unlinked--too late for the parson.
HAR. Shocking, indeed; to say nothing of the impropriety of my thus
running about with you.
CUT. True; we are like odd gloves--a couple unpaired. No matter;
to-morrow will unite us for ever. This house has a hopeful name--"The
Anchor."
HAR. The anchor! the very house my aunt was to have brought me to, to
send to Mrs. Chargely's. My place is booked here for that purpose.
CUT. No matter; some one else can represent you. The coach is unlike
my heart--it can just admit another. Waiter!--shew us into a private
room.
WAITER. Yes, sir; this way.--James, conduct the lady to the blue
parlour.
CUT. Blue! another omen--emblem of constancy.
HAR. Single, another day! what a misfortune!
(_Exeunt, R._)
WAITER. Hollo, James! James! bustle about; four more on the
stairs!--shew them in here; all the other rooms are full. What a house
we have to-day.
_Enter BOLT, MIZZLE, MISS B., and MRS. S., L. H. D._
BOLT. Sit down, ladies,--sit down.
MISS B. What a charming place!
MRS. S. Yes, but any place would be charming in such company.
(_The ladies sit at table, R._)
MISS B. (_Aside._) If he is only playing tricks I'll be even with
him.--My dear Steele, you have forgotten your gallantry; don't you ask
us to take any refreshments?
MIZ. (_Aside._) There they begin already! I thought they looked like
appetites.--Here, Waiter!
WAITER. Yes, sir.
MIZ. Four bread and cheeses, and a pint of stout.--(_Aside._) Egad,
they sha'n't ruin us.
BOLT. The very thing! I dote upon stout, and so does Mrs. Steele.
MISS B. La, my dear, I like nothing so plebeian; it's taking away
one's character to say so.
MRS. S. And I faint at the smell of cheese.
MIZ. Waiter!
WAITER. Yes, sir.
MIZ. A decanter of water for the ladies, and butter instead of cheese.
BOLT. Exactly!--only a pint of stout.
MISS B. Stay! Have you nothing but bread and butter and cheese in the
house?
BOLT. Have you got any onions?
MISS B. Have you no poultry?
BOLT. (_Aside._) Poultry! what pretty chickens!
WAITER. A couple of fowls are roasting for my master's dinner;
however, he will be most happy to let you have them.
MISS B. Well, send them up instantly, with a bottle of your best
sherry. (_Exit WAITER._)--You know, Steele, your loose sovereigns will
cover all expenses.
BOLT. (_Whispers._) Here, Bobby, how much have you got?
MIZ. Half-a-crown; and you?
BOLT. Eighteen-pence! Oh--h--h! that looks very unlike fowls and sherry.
MIZ. But you must be so d----d bounceable with your loose sovereigns!
MISS B. My dear, wont you sit down?--you must be tired.
BOLT. Not in the least (_aside_) except of you. (_Whispers._) I'll
tell you what we must do, Bobby,--we'll tell the ladies all; they can't
detain us in a public room,--and then we'll----
MIZ. Decamp. The best plan; only you be orator. The ladies look rather
fierce.
BOLT. A--hem!--you see, ladies--that is, you perceive--ahem!--you must be
aware--you cannot be ignorant--ahem!
MISS B. My dear Steele, what is the matter?
BOLT. (_Aside._) There she goes again, with her "dear Steele."--The
fact is----
_Enter WAITER, L. 2 E._
WAITER. I am sorry to intrude, ladies and gentlemen, but have you any
objection to a gentleman dining in this room?
BOLT. Not in the least!--You may give him our dinner, if your larder is
scanty.
MISS B. My dear!
MIZ. Yes, and the bottle of wine into the bargain.
_BOLT and MIZZLE go up._
MRS. S. Hoity toity! Certainly not!--and, Waiter, I hate dining in
public; I insist on that screen being put up.
WAITER. To be sure. (_Putting up screen so as to divide room in two,
then arranging a small table and chair on the side next the
door._)--Your fowls are done brown, ladies.
MIZ. (_Aside._) Done brown? Yes, and so are we done brown--by Miss
Brown, too!
_Enter 2nd WAITER and COTTON, L. 2 E._
2nd WAITER. Here, sir; there is a party the other side of the screen;
our inn is so full, sir.
COT. No matter; this will do. (_Sits at small table._) Bring up some
cold meat directly, and the paper.
(_Exeunt both WAITERS, L. 2 E._)
MIZ. Stay, I've a thought!--there may be an Irish cousin, or naval
officer, there. I'll peep through. (_Looks through crevice of
screen._)--Oh--
BOLT. Ladies, what I have to say is----
MIZ. (_Whispers._) Hold your tongue! you don't know who is on the
other side.
BOLT. No, nor don't care, if it is the devil.
MIZ. But it is worse, it's--oh--h--h!--old master, between us and the
door!
BOLT. Zounds! we are blockaded. Bolt, Bolt, thy courage is out.
MRS. S. What is the matter, gentlemen?
MISS B. You seem uneasy. (_WAITER brings in, L. 2 E., fowls and a
newspaper: he leaves newspaper with COTTON, and then passes on to the
other table, where he places fowls, and exit, L. 2 E._)--Well, I shall
take off my cloak and bonnet. (_Does so, and hangs them on a chair._)
BOLT. Egad, as there is no exit, I must e'en make the best of it.
(_Sits down between ladies._) This wing?--a slice of the breast? &c.
MIZ. (_Aside._) If I could but pass that old curmudgeon! Egad, I have
it--they are all looking at the fowls, far more interesting objects
than myself.
(_Makes signs to BOLT--slips MISS BROWN'S cloak and bonnet off
chair--retires to back and puts them on._)
COT. (_Reading._) "Curious case of stealing clothes"--Um--um--sentence,
transportation.
(_MIZZLE passes back of screen._)
MRS. S. Mr. Addison is invisible.
BOLT. Oh, never mind him.
(_MIZZLE passes in front of COTTON, and exit L. 2 E._)
COT. What an extraordinary woman! "Mysterious disappearance."
BOLT. (_Horn sounds._) That sounds deuced near the window. Help
yourselves to the wings, ladies. Cut off the wings and they can't fly.
(_Retires back--the COACHMAN appears at window, R. F._)
COACH. Any one going?
(_BOLT is in the act of stepping from balcony._)
LADIES. (_Seeing him._) Stop him!
(_BOLT disappears with COACHMAN--the LADIES throw the screen over
COTTON, who gets up and beats the WAITERS--the LADIES scream.--Scene
closes._)