AT the close of the second session it was proposed that we give a
party. We held a meeting in the Academy, and elected a Committee of
Management. These important and business transacting gentlemen soon
came around with their subscription lists. As I was one of the small
boys I had to subscribe only a dollar, but I felt as munificent as
Mithridates, when I wrote “John Smith,” and, parallel with it, placed
a small crooked “1” and two very fat ciphers, yoked together like the
sign of the spectacles over a jeweller’s store. At dinner that day I
obtained the amount from father, and mother pinned it in my jacket
pocket for safety. When I returned in the afternoon I took out the pin
before I reached the Academy and crumpled the bill in my pocket, to
give it a careless look. When I handed it to the collector he expressed
no gratitude, and evinced no feeling whatever on the subject, merely
checking off my name with his pencil, and placing my dollar, in the
coolest manner possible, with the other funds of the enterprise. But
I was repaid, however, for such indifferent treatment, when the gilt
embossed tickets came out, and I received my two. I carried one home,
and put it in our card basket as a standing evidence of my interest in
the party, and sent the other to Lulie, with my compliments written in
ink of the bluest hue.
Of course those who would not subscribe were regarded with great
contempt by all who did, and epithets expressive of avarice and miserly
meanness were heaped with unsparing liberality upon them. In some cases
these were deserved, but there were many very poor boys in school, and
I often blushed to hear their poverty ridiculed and themselves made the
subjects of unfeeling jest. I recall one little scene.
I was standing near, perhaps, the poorest boy in school, when one of
the managers, a proud, stuck-up youth, approached, and said to him:
“I say, Willie, you’ll give us something for the party, won’t you?”
I noticed a slight quiver on Willie’s lip as he replied:
“I have only twenty-five cents at home, and mother is not able to give
me any more, but you are welcome to that, if you will have it.”
“We don’t want any of your quarters. A dollar is the smallest
contribution we take. But let me tell you, if you don’t subscribe you
must not go to the party, and hang around to fill your pockets.”
“You need not fear that I will come,” said the little fellow, as he
drew his hat over his face and turned away, not however, before I had
seen something glistening fall from his cheek, and make a tiny, wet
circle in the sand.
This digression, with the hope that some school boy who may read this
book, may be led to reflect (which is rare) that others, besides
himself, have feelings that may be hurt.
The eventful evening of the eventful day at length arrived, and I went
up to my room to make my extensive toilet. My clothes were spread out
on the bed ready for my donning, and I stopped to contemplate their
striking effect. My white pants gleamed beside a new blue jacket, with
as bright buttons as Frank Paning ever dared to wear, and a snowy
collar, already folded down, lay beside a handsome silk bow. I had
given orders that my pants should be starched very stiff, with very
deep creases down the legs. These instructions I found faithfully
fulfilled, for they were so stuck together it was with great difficulty
I could open the legs sufficiently to admit my own, and when they were
at last on, I found that our laundress had ironed the creases down the
sides instead of on the front of the legs, and the wide, hard linen
stood out on each side of my feet like great paddles, and tapped, one
against the other, with a noise that would have attracted attention in
a mill. To add to my discouragement about the pants, my shoes, which
I had ordered to be shined up for this extra occasion, came up to my
room with one string gone; and as it could not be found, and it was too
late to go out to purchase another, I had to borrow a light colored one
with brass tips from mother, and trust to luck to hide my feet. As I
had not reached the age of ability to fasten my own collar, I called
in Aunt Hannah, who was passing my door. The old lady, being a little
dim of vision, pinned my collar and bow just far enough to one side to
give my head the appearance of being set on crooked; but as I was not
extremely fastidious, and was moreover in great haste, I thought it
would do by slightly turning my head, so as to keep my chin just over
the bow. Putting on my jacket, and seeing its perfect fit, restored my
equanimity, but I lost it fearfully again when I came to brush my hair.
The Lacedæmonians used always to comb their hair before entering
battle, and if their crinal adjustment caused them a tithe the
irritation mine did me, we may cease to wonder at their reckless
courage and desperate conduct.
My locks yielded to the combined influence of comb, brush, water,
and oil, and smoothly fell, except in one particular place—that
perverse spot in the crown of the head, where the hair seems to
have grown in a whirlwind. Here it would not “down,” but remained a
capillary Banquo, in obstinate uprightness. After repeated proofs of
its invincible stubbornness I was forced to leave it proudly erect,
like the republic of Ragusa, among crouching kingdoms. Having completed
my Beau-Brummellization, and received father’s injunction not to stay
late, I hurried to the assembly rooms.
The managers had engaged two halls; one for the grown people, with
music stand and waxed floor, and a large empty room, with a few benches
round the wall, for the little folks and their games. Thither I bent
my course, and entered. Just inside the door I found a throng of the
inevitable party jackals, who always frequent public entertainments.
They hang round the doors, and stand in corners till supper is
announced, when, the moment the ladies leave the table, they rush
in upon the spoils. They number among them many who claim eminent
respectability, yet who, being too bashful to mingle with the ladies,
are of course too bashful to behave well. As I squeezed my way through
this motley throng, many were the taunts I heard levelled at my
unfortunate person, all of which I treated with silent contempt; but as
I entered the hall fairly I heard a hoarse whisper behind me:
“He’s getting skeered on the top of his head, look how his hair has
riz.”
I wilted under this last remark, and involuntarily smoothed my hand
over the Ragusan hairs, to the great delight and boisterous merriment
of the jackals.
As soon as I had time to look about me, I saw Ned Cheyleigh, Frank
Paning, and Lulie Mayland, over in a corner, with several other boys
and girls of my acquaintance. Ned motioned to me to join them, and,
much relieved, I hastened across the room.
There were two benches arranged so that their occupants were placed
_vis à vis_, and on one of these sat the boys, with their hats on their
knees, and their arms resting on each others’ shoulders. The girls
occupied the other, and were much more at their ease, though there
was very little attempt at conversation, as the moment anybody spoke
everybody else looked straight at them, and listened. This state of
affairs proving very dry and uninteresting, it was proposed that we
play some games. The proposal came from Frank, and Lulie was the first
to accede to it. This circumstance, trivial as it was, tended greatly
to diminish my interest in the proceedings. Frank and I had never
had much dealing with each other since the affair at Miss Hester’s,
though that was not so much the cause as the fact that we were rivals
for Lulie’s heart. The little flirt always made me believe, when I
was alone with her, that I was decidedly her preference, but somehow
when we were both thrown into her presence, Frank always received the
lion’s share of her smiles, remarks and attention. My good temper for
the evening was nearly spoiled on this occasion when Frank proposed
“Club Fist,” and laid his doubled-up hand in Lulie’s lap, she placing
her’s immediately on it, followed by the hands of all the throng, till
there was quite a Timour’s tower of human bones. To think of her hand
being pressed by every other hand down on his, was almost too much for
a lover to bear, but I swallowed my resentment as best I could, and
joined my own hand to the tower.
The very startling query, “What have you got there?” and the immediate
abduction of the dimpled hand of a girl, or the chubby fist of a boy
from the pile, were all gone through with, till the bottom hand was
reached. The chain of destruction from the cat who so feloniously
appropriated “my share,” to the knife hid behind the old church door,
was carefully ascended, and the solemn sentence pronounced:
“A for apple, P for pear, the first one who laughs or speaks shall
receive three hard slaps and pinches.” All were as silent as
Pythagorean novitiates, though many were the contortions to restrain
laughter, till after a few moments Lulie’s merry laugh was heard.
She pleaded that she could not help it; that Frank made such a funny
face at her that she was compelled to laugh. She was, however,
convicted, and we commenced to punish her. When it came Frank’s turn to
pinch her, he did so so severely that she gave a little scream of pain,
and declared she would pay him for it presently. When she presented her
arm to me I felt that all the gallantry of my soul forbade cruelty to
her, and I scarcely touched the soft flesh. My consideration did not
seem to be very highly appreciated, for she turned off without a word,
and commenced the payment of her debt to Frank. A very torturing and
envy-causing game they made of it for me, as I looked frowningly on,
wishing most earnestly that she was in my debt, and would pay it as
thoroughly.
Club Fist was now voted dull, and blindman’s buff proposed. Frank
volunteered to be blindfolded, and the game soon became a merry one.
Peals of laughter, as all ran helter skelter to avoid him, whispers of
stealth as they crept about behind him, and screams of excitement as
they just eluded his grasp, added pleasant confusion to the merriment.
Frank took good care to arrange the handkerchief so that he could see,
though he stumbled about enough to avoid suspicion. He pretended to
single out Lulie by her laugh, and soon made her his captive. Then
Lulie was blinded, and after a long chase caught one of the girls, who
in her turn caught Ned. Frank this time contrived to stumble against
Ned, and of course, being caught, wore the handkerchief again. Poor
artless I played with all my might, and dodged and tacked with as much
earnestness as Acteon did his own dogs. After the bandage had been
exchanged many times I was caught by some one, but just as I was
preparing to become as blind as Melctal, Frank said we had had enough
of the game, and all agreed to quit. We amused ourselves in various
ways for an hour or so longer, Frank making an almost entire monopoly
of Lulie, while I hung around with dogged expectancy of a chance after
a while. After another hour’s interval supper was announced, and each
of the boys took his engagée to the supper hall. I went sullenly alone.
The room was densely crowded, and the clatter of plates and dishes, the
jingle of glasses, the hum of voices, the popping of corks and cracker
bon bons, and the general noise of the bustle to and fro, confused and
deafened me. The grown people from the other hall were there, and boys
and girls, beaux and belles of whiskers and satins, all mingled in an
incongruous and grotesque mass. Squeezing my way down the table I found
myself opposite to Frank and Lulie, and, as I saw him engaging her in
conversation, or piling up her plate with delicacies, overwhelming her
with constant and tender attentions, which were received as tenderly
by her, jealousy deprived me of all appetite, and I strove to divert
my attention by observing those around me. As I glanced down the long
tables, a double vista of snowy necks and arms, white waistcoats,
flashing jewels, sparkling fans, with an occasional raising here and
there of a white glove, or a cobweb handkerchief, appeared as if on
dress parade, ranged in open order for the table to march through.
Here a vivacious beauty raised a dainty bit on her fork, and poising
it at her mouth as she finished a remark, looked as if the fork were
a doctor, and she had sore throat; there a languid youth dipped his
downy attempt at a moustache in a glass of wine, and a little farther
on a courting couple, without originality, seemed actually interested
in the verses on the candies. But however engaged, at what stage soever
of the supper they arrived, everybody seemed to be of some interest to
somebody else, except myself. I was emphatically alone. I was getting
desperate, and turned to leave the table, when I glanced at Lulie, and
saw that Frank had left her side temporarily. As she caught my eye, she
said, with her sweetest smile:
“John, won’t you please get me some frozen cream, this on the stand has
all melted; Frank has gone now to see if he can find a waiter who knows
anything about the table. The confusion is quite confusing;” and she
coughed with an affected air behind her fan, as if her last sentence
had been quite an effort.
Glad to be of any service to anybody, I bowed, and, taking her
proffered plate, dived into the throng, to make my way to the freezers.
Now nearly run over by a hastening waiter, now in the way of a retiring
couple, often spilling little streams of the melted cream over the
black cloth of a gentleman, or the pearly silk of a lady, and, before
I could recover from their indignant glance or muttered objurgations,
having it tilted into my own bosom by some passers, I at length reached
the stand on which was placed the freezing apparatus. Here I had to
wait till all patience was exhausted before I could get what I wished,
but, stubbornly determined, I stood my ground, and at length received
my plate, heaped up as if for a glutton. To return with a running-over
plate was indeed more perilous than my journey thither. I was threading
my way carefully along, and had proceeded half way down the room, when
I met Frank and Lulie leaving.
“Oh! you found it after all,” she said, as she saw me approaching,
carrying the dripping plate out at arm’s length, as if it were a hot
kettle, “I am very much obliged for the trouble you have taken, but
Frank brought me some a short time after you left.”
I was too much chagrined to reply, but giving Frank a dagger look as
they passed out, I threw the plate down on the nearest table, and left
the room. I resolved, as soon as I could get an interview with Lulie,
to load her with reproaches, and bid her farewell forever. But on going
back to the party room I saw Lulie sitting by herself, Frank having
left her for awhile. I determined to go immediately to her and have my
talk out with her, but felt like modifying very much the bitterness of
its spirit. What we say in a person’s presence is very much less than
what we think we will say before we see them.
I went over and took a seat by Lulie, and for the first time in the
evening felt a little gleam of pleasure in my heart. She received me
kindly, and made some trifling remark about my being out of spirits,
but I did not heed her. Coming, like a boy, bluntly to the point, I
asked:
“Lulie, do you like Frank Paning? I do not, he tries to be so smart.”
“Why, yes,” she said, coloring a little, and biting the tip of her fan,
“I do like him some; surely you don’t dislike him for being smart.”
“I don’t mean smart that way; but there’s another bigger reason than
that: he is always with you when I want to be.”
“Well, that’s your fault,” she replied, looking at me archly. “I am
sure if he comes to me first you can’t expect me to drive him away for
you, can you?”
“But he’s been with you all to-night, and I have not had a chance to
even talk with you a minute. I wanted to carry you to the supper, but
of course he was ahead of me.”
“You ought to have asked me before he did.”
“Even if I had you would have preferred going with him, wouldn’t you?”
“Oh! I must not say, it might flatter you.”
“I wish,” I muttered savagely, “he was back in South Carolina, or
wherever he came from.”
“I certainly do not,” she said, with some warmth; “I thought you and
Frank were great friends.”
“We were at first, but ever since he lied to Miss Hester, I have not
had any use for him.”
“I was angry with him myself that day,” she said, after a little pause,
and with a slight change in her tone, “but he has made it all right
since. He says he did not see any reason why he should take a whipping
when he could get out of it without telling a lie. I cried real hard,
though, that day about you and Ned.”
“I don’t expect you cried much for me; ‘twas all for Ned.”
This I said as a feeler, and I watched closely, as well as vainly, to
discover some sign of emotion in her reply.
“No, indeed,” she said, looking straight at me, without any drooping
of the timorous eyelids, as I had expected; “I felt as if I could take
half your blows.”
“I would have them doubled to hear you say so,” I replied, with great
warmth and an attempt at a theatrical pressure of my heart, which,
however, failed in its effect, from my ignorance of the exact location
of that vital organ.
The conversation was now beginning to assume for me a most agreeable
turn, and I was beginning to feel recompensed for all my chagrin of the
evening, when, to my unspeakable horror I saw William, our servant,
coming across the room with my cloak in his hand.
“Marse John, your father says it is time for you to come home. Here is
your cloak mistis sent.”
The reversion of feeling was too strong for utterance, and with a
choked voice and swimming eyes I rose, and, without a word of parting
to Lulie, went out with William. Just as I reached the outer door I met
Frank coming in. He bowed with mock reverence, and said, with a sneer:
“Good night, little baby; go to your cradle.”
“I’ll whip you to-morrow!” was all I could grind out between my
clenched teeth, while he ran, laughing, into the hall. As I groped my
way down the steps, my eyes all blinded with tears, I heard some one
say:
“Here come the band! they are going to play for the children.”
This was the last feather on the camel’s back of my fortitude, and I
broke down into sobbing.
To have Lulie think I was babyish, and had to be sent for; to have our
conversation broken off so suddenly, when it was becoming so pleasant;
to leave a scene of gaiety before it was finished, and then, too,
when the best part was coming, and, above all, to have my hated rival
triumph in my humiliation, was enough to have crushed a stouter heart
than mine.
When we reached the corner, round which we turned into our street,
William stopped, and said:
“There! listen at the music!”
I wiped away the tears from my eyes, and looked back at the building.
‘Twas brightly illuminated, and indistinct forms could be seen passing
to and fro at the windows. A quick, lively air from the band came
floating to my ears, and I knew Frank was by Lulie’s side.
“Oh, William,” I sobbed, “I—do—want—to—go back—so bad.”
“I think it was a pity marster sent for you so soon,” he said, “but you
are done and away now, and we’d better go on home.”
Wretched, indeed, I ascended the steps at home, and was met at the door
by father.
“Well, Johnnie,” he said, locking the door after I had gotten in, “this
is right late for a little boy to be up, isn’t it? What! crying! What
is the matter?”
“Father—, I did—hate to—leave—so much—. The—band was coming—to
play—for us—and I was just—beginning to—see some—fun.”
“I am sorry I broke you up,” he said, kindly, “but it is very late, and
much for the best that you should be at home. Good night; run up to
bed.”
I went up to my room, and tumbled on the bed with my clothes on. My
mind was full of bitter, burning thoughts. I fancied I could still
hear the band, and whenever I closed my eyes Lulie’s form, with Frank
hovering near, rose to my vision.
Next morning I rose with a headache, and for relief walked out. My
steps involuntarily led me to the scene of my chagrin, and in a sad
kind of reverie I wandered through the rooms.
‘Tis sad food for reflection to visit a ball room the morning after
the ball. Dreary silence has taken the place of noisy mirth and
revelry, and the walls and floor look wan in the yellow sunlight, as
if suffering from their night’s dissipation. The chandeliers quiver
their pendent prisms at your approach, and tinkle a drowsy salutation.
Around the music stand are scattered a leaf or two of music, fragments
of rosin, and half sucked lemons; along the floor we pick up a fallen
wreath, a slipper’s rosette, or a torn fragment of tarlatan. These are
all that remind us of the whirling throng that mingled here.
‘Tis very much like life! We thoughtlessly dance upon its arena, and
departing leave behind us, some at least, the evergreen wreath, some
the tarnished rosette of pleasures tried and found empty, and some the
poor torn shred of fruitless ambition.