It is even so! As nature puts on her autumn tints it becomes autumn with
me and around me. My leaves are sere and yellow, and the neighbouring
trees are divested of their foliage. Do you remember my writing to you
about a peasant boy shortly after my arrival here? I have just made
inquiries about him in Walheim. They say he has been dismissed from his
service, and is now avoided by every one. I met him yesterday on the
road, going to a neighbouring village. I spoke to him, and he told me
his story. It interested me exceedingly, as you will easily understand
when I repeat it to you. But why should I trouble you? Why should I
not reserve all my sorrow for myself? Why should I continue to give you
occasion to pity and blame me? But no matter: this also is part of my
destiny.
At first the peasant lad answered my inquiries with a sort of subdued
melancholy, which seemed to me the mark of a timid disposition; but, as
we grew to understand each other, he spoke with less reserve, and openly
confessed his faults, and lamented his misfortune. I wish, my dear
friend, I could give proper expression to his language. He told me
with a sort of pleasurable recollection, that, after my departure, his
passion for his mistress increased daily, until at last he neither knew
what he did nor what he said, nor what was to become of him. He could
neither eat nor drink nor sleep: he felt a sense of suffocation; he
disobeyed all orders, and forgot all commands involuntarily; he seemed
as if pursued by an evil spirit, till one day, knowing that his mistress
had gone to an upper chamber, he had followed, or, rather, been drawn
after her. As she proved deaf to his entreaties, he had recourse to
violence. He knows not what happened; but he called God to witness that
his intentions to her were honourable, and that he desired nothing more
sincerely than that they should marry, and pass their lives together.
When he had come to this point, he began to hesitate, as if there
was something which he had not courage to utter, till at length he
acknowledged with some confusion certain little confidences she had
encouraged, and liberties she had allowed. He broke off two or three
times in his narration, and assured me most earnestly that he had
no wish to make her bad, as he termed it, for he loved her still as
sincerely as ever; that the tale had never before escaped his lips,
and was only now told to convince me that he was not utterly lost and
abandoned. And here, my dear friend, I must commence the old song which
you know I utter eternally. If I could only represent the man as he
stood, and stands now before me, could I only give his true expressions,
you would feel compelled to sympathise in his fate. But enough: you,
who know my misfortune and my disposition, can easily comprehend
the attraction which draws me toward every unfortunate being, but
particularly toward him whose story I have recounted.
On perusing this letter a second time, I find I have omitted the
conclusion of my tale; but it is easily supplied. She became reserved
toward him, at the instigation of her brother who had long hated him,
and desired his expulsion from the house, fearing that his sister's
second marriage might deprive his children of the handsome fortune they
expected from her; as she is childless. He was dismissed at length; and
the whole affair occasioned so much scandal, that the mistress dared not
take him back, even if she had wished it. She has since hired another
servant, with whom, they say, her brother is equally displeased, and
whom she is likely to marry; but my informant assures me that he himself
is determined not to survive such a catastrophe.
This story is neither exaggerated nor embellished: indeed, I have
weakened and impaired it in the narration, by the necessity of using the
more refined expressions of society.
This love, then, this constancy, this passion, is no poetical fiction.
It is actual, and dwells in its greatest purity amongst that class of
mankind whom we term rude, uneducated. We are the educated, not the
perverted. But read this story with attention, I implore you. I am
tranquil to-day, for I have been employed upon this narration: you see
by my writing that I am not so agitated as usual. I read and re-read
this tale, Wilhelm: it is the history of your friend! My fortune has
been and will be similar; and I am neither half so brave nor half so
determined as the poor wretch with whom I hesitate to compare myself.