Wonder if my luggage has gone on to Morley Vale.
Wonder if I left my umbrella in the carriage, or forgot to bring it.
Wonder how far it is from Stonnhurst to Morley Vale.
Wonder if they've sent a trap to meet me at Morley Vale.
Wonder why, when people invite one to come down to some out-of-the-way
place, they don't tell one all these difficulties in their letter.
Wonder if they'll have sense enough to drive to Stonnhurst from Morley
Vale.
Wonder if I shall meet them on the road if I walk there.
Wonder which _is_ the road.
Wonder, in answer to demand at the station-door, where I put my ticket.
Wonder if I dropped it in the carriage.
Wonder what I can have done with it.
Wonder if I put it into the side pocket of my overcoat when I took out
my lights.
Wonder where the deuce my overcoat is.
* * * * *
[Illustration: SCENE--_Chancery Lane "Tube" Station._
_First Lift Man._ "A good time comin' for me, mate. What O, for a bit of
a chinge!"
_Second Lift Man._ "What's up, then?"
_First Lift Man (in impressive tones)._ "Got shifted to the
_Bank_--beginnin' Monday!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: FOND DELUSION
_First Tourist (going north)._ "Hullo, Tompk----"
_Second Ditto (ditto, ditto)._ "Hsh----sh! Confound it, you'll spoil
all. They think in the train I'm a Highland chief!!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: FOR LADIES ONLY
"RESERVED CARRIAGES." (_See "Day by Day" in "Daily News"_)
"If you travel in one, you run greater risks than in travelling in the
ordinary carriages. I have known railway officials allow men to jump
into them at the last moment before the train starts, with a mutual wink
at each other and a very objectionable grin."]
* * * * *
[Illustration: A DISENCHANTMENT
_Northern Croesus._ "Oh! I'm so glad to meet you here, Mr. Vandyke
Brown. The fact is, I've a _commission_ for you!"
_Our Youthful Landscape Painter (dissembling his rapture)._ "All
right--most happy--what is it to be?"
_Northern Croesus._ "Well--my aged grandmother is going to London by
this train--and I want to put her under your protection."
[_Our Youthful Landscape Painter dissembles again._]
* * * * *
[Illustration: PATENT FIRST-CLASS COSTUME FOR THE COLLISION SEASON
_Traveller._ "Yes, it's decidedly warm, but there's a feeling of
security about it I rather like." (_Yawns._) "Any chance of a smash
to-day!?"
[_Drops off to sleep!_]
* * * * *
[Illustration: JUDGING BY APPEARANCES
_Undersized Youth._ "Now then, first return, Surbiton, and look sharp!
How much?"
_Clerk._ "Three shillings. Half-price under twelve!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: COLD COMFORT
_Traveller (waiting for train already twenty minutes late)._ "Porter,
when do you expect that train to come in?"
_Porter._ "Can't say, sir. But the longer you waits for it, the more
sure 'tis to come in the next minute."]
* * * * *
[Illustration: "THE NURSERY SALOON ON THE RAILWAY"