An epidemic Fever rages among us—we abandon our Conquests—I am seized
with Distemper—write a Petition to the Captain, which is rejected—I am
in danger of Suffocation through the Malice of Crampley, and relieved
by a Serjeant—my Fever increases—the Chaplain wants to confess me—I
obtain a favourable Crisis—Morgan’s Affection for me proved—the
Behaviour of Mackshane and Crampley towards me—Captain Oakum is removed
into another Ship with his beloved Doctor—our new Captain described—An
Adventure of Morgan
The change of the atmosphere, occasioned by this phenomenon, conspired,
with the stench that surrounded us, the heat of the climate, our own
constitutions, impoverished by bad provisions, and our despair, to
introduce the bilious fever among us, which raged with such violence,
that three-fourths of those whom it invaded died in a deplorable
manner; the colour of their skin being, by the extreme putrefaction of
the juices, changed into that of soot.
Our conductors, finding things in this situation, perceived it was high
to relinquish our conquests, and this we did, after having rendered
their artillery useless, and blown up their walls with gunpowder. Just
as we sailed from Bocca Chica, on our return to Jamaica, I found myself
threatened with the symptoms of this terrible distemper; and knowing
very well that I stood no chance for my life, if I should be obliged to
be in the cockpit, which by this time was grown intolerable, even to
people in health, by reason of the heat and unwholesome smell of
decayed provision, I wrote a petition to the captain, representing my
case, and humbly imploring his permission to be among the soldiers in
the middle deck, for the benefit of the air: but I might have spared
myself the trouble; for this humane commander refused my request, and
ordered me to continue in the place allotted for the surgeon’s mates,
or else be contented to be in the hospital, which, by the by, was three
degrees more offensive and more suffocating than our own berth below.
Another, in my condition, perhaps, would have submitted to his fate,
and died in a pet; but I could not brook the thought of perishing so
pitifully, after I had weathered so many gales of hard fortune: I
therefore, without minding Oakum’s injunction, prevailed upon the
soldiers (whose good-will I had acquired) to admit my hammock among
them; and actually congratulated myself upon my comfortable situation;
which Crampley no sooner understood, than he signified to the captain
my contempt of his orders, and was invested with power to turn me down
again into my proper habitation.
This barbarous piece of revenge incensed me so much against the author,
that I vowed, with bitter imprecations, to call him to a severe
account, if ever it should be in my power; and the agitation of my
spirits increased my fever to a violent degree. While I lay gasping for
breath in this infernal abode, I was visited by a sergeant, the bones
of whose nose I had reduced and set to rights, after they had been
demolished by a splinter during our last engagement; he, being informed
of my condition, offered me the use of his berth in the middle deck,
which was enclosed with canvas, and well aired by a port-hole that
remained open within it. I embraced this proposal with joy, and was
immediately conducted to the place, where I was treated, while my
illness lasted, with the utmost tenderness and care by this grateful
halberdier, who had no other bed for himself than a hencoop during the
whole passage. Here I lay and enjoyed the breeze, notwithstanding which
my malady gained ground, and at length my life was despaired of, though
I never lost hopes of recovery, even when I had the mortification to
see, from my cabin-window, six or seven thrown overboard every day, who
died of the same distemper. This confidence, I am persuaded, conduced a
great deal to the preservation of my life, especially when joined to
another resolution I took at the beginning, namely, to refuse all
medicine, which I could not help thinking co-operated with the disease,
and, instead of resisting putrefaction, promoted a total degeneracy of
the vital fluid. When my friend Morgan, therefore, brought his
diaphoretic bolases, I put them into my mouth, ’tis true, but without
any intention of swallowing them: and, when he went away, spit them
out, and washed my mouth with water-gruel. I seemingly complied in this
matter, that I might not affront the blood of Caractacus, by a refusal
which might have intimated a diffidence of his physical capacity, for
he acted as my physician; Doctor Mackshane never once inquiring about
me, or even knowing where I was. When my distemper was at the height,
Morgan thought my case desperate, and, after having applied a blister
to the nape of my neck, squeezed my hand, bidding me, with a woful
countenance, recommend myself to Cot and my Reteemer; then, taking his
leave, desired the chaplain to come and administer some spiritual
consolation to me; but, before he arrived, I made shift to rid myself
of the troublesome application the Welshman had bestowed on my back.
The person, having felt my pulse, inquired into the nature of my
complaints, hemmed a little, and began thus: “Mr. Random, God out of
his infinite mercy has been pleased to visit you with a dreadful
distemper, the issue of which no man knows. You may be permitted to
recover and live many days on the face of the earth; and, which is more
probable, you may be taken away, and cut off in the flower of your
youth. It is incumbent on you, therefore, to prepare for the great
change, by repenting sincerely of your sins; of this there cannot be a
greater sign, than an ingenuous confession, which I conjure you to make
without hesitation or mental reservation; and, when I am convinced of
your sincerity, I will then give you such comfort as the situation of
your soul will admit of. Without doubt, you have been guilty of
numberless transgressions to which youth is subject, as swearing,
drunkenness, whoredom, and adultery: tell me therefore, without
reserve, the particulars of each, especially of the last, that I may be
acquainted with the true state of your conscience; for no physician
will prescribe for his patient until he knows the circumstances of his
disease.”
As I was not under any apprehensions of death, I could not help smiling
at the chaplain’s inquisitive remonstrance, which I told him savoured
more of the Roman than of the Protestant church, in recommending
auricular confession; a thing, in my opinion, not at all necessary to
salvation, and which, for that reason, I declined. This reply
disconcerted him a little; however, he explained away his meaning, in
making learned distinctions between what was absolutely necessary and
what was only convenient; then proceeded to ask what religion I
professed. I answered, that I had not as yet considered the difference
of religions, consequently had not fixed on any one in particular, but
that I was bred a Presbyterian. At this word the chaplain expressed
great astonishment, and said, he could not comprehend how a
presbyterian was entitled to any post under the English government.
Then he asked if I had ever received the sacrament, or taken the oaths;
to which questions, I replying in the negative, he held up his hands,
assured me he could do me no service, wished I might not be in a state
of reprobation, and returned to his messmates, who were making merry in
the ward-room, round a table well stored with bumbo(2) and wine.
(2)bumbo is a liquor composed of rum, sugar, water, and nutmeg
This insinuation, terrible as it was, had not such an effect upon me as
the fever, which, soon after he had left me, grew outrageous. I began
to see strange chimeras and concluded myself upon the point of being
delirious; in the meantime, being in great danger of suffocation, I
started up in a kind of frantic fit, with an intention to plunge myself
into the sea; and, as my friend the sergeant was not present, would
certainly have cooled myself to some purpose, had I not perceived a
moisture upon my thigh, as I endeavoured to get out of my hammock: the
appearance of this revived my hopes, and I had reflection and
resolution enough to take the advantage of this favourable symptom, by
tearing the shirt from my body, and the sheets from my bed, and
wrapping myself in a thick blanket, in which inclosure, for about a
quarter of an hour, felt all the pains of hell: but it was not long
before I was recompensed for my suffering by a profuse sweat, that,
bursting from the whole surface of my skin, in less than two hours,
relieved me from all my complaints except that of weakness; and left me
as hungry as a kite. I enjoyed a very comfortable nap, after which I
was regaling myself with the agreeable reverie of future happiness,
when I heard Morgan, on the outside of the curtain, ask the sergeant if
I was alive still? “Alive!” cried the other, “God forbid he should be
otherwise! he has lain quiet these five hours, and I do not choose to
disturb him, for sleep will do him great service.” “Ay,” said my
fellow-mate, “he sleeps so sound (look you), that he will not waken
till the great trump plows—Cot be merciful to his soul. He has paid his
debt like an honest man—ay, and moreover, he is at rest from all
persecutions, and troubles, and afflictions, of which, Cot knows, and I
know, he had his own share—Ochree! Ochree! he was a promising youth
indeed!” So saying he groaned grievously, and began to whine in such a
manner, as persuaded me he had a real friendship for me. The sergeant,
alarmed at his words, came into the berth, and, while he looked upon
me, I smiled, and tipped him the wink: he immediately guessed my
meaning and remaining silent, Morgan was confirmed in his opinion of my
being dead; whereupon he approached, with tears in his eyes, in order
to indulge his grief with a sight of the object: and I counterfeited
death so well, by fixing my eyes and dropping my under-jaw, that he
said, “There he lies, no petter than a lump of clay, Cot help me!” and
observed, by the distortion of my face, that I must have had a strong
struggle.
I should not have been able to contain myself much longer, when he
began to perform the last duty of a friend, in closing my eyes and my
mouth, upon which I suddenly snapped at his fingers and discomposed him
so much that he started back, turned pale as ashes, and stared like the
picture of horror; although I could not help laughing at his
appearance, I was concerned for his situation, and stretched out my
hand, telling him I hoped to live and eat some salmagundy of his making
in England. It was some time before he could recollect himself so far
as to feel my pulse, and inquire into the particulars of my disease;
but when he found I had enjoyed a favourable crisis, he congratulated
me upon my good fortune; not failing to ascribe it, under Cot, to the
blister he had applied to my back, at his last visit; which, by the
bye, said he, must now be removed and dressed; he was actually going to
fetch dressings, when I, feigning astonishment, said, “Bless me! sure
you never applied a blister to me—there is nothing on my back, I assure
you.” But he could not be convinced till he had examined it, and then
endeavoured to conceal his confusion, by expressing his surprise in
finding the skin untouched and the plaster missing. In order to excuse
myself for paying so little regard to his prescription, I pretended to
have been insensible when it was put on, and to have pulled it off
afterwards in a fit of delirium. This apology satisfied my friend, who,
on this occasion, abated a good deal of his stiffness in regard to
punctilio; and as we were now safely arrived at Jamaica, where I had
the benefit of fresh provisions and other refreshments, I recovered
strength every day, and, in a short time, my health and vigour were
perfectly re-established.
When I got up at first, and was just able to crawl about the deck with
a staff in my hand, I met Doctor Mackshane, who passed by me with a
disdainful look, and did not vouchsafe to honour me with one word.
After him came Crampley, who, strutting up to me with a fierce
countenance, pronounced, “Here’s fine discipline on-board, when such
lazy, skulking sons of bitches as you are allowed, on pretence of
sickness, to lollop at your ease, while your betters are kept to hard
duty!” The sight and behaviour of this malicious scoundrel enraged me
so much that I could scarce refrain from laying my cudgel across his
pate; but when I considered my present feebleness, and the enemies I
had in the ship, who wanted only a pretence to ruin me, I restrained my
passion, and contented myself with telling him, I had not forgot his
insolence and malice, and that I hoped we should meet one day on shore.
At this declaration he grinned, shook his fist, and swore he longed for
nothing more than such an opportunity. Meanwhile our ship was ordered
to be heaved down, victualled, and watered, for her return to England;
and our captain, for some reason or other, not thinking it convenient
for him to revisit his native country at this time, exchanged with a
gentleman, who, on the other hand, wished for nothing so much as to be
safe without the tropic: all his care and tenderness of himself being
insufficient to preserve his complexion from the injuries of the sun
and weather.
Our tyrant having left the ship, and carried his favourite Mackshane
along with him, to my inexpressible satisfaction, our new commander
came on board in a ten-oared barge, overshadowed with a vast umbrella,
and appeared in everything the reverse of Oakum, being a tall, thin
young man, dressed in this manner: a white hat, garnished with a red
feather, adorned his head, from whence his hair flowed upon his
shoulders, in ringlets tied behind with a ribbon. His coat, consisting
of pink-coloured silk, lined with white, by the elegance of the cut
retired backward, as it were, to discover a white satin waistcoat
embroidered with gold, unbuttoned at the upper part to display a brooch
set with garnets, that glittered in the breast of his shirt, which was
of the finest cambric, edged with right Mechlin: the knees of his
crimson velvet breeches scarce descended so low as to meet his silk
stockings, which rose without spot or wrinkle on his meagre legs, from
shoes of blue Meroquin, studded with diamond buckles that flamed forth
rivals to the sun! A steel-hilted sword, inlaid with gold, and decked
with a knot of ribbon which fell down in a rich tassel, equipped his
side; and an amber-headed cane hung dangling from his wrist. But the
most remarkable parts of his furniture were, a mask on his face, and
white gloves on his hands, which did not seem to be put on with an
intention to be pulled off occasionally, but were fixed with a curious
ring on the little finger of each hand.
In this garb, Captain Whiffle, for that was his name, took possession
of the ship, surrounded with a crowd of attendants, all of whom, in
their different degrees, seemed to be of their patron’s disposition;
and the air was so impregnated with perfumes, that one may venture to
affirm the climate of Arabia Felix was not half so sweet-scented. My
fellow-mate, observing no surgeon among his train, thought he had found
an occasion too favourable for himself to be neglected; and,
remembering the old proverb, “Spare to speak, and spare to speed,”
resolved to solicit the new captain’s interest immediately, before any
other surgeon could be appointed for the ship. With this view he
repaired to the cabin in his ordinary dress, consisting of a check
shirt and trousers, a brown linen waistcoat, and a nightcap of the same
(neither of them very clean,) which, for his further misfortune,
happened to smell strong of tobacco. Entering without any ceremony into
this sacred place, he found Captain Whiffle reposing upon a couch, with
a wrapper of fine chintz about his body, and a muslin cap bordered with
lace about his head; and after several low congees began in this
manner: “Sir, I hope you will forgive, and excuse, and pardon, the
presumption of one who has not the honour of being known to you, but
who is, nevertheless a shentleman porn and pred, and moreover has had
misfortunes, Cot help me, in the world.”
Here he was interrupted by the captain, who, on seeing him, had started
up with great amazement, at the novelty of the apparition; and, having
recollected himself, pronounced with a look and tone signifying
disdain, curiosity and surprise, “Zauns! who art thou?” “I am surgeon’s
first mate on board of this ship,” replied Morgan: “and I most
vehemently desire and beseech you, with all submission, to be pleased
to condescend and vouchsafe to inquire into my character, and my
pehaviour, and my deserts, which, under Cot, I hope, will entitle me to
the vacancy of surgeon.” As he proceeded in his speech, he continued
advancing towards the captain, whose nostrils were no sooner saluted
with the aromatic flavour that exhaled from him, than he cried with
great emotion, “Heaven preserve me! I am suffocated! Fellow, fellow,
away with thee! Curse thee, fellow! Get thee gone! I shall be stunk to
death!” At the noise of his outcries, his servants ran into his
apartment, and he accosted them thus: “Villains! cut-throats! traitors!
I am betrayed! I am sacrificed! Will you not carry that monster away?
or must I be stifled with the stench of him? oh, oh!” With these
interjections he sank down upon his settee in a fit: his
valet-de-chambre plied him with a smelling-bottle, one footman chafed
his temples with Hungary water, another sprinkled the floor with
spirits of lavender, a third pushed Morgan out of the cabin; who coming
to the place where I was, sat down with a demure countenance and,
according to his custom, when he received any indignity which he durst
not revenge, began to sing a Welsh ditty.
I guessed he was under some agitation of spirits and desired to know
the cause; but, instead of answering me directly, he asked with great
emotion, if I thought him a monster and a stinkard? “A monster and a
stinkard!” said I, with some surprise: “did anybody call you so?” “Cot
is my judge,” replied be, “Captain Fifle did call me both; ay, and all
the waters in the Tawy will not wash it out of my remembrance. I do
affirm and avouch, and maintain, with my soul, and my pody, and my
plood, look you, that I have no smells apout me, but such as a
Christian ought to have, except the effluvia of tobacco, which is a
cephalic, odoriferous, aromatic herb; and he is a son of a mountain
goat who says otherwise. As for my being a minister, let that be as it
is: I am as Cot was pleased to create me, which, peradventure, is more
than I shall ever aver of him who gave me that title; for I will
proclaim it before the world, that he is disguised, and transfigured,
and transmogrified, with affectation and whimseys; and that he is more
like a papoon than of the human race.”