_Eighth trial of the Ring._
The Vapors.
There was a time, as we have seen, when the women dreaded the prating
of their Toys, were stifled, and died away; but another succeeded, when
they set themselves above this dread, threw away their muzzles, and had
nothing beyond the vapors.
The favorite, among her attendants, had a very singular young lady.
Her humour was charming, tho' uneven. She changed countenance ten
times a day; but whatever face she put on, was pleasing. Unique in her
melancholy, as well as in her gaiety, there slip'd from her, in her
most extravagant moments, things of exquisite sense; and in her fits of
sadness she uttered very diverting extravagances.
Mirzoza was so used to Callirhoe (for that is the name of this young
mad girl) that she could hardly be without her. One time that the
Sultan complain'd to the favorite of somewhat restless and cold, which
he remark'd in her; "Prince," said she, embarrassed at his reproach,
"without my three beasts, my nightingale, my lap-dog and Callirhoe, I
am good for nothing; and you see that I have not the last." "And why
is she not here?" said Mangogul. "I can't tell," answered Mirzoza;
"but I remember, that some months ago she told me, that if Mazul made
the campaign, she could not avoid having the vapors; and Mazul set out
yesterday." "I easily excuse her," said the Sultan: "for I look on her
vapors to be well grounded. But upon what account do a hundred other
women take it into their heads to be vapor'd, who have young husbands,
and besides take care to be well provided with lovers?" "Prince,"
answered a courtier, "'tis a fashionable disease. It is genteel in a
woman to have the vapors. Without a lover and the vapors, she knows
nothing of the world: and there is not a citizen's wife in Banza, who
does not affect to have them."
Mangogul smiled, and resolved to visit some of these vaporish women
immediately. He went directly to Salica's house, and found her in bed,
with her neck quite bare, her eyes flaming, and her hair dishevel'd;
and at her bed's side the little stammering hump-back'd physician
Farfadi, telling her stories: while she was stretching out, now one
arm, then another, yawning, sighing, putting her hand to her head,
and exclaiming bitterly: "Alas I can't bear it--throw the windows
open--give me air--I shall faint, I shall dye.----"
Mangogul took advantage of the moment that her affrighted women were
assisting Farfadi in lightening the bed-cloaths, to turn his ring on
her, and instantly these words were heard: "Oh! how tired I am of this
humor! behold, madam has taken into her noddle to have the vapors.
This farce will last eight days at least, and may I dye, if I know
the cause: for after Farfadi's efforts to ferret out this disease, I
think it is in the wrong to continue."--"Good," said the Sultan turning
off his ring, "I understand. This dame has the vapors in favor of her
physician. Let us try elsewhere."
He went from Salica's house to that of Arsinoe, which is not far
from it. On entering her chambers he heard loud bursts of laughter,
and advanced, thinking to find her in company: but she was alone;
and Mangogul was not much surprized. "A woman who gives herself
the vapors," says he, "gives them melancholy or merry, as is most
convenient." He turn'd his ring on her, and presently her Toy began
to laugh unmercifully. From these immoderate laughing fits it made a
sudden transition to ridiculous lamentations on the absence of Narces,
whom it advised as a friend to hasten his return; and continued to sob,
weep, groan, sigh, and be comfortless, as if it had buried all its
relations.
The Sultan, who could hardly refrain from laughing aloud at so
whimsical an affliction, turn'd off his ring and departed; leaving
Arsinoe and her Toy to lament at leisure, and inferring the falsity of
the proverb.