Albert is arrived, and I must take my departure. Were he the best and
noblest of men, and I in every respect his inferior, I could not endure
to see him in possession of such a perfect being. Possession!—enough,
Wilhelm: her betrothed is here,—a fine, worthy fellow, whom one cannot
help liking. Fortunately I was not present at their meeting. It would
have broken my heart! And he is so considerate: he has not given
Charlotte one kiss in my presence. Heaven reward him for it! I must love
him for the respect with which he treats her. He shows a regard for me,
but for this I suspect I am more indebted to Charlotte than to his own
fancy for me. Women have a delicate tact in such matters, and it should
be so. They cannot always succeed in keeping two rivals on terms with
each other; but, when they do, they are the only gainers.
I cannot help esteeming Albert. The coolness of his temper contrasts
strongly with the impetuosity of mine, which I cannot conceal. He has
a great deal of feeling, and is fully sensible of the treasure he
possesses in Charlotte. He is free from ill-humour, which you know is
the fault I detest most.
He regards me as a man of sense; and my attachment to Charlotte, and the
interest I take in all that concerns her, augment his triumph and his
love. I shall not inquire whether he may not at times tease her with
some little jealousies; as I know, that, were I in his place, I should
not be entirely free from such sensations.
But, be that as it may, my pleasure with Charlotte is over. Call it
folly or infatuation, what signifies a name? The thing speaks for
itself. Before Albert came, I knew all that I know now. I knew I could
make no pretensions to her, nor did I offer any, that is, as far as it
was possible, in the presence of so much loveliness, not to pant for
its enjoyment. And now, behold me like a silly fellow, staring with
astonishment when another comes in, and deprives me of my love.
I bite my lips, and feel infinite scorn for those who tell me to be
resigned, because there is no help for it. Let me escape from the yoke
of such silly subterfuges! I ramble through the woods; and when I return
to Charlotte, and find Albert sitting by her side in the summer-house
in the garden, I am unable to bear it, behave like a fool, and commit a
thousand extravagances. "For Heaven's sake," said Charlotte today, "let
us have no more scenes like those of last night! You terrify me when you
are so violent." Between ourselves, I am always away now when he visits
her: and I feel delighted when I find her alone.