BAGGING THE GAME.
This should always be done in the very best style. First-class churches,
and two or three parsons, can generally bag you and the bird properly.
Notice of the bagging should always be given to your friends, and the
bag should be large enough to hold not only the bird, but also any
first-class houses, greenbacks, or silver-ware which may be furnished by
the friends of the bird. They say that BROWN, of Grace Church,
understands all the details of this kind of bagging. The game should be
elegantly dressed for the occasion, at the expense of the parent birds,
of course. You must take care that the bag is so tied that the bird
cannot escape, though they do say that, if you go to the neighborhood of
Chicago, the bird will escape, even if the bag is fastened in the most
careful manner. I advise you, therefore, not to emigrate in that
direction.
By the aid of the foregoing lessons any man should be enabled to catch a
bird which, in the course of a month, he will wish he had left alone.
* * * * *
Military Interference.
The Republicans insist that General GRANT did not intend to interfere
with the last New York election. They had better "tell that to the
Marines."
* * * * *
"The Absorption of Germany."
To realize the meaning of the above phrase, which one hears so often
now, one need only explore the Bowery of an evening. He will observe
that the absorption of Germany is immense.
* * * * *
Sporting Intelligence.
The great Shakespearian artist, Mr. JAMES MACE, plays two pieces in one
evening; he plays "As You Like It," and also _plays_ Cast.
* * * * *
Not to be Wondered at.
OLIVER DYER, the prototype of "the wickedest man in New York," is
getting anxious about "How to get to Heaven."
* * * * *
Remarkable Feat.
The authorities of Lyons have succeeded in doing with GEORGE FRANCIS
TRAIN that which people in this country have tried in vain. They have
shut him up.
* * * * *
A Sure Sign of the Holidays.
When the voice of the turkey is heard in the land.
* * * * *
The Grant Tartan.
A thousand-dollar check.
* * * * *
THE WINTER FASHIONS.
Owing to the war in France, which has deprived this country of the usual
Paris fashions, it has been feared that no clothes would be worn by the
fashionable world this winter; but, fortunately, Mr. PUNCHINELLO is
enabled to announce that such will not be the case. Garments of various
kinds will be in vogue, and the following descriptions of some of them
may prove useful and interesting to the _beau monde:_--
Gentlemen will wear business coats with sleeves. The will open and
button in front. Coats buttoning behind now meet with no favor from the
strictly fashionable classes. Coats for evening and dress occasions,
however, will open behind as well as in front, but the will not open all
the way up the back, unless in case of accident.
Pantaloons will be worn on the legs, as last season, and they will reach
below the knee.
Vests will be worn under the coat this winter, and will have pockets.
One of these is to be appropriated to the watch, and the practice of
carrying it in the coat-tail pocket will be entirely abandoned, as it is
now considered neither convenient nor stylish.
Collars will be worn around the neck, as last season, and cravats will
tie in front. The "Greeley" style is, however, an exception to this
rule. It is considered the correct thing, among gentlemen of position in
the fashionable world, to wear a cotton or linen shirt under their
ordinary suits. Only a small portion of this garment must be exposed,--a
part of the bosom, for instance. Handkerchiefs should be hemmed.
Stockings are to be worn, this year, under the boots, and although a
different arrangement may be allowed to old gentlemen, in icy and
sleety weather, it is not considered proper to wear woollen or other
stockings over the boots at evening parties or other social reunions.
Black is the favorite color for boots, and the most _recherché_ and
convenient style is that in which small loops are placed at the top of
the boot-leg, one on each side, so that they may be drawn on after
having been taken off; thus avoiding the necessity of wearing them at
all times. Any one who dislikes sleeping in boots will appreciate this
arrangement. Gloves will be made with separate compartments for the
fingers, and few persons now wear the old-fashioned mitten at the opera.
The best fastenings for gentlemen's clothing will be found to be
buttons. No gentleman, having tried these, will be any longer content
with hooks and eyes.
In regard to the fashion for ladies, Mr. PUNCHINELLO cannot now enter
into details, but he will give a slight description of a few novelties.
Frocks, or, as they are now called, dresses, will be worn this winter.
Those with skirts are considered much the most stylish. Corsets still
maintain a firm hold upon the female portion of the community, and
hoop-skirts will not be worn outside of the clothing this winter, but
will be tastefully concealed.
Ultra fashionable ladies will wear shoes and stockings this season, not
only in the street, but in the house, and Mr. PUNCHINELLO is glad to see
the favor accorded to so sensible a fashion. Children will dress very
much as the means of their parents allow, but as a rule, their clothes
will be cut smaller that those of the adult members of the family.
* * * * *
Britannia Rules the Waves.
FROM the fate of the _Captain_ and the recent report concerning the
_Monarch,_ Mr. PUNCHINELLO would suggest to his friend Miss BRITANNIA,
that if she desires to retain her naval supremacy, the best thing she
can do is to provide all her rivals with iron-clads of this first-class
kind, gratis, so as to induce them to accept them.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Waiter._ "DID YOU SAY A PLAIN STEW, SIR?"
_Gruff Customer._ "OF COURSE I SAID A PLAIN STEW, YOU AGGRAVATING
BABOON--SO PLAIN THAT I CAN SEE IT!"]
* * * * *
WAR DESPATCHES MADE EASY
BERLIN, December 12.--A despatch from King WILLIAM to Queen AUGUSTA has
reached this city by telegraph.
[The King WILLIAM above mentioned is a native of Prussia, in which
country he is frequently spoken of as König WILHELM. Queen AUGUSTA is
his wife. They have been married several years. Some children, one of
whom is popularly known as OUR FRITZ, are the fruit of their union. The
King has been absent from home a few months, and his wife must have been
much pleased to get a despatch from him.]
TOURS, December 12.--Prussian troops, fully armed and equipped, have
lately been observed by some of the French outposts.
[Prussian troops have been in France since the early part of August.
They entered by force, and have refused to leave, though several times
requested to do so. Their presence is not desired by the inhabitants,
who are chiefly hostile to them: several attempts to eject them have
failed. They wear clothing, and some have whiskers, and they carry a
weapon called Zündnadelgewehr. The time of their return to their own
country has not yet been definitely agreed upon.]
LONDON, December 13.--Balloon despatches from Paris have been received
at Tours. They contain information in regard to affairs within the
beleaguered city.
[Paris is a city of several hundred thousand inhabitants. It is located
on the Seine, which is the name of a river that divides it. It is also
divided by some other things, principally political feeling. Paris is
well known by travellers. It has been in its present location more than
a thousand years, and will probably remain some time longer. Although it
has frequently been moved by great events, it is as stationary as any
other city in the world. It is at present surrounded by a Prussian
army.]
BRUSSELS, December 13.--Some carrier-pigeons have arrived here from the
French capital, bearing important despatches.
[The carrier-pigeon is a bird. It should not be confounded with the
elephant or hippopotamus, and only the most ignorant persons would
suppose any connection between them. It flies through the air, as birds
generally do, and though not lazy it lays. The eggs of this bird are
valuable. When properly hatched they produce young pigeons, which often
grow up and go into the express business like their parents. The
carrier-pigeon is not a modern invention, but was made simultaneously
with other ornithological curiosities.]
TOURS, December 14.--GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN has been arrested by the
Government and committed to prison as a nuisance.
[GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN is a native of Boston, U.S. He is one of the most
celebrated men living. He celebrates himself everywhere he goes, and he
goes to a great many places. He has an inspired confidence that in the
course of a few years all the people of his native country will become
idiots, and that they will then make him their ruler. The _civis
Americanus sum_ of his existence is talk about GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN. The
American Government does not at present propose to declare war against
France for arresting him, but perhaps he will do so himself.]
VIENNA, December 14.--Diplomatic circles are more confident, and it is
believed the Black Sea question will be settled.
[The Black Sea is in Europe. It is bounded all round and contains an
immense quantity of water, which, being black, is useful for writing.
The trouble about the Black Sea is owing altogether to its location, and
could be removed forever by filling up the place and laying it out in
building-lots. If it were in New Jersey this would be done, but the
effete despotisms and bloated aristocracies of the Old World haven't
enough enterprise to try it.]
* * * * *
[Illustration: TOM'S CHRISTMAS JOKE.
_Master Tom_. "O, GRAN'MA, GRAN'MA! THE PONY HAS GOT A FIT!--RUN TO THE
WINDOW AND LOOK!"
AND THE OLD LADY RUSHED TO THE WINDOW, BUT THE ONLY "FIT"
THE PONY HAD WAS THE NEW SIDE-SADDLE SENT AT CHRISTMAS BY UNCLE TOM,
WHO, NOT KNOWING MUCH ABOUT PONIES, FANCIED THAT THIS ONE MUST HAVE
GROWN TO A HORSE SINCE HE PRESENTED IT LAST YEAR.]
* * * * *
POEMS OF THE CRADLE.