(1845)
Pity the sorrows of a third-class man,
Whose trembling limbs with snow are whitened o'er,
Who for his fare has paid you all he can:
Cover him in, and let him freeze no more!
This dripping hat my roofless pen bespeaks,
So does the puddle reaching to my knees;
Behold my pinch'd red nose--my shrivell'd cheeks:
You should not have such carriages as these.
In vain I stamp to warm my aching feet,
I only paddle in a pool of slush;
My stiffen'd hands in vain I blow and beat;
Tears from my eyes congealing as they gush.
Keen blows the wind; the sleet comes pelting down,
And here I'm standing in the open air!
Long is my dreary journey up to Town,
That is, alive, if ever I get there.
Oh! from the weather, when it snows and rains,
You might as well, at least, defend the poor;
It would not cost you much, with all your gains:
Cover us in, and luck attend your store.
* * * * *
[Illustration: A CAUTION
No wonder Miss Lavinia Stitchwort thought the people very rude at the
station when she went for her "water-proof" (which she had lost on the
railway some time before). She found out when she got home she had not
removed the "unclaimed property" label!]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Nervous Party._ "The train seems to be travelling at a
fearful pace, ma'am."
_Elderly Female._ "Yus, ain't it? My Bill's a-drivin' of the ingin, an'
'e _can_ make 'er go when 'e's got a drop o' drink in 'im!"]
* * * * *
THE ORIGIN OF RAILWAYS.--The first idea of railways is of very ancient
date, for we hear of the Great Norman line immediately after the
Conquest.
* * * * *
RAILWAY NEWS.--There is an old lady who says, that she always likes to
travel by a trunk line, because then she feels confidence about the
safety of her luggage.
* * * * *
"RAILWAY COUPLING."--When the porter marries the young lady in the
refreshment department.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE FIRST "BRADSHAW"
A reminiscence of Whitsun Holidays in Ancient Egypt. From an old-time
tabl(e)ature]
* * * * *
RAILWAY REFORM.--Compartments to be reserved for ladies over and under a
certain age.
As there will invariably be compartments for those who smoke, so also
for those who snuff. The former will be labelled as usual "for Smokers,"
the latter "for Snuffers." The last-mentioned will be tried as far as
Hampton Wick.
The "Sleeping Cars" will be divided into "Snorers" and "Non-Snorers."
Tickets will be issued subject to these regulations.
It is important to the Shareholders to know that on and after the
abolition of the Second Class, the motto of the Company will be "No
Returns."
* * * * *
A PLUTOCRAT.--_Swell._ "'Dyou oblige me--ah--by shutting your
window?--ah----"
_Second Passenger (politely)._ "Really, sir, if you will not press it,
as yours is shut, the air is so warm I would rather keep this open. You
seem to take great care of yourself, sir----"
_Swell._ "Care of myself! Should wather think so. So would you, my dear
fel-lah, if you'd six thousand a ye-ar!!"
* * * * *