Squire Gawky comes to lodge with my master—is involved in a troublesome
affair, out of which he is extricated by me—he marries my master’s
daughter—they conspire against me—I am found guilty of theft,
discharged—deserted by my friends, I hire a room in St. Gile’s—where,
by accident, I find the lady to whom I paid my addresses in a miserable
condition—I relieve her
When I enjoyed myself at large in this temper of mind, Lavement let his
first floor to my countryman and acquaintance, Squire Gawky, who by
this time had got a lieutenancy in the army, and such a martial
ferocity in his appearance that I was afraid he would remember what
happened between us in Scotland, and atone for his breach of
appointment then by his punctuality now; but whether he had actually
forgot me, or was willing to make me believe so, he betrayed not the
least symptom of recognition at sight of me, and I remained quite cured
of my apprehension; though I had occasion not long after to be
convinced, that howsoever his externals might be altered, he was at
bottom the same individual Gawky, whom I have already described. For
coming home late one night from the house of a patient, I heard a noise
in the street, and as I approached, perceived two gentlemen in custody,
of three watchmen. The prisoners, who were miserable, disfigured with
dirt, complained bitterly of the loss of their hats and wigs; and one
of them, whom by his tongue I know to be a Scotchman, lamented most
piteously, offering a guinea for his liberty, which the watchman
refused, alleging that one of his companions was wounded grievously,
and that he must stand to the consequence. My prejudice in favour of my
native country was so strong, that I could not bear to see anybody
belonging to it in distress, and therefore, with one blow of my
faithful cudgel, knocked down the watchman who had hold of the person
for whom I was chiefly concerned. He was no sooner disengaged, than he
betook himself to his heels, and left me to maintain the dispute as I
should think proper; and, indeed, I came off but scurvily, for, before
I could avail myself of my speed, I received a blow on the eye, from
one of the other two, that had well nigh deprived me of the use of that
organ. However, I made shift to get home, where I was informed of
Captain Gawky’s being robbed and abused by a company of footpads, and
was ordered by my master to prepare an emollient glyster and paregoric
draught, in order to allay and compose the ferment of his spirits,
occasioned by the barbarous treatment he had undergone, while he took
twelve ounces of blood from him immediately.
When I inquired into the particulars of this adventure, and understood
by the servant that he came in just before me, without hat and wig, I
made no scruple of believing him to be the person I had released, and
was confirmed in my belief upon hearing his voice, to which (before
that event) I had long been a stranger.
My eye being considerably swelled and inflamed, I could not reflect
upon my enterprise without cursing my own folly, and even resolving to
declare the truth of the whole story in order to be revenged on the
cowardly wretch for whom I had suffered: accordingly, next day after he
had told, in presence of my master, his wife and daughter, who came to
him, a thousand lies concerning the prowess he had shown in making his
escape, I ventured to explain the mystery, and, calling in the evidence
of my contused eye, upbraided him with cowardice and ingratitude. Gawky
was so astonished at this that he could not answer one word, and the
rest of the company stared at one another; till at length my mistress
reprimanded me for my insolent behaviour, and threatened to turn me
away for my presumption. Upon which, Gawky (having recollected himself)
observed, as the young man might have mistaken another person for him,
he could forgive his insinuations, more especially as he seemed to have
suffered for his incivility; but advised me to be more certain in my
conjectures for the future, before I ventured to publish them to the
prejudice of any man. Miss applauded the Captain’s generosity in
pardoning one who had so villainously aspersed him, and I began to
imagine her praise was not at all disinterested. But the apothecary,
who perhaps had more penetration or less partiality than his wife and
daughter, differed from them in their sentiments of the matter, and
expressed himself to me in the shop in this manner: “Ah mon pauvre
Roderique! you have more of de veracite dan of de prudence—bot mine
vife and dater be diablement sage, and Monsieur le Capitaine un
fanfaron, pardieu!”
This eulogium on his wife and daughter, though spoken ironically by
him, was nevertheless literally just; by espousing the cause of Gawky,
the one obliged a valuable lodger, and the other acquired a husband at
a juncture when one was absolutely necessary. The young lady insinuated
herself so artfully into the affection of this new lodger, that in less
than a fortnight, on pretence of going to the play, they drove away
together to the Fleet, where they were married; and in the morning came
home, where they asked her father’s and mother’s blessing. The prudent
parents, notwithstanding the precipitation with which the match was
carried on, did not think fit to refuse their approbation; for the
apothecary was not ill pleased to find his daughter married to a young
man of a good prospect, who had not mentioned one syllable on the
article of her dowry; and his wife was rejoiced at being rid of a rival
and a spy upon her. Whatever face Gawky put on the matter, my discovery
of the adventure before related, and the reproaches I vented against
him, had stung him to the soul, and cherished the seeds of enmity so
strongly in his breast, that he imparted his indignation to his wife,
who being as desirous as himself to accomplish the ruin of one that not
only slighted her caresses, but was able on any occasion to discover
particulars not at all advantageous to her character, readily joined in
a conspiracy against me, which (had it taken effect as they expected)
would infallibly have brought me to an ignominious death.
My master having several times missed large quantities of medicines, of
which I could give no account, at last lost all patience, and in plain
terms taxed me with having embezzled them for my own use. As I could
only oppose my single asseveration to his suspicion, he told me one
day, “Your vord not be give me de satisfaction—me find necessaire to
chercher for my medicine; pardonnez moi—il faut chercher—me demand le
clef of your coffre a cette heure.” Then raising his voice to conceal
the fright he was in lest I should make any opposition, he went on,
“Oui! I charge you rendez le clef of your coffre—moi—si, moi qui vous
parle.” I was fired with so much resentment and disdain at this
accusation, that I burst into tears, which he took for a sign of guilt;
and pulling out my key, told him he might satisfy himself immediately,
though he would not find it so easy to satisfy me for the injury my
reputation had suffered from his unjust suspicion. He took the key and
mounted up to my chamber, attended by the whole family, saying, “Eh
bien, nous verrons—nous verrons.” But what was my horror and amazement,
when, opening my chest, he pulled out a handful of the very things that
were missing, and pronounced, “Ah, ha, vous etes bienvenu—mardy, Mons.
Roderique, you be fort innocent!” I had not power to utter one word in
my own vindication, but stood motionless and silent, while everybody
present made their respective remarks on what appeared against me. The
servants said they were sorry for my misfortune, and went away
repeating, “Who would have thought it?” My mistress took occasion from
this detection to rail against the practice of employing strangers in
general; and Mrs. Gawky, after having observed that she never had a
good opinion of my fidelity, proposed to have me carried before the
justice and committed to Newgate immediately. Her husband was actually
upon the stairs in his way for a constable, when Mr. Lavement knowing
the cost and trouble of a prosecution to which he must bind himself,
and at the same time dreading lest some particulars of my confession
might affect his practice, called out. “Restez, mon fils! restez, it be
veritablement one grand crime which dis pauvre diable have
committed—bot peut-etre de good God give him de penitence, and me vill
not have upon mine head de blood of one sinner.” The captain and his
lady used all the Christian arguments their zeal could suggest to
prevail upon the apothecary to pursue me to destruction, and
represented the injustice he did to the community of which he was a
member, in letting a villain escape, who would not fail of doing more
mischief in the world when he should reflect on his coming off so
easily now; but their eloquence made no impression on my master, who
turning to me said, “Go, miserable, go from mine house quick,
quick!—and make reparation for your mauvaise actions.” By this time my
indignation had roused me from the stupefaction in which I had hitherto
remained and I began in this manner:—“Sir, appearances I own condemn
me; but you are imposed upon as much as I am abused: I have fallen a
sacrifice to the rancour of that scoundrel” (pointing to Gawky) “who
has found means to convey your goods hither, that the detection of them
might blast my reputation, and accomplish my destruction. His hatred to
me is owing to a consciousness of his having wronged me in my own
country—for which injury he in a cowardly manner, refused me the
satisfaction of a gentleman; he knows, moreover, that I am no stranger
to his dastardly behaviour in this town, which I have recounted before,
and he is unwilling that such a testimony of his ingratitude and
pusillanimity should live upon the earth; for this reason he is guilty
of the most infernal malice to bring about my ruin. And I am afraid,
madam (turning to Mrs. Gawky) you have too easily entered into the
sentiments of your husband. I have often found you my enemy, and am
well acquainted with the occasion of your being so, which I don’t at
present think proper to declare; but I would advise you, for your own
sake, not to drive me to extremity.” This address enraged her so much
that with a face as red us scarlet and the eyes of a fury, she strutted
up to me and putting her hands in her side, spat in my face, saying, I
was a scandalous villain, but she defied my malice; and that unless her
papa would not prosecute me like a thief as I was, she would not stay
another night under his roof. At the same time, Gawky assuming a big
look, told me, he scorned what lies I could invent against him; but
that, if I pretended to asperse his wife, he would put me to death. To
this threat I answered, “I wish I could meet with thee in a desert,
that I might have an opportunity of punishing thee for thy perfidy
towards me, and rid the world of such a rascal. What hinders me this
moment,” said I, seizing an old bottle that stood by, “from doing
myself that justice?” I had no sooner armed myself in this manner, than
Gawky and his father-in-law retired in such a hurry, that the one
overturned the other, and they rolled together down stairs, while my
mistress swooned away with fear, and her daughter asked if I intended
to murder her. I gave her to understand, that nothing was farther from
my intention, that I would leave her to the stings of her own
conscience; but was firmly resolved to slit her husband’s nose,
whenever fortune should offer a convenient opportunity. Then going down
stairs, I met Lavement coming up trembling with the pestle in his hand,
and Gawky behind armed with his sword, pushing him forward. I demanded
a parley: and having assured him of my pacific disposition, Gawky
exclaimed, “Ah, villain! you have killed my dear wife.” And the
apothecary cried, “Ah, coquin! vere is my shild?” “The lady,” said I,
“is above stairs, unhurt by me, and will, a few months hence, I believe
reward your concern.” Here she called to them, and desired they would
let the wretch go, and trouble themselves no further about him. To
which request her father consented, observing, nevertheless, that my
conversation was ‘very mysterious.’
Finding it impossible to vindicate my innocence, I left the house
immediately, and went to the schoolmaster, with an intention of
clearing myself to him, and asking his advice with regard to my future
conduct; but, to my inexpressible vexation, he was gone to the country,
where he would stay two or three days. I returned with a design of
consulting some acquaintance I had acquired in the neighbourhood; but
my story had taken air through the officiousness of the servants, and
not one of my friends would vouchsafe me a hearing. Thus I found
myself, by the iniquity of mankind, in a much more deplorable condition
than ever: for though I had been formerly as poor, my reputation was
without blemish, and my health unimpaired till now; but at present my
good name was lost, my money gone, my friends were alienated, my body
was infected by an odious distemper; and my faithful Strap, who alone
could yield me pity and assistance, absent I knew not where.
The first resolution I could take in this melancholy conjuncture, was
to remove my clothes to the house of the person with whom I had
formerly lodged, where I remained two days in hopes of getting another
place by the interest of Mr. Concordance, to whom I made no doubt of
being able to vindicate my character; but in this supposition I
reckoned without my best, for Lavement took care to be beforehand with
me; and when I attempted to explain the whole affair to the
schoolmaster, I found him so prepossessed against me, that he would
scarce hear me to an end; but when I had finished my justification,
shook his head, and beginning with his usual exclamation said, “That
won’t go down with me. I am very sorry I should have the misfortune of
being concerned in the affair, but, however, shall be more cautious for
the future. I will trust no man from henceforward—no, not my father who
begat me, nor the brother who lay with me in my mother’s womb: should
Daniel rise from the dead, I would think him an impostor; and were the
genius of truth to appear, would question its veracity!” I told him,
that one day it was possible he might be convinced of the injury I had
suffered, and repent of his premature determination. To which remark he
answered, the proof of my innocence would make his bowels vibrate with
joy; “but till that shall happen,” continued he, “I must beg to have no
manner of connection with you—my reputation is at stake. I shall be
looked upon as your accomplice and abettor—people will say Jonathan
Wild was but a type of me—boys will hoot at me as I pass along; and the
cinder-wenches belch forth reproaches wafted in a gale impregnated with
gin: I shall be notorious—the very butt of slander, and sink of
infamy!” I was not in a humour to relish the climax of expressions upon
which this gentleman valued himself in all his discourses; but, without
any ceremony, took my leave, cursed with every sentiment of horror
which my situation could suggest. I considered, however, in the
intervals of my despondence, that I must, in some shape suit my expense
to my calamitous circumstances, and with that view hired an apartment
in a garret near St. Giles’s, at the rate of nine-pence per week.
I one day, when I sat in this solitary retreat musing upon the
unhappiness of my fate, was alarmed by a groan that issued from a
chamber contiguous to mine, into which I immediately ran, and found a
woman stretched on a miserable truckle bed, without any visible signs
of life. Having applied a smelling bottle to her nose, the blood began
to revisit her cheeks, and she opened her eyes; but, good heaven! what
were the emotions of my soul, when I discovered her to be the same
individual lady who had triumphed over my heart, and to whose fate I
had almost been inseparably joined! Her deplorable situation filled my
breast with compassion. She knew me immediately; and, straining me
gently in her arms, shed a torrent of tears, which I could not help
increasing. At length, casting a languishing look at me, she pronounced
with a feeble voice, “Dear Mr. Random, I do not deserve this concern at
your hands: I am a vile creature, who had a base design upon your
person—suffer me, to expiate that, and all my other crimes, by a
miserable death, which will not fail to overtake me in a few hours.” I
encouraged her as much as I could, told her I forgave all her
intentions with regard to me; and that, although my circumstances were
extremely low, I would share my last farthing with her. I begged in the
meantime to know the immediate cause of that fit from which she had
just recovered, and said, I would endeavour by my skill to prevent any
more such attacks. She seemed very much affected with this expression,
took my hand, and pressed it to her lips, saying, “You are too
generous! I wish I could live to express my gratitude—but alas! I
perish for want.” Then shutting her eyes, she relapsed into another
swoon. Such extremity of distress must have waked the most obdurate
heart to sympathy and compassion; what effect then must it have had on
mine, that was naturally prone to every tender passion? I ran
downstairs, and sent my landlady to a chemist’s shop for some cinnamon
water, while I, returning to this unfortunate creature’s chamber, used
all the means in my power to bring her to herself; this aim with much
difficulty I accomplished, and made her drink a glass of the cordial to
recruit her spirits: then I prepared a little mulled red wine and a
toast, which having taken, she found herself thoroughly revived, and
informed me, that she had not tasted food for eight and forty hours
before. As I was impatient to know the occasion and nature of her
calamity, she gave me to understand, that she was a woman of the town
by profession; that in the course of her adventures she found herself
dangerously infected with a distemper, to which all of her class are
particularly subject; that her malady gaining ground every day, she
became loathsome to herself and offensive to others: when she resolved
to retire to some obscure corner where she might be cured with as
little noise and expense as possible; that she had accordingly chosen
this place of retreat, and put herself into the hands of an advertising
doctor, who having fleeced her of all the money she had, or could
procure, left her three days ago in a worse condition than that in
which he found her; that except the clothes on her back, she had pawned
or sold everything that belonged to her to satisfy that rapacious
quack, and quiet the clamour of her landlady, who still persisted in
her threats to turn her out into the street. After having moralised
upon these particulars, I proposed that she should lodge in the same
room with me, an expedient that would save some money: and assured her,
I would undertake to cure her as well as my own, during which she
should partake of all the conveniences that I could afford to myself.
She embraced my offer with unfeigned acknowledgment, and I began to put
it in practice immediately. I found her not only an agreeable
companion, whose conversation greatly alleviated my chagrin, but also a
careful nurse, who served me with the utmost fidelity and affection.
One day, while I testified my surprise that a woman of her beauty, good
sense, and education (for she had a large portion of each), could be
reduced to such an infamous and miserable way of life, she answered
with a sigh, “These very advantages were the cause of my undoing.” This
remarkable reply inflamed my curiosity to such a degree, that I begged
she would favour me with the particulars of her story, and she complied
in these words.