"No smoking allowed." Of course, but I am going to enjoy my cigar in
silence.
"Want the window closed." Very sorry, but I can't find a cathedral.
"Find my journal a nuisance." Dear me! was under the impression it was a
newspaper.
"Allow you to pass." Afraid only the Secretary can manage that for you;
he alone has power to issue free tickets.
"Do I mind the draught?" Not when I am attending to the chessman.
"Do I know the station?" Of the people on the platform? Probably lower
middle class.
"Is this right for Windsor?" Yes, if it's not left for somewhere else.
"Are we allowed five minutes for lunch?" Think not; but you can have
sandwiches at the counter.
"Isn't this first-class?" Quite excellent--first-rate--couldn't be
better!
"I want to go second." Then you had better follow me.
"I am third." Indeed! And who were first and second.
"I think this must be London." Very likely, if it is, it mustn't be
anywhere else.
* * * * *
THE WAY OF THE WHIRLED.--The rail-way.
* * * * *
"VERY HARD LINES."--The railways.
* * * * *
[Illustration: RAILWAY AMALGAMATION--A PLEASANT STATE OF THINGS]
_Passenger._ "What's the matter, guard?"
_Guard (with presence of mind)._ "Oh, nothing particular, sir. We've
only run into an excursion train!"
_Passenger._ "But, good gracious! there's a train just behind us, isn't
there?"
_Guard._ "Yes, sir! But a boy has gone down the line with a signal; and
it's very likely they'll see it!"
* * * * *
[Illustration: METROPOLITAN RAILWAY TYPES.
The party that _never_ says, "Thank | The party that _always_ says,
you!" | "Thank you!"