WHICH TREATS OF HOW MAJOR ROGER SHERMAN POTTER, SOLELY IN OBEDIENCE
TO THE DEMANDS OF THE NATION, TURNED A DEAF EAR TO THE REMONSTRANCES
OF HIS WIFE POLLY, AND SAILED FOR NEW YORK, TO THE GREAT DELIGHT OF
LITTLE BARNSTABLE.
"You will see, sir," whispered the major, putting the fore finger of
his right hand to his lips, "that my inclination never runs to small
things. It quite confounded my wife, Polly, when I revealed to her
my intention of complying with your request, and of our setting out
together in search of fame and fortune. But as I have the power of
persuasion pretty largely developed, and am in all quite a
philosopher, I overcame her objections by telling her you were a
sprightly young gentleman, whose political fame and great learning
was coupled with the most kind and affectionate disposition. 'Honor,
husband,' says she, 'to whom honor is due. I know you have deserved,
if you have not yet achieved. But let not your success in office
carry away your modesty and humility. And above all, remember to
think of us at home, for I have heard it said that politicians let
their loves run too free when away from their wives.' Having assured
her that I would not forget her admonition, and be careful upon what
damsel I let a double look fall, she consented that I might depart a
third time, and see what could be done. And I made a vow never to
forget her while the sun of prosperity shone upon me. Now, if you
will just fix the time of our departure, you will find me ready.
Major Potter, as you have seen, is no small man in Barnstable. Major
Potter never comes and goes without being noticed. And if you havn't
had proof enough of my popularity, you'll see what an ado there will
be made when I leave. Honor, as my wife Polly says, always awaits
them who merit it; and though a man's modesty will not let him be
for ever speaking of himself, I may say it to you, seeing that we
are about to join our fortunes, that the people never see me go
without a regret. As to my children, I shall give each an admonition
before I leave; and as I hope one day to see them enjoying the
admiration, as well as the distinction my military reputation will
confer upon them, it will be safe to leave the rest to heaven." The
major conveyed this information in so quaint a manner that I could
not suppress a smile, though it disclosed a resolution I by no means
welcomed. In truth, I had already seen so much of his
eccentricities, that I was hoping our acquaintance would cease in
Barnstable. But it now became apparent that he regarded himself not
only a necessary item in my welfare, but as being most essential to
the achievement of my designs. So, charging me to think no more of
Bessie, whom he hinted was as coy a little witch as ever waited on
the table of a country tavern, and ready at all times to make love
with every dashing young fellow who chanced that way, he took his
departure, promising to call at noon on the next day.
Having passed the night in refreshing sleep, I was up with the sun
on the following morning, and before noon had received the calls of
several distinguished citizens, two or three of whom requested that
I "remain over," and deliver an address on the state of the nation.
Offering my inability as an apology for not complying with their
request, I was surprised that so obscure a person should receive
such homage. The mystery, however, was very soon explained. The
major, adopting the method in fashion with some of our modern
politicians, had been actively noising it about, that no greater
politician than myself ever lived; and that, being on my way to
Washington in search of a foreign mission, I had generously invited
him to accompany me. The major was indeed building up my reputation
with a view to the consolidation of his own. He had also deluded the
editor of the Patriot, (who was a man much given to good jokes,)
into writing several long articles in compliment of my political
achievements, and which were of so serious a style, that the distant
reader, unaccustomed to the tricks of editors, must have been
grievously misled. And indeed such was the fact, for the political
excitement makers of New York had no sooner seen the article copied
into their newspapers, than they set about contriving a plan by
which to rob the city treasury of some thousands of dollars, under
the pretext of giving me a public reception worthy of the city and
so great a man.
Toward evening, the major made his appearance in the "Independent
Temperance," and handing me a copy of the New York Herald, pointed
to a letter in its columns, written by one Don Fernando, who it was
said hoped soon to be mayor of the city, which office many persons
seriously believed had been created for the accommodation of men
happily endowed with a fondness for showing their greatness, which
was the case with the aspiring Don Fernando, whose light was no
taper burning in a small space. The letter set forth, with many
flourishes, the necessity for showing proper respect to one so
distinguished in the political world. And this the major held to be
a significant token of the success that awaited us. He further
hinted that the next thing we should see would be a resolution
introduced at the Board of Common Council, (provided a member could
be found sober enough to do it,) to vote a sum of money adequate to
the occasion, with an additional clause, that a committee be
appointed to carry out the arrangements. But why should not a worthy
servant of the people be thus honored? There were those of the
honorable council who held it no harm to be liberal in the treatment
of distinguished strangers, seeing that it cost them nothing, and
might, by some bare possibility, afford them an opportunity of
making a speech, as well as indulging a natural passion for free
drinks. The major was in ecstasies with the prospect, and now
disclosed to me the fact, that he had sold out his stock of tin ware
for two hundred dollars, his Shanghai chickens for fifty, and his
wagon for ninety, making in all three hundred and forty dollars, two
hundred of which he had set apart as peace and comfort money for his
wife, Polly, and the balance he had resolved to tuck nicely away in
his wallet, to serve in case of emergency. We must take Duncan with
us, he said, for he was a pig of wonderful parts, and deformed
monstrosities being much in favor in New York, we could make a good
thing of exhibiting him, which would save us against the rubs of ill
fortune. As to old Battle, he had been his companion in so many wars
and tin ware campaigns, that he had resolved also to take him along,
though it cost a new pair of saddle-bags. And as the New York
politicians were bent on doing him great honor, he would no doubt be
invited to review the troops, (perhaps be escorted by the Seventh
Regiment,) when, as a matter of economy, the animal would serve an
excellent purpose; and, being quite as high in metal as he was in
bone, he would no doubt astonish the bystanders with his proud
demeanor.
There was lying in the harbor of Barnstable, bound for New York, a
great, broad sterned sloop, called "The Two Marys," commanded by one
Luke Snider, who was an old pilot along the coast, and as burly an
old sea-dog as ever navigated the Sound. Luke's wife, a lusty wench
of some forty summers, accompanied him, as mate and could steer as
good a trick as any Tom Marlin that ever stood at a tiller. Indeed,
Luke manned the "Two Marys" with his own family, for his two sons,
who made up the crew, "went hands before the mast," while the good
wife added to the office of mate that of cook. The "Two Marys" was,
in addition to her other distinguishing qualities, dignified with
the title of "New York Packet," and when in port always kept a sign
in her rigging denoting that fact. Indeed, Captain Luke Snider was
regarded an extremely sharp fellow by all who knew him, and in
addition to having carried on a large trade in onions and
watermelons, was a salt water politician of great influence, and
could so direct the votes of his fellow craftsmen as to make him in
high favor with all candidates for public office. And the major, who
had an eye to the future, never let an opportunity to conciliate
Luke's friendship slip, and would at times swear by him. And to
further demonstrate his friendship for the versatile skipper, he now
proposed that we take passage on the "Two Marys," as well for the
purpose of disarming our political enemies, who might charge us with
presumption did we take a more fashionable conveyance, as to carry
out a genuine stroke of political economy. Feeling that objection
would be useless, I consented to leave the matter entirely with him,
being satisfied that so great a politician and military hero was a
safe person to trust with such arrangements.
And now the morning of our departure having arrived, the bright
aurora was filling the balconies of heaven with golden clouds, and
all nature seemed putting on her gayest attire. Then the sun rose in
all its splendor, and not a cock in town but gave out a crow, nor a
dog that was a dog that did not send up a bark, nor a sparrow that
didn't get into a tree top and mingle his sweet notes in the curious
medley, which the major held to be in honor of his departure, the
elements always being on the side of greatness.
At ten o'clock I took leave of Bessie, having sealed my affections
for her with a kiss, and wiped away the tear that hung so touchingly
in her eye, as she said in a subdued voice, "Perhaps we shall never,
never meet again. But if you will not forget me, I will not forget
you." To which I replied that death only would make me forget her,
since there was written in her face loveliness so perfect, that time
could only brighten it in my memory. Again she blushed, and cast
upon me such a bewitching look that it almost made me falter in my
resolution to leave her behind. And my faltering increased as her
warm hand pressed mine, and the words, "Will you write to me, and
give relief to one whose thoughts will follow you?" hung tremblingly
upon her lips. But just then I saw what a great soul she had within
her, and how when moved she would tread upon that dangerous brink,
from which so many launch into a world of woe. I pressed her hand in
return, and bade her adieu; promising never to forget her, nor allow
another to beguile my fancies, but to be unto her as I felt she
would be unto me-the angel of my dreams.
Hastening on board of the "Two Marys," I was received with great
consideration by Captain Luke Snider, who said he was delighted at
the prospect of having so distinguished a passenger, and with no
little ceremony introduced me to his wife. A gentle wind blew fair,
the peak of the "Two Marys'" mainsail hung in lazy folds, and the
great jib, partly set, flapped every few minutes, as if eager for
the great event of the major's arrival, which was waited by an
anxious crowd of idlers, who had gathered on the wharf, and who were
diverting themselves with divers jeers at Captain Snider, of whom it
seemed they had no very high opinion. Suddenly a great noise was
heard in the distance, and the rotund figure of the major, mounted
upon old Battle, and dressed in a slouchy suit of Uxbridge satinet,
made his appearance, followed by a mob of boys, hooting and shouting
at the very top of their voices. The animal, not at all disturbed by
the singular character of the ovation, moved forward at a methodical
pace, whilst the major, judging from his extreme good humor, was not
a little delighted at the honors he imagined were being showered
upon him. No sooner did the crowd on the wharf get news of the
major's approach, than they sent up a deafening shout, and hastened
to meet him with so much determination to do him homage, that even
old Battle began to prick up his ears. Two mischievous urchins now
tied a small air balloon to old Battle's tail, while another would
every few minutes switch his gambrels with a twig of thorn, and so
make him jerk his hinder legs as nearly to throw the indomitable
major over his head. Duncan, the pig, was led by a boy at some
distance, and performed his part in the comical programme by keeping
up a medley of discordant squeals. And what with the barking of
dogs, who seemed to claim a right to take part in the proceedings,
and the squealing of pigs, and the loud acclamations of the
grotesque throng, one might have set it down as a fact that Little
Barnstable was out on a frolic. As to the figure cut by the major,
that may be safely left to the reader's fancy. His short legs scarce
reached below old Battle's saddle girth; and, in addition to the
slouchy suit of Uxbridge satinet, he wore a shabby white hat, very
like that worn by Philosopher Greeley on election days. Never was
departure of foreign ambassador attended with such demonstrations,
all of which the major viewed as highly complimentary to him as a
military politician. Having reached the end of the wharf amidst
cheers and bravos, the crowd would not permit him to dismount until
he had addressed them on the state of the nation. Saying it always
gave him great pleasure to gratify the wishes of the people, he
faced half round in his saddle, and bowed with an air of great self
complacency. Then his broad, red face crimsoned, and his thoughts
seemed in his beard, for after stroking and fretting it for some
seconds, he spoke as follows: "Fellow-citizens: I am sure I have not
merited the great homage bestowed upon me to-day. But that is
neither here nor there. Let me enjoin you all to live patriots,
avoiding ceremonies and performing sacrifices for your country. And
above all, live as good christians, and not as fluttering
butterflies, who attract only with the gay color of their plumage
while they live and die soon to be forgotten. And as to the nation
itself, why, may the devil get me, (and I'm no friend of his,) if I
don't think all that is needed to render it safe, is just to let it
alone. Nor would it be much lost if some kindly disposed gentleman
would kill off a few score of our Union savers, who, like quack
doctors, go about with their pockets full of plasters, and are for
ever hunting for the crack in the nation's skull. And I would advise
all politicians to spin less patriotic yarns, to be more modest, to
learn wisdom, to drink less whiskey; in truth, to think more of God
and their country, and to get them honest godfathers, who will teach
them what a sad thing it is to think so much of the nation's gold."
Having said this, the major stopped suddenly, and turning in his
saddle, caught a glimpse of the air balloon attached to old Battle's
tail, which was making curious gyrations in the air; and seeing the
ludicrous figure he was cutting, he called upon all present to aid
him in punishing the miscreant who dared to offer such an insult to
his dignity. But the crowd only answered with jeers and
acclamations, which so increased his anger that he dismounted, and,
giving his pig in charge of Captain Snider, led old Battle hurriedly
on board, cursed them for an unthinking set, and set sail amidst the
loud acclamations of the crowd. As the "Two Marys" sped seaward,
Polly Potter and her three children were seen waving their adieus
from a neighboring height.