"Very well, gentlemen; if there's no immediate way of selling this
property I'll live here until your law permits me to sell it. But in
the meanwhile it's mine. I own it. I insist on my right of privacy. I
shall live here in indignant solitude. And if any stranger ever sets a
profane foot upon this property I shall call in the Swiss police and
institute legal proceedings which----"
"Pardon," interrupted Major Schoot mildly, "but the law of Switzerland
provides for Government regulation of all inns, rest-houses, chalets,
and hotels. All such public resorts must remain open and receive
guests."
"I won't open my chalet!" I said. "I'd rather fortify it and die
fighting! I hereby formally refuse to open it to the public!"
"It is open," remarked Captain Schey, "theoretically."
"Theoretically," added Major Schoot, "it never has been closed. The law
says it must not be closed. Therefore it has not been closed. Therefore
it is open. Therefore you are expected to entertain guests at a
reasonable rate----"
"What if I don't?" I demanded.
"Unhappily, in such a case, the Federal Government regretfully
confiscates the property involved and administers it according to law."
"But I wish to reside here privately until such time as I am permitted
to sell the place! Can't I do that? Am I not even permitted privacy in
this third-rate musical comedy country?"
"Monsieur, the Chalet of Schwindlewald has always been a public 'Cure,'
not a private estate. The tourist public is always at liberty to come
here to drink the waters and enjoy the climate and the view. Monsieur,
your late Uncle, purchased the property on that understanding."
"My late Uncle," said I, "was slightly eccentric. Why in God's name he
should have purchased a Swiss hotel and bottling works in the Alps he
can perhaps explain to his Maker. None of his family know. And all I
have ever heard is that somebody interested him in a plan to drench
Europe with bottled spring-water at a franc a quart; and that a further
fortune was to be extracted from this property by trapping a number of
Swiss chamois and introducing the species into the Andes. Did anybody
ever hear of such nonsense?"
The Swiss officers gaped at me. "Very remarkable," said Major Schoot
without any inflection in his voice or any expression upon his face.
Smith, weary of prowling about the place, came over and said in a low
voice: "Cut it out, old chap, and start that red-headed girl to cooking.
Aren't you hungry?"